No matter what happened in the past, as long as a person changes his ambitions now, he can transcend his limited destiny and realize higher self-worth.

——Milton Erickson

This past summer, the box office of "Nezha: The Devil Boy Comes to the World" exceeded 4.8 billion, ranking second in the box office of Chinese film history. , becoming a milestone in the history of domestic animation. While the film became a hit, the phrase "change one's fate against the will of heaven" also became popular on social media.

Not only the story of Nezha in the film, but director Jiaozi’s own life experience can also be called another version of the story of “changing one’s fate against fate”:

Followed when he was a junior in college In my heart, I gave up medicine and studied animation instead of literature; I resigned from an advertising company and devoted myself to making personal works that became a blockbuster; I opened a studio and never gave up in the cold winter of domestic animation; I couldn't live without going crazy, and after four years of hard work, "Nezha" was finally completed... It also makes people’s blood boil.

The so-called "change destiny against nature" means to rely on the spirit of not accepting fate to break the restrictions of one's origin, break the shackles of stereotypes, and achieve an extraordinary life.

Speaking of changing your destiny against the odds, you may also think of the famous physicist and cosmologist Stephen Hawking. He was imprisoned in a wheelchair due to ALS, but still achieved proud academic achievements and a rich life through his own efforts. In the field of psychology, there has been another example of "changing one's fate against the odds". He contracted polio when he was 17 and was almost paralyzed for life. He also has tone-deafness, color blindness, dyslexia and other defects. However, he was not limited by his own circumstances and conditions. Instead, he relied on constant self-refinement to become a world-class psychotherapy master and a leader in the hypnosis field in the 20th century.

He is Milton Erickson. He pioneered modern hypnosis and his influence in the field of psychology is comparable to that of Freud.

Milton Erickson, the father of modern hypnosis

Although he had a life that outsiders regarded as "defying fate and changing his destiny", Erickson summarized what he had done The most important thing is to "go with the flow."

The "following the trend" here does not mean complying with the external environment, but mainly refers to complying with one's own talents and status. It is not only Erickson's life principle, but also the core concept of his psychotherapy - not to regard problems as enemies, but to accept problems while finding the individual's own resources, awakening and adapting to his own talents.

Erickson tells us: Whether we come from a humble background or seem to have mediocre qualifications, whether we are suffering from a disease or have fallen into the lowest ebb of life, each of us has our own talents and uniqueness. The real way to change one's destiny is not to blame others, but to awaken one's talent and follow the trend.

Yes, a person’s talent and the skills closely related to it have a huge impact on our lives. But everyone has talent, but it is hidden and often difficult to detect; talent and expertise are not the same thing. Having talent does not mean that you have expertise. Therefore, we often ask:

What exactly is talent? How can you find your talents?

How can we not waste our talents and develop them into real talents?

In addition to awakening talents and giving full play to our strengths, how should we face our own shortcomings and "problems"?

Today, let us discuss it together with Erickson’s story.

X-SIGN model opens the door to hidden talents

"Talent" is a mysterious word. When we talk about talent, we always think of geniuses, prodigies, and IQ, which is considered to be innately determined.

In the eyes of many people, talent is talent, a certain kind of intelligence and potential, and an innate qualification inherited from God.

However, talent is not just about talent.

Ken Robinson is a famous British education scholar and the most viewed TED speaker in the world.

In his book "Discover Your Talent", he defines talent as the combination of talent and enthusiasm:

Having a certain talent means being naturally good at certain things or in certain areas. ability, and naturally maintain great enthusiasm for these things, and can grow faster than others.

Everyone has their own talents, and everyone's talents are different. From a biological perspective, this is because the genes of each of us are unique, and the existence of each person is a small probability event, the result of a series of interlocking choices made by our parents and ancestors. This determines that everyone's life is unique and that everyone is born with unique talents.

Although talent is very important, it is hidden and often not easy to detect. How can you find your unique talents?

Marcus Buckingham, the founder of Strengths Theory, proposed a SIGN model for discovering talents in his book "Now, Discover Your Career Strengths". The concepts "advantage" and "talent" used in the book roughly correspond to "good at" and "talent" respectively. SIGN (sign, signal) for discovering talents is the abbreviation of four words: Success, Instinct, Growth, and Needs.

