Adler has a wise saying, "Lucky people are cured by childhood all their lives, while unfortunate people are cured by childhood all their lives".
Once you have suffered an unfortunate childhood, you should use the happiness of your life to fight against the shadow of your childhood, and those who have a happy childhood can cure all kinds of hardships you encounter in your life.
This shows how serious, far-reaching and lasting the influence of family background on people's lives is.
Unfortunate marriages often lead to poor families. When I say bad, I mean that the atmosphere in this family is very tense, empty and has no sense of belonging.
I coached a client whose parents divorced when he was very young, and he is still divorced at home.
He grew up in such a family and was used to seeing men fooling around outside, so he became contradictory. On the one hand, he is used to it; on the other hand, he hates it.
He talked about a girlfriend before he got married, but after he got married, he had some contradictions and conflicts with his wife, and he also met some bumps and bumps. After two or three years of stalemate, he began to look for various women outside for a long time to divert his attention and ease the contradiction with his wife.
He has suffered from his parents as well. He thinks that a man should stick to his loyalty and should not do three things outside.
However, he married himself and met some obstacles. If he can't carry it, he will make the same mistake as his father.
When I was tutoring him, he was also a snot and a tear, saying how he became the most annoying person, because he especially hated his father's state since he was a child.
I also tutored another girl. Her own parents' marriage is quite happy, but her husband's parents' marriage is unfortunate, but her mother-in-law's marriage is very bad.
The mother-in-law is very strict with her son's education. She has been using her love to cure her husband's various hardships in life.
When she came to me for consultation, she said, "Teacher Zhu, maybe you don't believe me, I really want a divorce." So I asked her why she wanted a divorce.
She said that her husband had suffered too much over the years. Her husband started a business and ruined his career. She stepped forward. Her husband is having an affair with a female subordinate and will lose money. She's the one who stood up. Her husband was cheated by others and wanted to go to jail, so she came forward to solve it.
But a woman without a strong heart can't hold on.
Being born in a family has both positive and negative effects on every living individual.
Under normal circumstances, we must control the negative effects of being born in a family, and parents should have this awareness in advance to let their children wake up and isolate from the shackles of being born in a family.
There are also a few people who are not influenced by their family background. They belong to people who wake up early, but they are all in the minority.
Nowadays, many people say, "Don't think about family background, but consider our present moment", but you can't do that.
It is often mentioned in postmodern psychology that people are historical people, and children are children of original ecological families and children raised by family of origin's parents. The hardships he experienced became the shadow or glory of his childhood and became the pillar of energy.
Here, I appeal to parents to have a good marriage. If they really can't get through it, they should divorce as soon as possible. For their children, they will always give warmth, support, companionship, affirmation, encouragement and corresponding punishment.
In such a nurturing environment, a child can bear all kinds of setbacks in life, and he may have resilience and self-healing ability.
Author: Zhu, Fudan MBA, founder of Marriage Management College, author of the best-selling book The Governance of Extramarital Affairs.