Since we had our daughter, we have worked hard and thought hard to give her the best. We wish we could pamper her and protect her for the rest of our lives.

But is this kind of love love or harm?

——Deer Mother

Author | Potato Mother

"Girls are so easy to raise, just pamper them."

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"My daughter is a little princess and she must be protected."

"I cannot accept her getting married and want to keep her by my side for the rest of her life."

How many Have parents ever expressed their expectations for their daughter in this way?

In their eyes, girls should be pampered and supported when they are born, and grow up without any worries.

When a boy is born, he should endure hardships and endure hardships to become an upright man.

As the star Gai once said in the show:

"After my son reaches the age of eighteen, he will have to earn his own money and will no longer take care of him;

If it is a daughter, it will be no problem to take care of her until she is eighty years old. ”

How many parents try their best to give their daughters the best. Take care of her and protect her for the rest of your life.

Unknown to everyone, parents’ “special” love for their daughters often unknowingly ends up raising the girl to death.

Some time ago, actor Qin Hao complained about Wang Xiaofei’s different treatment of his son and daughter on the show.

Wang Xiaofei will be particularly gentle when she sees her daughter when she comes home.

"Baby, you're back! Do you miss daddy?"

Then he kissed and hugged him, like a "loving father".

The son on the side came over and called "Dad (Taiwanese accent)". Wang Xiaofei looked dissatisfied and shouted sternly:

"What do you call dad? Speak to me, dad! That's what you call dad!" Dad!"

On weekdays, Wang Xiaofei expresses her love for her daughter more openly.

On his son’s birthday, he took his daughter out to play at the beach;

When his son fell, he thought the boy should be strong and not allowed to cry. But when his daughter fell, he felt so distressed that he wanted to cry. .

Every time I take my daughter out to play, I either hold her in my arms or ride on my shoulders.

Being isolated during a special period, his heart was always with his daughter. He even comforted himself: "If you don't let go of the short-term love between children, it will never last forever. I will spend decades with her."

In a variety show, Wang Xiaofei also made it clear:

“Daughters are meant to be protected. I want to keep my daughter at home forever and give her the best so that she doesn’t have to struggle. I won’t be cheated by other men.”

In one sentence, netizens said: It’s scary to think about it.

Can this kind of parenting method really keep his daughter safe and sound throughout her life as he wishes?

From the daughter's perspective, the "privilege" that parents have given their daughters since childhood is not a kind of hidden harm.

Recently, a woman in Jiangsu became a hot topic because she suffered from "adult infantile disease".

She is 34 years old and the mother of a 3-year-old child, but her behavior, personality, and psychology are still like those of a minor.

She always feels that she has not grown up yet. The room is covered with stickers of Sailor Moon and Crayon Shin-chan, and her dressing style is also very childish.

In life, she is particularly dependent on her parents, and she has to ask them for help even with laundry and cooking.

After diagnosis, the doctor found that she actually had a mental disorder.

The doctor’s words pointed out the problem to the point:

“This disease is often caused by over-protection by parents during her growth period, which makes her linger on the childhood memories. This state, the psychological development is not mature enough.”

Professor Li Meijin once said:

“Children’s growth needs love, but the essence of love, the art of love, and the expression of love are not just. Giving is not just about being satisfied, nor is it about being accommodating in every possible way, it is not about letting children feel happy forever. ”

If a girl doesn’t have to do housework or worry about food and clothing since she was a child, and someone will help her if she falls. If she makes a mistake and someone protects her, she will never have the chance to grow up.

Do you remember Mashua’s daughter?

When she was almost 4 years old, she was still wearing diapers, could not eat by herself, could not go to the toilet, and would cry to her mother at every turn.

She is timid, sensitive, and refuses to communicate with other children.

Because her self-care ability and social skills were poor, she was persuaded by her kindergarten teacher to quit studying: "If you can't solve these problems, don't study.

"

In the show, she often lied and beat people, and was criticized by netizens as "uneducated".

All of this has nothing to do with Ma Shuya's education of her daughter. No relationship.

Afraid that her daughter would bump into each other, she moved all the furniture away from the house, and the family could only sit on the blanket to eat;

When they arrived at the market, she refused to let them go. Her daughter touches randomly because she dislikes things that are too dirty;

She is never willing to scold and criticize her daughter when she loses her temper. As long as her daughter cries, she will put aside all principles to accommodate her;

Because she was worried that her daughter would be bullied or not adapt, she was reluctant to send her daughter to kindergarten, and even thought about becoming a kindergarten teacher herself...

As education experts said Said: "The kindness you treat her today will be the harm others will do to her tomorrow. ”

Doing everything for his daughter and doting too much on her daughter, although it protected her from the storm for a while, it also hindered her chance to grow independently.

