Whether a person can succeed or not has a lot to do with emotional intelligence and temper. The more incompetent people are, the easier they are to get emotional, and those who are good at controlling their emotions often don't mix too badly. The following article systematically tells the relationship between emotion and a person's success. If you control your emotions, you will be one step closer to a happy life and success.

Emotional chain effect

After a busy day outside, the man dragged his tired body home. Because the work is not smooth, he is in a super bad mood and wants to find some comfort at home. The man opened the door and saw that the food was ready. Women and children have been waiting for him to come back for dinner. They walked into the dining table and found that the food was not what they liked. In addition, they are in a bad mood and lose their temper immediately. They said to the woman, "Look what you are cooking, can you eat it!" " The atmosphere at home suddenly became tense.

The woman understands that it is not easy for her husband to support his family, and she does not refute it. She just asked the children to come over for dinner quickly. After dinner, the woman said to the child, "Do your homework quickly." Then she went to the kitchen to clean up. When the child was still watching TV after cleaning up, the woman said angrily to the child, "I didn't ask you to do your homework." Why don't you listen? Go! " . The child walked to his room with his head down, and the puppy lay quietly at the door of the room. When the child saw the puppy, he kicked it viciously, and the puppy ran away screaming.

The puppy is still wondering, thinking that I have provoked anyone! Hehe, I didn't expect that. Don't misunderstand me. This is a typical emotional chain reaction.

Consequences of losing your temper

Will men feel better after losing their temper? No, I'm in a worse mood Losing your temper will only make matters worse, making the originally harmonious family relationship tense, and the air is filled with gunpowder, which may be explosive at any time. It turned out that I was in a bad mood, and now the whole family is in a low mood and the irrelevant puppy has been kicked.

Consequences of losing your temper:

1, in a worse mood;

2. Family relations are tense;

3. Emotional contagion;

4. I have no mind to calm down and think about my work;

Why is the worse your ability, the bigger your temper?

In the field of brain science research, it is said that the cerebral cortex that dominates rational and logical thinking is usually activated last, and before that, the internal brain cells that control emotions have already been activated. Therefore, when an emotional attack occurs, the cerebral cortex that controls rational logic has insufficient blood supply and oxygen supply, so emotion controls the brain and is emotional.

I have no patience. I am really anxious about some things. What is the enemy of life growth in front of me? Don't say I didn't tell you, as the article said, I just want to go fishing with a hook. Impatient people often have a big temper, and sometimes I have a big temper. Alas, Amitabha, sin! Sin! There are also some people in life who lose their temper easily. The more they think about themselves and their understanding of anger, the easier it is for them to lose their temper.

People who are incapable of doing things have three characteristics:

1, no solution, only emotions. Dealing with problems with emotions will only get worse. Capable people don't waste time arguing, scolding and losing their temper, thinking that losing their temper is not an effective way to solve problems.

2. It's all someone else's fault. Even if he is wrong, he will pass the buck, plausibly, forget all the responsibilities, and his words are strongly offensive.

3, do not do things and love to be picky. I do nothing, but I always like to find fault with others, saying that others are either this or that, and I am always ready to have a war of words.

Anger is a sign of incompetence.

Wang Xiaobo has a famous saying: "All human sufferings are essentially anger at their incompetence." Similarly, people's anger is a sign of their incompetence.

1, can't satisfy yourself.

I can't get what I want and I can't do my job well. After more than ten years of graduation, my classmates are putting on airs, but I have accomplished nothing. What is more frightening is that I am not satisfied with the status quo. I feel that I am not as good as others. The more I think about it, the more anxious I am. The more I think about it, the more unbalanced I am, and gradually I feel wronged. I began to express my inner dissatisfaction with emotions by losing my temper and transfer my incompetence.

2, unable to control their emotions

The heart is very sensitive, but it is also very fragile. Now there is a popular saying called blx. When something happens, it is not calm, impulsive, and emotions may get out of control at any time. If anything goes wrong, it will explode immediately like gunpowder.

