That's true. Love begins with two people knowing each other and goes on step by step. It takes a process and time to get better and better. When two people are willing to work together and strive for the same goal, their feelings will get better and better, and they will have the opportunity to enter marriage. Marriage needs mutual support.
Although many marriages are developed from love, marriage is different from love because it involves many practical problems.
In contrast, love is more idealistic, while marriage is more realistic. Therefore, if you want a better marriage, you need both husband and wife to share joys and sorrows.
In real life, there are also model couples who can do this. Tony Leung Ka Fai and Jiang Jianian, for example, are good examples.
Speaking of Tony Leung Ka Fai, we can't help but think of his outstanding performance in the Hong Kong film "92 92 Legend Black Rose". His handsome appearance has attracted the attention of many audiences, and there are not a few suitors around him. But in the seductive atmosphere of the entertainment circle, he can still love his first wife, Jiang Jianian.
And his wife, Jiang Jianian, was also a great beauty when she was young, and she also appeared in Listening to Politics. When I met Tony Leung Ka Fai, my career had developed well. But at that time, Tony Leung Ka Fai was snowed in for various social reasons, which led to unemployment. At this time, Jiang Jianian expressed deep sympathy for what happened to Tony Leung Ka Fai. He also offered to introduce him to work and invited him to play a radio drama. One to two, two people came together and entered the marriage hall.
After marriage, Tony Leung Ka Fai was poor for a long time, but Jiang Jianian didn't abandon her. She was still trying not to hurt her husband's self-esteem. Tony Leung Ka Fai didn't let his wife down. Later, he participated in many famous movies and TV series and gained great popularity. When Tony Leung Ka Fai was successful in her official career, she didn't expect to dump her wife and find a younger woman. I love my wife and family as always. In this way, the marriage between Tony Leung Ka Fai and kind and considerate Jiang Jianian became better and better, which became a much-told story.
You see, a happy relationship really needs both sides to share joys and sorrows. The word "share weal and woe" looks simple and easy to say, but it is not easy to do it.
This requires the joint efforts of both husband and wife, not the blind request of one of them.
What's more, marriage is not only a matter for two people, but also a matter for two families. Only when two families respect each other and support each other can we really share joys and sorrows. But in real life, many people still don't understand this truth. Some people, instead of making contributions, ask each other to make sacrifices for their families in the name of sharing weal and woe, which eventually leads to emotional breakdown.
Xiaolan's marriage also ended. Her husband is a "brother's helper" and has been asking Xiaolan to make sacrifices for his brother for many years. In the end, Xiaolan can't stand it.
The so-called "helping the devil" is a word that has multiplied with the emergence of online buzzwords. It means that even if you get married and have children, you should dedicate yourself to your younger brother. The concept of "you only have one younger brother, you must be kind to him" was instilled by adults since childhood, which led to blind doting on your younger brother in adulthood.
In recent years, with the marriage of only children born in 1980s and 1990s, few brothers and sisters are parents. Occasionally, a family is not an only child, and it is understandable that brothers and sisters have deep feelings. However, everything is measured, and it is not good to overdo some things.
Xiaolan's husband obviously didn't grasp this degree.
Xiaolan is an ordinary city girl. She is the only child in the family, but she is not spoiled. Her parents are both company employees, and their family's economic conditions are acceptable, not rich but not lacking. This family is not vain people. They all think it's good to have enough food, clothing, housing and transportation. They don't pursue famous brands and keep up with others.
But her husband's conditions are relatively average. In college, because his family was poor, he could only study while working. In order to save money, he even only eats steamed bread and free soup every meal. Although life is hard, Xiaolan's husband studies very hard and his grades are among the best in his class.
Xiaolan also noticed him because of this. Xiaolan thinks that such a boy doesn't complain in desperation and is eager to change his destiny through hard work, which is really admirable. I was deeply attracted by him. The two gradually communicated, and in the long run, both sides had feelings.
Xiaolan and her husband together, only to know that her husband is the boss of the family, there is a younger brother below. His mother is ill all the year round, and the whole family depends on his father's meager income, which makes the family bear a heavy burden. In order to relieve her husband's pressure, Xiaolan rarely spends the man's money when she is in love, and even encourages her husband to send all the money earned from part-time jobs home, and then spend it together with the living expenses.
The husband is also very grateful to Xiaolan's practice, and he is always gentle and considerate to Xiaolan. Xiaolan, who has never been in love, was carried away by love and married him as soon as she graduated.
