It is our nature to love children as parents, but consciously loving children is the most important way to cultivate children. When a person is unconditionally loved, his self-confidence will greatly increase! I will respect myself and then respect others. In his mind, he will feel the generation of self-worth, that is, the sense of self-worth begins to sprout. And unconditional love for children is the most important way to cultivate children's sense of security and courage.
The second is "encouragement"
A great American educator once said an extreme sentence: "I don't know any other way to educate children except encouragement!" " "I think this sentence is 80% true. Education and encouragement are things that need to be done every day. Tell the child: "No problem! Dad believes you! "You should constantly consolidate every day. But most parents are just the opposite-"You just can't, whose children are much better than you! "These parents seem to be committed to dissuading their children. Every parent should remember that children's courage and self-confidence are encouraged, and encouragement is something that needs to be done every day!
The third is "praise"
When children do the right thing and get good grades, praise is the core way to cheer them up. When a child does something right, we can only praise him in time to repair his behavior and let him do it next time. So praise is what parents often do. Children always have good behaviors every day and every week, or make small achievements, such as putting used things back in their original places. Parents should praise in time, and praise will set the behavior. Praise is the sunshine of children's life growth. For a child, being praised means that something is done right and recognized, and the sense of self-worth will rise and self-confidence will be enhanced.
The fourth is "confirmation"
A child whose behavior is right and whose irregularity is wrong doesn't know. Parents should tell their children what is right and what is wrong. There is no distinction between praise and criticism here. Parents should objectively help their children distinguish right from wrong. In fact, confirmation is a series of processes for parents to help their children cultivate values. So parents should know that children will not automatically know what is right and what is wrong. These are all learned and the result of our parents' constant indoctrination. For example, the American Twin Towers were bombed by a quilt last year, and my daughter's class had an understanding debate. When she came home and told me, she said, "Dad, you scared me to death!" " "I said," What's the matter? " She said, "Today, our teacher said that students should discuss whether the Twin Towers should be bombed. The boys in our class shouted,' It's going to explode!' Then, the teacher said,' I think it should be bombed.' A girl in our class stood up and said,' Teacher, I don't think it should be bombed! There are so many innocent people in it, which is an act against the government. "They shouldn't bomb innocent civilians," the boys in our class shouted together, "Down with * * *". Our teacher not only didn't stop it, but also said,' I think America is so irritating! It should blow up! "I asked my daughter," What do you think? " She said, "It shouldn't be blown up! Teachers should not say that! I told her: "You're right, terrorists are the enemy of mankind! Hurt innocent people, this is the destruction of life! "So, our parents should help children distinguish right from wrong, good and evil, and establish correct values.
The fifth is "understanding"
Some parents came to me for consultation and told me that the children just wouldn't talk to me. Recently, my academic performance has declined. I rebelled against my teacher at school and didn't tell me when I came back! I asked why? He said he didn't know. If you go to see a doctor and the doctor gives you medicine without asking anything, then he is a 100% quack! There may be twenty reasons for a child's behavior deviation. Do you want to ask the secret recipe? Can drugs treat diseases without symptoms? Many people asked me to make a simple secret recipe, and I jokingly said "spell it". There are many "parent-teacher conferences" in the school, giving parents secret recipes! So arbitrary! Make fun of others. It's not that simple. The relationship between parents and children is equal. We must establish an unbreakable concept that a child is born with the same personality as you. If you don't put him on your equal! In terms of ability, we should consider that children are to be cultivated, and they are small animals that need your constant cultivation. Many of our parents are just the other way around: they can't treat their children equally in character, but they are very demanding of their children in ability! Parents should use the tool of "understanding" to enter their children's hearts and stop criticizing and criticizing. If you say you are in trouble at work, come and talk to me. I don't ask anything, and I will scold you. You must think there's something wrong with Mr. Dong. If you don't know what's going on, scold me! However, many of our parents don't ask the reasons for their children, but just recognize them. On the issue of "understanding", parents should treat their children as equal people, without any value judgment, and simply listen to their reasons. I ask parents to remember one sentence: "Anyone who does anything has absolute reasons in his own opinion!" In his own opinion, children's behavior always has his own reasons, but these reasons are wrong in the eyes of adults! Or it is not established. If you don't know what his reasons are, it is impossible to change his shortcomings. If you don't listen to the other person, you can't figure out the reason for his behavior. This is one aspect. On the other hand, children's sense of self-esteem is established through "understanding". He can establish contact with others and feel that he has the ability to communicate and that there is energy flow between them. At this time, the parent-child relationship is stable.
