I read this passage from Professor Sun Yunxiao's book "It's Not the Child's Problem": "Professor Li Meijin proposed that psychological nurturing is the most important kind of education in early education. Regarding psychological nurturing, she put forward the following The key point is that the first one is emotion, and this parent-child emotion comes from personal care, and the child must be taken care of by himself. One point you invest in your child during his childhood is better than one hundred points you invest after he is 12 years old. After he is 12 years old, you can't make up for it by adding 100 points. This is the special thing about early education. If a sense of happiness and security can be established during this period, it will affect it. His life."
I thought a lot when I read this.
I feel very lucky. My daughter was raised by my husband and I ourselves.
In the 22 years I have been raising my daughter, I have been stumbling along the way, with joy and pain; anxiety and relief; crying and laughter; friction and harmony... Looking back on so many years of being a mother , I am very pleased: my daughter is a good child who is kind, enthusiastic, sensible, grateful, self-reliant, has goals for the future, and studies hard; my husband and I have devoted as much time and energy as possible to her growth. I regard educating children as one of the most important undertakings, and I have been fulfilling this sacred responsibility with practical actions. When she was in school, I tutored her every day on homework, personality development, human behavior, psychological counseling, nutritional matching, etc. I have been working hard, always working hard, and always learning. As a mother, I have a clear conscience.
There are many parents around us who want to be comfortable and leisurely. Several of my friends had their children raised by their grandparents. They rarely worried about their sons until they entered high school. Later, they gradually became aware of various problems in their children, but it was too late to correct them.
When some children ask their parents for money, if their parents don’t give or give less, they will put a knife on their parents’ necks and threaten them; some children are selfish, overbearing, indifferent, and It is very difficult to get along with people. It has been many years since I graduated from college and I have not found a suitable job...
When I read some words like the following, my heart was touched. Professor Li Meijin said: "The social Problems will ultimately boil down to human problems, and human problems must be related to his childhood...
The hidden dangers laid in a person's childhood will not disappear with the passage of time; I grew up with these dangerous memories.”
The book writes about such a case: In 2009, a murder case occurred in Daxing, Beijing. A 29-year-old young man named Li Lei appears to others to be a successful man. He owns a restaurant and his family is very wealthy. There are parents at the top and two children at the bottom. Everyone else seems to think that he is a successful person. What a happy family! But such a man actually killed his parents, his sister, his wife, and even his two children. Then he took the family's huge sum of money and ran to Hainan to play. He knew the end was coming, so he spent every day desperately.
Li Lei’s problem must have been planted before he was 12 years old, especially before he was 6 years old. This is a very important judgment. What does it mean? When Li Lei was young, his parents were too strict with him, which made him very depressed. When he grew up and got married, his wife was a very strong person and controlled him very strictly. He always felt very depressed. In addition, there were many other things happening at home at that time, so he suddenly The child collapsed and lost his mind.
Childhood misfortune completely destroys a person! The destruction of a family cannot but be said to be a huge tragedy!
“The success rate of intergenerational education does not exceed 30%, which means that only about 30% of the ancestors have the experience and ability to educate children well. Many ancestors are not good at educating children and tend to spoil their children. , can't tell the difference between pampering and pampering. Be careful not to just push your children to the elderly. You can help me, I am very busy.
Parents. The responsibility cannot be replaced by anyone. If parents fail to fulfill their responsibilities and establish a close relationship with their children in their early years, it will have a great impact on the future development of their children. This is very worthy of parents' attention. " ——Sun Yunxiao
As long as a plump seed is sown in the land, it will surely grow vigorously under suitable conditions of moisture, temperature and light, with timely weeding and fertilization.
The same goes for people. When a child is born, as long as his parents provide him with the environment and conditions suitable for his growth, he will grow into a towering tree. The parent is that farmer or gardener. When children are growing up, they cannot be replaced by others, nor can they treat children as they wish. It is the duty of every parent to carefully, carefully and patiently cultivate a child to grow up, give him the greatest possible care, establish a close relationship with him, and make his child feel happy and secure.
When they see him grow into a strong and towering tree next year, his parents will definitely be happy and happy in their hearts. In the process of raising children in person, parents' efforts will not see any rewards and benefits at the time, and they will slowly become apparent in the future.
Parents must find ways to create conditions for raising their own children. Even if they spend a little more money, even if they earn a little less money, even if they are very hard and busy, they still have to take care of their children. If you just leave it to the elderly, the impact on the children will often be discovered later, when it is too late. That is an act of raising animals, not a way of raising children.
There is no outstanding child born out of nowhere. Behind any outstanding child, there will definitely be a pair of parents who personally brought him up and gave him warmth and care!
Moon Yong-ryun, the former Minister of Education of South Korea, has this famous saying: "Cultivating morality between the ages of 0 and 1 only requires unconditional love. Parents' meticulous care and consideration will make children feel safe, which is a child's positive experience of the world. The foundation.”
There are no shortcuts in raising children. Any step of laziness will become a loophole in the future and will bring endless problems and troubles! Although it is very hard to raise children by yourself, it is also very troublesome and difficult, but time will witness everything: no matter how hard you work, you will gain; the more you work, the more you will get, the less you will get, the less you will get, and you will get nothing if you don’t work!
“There are many benefits for grandparents to participate in the raising of grandchildren, but no one can replace the main responsibility of parents. A new folk song of intergenerational education is spread in Qingdao and other places: Mom gives birth, grandma raises, grandpa cooks every day In the market, parents surf the Internet when they come back, and grandparents come to enjoy it. This is obviously an abnormal state. First, the responsibilities of grandparents are greater than God, and overwork is harmful to health; second, parents are derelict in their duties and lose the opportunity for their own growth; third, parents and children. Alienation or even antagonism will become lifelong obstacles and troubles for both generations. Therefore, except for very special circumstances, the basic principles of family upbringing should be established, that is, parents cannot be absent, grandparents cannot be overstepped, and grandchildren cannot be lacking in love.” ? ——Sun Yunxiao
About the author: Zang Xiaoyun, female, born in February 1971, 49 years old, Aquarius, graduated from Northwest Normal University, majoring in English, with a bachelor's degree, and has been engaged in teaching English in primary and secondary schools for 26 years. Like reading and writing.