Coincidentally, there is also a woman in Qingdao Mom, she has been keeping her daughter at home.

The little girl is already 8 years old, but she has hardly gone out since she was a child and does not go to school.

Now, she doesn’t even go to school. I don’t know her, and my father stopped calling her.

The mother was afraid that her daughter would be hurt outside, so she didn’t let her play with other children;

Because she was worried that the teacher would wrong her child, even though her daughter had already She is not allowed to go to school even when she is 8 years old.

In order to “protect” her daughter, she keeps her in the house all day and is not allowed to go anywhere.

“I don’t. Limiting her freedom, she can play whatever she wants at home and learn whatever she wants. ”

In the mother’s opinion, her daughter has not fallen behind in the knowledge she should learn at home. She can draw well and write well, so there is nothing wrong with her.

But the comment section But it overturned:

“What you think is good may not really be good. "

"Be careful of raising your child to be autistic! ”

“Such girls are more likely to be hurt and deceived when they grow up. "

There is a saying that only when you raise a daughter do you know the dangers of the world.

The growth of girls always seems to be more difficult than that of boys. They have to bear more unknown risks and injuries, so parents are willing to Let them hide under their wings.

However, parents can protect their children for a while, but they cannot protect them for a lifetime.

Such love without bottom lines and principles will only overflow. It becomes a disaster and engulfs the daughter's future.

A girl also needs friends and experience so that she can grow slowly through experience.

While parents cut off the harm caused to the girl by the outside world, she also needs experience. Cut off her wings and reject all the good things for her

When Qin Hao faced the issue of education for his daughter Xiaomi Li, he once said:

"Since we are born. My daughter is my daughter, and I don’t want her to become a top student, as long as she lives a happy life. "

But are those girls who are doted on by their parents and raised like canaries really happy?

On the rooftop of "Youth Talk", a high school sophomore A girl complained that her parents "spoiled her too much" and turned her into a "high-scoring and imbecile child".

She only started to dress herself when she was in the second grade of junior high school;

Now, at 17 years old, she still doesn’t know how to use chopsticks;

Her parents are afraid of getting an electric shock when she plugs in a socket; when she pours a cup of hot water, her parents are afraid of burning her.

< p> She was pampered and loved by the whole family, but she was not as happy as her parents thought. Instead, she felt very suffocated.

She envied the classmates around her who "can make their own decisions in everything". Rights, when others can do it but she can't, she will feel inferior.

She shouted desperately in the show:

The famous psychologist Li Xue said:

“Boys and girls only have different physical structures, but their spiritual desires are the same.

They also long to be seen and responded to, and to think independently and explore freely. "

Nowadays, many parents, especially fathers, think that "daughters should be raised as princesses, and sons can be raised as they wish."

But they ignore that girls, like boys, They also have their own thoughts, their own personalities, and their own dreams.

However, their parents’ doting restricts their opportunities for choice and trial and error, causing them to lose the freedom to explore and try.

A girl said that she was raised by her family to be silly and sweet.

When she grew up, she wanted to be self-reliant, but she found that she had to endure a lot of changes, which was very painful.

Some girls said that as children of daughter slaves, they really hate daughter slaves.

The relationship between her and her father is very bad now. A daughter is not a pet. Pampering will suffocate the child. Please let her be a human being first?

Countless girls tell us from personal experience: Daughters who run into obstacles when they grow up will never thank their parents who did everything for them.

There is a famous saying:

"Children must solve their own problems. If parents take too much care, the children will lose their self-confidence.

Such children will never have an independent personality when they grow up, let alone achieve outstanding achievements. ”

Parents’ excessive pampering of girls is precisely the biggest restriction on their daughters’ lives. .

In the circle drawn by their parents, they cannot develop strong and brave characters, have the ability to stand alone, and cannot learn to overcome obstacles to achieve more possibilities.

As a father, Meng Fei’s words on a certain show are impressive:

Yes, no pair of parents can protect their daughter from wind and rain for a lifetime.

The best love that parents can give a girl is to care for her on the left and let go on the right.

We must use the warmest love and the strongest arms to support and support our daughter.

At the same time, we must also have the awareness to let go, give our daughters the opportunity to experience, and let them fly freely in their own blue sky.

Some people say that you need to grasp the scale when doting on your daughter. If you dote on your daughter a little bit, you may develop a poor temperament; if you dote on your daughter a little bit more, you may develop a delicate temperament.

"Girls are easier to raise than boys" is the biggest misunderstanding. It is extremely difficult to raise a girl well, but it is extremely easy to spoil a girl.

We still have a long way to go in raising girls.