Success: The starting point is very high, the shots are extraordinary, you are very confident in doing something, and you feel that you can definitely succeed.

Instinct: Automatic and spontaneous, can’t wait to try.

Growth: Learn quickly and make progress faster than others.

Needs (needs): I am happy when doing it and very satisfied after doing it.

If you think about it carefully, you will find that Success and Growth correspond to talent, representing the high starting point and growth of a certain ability, as well as the corresponding self-efficacy;

Instinct (instinct) and Needs (needs) correspond to passion and represent the inner driving force based on instinct and needs.

Therefore, we can combine Ken Robinson’s definition of talent and expand Marcus Buckingham’s SIGN model into the following X-SIGN model:

Letters X has always been a representative of the unknown and mysterious, such as: X-Men and X-Files. Here, too, it is the shape of this model, symbolizing the secrets and infinite possibilities of talent.

The line of X is talent, connecting Success and Growth. Human talents are diverse and include many types of intelligence: language, logical numbers, visual space, music, interpersonal, introspection, movement, natural observation, etc. Everyone has one or more intelligences that are naturally stronger and grow faster. For example, some people are born with strong calculation ability, while others are born with developed motor cells. And when different talents are combined, there will be more possibilities.

The other line of X is passion, connecting Instinct and Needs. Everyone’s passions are also very different. Some people will be strongly attracted to certain things almost instinctively, and have a need to be satisfied that "doing this thing is a reward in itself", while others may have only mediocre interest and indifference.

Using the X-SIGN model, you can discover your talents from the flashing signals and clues in your life. It is the core algorithm for upgrading your life system and the secret door to happiness and achievement.

Let’s look at the story of Milton Erickson.

It was exactly 100 years ago, in the summer of 1919, on a farm in the United States.

The 17-year-old Erickson was violently attacked by polio (commonly known as poliomyelitis) just after graduating from high school. He was paralyzed and unable to do anything except speak and move his eyes. After consulting with two specialists from Chicago, the country doctor concluded that the boy would not survive the next morning. Even if he survives, he will be paralyzed for life and will never be able to stand up.

Erickson was very angry when he heard these cruel judgments on his family and himself, but he did not despair. He was unwilling to accept such a fate and was determined to challenge it.

What happened next was nothing short of a miracle. Erickson unexpectedly discovered the power of the subconscious mind. Not only did he survive, but he also slowly recovered under the careful care of his family and by relying on his exploration of the subconscious mind. Lying in bed, he kept recalling the scene of picking apples as a child. In a focused and relaxed state, he experienced every subtle movement of his body, and gradually recovered the ability to move the relevant muscles.

In the end, Erickson not only stood up, but three summers later, he swam the Mississippi River alone with a canoe, simple food and camping equipment, and a little money.

That summer, Erickson originally planned to go with a friend, but the friend changed his mind at the last minute. Despite his physical disability, Erickson decided to set out on his own, without telling his parents that he would be traveling alone.

During this adventure, Erickson encountered many difficulties that others could not imagine - the huge pain of muscle cramps, extremely bad weather - but he overcame them one by one. He also met many friendly and interesting people along the way. They helped him move the canoe and gave him a lot of help.

When Erickson completed the 1,200-mile canoe voyage, his health improved significantly compared with before the departure, his shoulder muscles became stronger and stronger, and he was able to carry the canoe alone; his soul I am also more mature and tenacious, and I realize from a deep level that a person can do what he really wants to do.

It was precisely because of this pilgrimage-like journey and the experience of fighting physical illness that Erickson developed infinite curiosity and enthusiasm for human resilience and potential; and his exploration of the use of the subconscious, The miracle of healing that happened to him also allowed him to discover his talent. He opened a door to his own talent.

This trip became a turning point in Erickson's life. After the trip, he applied for medical school, and with his awareness of his talent, he embarked on a long road to medicine.

From the story of Erickson's discovery of talent, we can also see:

Talent may be innate or may be influenced by nurture. In particular, the passion element in talent is often related to growth experience and cultural environment. Rather than treating talent as a gift that is entirely determined by genes and given by God, it is better to think of it as a talent that is jointly formed by nature and nurture;

Everyone has a unique Every talent has a chance to shine. Never be bound by stereotypes or imprisoned by the judgments of others. "When God closes a door for you, he will also open a window for you" is not a chicken soup. As long as you are good at discovering and polishing it properly, even a seemingly dull stone may one day become a dazzling gem.