3, unable to communicate effectively

Irritable people often cannot communicate, and the only way to communicate is to make a hullabaloo about. They take it for granted that they are loud and fierce, and they want to eat you, which is a bit aggressive. The focus of the speech is not on the matter, discussing how to solve it and how to do it, but on accusations and personal attacks. And with hindsight, I won't remind you before I do it, because I don't have the ability, but after you finish it, he will point and say, "What did you do early?" Why don't you think about it?

4, unable to train subordinates

Some people have strong personal abilities, but they often lose their temper with their subordinates because the things assigned to them are not done well. As long as the subordinates do something wrong, the anger will come up immediately, and they will be criticized and scolded. These words are full of blame. "How easy it is, it can't be done. Do you need me to teach you? " ! Haier CEO has a saying that "the quality of employees is the quality of leaders". This kind of leader who always loses his temper with employees doesn't know that the incompetence of employees is the result of his poor teaching and won't train subordinates.

5, unable to win * * *

Self-centered behavior, others have to help, take care of, understand and make allowance for themselves. From the heart, they think that they are the object of protection and take others' help for granted. Once they don't help and don't understand themselves, they begin to get emotional. They never think that if they don't help themselves, they may be busy and have no time to take care of themselves. There is such a person in the team, who is the object of care of others, and it is very difficult for him to pay for others.

6. Can't find the meaning of work

I don't want to do anything at work. When the leader gives me some work, I complain. As soon as the leader left, I began to scold my parents. Do you have such people around you? This kind of people are impatient with customers, indifferent and mean-talking, because they vent their complaints about not doing things on customers.

7. go looking for trouble

Anyone who has worked in the service industry knows that some people are just very unruly and find fault with their eggs. This is not good, and that is not good. You always make a hullabaloo about asking you to call the manager. Alas, it's really speechless to meet such a person.

Personality characteristics of people who like to lose their temper.

People who love to lose their temper have some characteristics. I will list them briefly. If you find such personality characteristics around you, you can avoid them. You don't have to waste time and energy arguing with each other. Improving your ability is the most important thing, there is no need to argue. If you are strong, no words can hurt you.

1, self

I am the sun, and everyone should revolve around me, making me happy, not making myself happy and uncomfortable. Self-esteem is very strong, but there is also some inferiority. I wrapped myself in an emotional coat to prevent my fragile heart from being hurt.

2. Poor endurance

I feel great joy and great sorrow, and I feel great when I meet happy things, but when I encounter difficult things and some resistance, my heart collapses immediately, just like the man who went home to take it out on his wife when he was unhappy at work, and the closer he got, the more he vented it.

Step 3: Pulse

If you are not calm, you will vent your anger and only care about your own happiness. No one can stop you when you are strong, and you will not consider other people's feelings.

4. Can't communicate

Can't say something calmly, just criticize others, but don't point out what's wrong and how to do it. When I first had a child, the child was disobedient. I always yell at him. Later, I found that the child's temper was getting bigger and bigger. After reflection, I feel that I have done something wrong and have no patience to teach. Emotions are contagious, especially for children. Losing one's temper has a bad influence on children. If you keep losing your temper with your children, they will become impatient and willful. When your children are disobedient, you need to be careful.

5. Too quick-tempered

I want to get everything done at once, and if I can't lose my temper, I will come up.

How to get along with people with a big temper?

I think the best way to get along with people with bad temper is to avoid and take a step back when you find a quarrel. Retreat is not blindly forbearing, but the best way to deal with it. People with bad temper have one characteristic. The noisier they are, the more aggressive they are. Finally, I am in a bad mood and have no intention to do things. Have you ever had such an experience that after a big fight, you may not be in the mood to do anything all day? Therefore, when encountering an argument, it is best to avoid it, give up the argument, and don't waste time on unnecessary arguments.

How to control your emotions?

