Simply put, people need to balance the following three elements in their own structure:
"Being seen" (mirror empathy, similar to Winnicott's "Good enough mother" for children to experience);
Have an idol that you can look up to (idealized empathy, that is, in the process of self-growth, there are self-ideals that can be imitated and recognized);
Establish a sense of similarity between oneself and idols (twin empathy, that is, children internalize the characteristics of idols and become part of themselves).
Not just looking up, not just "idolizing". More importantly, it can internalize the similar inner qualities of these "idols", stimulate their hidden energy, let this seed take root bit by bit, and gradually begin to have its own strength.
I prefer to regard "internalization" as an "awakening" to awaken the sleeping power inside. "Idol" is like a lighthouse, illuminating its own direction.
Therefore, in this relationship, there is less inferiority and more equality and self-confidence.
This conclusion is in line with the point I mentioned in the article "Face Gu Ailing"! It's just that people use more appropriate language to describe it, which makes me amazed! )
We need to be "seen", we need to have a "self-ideal" to look up to, we need to internalize the inner qualities of these ideal people and become a part of ourselves, but more importantly, on this basis, we can stimulate our creativity and form our own unique vision and taste.
If so, we no longer need to be influenced by the external evaluation system in the fierce competition, we are our own sequence and ranking.
Life is a journey of self-realization. Everyone has their own starting point and ending point of ta. When we can look back from the external pursuit to the internal exploration and growth, we will start our own blooming journey.
(Gu Ailing herself is quite sober in this world, and this kind of sobriety is not artificial at all, which belongs to her natural quality from the inside out. On the contrary, many marketing numbers began to sell anxiety and sing down ordinary people. There are high and low realms. Recently, my counselor was also talking to me about the subject and object, and I happened to meet such a good article, which inspired me. What luck! I only extracted the parts that are in tune with my article. The full text of Simple Psychology is more exciting, and those who are interested can move to the full text ~)