01.

One issue of "The Coming of Kangxi" invited a celebrity couple, Huang Guolun and Kou Naixin.

Huang Guolun is a famous music producer. You may not be familiar with his name, but Faye Wong's famous "I Do" was composed by Huang Guolun.

Huang Guolun, who had a failed marriage, cherished the days he spent with Kou Naixin even more after marrying him.

Both of them have stronger personalities. The difference is that Huang Guolun usually doesn't like to talk much. Therefore, Kou Naixin, who has a fiery personality, often says some extreme words to annoy him, hoping that the other party will come over to comfort her.

Once, the two of them quarreled again over some matters. An angry Kou Naixin wanted to defeat her husband, and focused on his most painful part: Do you know that you are divorced? Second-hand goods, what makes you worthy of me?

This sentence hurt Huang Guolun's heart. He didn't say anything. He silently returned to the room, packed his luggage, and before leaving home, he said to his wife: Some words cannot be said. Then turned and left.

Kou Naixin, who had calmed down, suddenly regretted what she had said. It was obviously not her true inner thoughts, but she understood that this was her husband’s pain and weakness. When she was carried away by anger, she simply He didn't care whether he hurt the other person.

She tried to contact Huang Guolun, but the other party did not answer the phone or reply to the text messages. She even did not know where her husband had gone.

She spent three days in anxiety and regret, and Huang Guolun finally came back.

Kou Naixin hugged him and cried bitterly.

At that moment, she finally understood that in marriage, even two people who are close to each other cannot talk about everything.

Everyone has a bottom line that they cannot touch, so don’t test it easily.

We save our worst temper and most hurtful words for the people closest to us because we think they will tolerate me unconditionally and love me, but we forget that the other person is also a person of flesh and blood. , will be sad and disappointed.

Zweig said: Strong emotions cannot last indefinitely. This is human nature.

Those who do not hesitate to use the most hurtful words to hurt the other party in the quarrel, those who must gain the upper hand in the quarrel, even if they can be tolerated once or twice, one day, the other party will be If you are disappointed enough, you will leave.

Not every lover we hurt has time to apologize and make amends. Before your brain is controlled by anger, think about whether you can bear to lose him when you use his weakness to attack him. pain.

02.

One episode of Love Defense invited a couple. They were said to be lovers. In fact, they had broken up for several months. The purpose of being on the show was that the boy wanted to Get back together, but the girl firmly disagrees.

The two have been in a relationship for 7 years, and their relationship has already broken bones and connected tendons. Even after breaking up, the boy still pays great attention to the girl and asks for her welfare.

But even so, girls are no longer willing to get back together. The reason is that boys are too inconsiderate of each other's feelings. Every time they quarrel, they will choose the harshest words to say.

After the two fell in love, the boy rented a house and lived like an old couple. Usually things are fine, but whenever there is an argument, the boy will yell at the girl and tell her to get out, pack her things and get out. The girl asked: Do you want to break up?

The boy scratched his neck and said: Yes, break up! I don't want to live with you anymore!

The first time this happened, the girl did not leave. After the boy's anger subsided, she solemnly told him that it was not easy for two people to be together and that she cherished this relationship very much. , no matter how angry you are, I hope both parties will not say the word breakup. This is disrespectful to the relationship.

My boyfriend agreed. But before long, he still couldn't control himself, so the couple broke up and the man wanted to get back together for several years.

When the boyfriend threw the girl’s luggage out again for the last time and asked her to get out, the girlfriend finally picked up her luggage on the ground and said: I’m leaving, and you should be fine. He left without looking back.

She did not quarrel, even saying another word seemed redundant. In countless entanglements, she consumed too much patience and energy. Even if she forgives this time, so what, he still doesn’t realize that he It's a mistake, in this case, it's better to let it go.

As the author Aunt Corn said: A woman’s biggest cry is not quarrel, but silence. The time she actually left, there was no warning, minimal movement, and she just closed the door gently.

After that, no matter how much the boy sued for peace, the girl was unwilling to look back.

Those feelings have become riddled with slanders time and time again. When you have defeated your lover time and time again because of your harsh words, have you ever thought about giving you this way? Did it bring happiness?

Language is not only a carrier of expression, but also a way to express love. When you use language as a weapon to hurt the people closest to you, in fact, you become a perpetrator invisibly .

She can forgive you once, twice...

But one day, she finally has enough disappointment, and the back of her departure must be decisive.

03.

Many times, we spare no effort to be a bad judge in the other person’s life, not because we really hate it or can’t stand it, but because we are too close and forget it. Moderation in getting along.

I am reminded of the story of a classmate, Lao Zeng.

Once, we had a high school class reunion, and Lao Zeng’s wife was also a high school classmate, so we attended together. Because I had just given birth to a baby, I was a little bloated.

The female classmates are slim and beautiful, but Lao Zeng is very dissatisfied with his wife's figure. During the dinner, whenever someone mentioned it, Lao Zeng always said: Hey, look at this person in our family. After giving birth, he was so fat that he lost his human shape.

His wife was a little unhappy, but she didn't have an attack.

After the party, a group of people went to the garage to drive, and the class beauty in high school was also with us. She was wearing a well-cut skirt, with fair skin and beautiful appearance, and looked very elegant.

Lao Zeng said enviously on the side, after so many years, the class beauty is still so beautiful, how much we have been tortured! Compared with you, my wife is as fat as a pig!

Before we could react, Lao Zeng received a firm slap on the face from his wife.

His wife said angrily: I have given you enough face tonight. You look fat on the left and like a pig on the right. You have the fucking ability to give birth on your own!

Lao Zeng felt very humiliated, and the couple had a big quarrel in front of everyone.

Then the wife returned to her parents’ home with the child in her arms for a month. The matter was not over until Mr. Zeng promised many times that he would never do it again.

As the saying goes, a kind word warms you for three months, but a bad word hurts you for six months.

The bad words you say to your partner will be like nails driven into a tree. Over time, the scars on the tree may heal, but the damage has already been done.

04.

When we choose a partner, the most common thing we say is "just be good to me", but this is actually one-sided, and you should see it more What is important is how bad he is when he is bad to you.

I once saw this passage:

My mother told her unmarried daughter that the most important thing when choosing a husband is his attitude towards you when he is angry. If he is angry, the anger will be transferred. If it comes to you, you must not marry such a man. Marrying will only delay your life. If he is angry, he will not say harsh words to you. Only such a person can live a good life.

I fell in love with you, married you, and handed over all my weaknesses and vulnerabilities to you. This is a kind of trust and entrustment, not a weapon you use to attack and hurt me.

Those men who usually care about you so much, but get angry at you whenever they encounter the smallest things, and don’t hesitate to slander you, can’t even control their own emotions, and even want to hurt the people they love. What qualifications do you have to say that I am good to you?

American psychological counseling expert Evans calls this situation verbal abuse. Although it does not leave tangible scars like physical abuse, it will accumulate some negative emotions for a long time and slowly wear them away. The relationship between the two people lasted until the day it finally broke down.

The person who has been verbally abused will easily have self-doubt during the long-term blow and torture. Am I really as bad as he said? Is it really useless?

There is a saying in the Talmud: The heart should control the tongue, and the tongue should not control the heart.

Before you say any bad words, think about whether this is what you really think about the other person, and whether you are willing to win this battle at the cost of losing the other person.

May each of us not become verbal abusers.

Family is not a battlefield, talking well is more important than anything else.