For a country, the most taboo is the ups and downs of the economy. The adjustment in the middle will involve too much energy. For individuals, we should avoid big mood swings. Emotional adjustment will consume too much willpower to concentrate on important things.

To control emotions, we should avoid the effects of "so what" and "ironic rebound".

1, the effect of "so what"

The "So What" effect was first put forward by diet researcher Janet Polivi and Peter Hermann, which mainly described the vicious circle from indulgence, regret to more serious indulgence. Dieters may all have this experience. In order to control their weight, they often try to start by refusing food and not eating those tempting high-sugar and high-fat foods, but everyone will miss a bite because of the temporary food temptation, and the whole weight loss plan will be ruined. After eating, I thought that my weight loss plan failed again, and my mood suddenly fell to the extreme. I think, "So what?" In my heart. Anyway, I've already eaten, so why bother yourself? Because life is too short to comfort myself.

The same is true of losing your temper. After losing your temper, you will feel very sorry. The more I think about it, the worse I feel. At this time you will say, "So what?" Anyway, your temper is long gone, and the worse your mood, the more likely it is to make your temper worse.

Too much remorse and guilt after losing your temper will not only fail, but will lead us into a vicious circle. The effect of "so what" is a bit self-defeating. Anyway, it's already like this. Let's break the jar and break it.

2. "ironic rebound"

There is a "white bear" experiment in psychology. The experiment clearly told the participants, "Please don't think about the white bear for the next five minutes". At the end of the experiment, participants began to vomit. The less they think about the white bear, the more it haunts their minds. They just started thinking about other things, but soon their attention returned to the white bear.

The same is true in life. The more you don't let others do something, the more others want to do it. If you don't let them do it, I will do it secretly. The more I don't want to lose my temper, the more I control and suppress my temper

Therefore, to avoid being emotional, we should take appropriate measures without losing our temper. To effectively avoid emotionalization, we must fully understand and recognize emotions, admit that emotions are part of ourselves, and do not excessively exclude and suppress emotions. Just like stuttering, the more you don't want to stutter, the more you stutter. Just acknowledge it, acknowledge it as a part of yourself, acknowledge it and accept it, and your heart will relax. The more relaxed you are, the smoother you will speak. Overcoming any shortcomings is accomplished through three steps: identification, recognition and correction.

How to control emotions effectively?

1, understand emotions

I have read a lot of western books recently, and the subjects such as psychology, sociology, economics and management are really good. But the more I read western books, the more I think the traditional culture of China is very important. For example, in Sun Tzu's Art of War, when facing the enemy, you don't fight as soon as you come up, but you need to know each other before you can defeat it. Controlling emotions and understanding them is the first step.

Emotion is the external expression of human experience. Emotion is constantly optimized in the long-term evolution of human beings. The right emotion allows human beings to survive. If we see a tiger that doesn't know how to be afraid, we will definitely die. People are emotional animals, lovers will feel happy, but feelings are a double-edged sword, which will harm others and themselves if used improperly. Have feelings and emotions, but not emotional, and do things without emotions.

Step 2 identify emotions

When you want to lose your temper, feel your body, whether your heart beats faster, whether your hands are shaking, and feel your heart. You are in a bad mood, crazy inside, and angry like a volcano about to erupt. Feel your body and mind, do not exclude or suppress your emotions, and try to recognize them. Accept it and recognize it, so that there will be no "ironic rebound" effect.

3. Overcome your temper

Studies show that anger lasts less than 12 seconds, just like a storm, which destroys everything when it breaks out, but then returns to calm. Therefore, it is very important to spend this critical 12 second and let the anger disappear naturally. Admit anger, but don't take action. When you want to lose your temper, you have to wait 12 seconds. What you have to do is take a deep breath, focus on breathing, recognize the feeling of anger, and imagine that anger is exhaled bit by bit.

Step 4 relocate

When you want to lose your temper, you should turn your attention to things, think about how to solve things effectively, and focus on solving things instead of how you felt at that time. Focusing on emotions will only make things more difficult or delay.