The "fairy" knows what she wants, what she doesn't want, and what is more important to her. What belongs to them will be firmly in their own hands, and no one can take it away. Once you see the happiness you want, you can seize it, and you rarely miss it. ...

Chapter 1 Woman 30, know what is more important 1. Don't be a goddess of dedication.

Women should never "give" to the end at any time, never say silly things like "I love you more than myself", and never think that love is "giving" with all one's strength. A woman's wisdom lies in her eternal attraction to him, which does not come from dedication, but from her concern and love for herself.

The spirit of "dedication" is worth promoting, because as long as there is more love, the world will be better. A woman with the spirit of "dedication" is beautiful, just like Mother Teresa, who is known as the "living saint" in the slums. She has been helping the poor all her life. In fact, she is also a poor person. Her life is unpretentious. Where she lives, the only electrical appliance is a telephone. She only wears three sets of clothes, and she changed them herself. She only wears sandals, not socks ... In people's hearts, she is the most beautiful and holy goddess.

However, in this world, more women are ordinary and ordinary. They won't be the second Mother Teresa, but they just know "dedication", especially the 30-year-old women. They gave all their love to their husbands and children. They think that love is "dedication" and needs "sacrifice", and that this is a "good woman".

We can't deny the goodness of a "good woman", but the good "price" is to lose yourself and lose yourself. So many "good women" have become poor "dissatisfied women" who have been abandoned. Don't blame all the responsibilities on men's lack of conscience and ingratitude. More factors are that you are lost by dedication.

Not everyone can contribute without asking for anything in return. Even parents who love their children unconditionally hope to get something in return from their children. This is the real life. Falling in love with someone is the same. When you give, you want to get something in return. Once you can't get it, you will complain, feel psychologically unbalanced, and feel that it is not worth paying so much. More importantly, when you lose your original charm because of giving, you are in danger of losing him.

When Wen Juan was in college, she met a boy who was two years older than her, and they soon fell in love. When she graduated from college, Wen Juan planned to take the postgraduate exam, but her boyfriend said, "Let's get married. I need you very much. " She can't make up her mind whether to get married or take the postgraduate entrance examination.

In fact, now it seems that marriage and postgraduate entrance examination are not necessarily contradictory, but at that time, Wen Juan thought that since marriage should be a good wife and a good mother, it would be a big mistake if graduate students must have no time to take care of their husbands, and their wives neglected their husbands because of their study. People often say that love is dedication, and Wen Juan is convinced of it. So she decided to give up her ideal and build their love harbor with her husband.

After graduation, Wen Juan became a teacher, and her husband prepared for the postgraduate entrance examination after working for some time. When her husband was preparing for the exam, Wen Juan found herself pregnant. Pregnancy reaction is quite severe, and I often vomit soon after eating. But her husband is busy with the exam, so he not only has no time to take care of her, but also needs her to take care of him. It is often Wen Juan who vomits and cooks. But thinking that her husband would realize his dream, she secretly swallowed all the pain, and she wanted to wait until he was admitted to graduate school. Later, the husband got his wish and the child was born.

At this time, Wen Juan is busier. She has to work, take care of the children and take care of her husband at school. She was very nervous. Wen Juan contracted almost all the housework, such as picking up children, buying food, cooking, washing clothes and cleaning the room. But when she saw the beautiful children and her husband who worked hard at graduate school, she felt gratified and extremely happy.

In order to take care of his family, Wen Juan gave up almost all his hobbies. She has no time to go to the mall to buy herself a satisfactory dress; Not interested in singing with friends; Even her favorite TV series can't be seen from beginning to end, but she never complains. She feels that her contribution is worthwhile, because her contribution makes her family more harmonious and happier.

Wen Juan thought that after her husband graduated, they would have a second honeymoon, and he would repay him for his efforts. But the fact is that their relationship is not as good as before. After graduation, my husband went to a joint venture. He is very busy at work and often comes home late at night. He looks very tired. What makes Wen Juan angry is that her husband is too lazy to talk to her. Sometimes, Wen Juan can't bear to tell him that it's time for us to talk. But he said that after being a husband and wife for so long, there is nothing to say. Sometimes, he says, can't we talk about something else? It's really boring to do this all day, but the little things under his nose are too low, and the whole housewife is bored.

Finally, her husband told her that he was in love with someone else, and Wen Juan's heart was shaking. She asked, "What am I sorry for?"

He said, "You didn't do anything wrong to me, but I don't have any feelings for you now. You are a mother-in-law all day, not as idealistic and passionate as before. "

Wen Juan said, "One must have a conscience. During your years at school, I have never taken care of your children, your family, your food, clothing, housing and transportation. " ? If I had gone to school, regardless of this family, would you be here today? I made sacrifices for you. "

But he said, "Sacrifice and love are two different things."

This is true, cruel, but also worrying. Women's dedication is a virtue, which may touch men, but it is not love. He cares more about you growing up with him than sacrificing.

A woman can never just help a man build his world and then take it for herself. In real life, men and women are different. The more a man's career develops, the greater his weight and attraction in love and the heavier his weight in the family. The charm of a man is almost in direct proportion to the development of his career. The more successful a man is, the more likely he is to be favored by women.

Women, on the other hand, tend to value family values, despise social values and put more hope and energy on their husbands and children. As a result, you will lose your charm because of selfless dedication. Even if he is moved by it, it will never replace love.

Don't just know "dedication" and let yourself lose confidence. If you love him, you should love yourself more, so that others can easily see your charm and praise you, and you can gain more confidence from these praises, and you can live more brilliantly and keep your enthusiasm for life forever. This is a virtuous circle.

So, give up being a dedicated goddess. This kind of "dedication" will not make you a goddess like Mother Teresa, but it is likely to become an abandoned goddess. Love should not be a unilateral "dedication", but should be based on the equality of self-respect and self-love.

