The film is like an autumn sonata, but it has a sad voice. ...
1. Who am I without a mirror?
At the beginning of the film, Eva describes it from her husband's point of view. He said that Eva would write in her novels that people must learn how to live. I practice every day, and the biggest obstacle is not knowing who I am. I groped in the dark. If someone can love me for who I really am, maybe I can understand myself, but the possibility is slim. ...
I don't know who you are. I was curious to see Eva write to invite her mother Charlotte to stay at her house. When they first met, both mother and daughter were very excited and hugged each other. Eva's light body, happy face and lively conversation with her husband all show how happy she is looking forward to this wonderful time with her mother.
Eva happily prepared dinner for three people with her husband. After dinner, Charlotte asked her daughter Eva to play a piano piece. Eva's beautiful piano vocal cords made Charlotte's thoughts wander and linger. ...
However, at the end of the performance, Charlotte criticized her daughter's performance in a critical and arrogant way. She even sat down to play again and showed it to Eva. The camera focuses on Eva staring at her mother's face, and her tears are mixed with shame, sadness and helplessness.
Self-psychology Hindes kohut famously said, "If you don't agree with it, I won't call it me." Your words and deeds can be reflected and seen by another person. When you see yourself in another person's eyes, what you see is appreciation, love and acceptance, thus slowly confirming the existence of "I".
Judging from Charlotte's evaluation of her daughter's performance, Eva's life has not been reflected, appreciated and affirmed by her mother Charlotte.
With the deepening of the plot, we will also find that Eva's emotions are not accepted by her mother.
Eva said, "I'm just a doll for my mother to relieve boredom in her spare time."
If I get sick and lose my temper, you will give me to the nanny.
You'll practice indoors, I'll sneak in while you're drinking coffee to confirm your existence,
You are always warm to me, but your heart is elsewhere.
I ask you questions, and you almost never answer them.
If "I" want to prove my existence, it is more important to be a psychological me than a physical one. Psychologically, I need to get some responses from the world and feel good, valuable and meaningful. Then my existence is important, which will make us live with self-esteem, self-worth and emotional stability. This part needs external people to give us a mirror, affirmation and love flow.
Without the mirror and emotional reaction of the nurturer, Eva groped for who she was in the dark.
Second, have I ever lived without a mirror?
In the film, in a conversation between Charlotte and Eva, Charlotte said that she could hardly remember anything about her childhood. She doesn't remember her parents touching her. They didn't touch her, whether for joy or punishment. She doesn't know everything she cares about. She loves, touches, is intimate and warm. ...
Margaret Mahler, a self-psychologist, described the theory of separation and individualization of babies. Although the baby was physically separated from her mother for two to six months, she still felt integrated with her mother psychologically, and needed a strong self to protect her turbulent physical experience, bring her a comfortable and harmonious feeling and make her stable. As the baby grows up, when playing, the mother will echo her, holding hands and pushing and pulling; When crying, the mother can feel the baby's sad mood and immediately hold her in her arms gently and carefully; When laughing, the mother will respond happily in time: "The baby is happy"; When crying, the mother conveyed her concern and love and said, "The baby is sad." When the mother responds to the child through nonverbal words, let the child look through the mother's eyes. Oh, I am like this. Thus, children's sense of self-body and emotional self-body begin to form from the attachment relationship between mother and baby. ?
However, in Charlotte's memory, there is no mother's appearance. All I vaguely remember are fragments of dark skin, thick lips and strong body. I can't piece these fragments together into a complete image of my mother.
Without the image of your parents, you can't confirm your existence at all. How do you put your pieces together? Charlotte will send out such feelings: when I wake up at night, I will doubt whether I have ever lived. Although my body and face are old, my heart has never lived. ...
Charlotte, who is also looking for herself, can prove herself alive again and again in her excellent piano performance and in everyone's appreciation and affirmation. In the process of pursuing love, Charlotte will be reflected in the intimate relationship to confirm that she is alive.
Have you ever cared about anyone except you?
At the beginning of the film, when mother and daughter meet again, Charlotte is eager to tell Eva how she spent the hard time before her second husband died. Eva comforted her mother tenderly. Charlotte accepts it like a baby, and cares only about her feelings like a baby, not asking her daughter Eva about her life for seven years.
Baby Charlotte is like an ancient self-object. She just wants the other person to meet her needs, regardless of her feelings. When Eva poured out her feelings for the dead child to her mother, Charlotte interrupted her coldly and impatiently and asked her to go out in the morning. ...
At the end of the film, Eva finally complained to her mother, "Have you ever cared about anyone but you?"
Babies are mixed with the world at first. In his feelings, I am the world and the world is me. I got what I wanted. I want to eat. When I cry, someone will bring it to my mouth. However, when the baby's demands are not seen by caregivers and responded in time, they are always ignored and misunderstood. With despair, the baby will slowly turn his attention back to himself.
The lack of fatherly love and maternal love made Charlotte's attention slowly return to herself.
She doesn't care about her daughter's needs, but treats her daughter according to her own ideas and conveys maternal love.
Eva complained, "You can't find anything better to do, and you will spend all your energy on me." ,
You think I spend too much time on my hair, so you cut my hair short. That hairstyle is terrible.
You think my teeth are crooked, so I have to wear braces.
You thought my clothes and skirts were for children, so you made me a skirt without asking me,
Love can't flow without being treated with respect. Eva felt that there was nothing to love and nothing to be accepted, so she hated everything about herself.
Fourth, the binary competitive relationship.
Charlotte, who has experienced unsafe attachment, still stays in the binary competitive relationship in Oedipus, and she can't enjoy the ternary multilateral relationship with her daughters.
Binary competition always brings envy and jealousy, and jealousy points to death ... In the description of the film, when Charlotte's youngest daughter Helena and her mother Charlotte fall in love with a man at the same time, Charlotte is actually aware of it. When the man finally left Helena and chose Charlotte, Helena was seriously ill, but Charlotte, as a mother, turned a blind eye to Helena and even thought she should have died. ...
In a clip in the film, when Eva tells Charlotte that she has brought Helena home to take care of her, Charlotte feels humiliated. She chose a red dress for dinner for a good reason, and then talked loudly and exaggeratedly on the phone. With all these practices, her mother Charlotte put herself in a competitive relationship with her daughters and could not share her love with them. ...
At the end of the film, Charlotte left the day after an emotional conflict with her daughter Eva. Eva wrote a letter to her mother with guilt, hoping to live in harmony with her mother. The child has always loved his mother in his heart. All she could do was continue to play songs associated with her mother's emotions, and the piano began to play again. ...
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