What is worse than not being able to recognize talent is not being able to recognize it

Having said what talent is and how to find it, let’s talk about being good at it and how to develop it from talent.

According to the list of popular words in Chinese user resumes released by LinkedIn in 2017, the word "good at" topped the list, followed by "rich experience", "leadership" and "responsibility" . In the global user list, "good at" still ranks first.

Being good at is not only the characteristic most often displayed by job seekers, but also the characteristic that employers care about most. It not only represents your core competitiveness that makes you stand out, but is also an important label that differentiates you from others. Many managers will use this label to consider your possible position in the team and how to form working cooperation with others.

Comparing talent and excellence, we can see that talent is just a hidden potential, a high probability of becoming excellent, while excellence is our explicit ability to influence reality and the capital to achieve life goals.

At the same time, the two are closely related. If proficiency is like a big tree, talent is like a seed. Without seeds, we cannot cultivate truly good people.

So, after finally discovering the seeds of talent, how can you turn it into something good without wasting it? The answer is: keep watering it to help it grow. Expressed in a formula:

Good at = Talent*Investment

Some people say that the greatest opportunity for counterattack in life is to invest in yourself. This sentence is correct, but where to invest it? Of course, investing in talent. Because the capabilities it corresponds to grow the fastest and have the greatest room for improvement, they are most likely to become your core advantage.

The investment here refers to investing various resources in talent, including time and energy, knowledge and skills, money and materials, etc. The way of investment is to carry out long-term active learning and deliberate practice based on talent.

The so-called "deliberate practice" is an efficient learning method proposed by another American named Ericsson, psychologist Anders Ericsson, after studying a large number of outstanding people. The key to deliberate practice lies in clear improvement goals, large amounts of repeated training, timely and effective feedback, etc. Through deliberate practice based on talent, it is possible for hidden potential to become explicit "superpowers", and talent can become good at it.

Let us continue to look at the story after Erickson "awakened" his talent.

At the end of the summer of 1922, with a passion for psychotherapy, Erickson embarked on the road to study. He was admitted to the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin Medical School, and after graduation, he interned at the Colorado Psychiatric Hospital for a year.

Erickson’s learning is not in the traditional sense of learning from textbooks or teachers, but more of self-study and self-training. While he read extensively on psychoanalysis and other psychotherapy-related books, he regarded patients as his best teachers. This also allowed him to not be restricted by the previous school of thought, to find new ways, and to gain many new insights.

Erickson is very hardworking. When he was practicing hypnosis, he would often write out a fifteen-page hypnotic induction for a patient, and then cut it down to ten pages, then five pages, and finally two pages, and then he would use it on the patient.

Through continuous awareness, perception, inspiration, and practice, Erickson has developed extremely strong observation and communication skills. These two abilities are extremely important for psychotherapy, allowing him to gain insight into human nature and the psychological motivations behind human behavior.

In particular, his ability to observe small things is legendary. This is by no means an untested talent, but the result of his long-term self-motivation and deliberate practice.

"Observe, observe, keep observing" is a mantra of Erickson in teaching and life. He always trained himself to look for subtle clues that revealed a patient's strengths—strengths that could be used to solve problems. In some ways, he approaches cases like a great detective like Sherlock Holmes.

Erickson invented many methods for training observation skills, which he not only used himself but also taught to his students. For example, observing a group of children in a playground and predicting who they will play with and what they will do next; another example is observing the interaction of a group of people and judging who will leave first and who will speak next... etc. wait.

Erickson drove himself to continue learning and improving until his later years. When his eyesight weakened to the point where he could no longer read, he switched to watching television. There was a track and field event being televised, and Erickson wanted to challenge himself to predict the winner. He watched the runners carefully as they warmed up. Some looked around, obviously distracted by the crowd. He predicts that these people will not win, but those who are truly focused and focused will likely be the winners.

