"separation of topics" is a concept put forward by alfred adler, a master psychologist. If you want to get rid of the trouble of interpersonal relationship, the most important thing is to learn to separate topics. For example, if you disagree with your colleagues or boss, you should follow the principle of "separation of topics". One is "hateful others" and the other is "poor yourself". The key is "What do you want?"

in other words, you can work in your own way, which is your own business, and your colleagues have a problem with you or the boss wants to fire you, which is your colleagues' or the boss's own business ......

Furthermore, we should do our own thing well, solve our own "problems", and don't interfere with other people's things or "problems" arbitrarily.

Based on the above, I think it is not only necessary to "separate topics" at work, but also in other aspects. For example, the most common way to get along with your partner is "he (she) makes me angry or sad". Writing here, I smiled, "It turns out that my other half is a fairy, haha ... he has such great powers that he can control me".

Actually, I just need to solve my own "problem" here. What do I want? (Do I want to be angry? Do I like being angry? What kind of life do I want to live? What kind of relationship do I want?

don't try to change others, let alone change yourself to cater to others. Don't feel angry, wronged, etc. because of the other party's behavior. No one can replace the fact that you are uncomfortable because of negative emotions.

I used to get angry when I was "doing" by myself because the other person didn't coax me, but I passed the music field? Basic thinking class, and music field? After studying in the advanced thinking class, I am basically not angry now.

whenever I feel emotional, I always remind myself: I can't be angry, I have to tell him my thoughts and needs. As for whether the other party can achieve it, it depends on him. This is beyond my control.

I just asked myself: What do I want? What do I really want? What should I do if I can't get what I want? Therefore, my whole state now is a relatively comfortable and free state of mind.

In all scenes involving getting along with others, we need to separate the topics, really "get out" and "let go of our emotions", only focus on the matter itself and do our best, and we will not judge others. Your evaluation of others has nothing to do with others; Similarly, what others say about you has nothing to do with you.

In the process of facing "problems", we should keep enough "3Os" (open mind, open mind and open will) and then find solutions to the problems.

Of course, you can also choose someone you admire and respect for "thinking in other people's shoes", that is, how would he/she handle this matter if it was xxx? Or, you need to find a "field" that can bring you positive energy, so as to study and cultivate the internal mental skills for a lifetime. This is highly recommended for everyone. The study of advanced courses.

Think back to my music field? In the fourth phase of West Point, the words "Be grateful to others and control yourself" written on the graduation message board happen to be the same as the "separation of topics" mentioned this time. Here, I also quote a famous saying of carl jung, a psychologist, "You don't even want to change other people's thoughts!"

after defining our "subject", we need to do what we want, should and must do, that is, JDIT? (Do it! ), the result will not be too bad.

for those friends who want to change themselves or have a positive energy field, am I in the music field? Waiting for you in your big family ~