Why do couples quarrel? You can't say that he or she doesn't understand love, because different people have different experiences and different ideas about this fantastic thing. Bloggers believe that everyone knows what love is, but some people will write it on their faces, some people will bury it in their hearts, some people have met it, and some people are still waiting. Bloggers believe that the biggest reason for couples to quarrel is that two people in love forget the love they are experiencing. At present, human fireworks cover up the romance of distant piano, chess, calligraphy, painting and poetry, arguing about right and wrong on issues, right and wrong on choices, competitive on positions, and arguing about how much to pay ... The quarrel was formed in countless struggles. Love is gradually like a negotiation, but love is never a negotiation. Lovers, two people who are partners, are fresh and independent. Even if the three views are consistent and the days are long, who can guarantee that there will be no differences because of trivial matters? Back to what I mentioned in my first article, because of the information asymmetry between the two sides, two people have different ideas, but want to have the same result. A negotiation between you and me has begun.
For example, in a true story known by a blogger, Xiao Li and Chen Xiao are a couple. They were very young when they met, maybe they had feelings at that time, but they were never together. It was not until later, after an accidental opportunity, that they discovered that they had missed each other for many years and were still the same. They have known each other for many years, from friends to lovers, from acquaintance to acquaintance, from acquaintance to love, and they have always been very harmonious. However, everything changed because of one thing-Xiaoli's 30th birthday. 30 years old-the legendary age for men and women to marry. Xiaoli is 30 years old. She wants to have a home. As the saying goes, a man stands at thirty. However, for Chen Xiao, 30 years old is the rising period of his career, and he is still accumulating. For him, marriage is not ready. The 30-year-old expectation met the 30-year-old waiting, and two trembling hearts were polarized. From Xiao Li's standpoint, she wants Chen Xiao to believe that marriage means the birth of a family. A family only has their home, and it will become a safe harbor and their home. However, Chen Xiao thinks he can't afford the rest of Xiaoli's life now. He feels that he is not good enough, not good enough, and not enough to give the woman he loves a home. But what he doesn't understand is that Xiaoli doesn't care about this at all, and the two are caught in an endless quarrel. They have a dispute about marriage. They argue about the future; They had an argument about life. A small quarrel in three days and a big quarrel in five days have gradually become their normal state. Xiaoli complains about Chen Xiao's stubbornness and selfishness, Chen Xiao is sad, Xiaoli doesn't understand, and their information is asymmetric. I want to convince each other with my own point of view and defend my own ideas from my own point of view, but no one can convince anyone. Over time, expressing your opinions and falling in love has become a series of negotiations, and quarrels are inevitable.
Love is not negotiation! It's not that I can pursue it further if you take a step back. When you encounter differences and different opinions, it is important to express your thoughts, but you must not impose your thoughts on others or force others with other attitudes. Confucius said, "Don't do to others what you don't want others to do to you." I know all the reasons, but when it comes to this kind of thing, there is no reasonable stimulus in my mind, only he (she) does not understand my anger and disappointment. In the end, it seems that I don't love, but I love deeply and deeply, but because of the information asymmetry between the two sides, how deep I love, how painful I hate. For the occurrence of this situation, bloggers give the following opinions:
1. First of all, it is important for both sides to be honest with each other. What is the key point to grasp the differences together?
You need to make clear your position and attitude, even your concerns. Don't be subtle, try to let the other person guess. The most accurate information about you should be obtained from your confession.
3. From the other person's point of view, understand and be considerate of other people's ideas, and never just consider your own ideas and goals. Everyone has different positions, different starting points and different issues to consider, so solving the quarrel between you is to solve the problem from the root.
4. "Take a step back and broaden the horizon." This is a famous saying.