My friend Xiao C came to me and asked me why after working for many years, a newcomer who had only been employed for less than a year could not get a higher salary. He felt very unbalanced.
In fact, the truth is very simple. It is not other people's fault that causes this result, but only one's own fault. Many people, like Little C, seem to have been struggling in the workplace for many years, but in fact their minds are still stuck in their student days, causing them to keep spinning in circles all these years.
If a person's thinking stagnates and cannot promptly repair the bugs that appear in the cognition and update the thinking inertia formed in the early stage, he will only be submerged in the mudslide of social mediocrity.
If you have the following four signs, it means you should check yourself and see if your thinking accessories should be upgraded.
Sister Fei, who works as an editor, recently hired an intern assistant. Her job is to help find typos, organize the layout, and occasionally find pictures. It seems to be a very simple job. After working for less than half a month, Sister Fei fired her. When asked about the reason, Sister Fei said: Every time a problem occurs, I have to remind her that sometimes the line spacing is wrong, so I just change the line spacing. Even if the line spacing of the first paragraph is changed, the second and third paragraphs are still wrong. . This kind of push-and-pull attitude is not suitable for working under me.
When students were students, most people received education passively. After class, the teacher would assign homework. What should be completed today and what should be reviewed when they go back. In life, I have to stretch out my hands for clothes and open my mouth for food. I am used to being asked to do things, and gradually I have formed a habit of passive acceptance.
Psychologist Alan Beck calls this habit "automatic thinking", which is a habit of evaluation formed in past life experiences. This habit can get us into trouble whether in life or work.
Little A passed the interview of a Fortune 500 financial company years ago and worked in the correspondence production department. Little A, who just got the offer, is super excited and full of confidence in her future job. However, within two weeks, I heard Little A complain: She had just joined the company and didn’t understand anything, but her direct boss was not responsible at all and didn’t teach her anything. She didn’t do any of the assigned tasks well. Will be scolded.
Many people are like Little A. When they first enter the workplace and encounter something they don’t understand, they feel that someone will teach them as a matter of course. After others give perfect instructions, they start to do it. This kind of thinking will only make it difficult for you to gain a foothold in the workplace. In the workplace, no one will treat you like a child except yourself and teach you step by step.
Just like what Zhu Ziqing described in "Hurry": While you are waiting anxiously and without hesitation for the "exam papers", many invisible "exam papers" in work and life may have been submitted automatically, and It was already "gameover" when I notified you.
Bruner, a famous American psychologist, said: "Learners should not be passive recipients of information, but should be active participants in the process of acquiring knowledge."
So A workplace joke:
A man ran to ask his boss: "I have ten years of work experience, why don't you give me a salary increase?" The boss replied: "You have ten years of work experience?" What about experience, or one year of work experience that took ten years? "
Those who seem to have worked hard for five or ten years still have salaries around the level of 20 years old because they have not taken the initiative? Caused by planning ability and passive growth. In life, if you cannot take the initiative to improve, you will have to endure endless troubles caused by bad ideas and habits. However, taking the initiative to improve requires wisdom and courage, otherwise it will be difficult to break out of the original life trajectory.
Never taking the initiative to learn and being used to passive growth is the first sign that a person’s brain is still in the student days.
Many college students envy the kind of people who are familiar with themselves. They can feel at home among completely unfamiliar people, and in the blink of an eye they can have a lively chat with someone they have just met for a few minutes, as if they have known each other for several years.
They also firmly believe that "connections are the wealth of a lifetime" and "many friends, many paths", so they desperately want to look like they are popular and fall into a trap called "pretending to be gregarious" in symptoms.
I obviously want to go to the library to study on the weekend, but my roommates are all watching TV series, playing games and falling in love. In order not to be isolated, I have to follow their daily routine. I obviously want to use my off-duty time to do something I like, but I go out to drink and socialize just to fit in with others, for fear of being ostracized by my colleagues. But after working for a few years, you will discover: What can make you have "wealth" is always your ability.
There is a phenomenon in psychology called: "herding effect", which means that "when people stay in a group for a long time and become accustomed to following the herd, they will gradually lose their own judgment and become a herd." "Slaves of the collective will."
"The Crowd" also said:
Once a person joins a group, his intelligence is seriously reduced. In order to gain so-called recognition, he is willing to abandon the concept of right and wrong. Use your IQ to exchange for that sense of belonging that makes people feel safe. Sanmao has been cold-blooded and withdrawn since he was a child, and seems out of tune with the people and things around him. When she was in school, she could not integrate into the school. When she grew up, she often lived in isolation and had few friends. But it is this kind of solitary character that protected her delicate and sensitive heart and wrote many romantic words.
She also once said: I know a lot of people but not many friends. There is a famous saying in the West: One friend is good, two friends is a little too much, and three friends is too many. I very much agree with this statement.
It’s good to have a bosom friend. It doesn’t have to be too many. If you really don’t have one, you still have yourself. Treat yourself well and get along with yourself. You are also a friend. Some people like to be accompanied, like to make friends with all kinds of people, like to interact with different people, and find it fun and interesting. And some people like to be alone, like to act alone and feel comfortable.
People who are good at being alone and comfortable with being alone are happy, and people who are good at living in groups and are comfortable living in groups are also happy. The most uncomfortable thing is that even though I don't like the noisy atmosphere, I still force myself to smile along with others' smiles.
Forcing yourself to cater to others in order to appear gregarious is the second sign that a person’s brain is still in his student days.
