“Who can avoid being stabbed in the world? Baituoshan bone-strengthening powder has miraculous effects both internally and externally. After being stabbed, I still want to use it again

After the second stab, I dodge and eat a pack, and I will live to be 200 without looking old. Baituoshan Bone Strengthening Powder, the powder of youth, the powder of friendship,

The designated nutritional supplement of Huashan Lunjian, this town. It is sold in all major pharmacies and hospitals. When purchasing, please look for the black toad anti-counterfeiting mark.

Croak, croak..."

Hand over the rotten eggs and release the hostages... ...

“It’s only when you reach the top of the mountain that you realize that there are only a few steps between the wrong road and the right road”

“Sometimes catching a thief is that simple”

Lu Xiucai: I stabbed you once and you said four words. I stabbed you twice and you said 36,000 words. Why?

Guo Furong:...

Lu Xiucai: When I stabbed you with the first sword, you said, "My hero, spare your life." When I stabbed you with the second sword, you said, "Thirty-six thousand." A thousand words”!

The people inside listen, hand over the stinky tofu and release the hostages! ! !

"Ah, my blazing biceps~~~!!"

God of Thieves: Are you such a thief? He helped others clean up the house after stealing something

Thief Saint (White): Is it okay if I don’t clean up? What if people want to follow the footprints?

God of Thieves: Now that you have the thing, how many days will you play with it and send it back to others?

Thief Saint: Can it be done without sending it back? Don’t worry if you lose something!

"Do you think I love money so much?"

"You are!"

"I'm ashamed"

"It's good to be ashamed"

"Be ashamed and happy"

Mo Xiaobei: Just let me die!

Boss's wife: I want to die ?! Let’s talk after we finish studying!

Xiaomi: What are you doing?

Passerby: One penny.

Xiaomi: Do you know what day it is today?

Passerby: ...

Xiaomi: Today is the fifteenth day of the lunar month. The first and fifteenth day of the lunar month are beggars’ holidays. Here you go.

The next day, Xiaomi met a passerby again

Xiaomi: Return my money

Passerby: Don’t you want it?

Xiaomi: Yesterday It’s fifteen, today is sixteen and I’m going to work

Xiaomi: Beggars also have dignity

Xiaomi: Why are you grabbing my bowl

Lao Bai: Nonsense. You are the only one who robs you on the road.

What Li Dazui said when he was scolding him was quite funny,

His mother: I eat more salt than you. There’s still a lot of rice~!

Li Dazui: That’s because you are too harsh~! ~

His mother: I have crossed more bridges than you have walked! ~

Li Dazui: That’s because I’m too lazy to move~! ~!

Guo Furong praised Xing Captou: He is truly the tyrant of Qixia Town~!

Li Dazui: Who is that mother?

When Lu Xiucai was practicing collecting debts from Guo Furong, he said to himself:

Xiao Guo, how are you doing lately? If you have any difficulties, just say it,

If there are no difficulties, just say it if you create difficulties~! ~!

Are you sure and sure? (Guo Furong)

Xiaobei made three clay figurines

One is named Zhang Fei, one is named Yue Fei, and the other is Call me Faye Wong

The explosive PK scene between Furong and Xiucai:

Furong: Suppose I can slap you to death with three palms. With each slap, you will scream "heroine" "Spare your life", then I would like to ask: How many words do you want to say before you die?

Xiucai: I refuse to answer this question.

Furong: That counts as an automatic forfeit.

Scholar: Scream 3 times, 4 words each time, 12 words per sentence.

Furong: Wrong! It’s 9 characters!

Scholar: Why?

Furong: With the first palm, there are four words, "The heroine has mercy on her life"; with the second palm, there are eight words, "The heroine has mercy on her life"; with the third palm, you will die immediately, you He only said one word "ah", 8 1 = 9.

Question: Why did you rob him?

Answer: Is there anyone else on the street at this late hour?

Question: Why did you grab his bowl?

Answer: Does he have anything else?

Exhibition hall: Acting school? ! Do you think I'm an actor? ! ! Isn't this a curse? ! ! I'm an idol! ! !

Capture Xing: Where is the scene? Where is the body? Witnesses, physical evidence, temporary residence permit...= =!!

Lu Xiucai: What can I do?

The landlady looked at him and said: Just live a good life.

Then he pointed to the counter and said: Stand there and don’t move.

Lu Xiucai: Why?

Boss lady: Save your energy and eat less.

Lu Xiucai immediately ran to the counter, expressionless and motionless.

And today, Lao Bai and Xing Baotou are acting cool.

Lao Bai: "Where is your knife?"