Erickson has been involved in psychotherapy for more than half a century, and has continued to invest, invest and reinvest in his talents. He created many far-reaching therapeutic techniques from seemingly simple and basic skills such as observation and communication, and is considered the most creative master of therapeutic practice.

From this story of Erickson, we can see:

The more outstanding the talent, the greater the investment required. What is worse than not being able to recognize talent is not being able to recognize talent.

In fact, there are too many smart and talented people around us who, after inadvertently opening the door to their talents, do not cherish their talents or understand the importance of continuous investment, and in the end they all disappear.

Use deliberate practice to move from quantitative change to qualitative change. The process from talent to proficiency is a long process of active learning and deliberate practice. Through the accumulation of small progress, quantitative changes lead to qualitative changes, reaching the point of "nothing but familiarity" in "The Oil Seller" and "The Cook Ding Jie Niu" "The realm of "excellent and at ease".

Accept shortcomings and dance with "problems" in an elegant way

After talking about how to find talents and how to cultivate talents into good ones, since a person has strengths , that must also have shortcomings. If you want to counterattack in life, how should you manage your shortcomings and "problems" in life and career?

Many people who have been very successful in their fields in ancient and modern times, both at home and abroad, often have shortcomings of one kind or another, or even serious problems, but they have brought out the best in them and made outstanding achievements. Thus being remembered by the world.

For example, Churchill who suffered from depression for a long time but won World War II, Hawking who was confined to a wheelchair for life but still wrote "A Brief History of Time", and others who were infected with polio, tone-deaf, Erickson, who suffered from color blindness, dyslexia and many other diseases, became the father of modern hypnosis.

Since his youth, Erickson has known how to deal with his own flaws; at the same time, he has been engaged in psychotherapy for decades and has received countless patients with "problems" , very knowledgeable about how to deal with problems. The core of it is what we said at the beginning, which is to follow the trend.

"Go with the flow" contains two levels of meaning, one is to give full play to talents and strengths, and the other is to accept and transform shortcomings and "problems".

Let’s take a look at how Erickson did it.

After suffering from polio at the age of 17, Erickson once created a miracle of recovery, but the sequelae still followed him throughout his life, especially in the second half of his life.

In the late World War II, the middle-aged Erickson, as a senior psychiatrist, guided the work of novice doctors in the hospital. At the same time, he also conducted mental health examinations for drafted soldiers at the recruiting station. Due to the heavy workload, he suffered a severe relapse of polio and had to be admitted to the hospital. Since then, he has suffered multiple relapses, each time causing him to lose some physical mobility. Until his 60s, he was completely confined to a wheelchair.

However, Erickson accepted the inconveniences life caused him. He was always grateful for everything he had, and he always enjoyed the resources he had rather than focusing on what he lacked.

Many people regard some of their "problems" as enemies and try to eliminate them, but Erickson's approach is to accept the "problems" without fighting them. Go with the flow, dance with "problems" in a more elegant way, and then transform them into unique resources.

Because strengths and weaknesses, or resources and problems, are like two sides of the same coin, they are contradictory yet unified, and can often be transformed into each other. From this point of view, Erickson's "go with the flow" is very similar to the Eastern Tai Chi thought that advocates "the mutual development of yin and yang".

Erickson was born with color blindness and is only sensitive to purple. Instead of being restricted, he used this mysterious color to express his personal style, enjoying the life of a "purpleist", wearing purple clothes and using purple cups. There are many purple decorations in his office, and students often give him purple gifts. The mysterious purple makes Erickson more like a wizard proficient in magic.

Erickson in purple clothes looks like a magician (Video of "Five-Minute Healing Tips" by Erickson's disciple Dr. Sade)

Erickson is still Tone deaf. When he was 6 years old, he passed by a church and saw many people practicing chorus.

He couldn't hear the music they sang, but he just wondered why these people were so happy when they made such strange noises. He found an answer, oh, they breathed together, and the rhythm of their breathing was consistent, so they were so happy.

So, from the age of 6, when others spoke to him, he would breathe with others. When the rhythm of breathing is consistent, a strange harmony is created. Later, this became an important basis for Erickson's hypnosis.

This is how Erickson follows the trend, always turning his "shortcomings" or "problems" into available resources and "advantages." At the same time, he also widely applied this concept to psychotherapy.

