Have you ever had such an experience?

Sometimes I meet people who disagree with me and have different ideas, and I always want to argue with them to prove my "correctness".

however, most of the time, the more arguments, the bigger the argument, and the more unclear the truth.

in the end, no one can convince anyone, so we have to break up in discord.

Carnegie once said:

People grow up in different environments and see different scenery, so the three views will be very different, and there is no so-called empathy.

it is difficult for people at different levels to stand on the same front.

So, never argue with people at different levels.

once upon a time, we were eager to be recognized, and we often wanted to convince everyone to be consistent with ourselves.

it was not until I became mature that I suddenly realized that some people were destined to be at different levels, and there was no need to say anything at all.

In the American TV series Friends, there is such a scene:

At a dinner party, archaeologist Ross was surprised to hear his friend Phoebe say that he didn't believe in evolution.

He asked Phoebe why she didn't believe it, and Phoebe said that she thought Darwin's research conclusion was simple.

This is hard for Ross to accept. He immediately tells a lot of professional knowledge to try to convince Phoebe, and says, "Evolution is not for you to believe, but scientific truth."

Phoebe, however, was unmoved and vetoed it.

Ross is not content. After dinner, he is still beside Phoebe, constantly feeling, "How can you not believe in evolution?"

Later, Ross gave a long speech to prove the correctness of the theory of evolution.

Phoebe still ignores it and says impatiently, "Why do you force everyone to agree with you?"

Ross was speechless at once. Seeing that oral persuasion failed, he simply carried a whole box of scientific research reports and some fossils of more than 2 million years to prove it.

But Phoebe never looked at all kinds of evidence brought by Ross, and always stuck to her point of view.

in the end, Ross had no choice but to leave.

Ross thought that he could convince Phoebe with professional knowledge and scientific basis, but he forgot that he and Phoebe were not at the same level in the field of science.

Phoebe is just a masseuse. She doesn't understand scientific questions at all. She only wants to believe what she wants to believe.

Therefore, even if Ross talks more, it will be in vain.

I quite agree with a sentence:

"People can't actually convince another person, and the result is nothing more than a more intense quarrel."

In a vast sea of people, everyone is immersed in his own inherent outlook on life, which is hard to be broken and reversed by others.

Especially if you are not at the same level and have different thinking and cognition, how can you talk about a harmonious picture?

There is no need to convince each other at different levels. Silence is the best answer.

drink with people you know, and talk with people who know.

if a person drinks water, he knows when he is warm and cold, and when others can't understand it, just arrive quietly.

it is never wise to argue with others, but to use yourself to play other people's gambling games.

sometimes unconsciously, it will bring unpredictable consequences.

I saw a news that Xiao Chen, a 24-year-old girl, had a disagreement with her boss at work and couldn't help arguing with her boss.

After the argument, Xiao Chen still felt indignant. He was so angry that he felt chest tightness and flustered.

Xiao Chen didn't get over it until he got home from work. He began to feel sick, vomit and even feel weak, making it difficult to walk.

When the family saw this, they immediately sent Xiao Chen to the hospital.

At last, the doctor diagnosed that Xiao Chen had hyperthyroidism crisis due to emotional excitement and needed to be hospitalized immediately.

arguing is the most exhausting. It seems that people are arguing with others, but in fact it is themselves who are dizzy.

Someone on the Internet asked, "Why do people who love to argue often have a bad life?"

Gao Zan replied, "Because arguing is a kind of consumption for yourself. The more you argue, the more you lose."

It is not only difficult to win the respect you want, but it will breed contradictions and lose tolerance.

A netizen told a story about my cousin, which was quite realistic.

My cousin just graduated from the Academy of Fine Arts and worked as an art teacher in a training institution, but she was dismissed after working for less than three months.

The reason is that my cousin advocates that students can play freely without deviating from the theme, and she will not interfere with students' creation too much.

However, some parents think that my cousin is too laissez-faire to her students and began to question her professional ability.

Cousin can't tolerate her major being doubted. Whenever parents ask questions, she will argue with them from an artistic perspective.

after a long time, although the parents no longer say anything on the surface, they have deeper opinions about her in their hearts.

Later, several parents simply filed a joint complaint and asked to change their cousin.

Franklin said:

Argument never really wins the approval of others, but only lowers one's character infinitely.

In the adult world, there is no absolute right or wrong, and it is even more difficult to look at problems in the same dimension.

You know, not all fish live in the same sea.

the fish in shallow water don't know the darkness in deep sea, and the fish in deep sea don't know the risks in shallow water.

if you have to compete with others, you will force your own views into others, which will not only embarrass others but also consume yourself.

a person's biggest failure is to win the truth and lose his mood and tolerance.

There is a test in which two students are shown a video of the Venetian boat at the same time.

A student is lively and likes music and animation, but he doesn't like words.

Another student, on the other hand, is quiet and introverted, and likes reading books and poems on weekdays.

There are boats of different sizes and colorful text descriptions in the video.

after watching the video, the teacher asked them to create a work in any way.

As a result, lively students drew a picture with objects as the main part, while quiet students wrote an article with introduction as the main part.

This phenomenon is "selective attention" in psychology:

It means that among many external stimuli, people only pay attention to some stimuli or one aspect of them, and then ignore other stimuli.

The same thing will show a different understanding in the eyes of people with different personalities and preferences.

even if we are close friends, it is difficult to keep the same view all the time.

Bai Xianyong and Chen Wenxi are both famous writers in Taiwan Province, and they have been close friends for many years.

At that time, Bai Xianyong was widely loved with the youth version of Peony Pavilion, and many people were moved by the love story.

However, Chen Wenxi, a good friend, didn't think so.

Bai Xianyong was not angry either, but learned that in Chen Wenxi's mind, love was unreliable.

Since then, Bai Xianyong has rarely mentioned Peony Pavilion in front of Chen Wenxi, let alone asked her for advice.

Chen Wenxi is grateful for Bai Xianyong's understanding. She once said publicly:

"I am very grateful for this. He can innovate, I can be stubborn, and no one will convince anyone. "

Yes, everyone has his own edges and flaws, and no one will be persuaded by anyone.

Only by understanding and respecting can we get along well.

Kant has a classic saying:

There are a thousand people in the world of mortals, and there are a thousand Hamlets.

like-minded, just by chance, different views, is the normal state.

A truly mature person is not eager to argue and persuade, but knows how to accept differences.

the top way to get along with others is to respect others' three views.

As Russell said, "Only when roses and jasmine bloom together will there be uneven and polymorphic beauty in this world."

Zhou Guoping said:

"How a person treats people with different views can better reflect his level of civilization than what views he holds."

People who are full of wisdom are calm, and are often more fearless of different voices.

treat what is not right as the east wind passing through the ear. If there is something that can enter your heart, listen quietly, and relying on each other is strong.

in the face of differences, the most advanced debate is not to distinguish.

Life is a process of continuous awakening, and it will only be seen through after hitting a wall again and again, and it is already an answer to keep silent.

if you don't argue, you should argue. If you answer in silence, time will be notarized.

as long as you don't care about everything in the world, no one can refute you.

For the rest of your life, don't let outside voices interfere with your lucid dreams, and let disputes come and go in a hurry. You just need to "take care of yourself".

Click here to watch. May your heart be open-minded, fearless of wind and frost, and live a safe and comfortable life.

Author | Li Kemo, personal WeChat official account, Kemo girl.

picture | vision china