Xing Baotou: "There is no knife in the hand, but there is a knife in the heart."

Lao Bai: "Wrong Well, the highest state is to have no knife in your hand and no knife in your heart."

Then the two got into a stance - rock, paper, scissors!

Xing Baotou lost and protested: "Didn't you say that there is no knife in your hand and no knife in your heart?"

Lao Bai: "Yes, these are scissors, not a knife." ! ”

Bai Zhantang’s hair-flipping action is so funny

“I am a young master, and I have to run errands!” I tossed my head and went out (attracting customers~)

You have to take 10 baths a month, how many times a year?

120 times.

Wrong

Why?

You are not allowed to take a bath during the first month of the year

Seeing you acting like this makes me want to be savage~~

Do you need to pay for the travel expenses?

No, the court provides subsidies every year

What story are Xiao Guo and the landlady making up? Lao Xing pointed at his head seriously: "Look at what this is?"

"...Yes...It's your head..."

"Yes! But there is no water in it!"

Grave robber: We are human beings too! We also need recognition, and we also need awards! ! !

Not to mention being in charge of the door, even being in charge of the window is not enough! !

You really can’t help Adou

Who is Adou?

From Shuixuli, General 109

Do you know that her face, her rapid changes, and her acting skills are among the people I have seen in my life? , only Qingxia and Manyu can compete with them."

Then it must be her abnormal performance, Qingxia Manyu's super-level performance..."

Xiaoqiang is not like her. Strong~~

——I have good news and bad news. Which one should I listen to first?

——Good news.

——I will not pursue this matter anymore.

—What about the bad news?

——You have to give me 20 taels of silver. . . . .

Just wait and say goodbye to your beautiful buttocks... = =!!

Zhantang: I'm fine, Thirteen Taibao golden bell, What I practice is my butt...

It’s great to act like this! How can there be a good actor with this idea!

Tong: If a person makes me grateful, I will give up my life. Leave it to him; if a person moves me, I will leave myself to him!

Bai: OK, Xiaoguo, have you learned how to embroider penguins?

Tong: That is Mandarin duck!!

The first couplet of Xiao Guo's Spring Festival couplets: After the Year of the Monkey, it is the Year of the Rooster

The second couplet: After the Year of the Rooster, it is the Year of the Dog

Horizontal comment: Mixed A year is a year!

Scholar: Then why don’t you let me write Spring Festival couplets?

Boss lady: Your handwriting is too thin and not festive. I will let you write it again on Qingming Festival!

Xiao Guo: Do ??you choose the person who likes you, or the person you like?

Boss lady: Are you tired of watching?

Xiao Guo: You must choose what you like!

Boss lady (sorry): Did you see it?

Xiao Guo: Because no one likes you!

Explanation: The top master Ji Wuming wanted to kill the scholar, but the scholar told him to die...

Ji Wuming (hereinafter referred to as Ji): How do you want to die, I will help you.

Xiucai: Wait, you can kill me, but you have to explain first, whose hands will I die in?

Ji: Nonsense, me.

Scholar: I... am... who...

Ji: How do I know who you are?

Xiucai (laughing): Here comes the problem.

Ji (confused): What do you mean?

Xiucai: This has to start with the relationship between man and the universe. There has always been a problem haunting you.

Ji: What do you mean?

Scholar: Who am I?

Ji: I already know this.

Xiucai: No, you don’t know. You know, who are you? Is Ji Wuming? No, it's just a name, a code name. You can call me Ji Wuming, I can also call you Ji Wuming, they can both. After taking away the code name, who are you?

Ji: I don’t know, and I don’t need to know.

Xiucai: Okay, okay, then you can answer another question for me: Who am I?

Ji: This question has already been asked.

Scholar: No, I just asked about the self, and now I ask about the self.

Ji: Is there any difference?

Xiucai: For example, when I use my code name to have a conversation, your code name is also me. What does this mean? Does this mean that you are me and I am you...

Ji: This question makes no sense.

Xiucai: Let me ask a few meaningful questions. Where did I come from in life and where will I go in death? Why should I appear in this world? What does my presence mean to the world? Did the world choose me, or did I choose the world?

Ji: That’s enough...!

Scholar: Is there an inevitable connection between me and the universe? Is there an end to the universe? Is there a length of time? Where does the past time disappear? Where does future time stop? Is the question I raise at this moment the same question you mentioned just now?

Ji (head is so big): I will kill you!

The scholar shouted: Who killed me, and who did I kill?

Ji (stunned): Did I kill me?

Scholar: The answer is correct! Let’s do it!

As a result, Ji Wuming, a generation of top masters, died like this.