Erickson endured many physical ailments, but always remained optimistic and grateful. His attitude towards life greatly adds to his persuasiveness as a therapist. When he encourages patients to appreciate life and transcend pain and limitations, patients know that he is using his own personal experience to give them advice and help.

Erickson passed away in 1980. His wife said: "He lived to be 78 years old, much longer than he expected. Until a week before his death, he still lived an active and unremitting life. ”

Erickson never regarded himself as a weakling. He encouraged people to be responsible for themselves. It is useless to complain about the misfortune of fate, the unfairness of life, and the cruelty of circumstances. If you are responsible for your unique life, you will never set yourself up as a weak person, but will continue to work hard to achieve a better self.

As the father of modern hypnosis, Erickson explored and demonstrated the huge potential that hypnosis brings to human beings, and his achievements are still unparalleled. He evolved hypnosis into a modern psychotherapy, which is widely used around the world, has a major influence on many psychotherapy schools, and has helped thousands of people.

People say he is the greatest communicator in the world.

The best teacher is to help students find themselves

After talking about discovering talents, cultivating talents and managing shortcomings, I finished talking about Erickson's "Changing Destiny Against Heaven" " and "Go with the flow." At the end of the article, I want to talk about the documentary film "Post Zero" that is currently being released.

The film was made after 12 years of continuous filming. It tells the story of the growth of two post-00s children - Chi Yiyang and Rourou. None of them are "good students" in the traditional sense. Chi Yiyang is a naughty child who often makes trouble and was complained by many parents when he was in kindergarten; Rourou likes to sing, dance and recite poetry, and is sensitive to the beauty of life, but because she is unwilling to obey the games played by other children, she is often criticized. isolated.

After entering elementary school, they encountered great problems. Chi Yiyang couldn't finish his homework, was criticized every day, and looked sad every day; Rourou was very talented in art, but not good at math, and said math was her hell. In the framework of exam-oriented education, they are even regarded as "problem" children.

As an observer and recorder, director Zhang Tongdao waited with strong sympathy for the children's fate to change.

To his great relief, the lives of Chi Yiyang and Rourou later took a turn.

After 14-year-old Chi Yiyang encountered rugby, he regained his confidence when he was the king of children. He showed extraordinary talent and enthusiasm in rugby, and was lucky enough to be selected into the national team to participate in the international rugby youth competition.

Under the protection of her parents, Rourou, who was not good at mathematics, did not take the college entrance examination and chose to study in high school abroad. In a more tolerant educational environment, she achieved excellent results and received offers from ten universities. She chose to major in education and hopes to help more children in the future.

This documentary film provides valuable observations and reflections for our education. Every child is unique, with unique talents and passions. But if they are all evaluated using uniform standards, then many children may be suspected and accused of "poor talent," "stupidity," and "not working hard," and live in the shadow of "other people's children" all day long.

The film tells us that we should respect the uniqueness of each child's talent and not use uniform standards or stereotypes to evaluate everyone. As Einstein said: Everyone has talents, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will think itself stupid throughout its life.

Of course, not only children, we adults also face the same problem.

Director Zhang Tongdao said: The failure of many people is that they want to be someone else their whole life. I think this is a directional mistake. The most successful education is when everyone finds his or her own place. I think the best teacher is to help students find themselves.

Erickson is just such a teacher. He not only implements the concept of "going with the flow" into his own and psychotherapy, but also uses an experiential teaching style to help students give full play to their talents and become themselves. He taught hundreds of psychotherapists throughout his life, among whom Sade, Gilligan and other disciples are now world-renowned masters with their own styles.

In the process of writing this article, I thought of that summer 100 years ago more than once:

The young man who was once "sentenced" by a doctor to be paralyzed for life, the young man who recovered somewhat But the young man, who was still disabled, paddled his canoe alone down the waterway of the Mississippi River.

Faced with the difficult passage of life, he chose to accept problems peacefully, give full play to his strengths, and bravely face the unknown.

That scene is much like the life that each of you and I will experience 100 years later.

I hope that we, and also the children, can break the shackles of stereotypes, awaken their talents, and go with the flow;

I hope that we, and the children, can all shine uniquely. , in the long river of life, become yourself.

It is better to have a life without limits than to have a good starting point.