When she got married, Xiaolan didn't ask for the bride price. After marriage, she found a decent job for her husband through her relationship. At first, her husband was very grateful to her, her parents-in-law liked her very much, and her brother-in-law admired this sister-in-law. Xiaolan is very happy to see her husband's family getting better and better. Even if a large part of the expenses after marriage needs to be borne by herself, she is innocent and has no complaints, thinking that life will always get better.
However, this poverty-stricken marriage is like a bottomless pit, constantly devouring Xiaolan's energy and money.
Although Xiaolan never disliked her husband and never took the initiative to mention her difficulties, as time went on, she gradually felt that her husband's contribution to her was taken for granted. Once she failed to meet her husband's requirements, he would complain.
For example, she reminded her husband not to give all his salary to his in-laws' family, but also to keep part of it to meet the expenses at home. Her husband always said that the family needed money badly and felt Xiaolan was too stingy. Or, the husband's younger brother can't find a job and has no place to live in the city. He always stays at home for ten days and a half months. Although Xiaolan received it with great care, her husband still felt dissatisfied.
What really made Xiaolan suspicious was that she found that her husband was unwilling to spend money on daily expenses and never let Xiaolan interfere in his salary. Xiaolan is responsible for her husband's food, clothing, housing and transportation, as well as places where he can basically spend money. Her husband doesn't even care about such a trivial matter as water, electricity and gas. Occasionally, when my husband helps me buy things, he will try his best to avoid them, either saying that he can't get away from working overtime or simply saying that he won't buy them.
Once or twice at first, Xiaolan still felt nothing. Later, she felt more and more wrong. Until she saw a WeChat on her husband's mobile phone, which read: "When will I pay back the 50,000 yuan I borrowed last time? I am short of money for the New Year. "
I just asked my husband why he borrowed money for no reason. The husband faltered and explained, "If my brother wanted to buy a wedding room for his wife, I lent him some." Xiaolan was a little surprised and asked, "What about your salary before? Isn't it enough? " Husband said, "It's not cheap enough to buy a house now." Xiaolan asked again, "How much did you borrow?" The husband confessed: "In addition to this 50,000, I also borrowed 200,000."
Xiaolan suddenly felt very dizzy. She was newly married and inexplicably in debt. She shouted angrily, "You are really good. You only have eyes for your brother. I want to see what you can return! " The husband is also anxious: "What? Are you going to let me pay back the money alone? We are both married, so I think we have to pay back the money together. " Xiaolan is even more angry: "Is it to buy a house for your brother or to buy a house for my brother? Why should I help you pay back the money? "
The husband added, "I told you, share joys and sorrows." Why are you so realistic now? " Xiaolan finally unbearable, replied: "This kind of joys and sorrows, you go to find someone else. I have never borrowed a penny from anyone in my life, and I won't help you pay it back now. We are not suitable at all. I think we should divorce. " As a result, a family that was supposed to be happy was broken.
Indeed, this unequal marriage will not last long. Xiaolan is bent on being kind to her husband, understanding him in life and giving him financial support. In return, she got her husband's inaction and increasing demands. Even in the end, she asked Xiaolan to pay back the money for her brother on the grounds that "husband and wife should share joys and sorrows".
Xiaolan's husband, as the head of the family, does not take the family seriously, taking advantage of his wife and subsidizing his younger brother. Not only did he not discuss it, but he also deliberately concealed it. This behavior is not only disrespectful to his wife, but also irresponsible to his family.
In my opinion, parents have raised themselves, and filial piety is also appropriate. It is normal for brothers and sisters to be given appropriate help when they are in trouble.
However, it is not advisable for the husband to take over the responsibility of subsidizing family of origin, and even if he can't afford it, it is not advisable to ask his wife to share the responsibility in another way.
Once a person gets married and has his own marriage, he should put his small family first. No matter what the situation of family of origin is, we should draw a proper line with it.
What's more, sharing weal and woe means that both sides share weal and woe. How can you blindly ask the other person to bear the pain that should not belong to him, and not enjoy the happiness that should belong to him?
Whoever it is, husband or wife. You can't use this as an excuse to hold each other hostage and pay too much for your family. You know, when you take care of your brothers and sisters, you are a husband and wife. Only by making this clear can we really share joys and sorrows and move towards a happy marriage.