The sixth is "companionship"
Children don't need our money, they need their parents! In senior three, I read a letter from Suhomlinski to my son. It was this book that triggered my thinking about education and prompted me to start my research on educating children for so many years. At that time, I was only in my twenties, and I only felt that one sentence was very profound. This sentence is extremely simple: "People need people!" It means that if a person wants to grow into a complete person, he must be in a person's environment, that is, he needs the existence of others to confirm, understand and encourage him, and finally he can establish an independent personality! After the child is born, he will grow up in an isolated state, and he will be lonely, helpless and insecure, and need the company of his parents. Otherwise, he will gradually develop fear and helplessness about life, and there is no way to grow up. Too many parents spend money to send their children away because they are too busy. Actually, it's all wet. Suppose at this moment, let the child choose to give him 100 yuan or his parents spend 1 hour with him to understand his life, and he may choose 100 yuan. This is because he doesn't know what his real needs are. His subconscious needs his parents to confirm his value with 1 hour to accompany him to grow up! We should not only treat the child as an equal person in the subject qualification, but also consider his personality and ability to be developed in the way of thinking, and we can't fully understand what we mean. This is also the reason why pediatricians are difficult. Children only cry when they are very young, and they don't know what's wrong with them. Doctors must observe and understand like veterinarians treat small animals. The child lacks the love of his parents, and he doesn't even know it, let alone express it. This does not require our parents to experience and accompany their children! Understand children through companionship and eliminate their fears through companionship.
The seventh is "criticism"
This is a tool that should be used with care. Criticism can only be effective if it is directed at the behavior itself. The premise of using this tool is: parents and children understand each other, support each other, care about each other and have a stable relationship! Only in this way can the comment on writing be effective. If parents and children don't understand and trust each other, even if the criticism is correct, targeted at behavior and harmless to personality, children will not accept your criticism, and then criticism will only have side effects. Criticism is a very professional thing. Without training, few people will do it right. Therefore, the safest way is to try not to criticize.
Six wrong attitudes in educating children
(A) praise too much
Too much praise will cause a lot of constraints and burdens to children. When parents' expectations are not met, children are prone to setbacks and guilt. If parents always boast that their children are "too smart", when the exam results are not ideal, the children will have deep self-blame and depression, and their self-esteem and self-confidence will be hit hard.
Therefore, parents had better praise their children for something specific, such as "You did a good job today!" " "
(b) asking too many questions
Many parents are eager to know more about their children and often keep asking, "Did the teacher ask you any questions today?" "How was the math exam?" "Who did you play with?" ..... Too many problems can only arouse children's antipathy and conflict, and will drop the reputation of "nuisance". The effective way is to walk into the children's world, play with them more and chat with them more, and you will inadvertently discover many children's secrets.
(3) Too many orders
"Do your homework!" "Turn off the TV!" ..... Too frequent commands can easily make children "turn a deaf ear". When children are often indifferent to such orders, parents should consider their credibility in the eyes of children.
Deny feelings
This is a mistake that many parents easily make. When a child says, "Mom, I'm afraid that an injection hurts," parents often comfort him by saying, "Baby, it doesn't matter, it doesn't hurt." This will only make children feel wronged and afraid. The wiser thing to do should be: "Baby, mom knows that an injection hurts, but the illness can only be cured after the injection." Children will feel better when they realize that they are understood.
(5) Scold and ridicule
When children's test scores are not ideal, some parents will shout loudly: "Idiot! Wooden skull! " This practice will seriously hurt children's self-esteem. The correct way is to criticize people on the basis of facts.
(6) Don't set an example.
Children fight with others outside, and parents' attitude of beating and cursing will cause strong dissatisfaction in their hearts. "Why do you still hit people if you don't let me?" In the eyes of children, parents have lost their prestige. Education should be a two-way process.