Distance is a kind of beauty and a kind of protection. Friends need to keep a certain distance. No matter what kind of friends you are and how close you are, distance is so important. Friends need to manage with care and have certain artistry. Not preaching, but having personal experience.
Don't pay too much attention to a friend, whether he is a boyfriend or a girlfriend, otherwise the other person will feel great pressure and will be overwhelmed by your attention, but you can't be too negligent, too negligent, and there may be no more contact. Some friends, if you attach too much importance to him, will make him feel tired to make friends with you, just because you attach too much importance to him, will make him feel stressed and make himself very hard.
No matter between friends or lovers, the feelings for each other are definitely unequal. There will always be one who pays more, and the vulnerable one is often the one who pays more. Therefore, many times now, when I get along with my friends, I will tell myself to control my efforts so that my friends and I will not be hurt. So I won't force others now, and I will try not to bring pressure to others.
If friends keep this safe distance, they can cooperate well and gain mutual respect. This safe distance can avoid people's jealousy and nervousness and make their lives easier and more interesting.
When a good carpenter teaches his apprentice to work, there is a mantra: "Pay attention, leave a gap." Woodworking pays attention to the appropriate density, and should not be sparse, otherwise it will be easy to disperse. Nowadays, when many people decorate their houses, the wooden floor often cracks or bulges because it is too tight. A clever decorator knows how to leave gaps properly and leave enough space for the combined materials to avoid such problems.
In life, even the best friends should have their own psychological space. In addition, people are more exposed to colleagues, bosses, ordinary people and so on. People who are not familiar with them. Without a safe self-space, anyone will feel invisible pressure and fear.
Misunderstandings, disputes and conflicts of interest between people are not caused by alienation between people, on the contrary, they are caused by being too close. Drivers and friends all know that to avoid collisions, we should pay attention to the distance between cars. Similarly, in interpersonal relationships, keeping a proper distance from others is the last evasive means to avoid conflicts.
Moreover, if you keep a certain distance from others, you won't spend a lot of time participating in some annoying social activities, and you don't have to take care of face and personal gains and losses in front of others, let alone try to figure out what others say about you.
In fact, being a man and dealing with the world, just like the principle of carpentry, pay attention to "leaving a gap." Communicating with others requires mutual tolerance and sharing-including emotions, including enduring all the shortcomings of the other party, but it is difficult for a person to do this. If we call each other brothers, call each other brothers, and get too close to each other, sooner or later our relationship will break down and even become enemies.
What needs special attention is that in a unit, small groups such as "ten sisters" and "myna" should not be formed. This is the "cronyism" hated by emperors of all ages, which seriously threatened the authority of the emperor. The political instability in many dynasties was due to "nepotism".
Such a small group in a unit is also a threat to the boss; Moreover, it will be disgusted and rejected by other colleagues; Moreover, no matter how strong the fortress is, it sometimes collapses and often breaks from the inside. Instead of ending up in despair, it is better to stick to the original "semi-sugar doctrine"-a little intimacy and mutual concern, but not too intimate and will not interfere in other people's private space.
A psychologist has done such an experiment. In a large reading room that just opened the door, when there was only one reader in it, the psychologist went in and took a chair and sat next to him or her. The experiment was conducted for a total of 80 people. It turns out that in an empty reading room with only two readers, no one can stand sitting next to a stranger.
Generally speaking, the interpersonal relationship and situation of both sides determine the scope of their self-space.
Dr Edward Twitchell Hall Jr has divided four areas or distances, all of which are commensurate with each other.
First, the intimate distance: that is, we often say "intimacy", and its intimate range is about 50 cm.
Physical contact may take the form of arm in arm or heart-to-heart conversation, but it still shows a close and friendly relationship.
Second, personal distance: this is the distance between people slightly less than the appropriate limit, and there is less direct physical contact.
The personal distance is between 46 ~ 122 cm, just enough to shake hands and have a friendly conversation. This is a space for interacting with acquaintances.
Third, social distance: it reflects a more formal relationship in social or etiquette.
Its close range is 1.2 ~ 2. 1 m, showing a more formal communication relationship. Unit leaders often use wide desks and put visitors' seats at a distance from the desks, so that they can keep a certain distance when talking with visitors.
For example, negotiations between enterprises or countries, job interviews, and thesis defense between professors and college students. , often across a table or keep a certain distance, which adds a solemn atmosphere.
Public distance: This is the distance between the speaker and the audience in public speech.
Its close range is about 3.7 ~ 7.6 meters, which is an "open door" space that can accommodate almost everyone. The communication in this space is mostly public speaking and the like. Different countries, different nationalities and different cultural backgrounds have different communication distances. This gap is caused by people's different understanding of "self", so we should grasp the appropriate communication distance and achieve good communication effect.
Benjamin Disraeli, a British politician and writer, once famously said, "There are no eternal enemies, no eternal friends, only eternal interests." The reason why friends can't last forever is because we can't help but do all the good things and leave no room for friendship.
Two people are like two railway tracks, and they can only go far if they are parallel to each other. Your heart is completely open and it is easy to catch a cold. Revealing the secrets of the heart to the wicked will become a handle in his hand; Showing it to a good person will become a mental burden for the other person, because he needs to keep his mouth shut for you.