Mapassant told such a story in the novel "The Necklace":
The heroine Mathilde, who was married to a clerk, was unwilling to live an ordinary and poor life with her husband. days. Although she was of low status, she was obsessed with the luxurious aristocratic life. In order to attend a grand party, she borrowed a diamond necklace from her friend. Unfortunately, the necklace was later lost. Mathilde had to work hard for ten years to repay loan sharks one after another. This story is very similar to today’s young people who are trapped in the quagmire of “advanced consumption”.
For unrealistic desires, let yourself be trapped in one loan after another. Someone conducted a survey on the consumption and shopping of young Chinese people: 82% of the respondents said they wanted to buy something when they saw others wearing good-looking clothes. 72% of the respondents said that seeing clothing articles on social networks will trigger the desire to buy. 49% of the respondents said they would impulse buy something unnecessary or inappropriate because their idol endorsed the product.
In addition, data also show that the per capita annual consumption power of Chinese college students has reached nearly 20,000 yuan, and the total annual consumption has reached 600 billion, exceeding 50% of the per capita disposable income of urban residents nationwide.
With this huge number, we can see the mismatch between the desires and abilities of young people today. Many young people like to "spend tomorrow's money to live today's addiction." Nowadays, a popular term on the Internet is: "Huabei Youth". Although it is not as creepy as campus loans, it still makes young people fall into the whirlpool of Huabei, borrowing and installment payments, and it is difficult to extricate themselves.
According to the "2017 Young People's Consumption Life Report" released by Ant Huabei, among China's nearly 170 million post-90s generation, more than 45 million people have opened Huabei. On average, 1 out of every 4 people born in the 1990s uses Huabei. There are even people on the Internet advocating such arguments as: "Borrowing money will force you to be successful" and "Women will make money only by spending money." Xiaonan was so obsessed with these chicken soups that she applied for several credit cards at once. As a result, after working for two years, she didn't have a penny of savings and owed 50,000 yuan in credit card debt.
It wasn't until Xiaonan's work reached a bottleneck that she suddenly realized that she didn't dare to resign, lose her job, or have a window of time because she still had a credit card debt of 50,000 yuan waiting for her to pay off. Hidden behind the concept of consumption are values. In this world full of material temptations and materialized values, for students with insufficient social experience, it is a game of choice between their own values ??and external values.
With immature values, it is easy to be led by desires. For young people who have been working for several years, they will internalize desires as motivation for growth. Excessive consumption overdraws not only your money but your credit, it may also overdraw your future. Those two luxury items will not make you look really high-end.
Not understanding one's own tolerance range and excessive consumption without a bottom line is the third sign that a person's mind is still in the student days.
Nowadays, many young people, in order to post a selfie, will spend an hour taking a photo, an hour retouching the picture, and another hour adding a text. Just being able to show your beautiful side in your circle of friends.
Young people who have just entered society often fall into the trap of "caring too much about other people's opinions". They dare not speak during meetings, worrying that the questions they ask will be laughed at by others. Even if they have good suggestions, I don’t dare to say it, for fear that if I say something wrong, I will be looked down upon. Excessive self-awareness always hinders and restricts one's words and deeds. The so-called "excessive self-awareness" means: paying too much attention to one's inner feelings, or caring too much about one's public image.
It is not necessarily self-centered, but the obsession with "self" must be very heavy. You may be overly sensitive, shy, shy, overly idealistic and perfectionistic as a result. Jiang Fangzhou once said: "Excessive self-focus is the root of all evil." Xiaobei attended the company's year-end party for the first time and volunteered to host a certain session and interact with everyone.
I wanted to take this opportunity to leave a good impression in front of the company's senior management. Who would have thought that because I was too nervous and too afraid of making mistakes, I was silenced several times during the interaction. As a result, this event became a lingering shadow for Xiaobei. She always thought of the scene at that time and everyone's whispers. As a result, she did not dare to speak loudly to others in the company for a long time.
Many people have experienced some embarrassing scenes, such as accidentally saying something cold, or inadvertently burping loudly while drinking Coke. If you care about other people's gazes, gradually, these gazes will become pressure and accumulate more and more. But in fact, no one cares about you that much. Psychologist Gilovich conducted a Barry Manilow experiment:
He asked students at Cornell University to put on singer Barry Manilow's T-shirts and then walk into a There are other students present in the classroom. After entering, they all thought that at least half of the students had noticed the T-shirts they were wearing, but it turned out that only 23% of the people present had noticed. It can be seen that people always overestimate their influence on the people around them.
There is a very interesting saying: When we are 20 years old, we worry about what others think of us. At 40, we don't care what other people think of us. At the age of 60, we find that others have no idea about us at all. This is not negativity, but a kind of wisdom. Only by learning to underestimate yourself can you travel lightly and face the ups and downs of life calmly.
Paying too much attention to oneself and caring too much about other people’s opinions and evaluations is the fourth sign that a person’s mind is still in his student days.
Yohji Yamamoto said: You are invisible as a thing. Only when you bump into something else and bounce back can you understand "yourself". When you enter society, you will find that no one tells you whether this choice is right or wrong. Some questions have no correct answers at all. There is no quantitative and clear evaluation standard in life like GPA.
Our once best friends may one day be separated from us. Those huge embarrassments will be nothing more than a passing cloud after a year or two. The path of life is no longer a predetermined route planned by people such as the high school entrance examination and the college entrance examination. Reflecting on and summarizing the pitfalls and detours taken on the road to growth is not to show the wounds, but to avoid them gracefully in the future.