2. Imagine a beautiful woman talking to you before buying a car. After buying a car, there is always an aunt talking: parking in this place costs three yuan an hour.
3. The teacher visited the home and asked the students: Is your family happy? The student proudly replied: happiness! Father came over and slapped him in the face. "Boy, who let you change your surname!" "
My girlfriend yelled at me today: "When I am angry, you must coax me, buy me delicious food, and I will kill you when my mother is full."
In this year, a man who can silently wait for you downstairs in the dormitory and bring you warm morning, noon and evening, whether it is cold or hot, wind or rain, will always be patient and will only deliver takeout.
6. Today, the leader asked me if I had a driver's license. I said yes. He asked if there was a car. At that time, my chicken was frozen and I thought it was the rhythm of giving me a special car. Arrive at once: no leader said: Great, I broke the rules, just need to brush ten points. I finally reached the age when I was in love and was not afraid of being known by my parents, but I never met anyone who could let my parents know.
8. Don't be so negative. You should firmly believe that as long as you persist in working overtime and work hard, you can let your boss drive a better car and live in a bigger villa.
9. I'm 30 years old and I'm not married. My parents pushed me very hard. I bought a photo of Xifeng angrily and said to them, You forced me to get married. Now that this woman is willing, do I have to marry? Mom answered the phone and said, Pretty handsome girl! It suits you very well.
10. Pass the security check with a cup of milk tea. Security inspector: "What's in your hand?" Me: "milk tea." Security inspector: "Have a drink!" I quickly squeezed milk tea: "I want to buy it myself!" "
1 1. Our company's five insurances and one gold are: five insurances: hair loss insurance, expulsion insurance, obesity insurance, serious illness insurance, single insurance, and one gold is a golden heart.
12. Water has been cut off for several days, and everyone can only use bottled water for everything. A female colleague thought bottled water was expensive and useless, and said, "I just opened a bucket to wash my face, and there was only half a bucket left!" " Another colleague said, "water is still very useful, but your face is big!" " "
13. I asked my son what he wanted to be when he grew up. My son thought about it and said, when I grow up, if it's a man, I'll fly a plane. If it's a woman, I'll be a stewardess.
14. Xiaoming fell into a ditch on his way to school. The teacher asked him where he was hurt. He said there was nothing wrong with people, but all his homework fell into the ditch and could not be found. The teacher said, son, your routine is deeper than the ditch!
15. I went to the grocery store and bought a bottle of iced black tea. Half drunk and found it was fake. I already drank it, and I didn't say anything. Look at the bottle cap and have another bottle. Tell the boss at once that he won the lottery and send another bottle. The boss said quietly, look carefully. Let me see: buy another bottle!
16. My son has nothing to do at home to watch TV and eat. He filled four or five jelly cups with yogurt, then drank them all, and then shouted, Good milk!
17. People come and go in the supermarket. A young mother anxiously searched for her lost child. She described the child's physical characteristics, appearance and age to the staff. Finally, she took out her mobile phone and flipped through the photos. After more than ten minutes, she couldn't find it. It's all selfies
18. My husband suddenly said that you are a demon. The wife asked affectionately, "What kind of demon do you think she is, spider spirit or Bai Gujing?" I saw my husband pinch the meat on his wife's stomach in disgust, and then calmly said, "Once, twice, you are a barrel demon."
19. Two situations that test love the most: 1. A disfigured wife; 2. Bankrupt husband.
I went to apply for a job yesterday morning. Most women in the company showed off their beautiful legs this winter. Seeing this, I swear I must work in this company! Otherwise, last year, I speculatively hoarded a car full of autumn trousers and hit your hand.
2 1. I just passed subject 4 yesterday and got my driver's license. I was very happy, so I called the coach and invited him to dinner. I went to an expensive place to eat seafood. I have no choice. I am very happy! Finally, I splurged once, and a meal cost about 6 thousand. Seeing that the coach was eating very hard, I told the coach that I would go to the toilet first, then turn off my phone and leave. You can imagine what will happen later! There are reports of great retaliation. See you in the Jianghu!
22. Today, the teacher suddenly came to class inexplicably: "Students who feel stupid, you all stand up." Students, you look at me, I look at him, and I don't want to stand up. After a period of silence, someone suddenly stood up and the teacher asked, "Do you think you are stupid?" . The student shook his head: "No, sir, I just don't want you to stand alone."
23. A couple had an accident. The husband is fine, but the wife is seriously injured and facing death. The husband is sitting on his wife's bedside, holding her hand, and his body keeps twitching and saying, Can you … can't you promise me … one thing? My husband looked up and said with difficulty, Anyway, I promise you unconditionally. Wife: Can you ... Can't you ... Don't smile so happily.
24. My best friend came to me because she likes online shopping and quarreled with her husband. When she first arrived, she said angrily, "Even if he begged me on his knees, I wouldn't forgive him." An hour later, my best friend said, "If he comes to pick me up, I will be reluctant to go with him." Two hours later, she said, "think about it, I am too headstrong." If he asks me to go back today, forget it. " Three hours later, my best friend said, "Ah, the clothes on my balcony have not been confiscated. I'll go back and collect it first. "