For a 30-year-old woman, knowing and doing this is more important than anything else.

2. "vase" is also a kind of competitiveness.

If women are compared to flowers, goblin women are more willing to make vases, because the beauty of vases is more tenacious and lasting than flowers. Even after wind and rain, years of washing, its beauty will have historical value, but also make people memorable. In today's fierce competition, who can deny that this is a kind of competitiveness?

Aristotle once said that beauty is more worthy of recommendation and easier to be accepted than letters of introduction. Indeed, the privileges of beautiful women who have only seen them in movies actually exist in real life.

For example, no matter what kind of interview, it will not be brushed off once, more people will be willing to make friends with you, you will get more praise, and you will be more confident. Now statistics show that women with excellent appearance have a higher probability of success in society. It can be said that excellent beauty is also a kind of competitiveness.

Studies have shown that people always have a halo effect on beautiful women automatically and without thinking (a certain positive characteristic of a person will dominate people's overall view of this person). For example, we will subconsciously add some good qualities to people with beautiful appearance, such as intelligence, kindness, honesty and wit.

Some scholars in the United States have done an experiment: let some men evaluate the hypothesis that all papers are written by women, and some attach photos of the authors to their papers. The results show that papers with beautiful photos of women score higher than those without photos, while papers without photos score lower than those without photos. It can be seen that a woman's appearance has great influence in communication.

Many women complain that their parents can't give them beautiful looks. In fact, there are not many natural beauties. More women are ordinary and even have some defects, but that doesn't stop you from becoming a beautiful woman. You can completely change your appearance through external modification. For example, you can try all kinds of hairstyles suitable for your face, make your facial features more exquisite through makeup, and wear high heels to make up for your short stature.

We must ensure that there are no ugly women in this world, only lazy women. A woman's external image depends three points on her appearance and seven points on her dress. Take a little time to learn to dress yourself up, and you can also become a beautiful woman and conquer others with your appearance.

Zhang Qiumei is the department manager of an advertising company. Every day when she goes to work, she always wears monotonous professional clothes and has black hair. When negotiating, she always feels weak.

Later, by chance, at the suggestion of a friend who is an image designer, she cut off her long hair that she had left for many years and put on a solemn and energetic high-end suit. This makes her look elegant, capable and full of energy. When negotiating, she can also confidently maintain her position and easily stick to the bottom line.

Realizing the importance of external image, Zhang Qiumei began to "package" herself. She asked someone to tailor a set of "female elite" image suits for herself. Not only that, but even manners and etiquette have been carefully arranged, such as how to get off the bus, how to shake hands with people, how to step into the venue, how to say hello and chant in large and small celebrations, and so on. All these should be carried out in strict accordance with the regulations. Of course, she also benefited a lot from it and was recognized by the industry.

Later, relying on her accumulated contacts, she resigned and started her own company, becoming a veritable "strong woman".

There are many women like Zhang Qiumei in society who are on the verge of success because of their external image, but unfortunately, most women don't realize that the root of their fetters is their neglect of their appearance.

In fact, a woman's self-confidence will be greatly influenced by her appearance. The more beautiful her appearance is, the more confident she will be, the better her work will be, and the higher respect others will have for her. All this in turn will make you pay more attention to your image, and so on.

According to statistics, 35% of women fail at work because of their poor image. The recognized personal image of attractive women is: well dressed, elegant in speech, methodical and professional in authority.

There is a famous saying in the west: "You can dress up like that until you become like that." If you want to succeed, you must first make yourself "like a winner". Getting close to the winner in appearance is the most crucial step for your success in thought and action.

"Image" is the impression left by the combination of a woman's appearance and inner appearance. It tells your story silently and accurately-your age, culture, accomplishment and social status. ...

If you are the boss of a company, then your appearance is the best description of this company. If you look like an ordinary employee, don't wonder why your company can't excel, and don't blame customers for not trusting your products. Your appearance tells others: "My company doesn't pursue Excellence, and I don't pursue taste, just as we don't care about our external image."

In a letter to the Prince of Wales, the Queen of England once wrote: "Clothes show a person's appearance. When people judge a person's mentality and impression of this person, they usually judge by his appearance, and they often do this because the appearance is visible and others are invisible. Based on this, clothing is particularly important ... "

Judging people by their appearances is an act that we have always disliked. However, whether in business activities or in daily life, the other party should judge from your appearance-your personality, your strength, your taste, your quality, and even your company. Have you ever had a bad impression on a person because of a small detail? Have you ever met someone who was impressed by his professional temperament at the first meeting? This is the influence of image.

Your appearance will affect what others think of you, just as everyone will be influenced by others' appearance. Beautiful appearance can not only make women more confident, but also win the favor of more people. And this is not the privilege of beauty, ordinary you through makeup, decent dress, etc. Make yourself radiant.

William Sorbi, a etiquette adviser to three American presidents, said, "When you learn how to package yourself, it will give you an advantage. This is a skill that you can learn. " No matter how talented you are, no matter how old you are, you should dress like a beautiful woman, so that others can think you are a beautiful woman.

Of course, not all women are born beautiful, just as the saying goes, "There are no ugly women in the world, only lazy women", and a vase without good decoration is not beautiful. Some people may say that the goblin woman is a vase, but they are proud to say that there is nothing wrong with the vase. The vase is beautiful. Who would hate a beautiful woman?

3. Women with high EQ are more likely to succeed.

In the past, people always thought that a person's success mainly depended on his intellectual factors. Now psychologists generally believe that the level of emotional intelligence also has a great influence on a person's success, and sometimes its role even exceeds the level of intelligence. Someone summed up the formula: success = 20% IQ plus 80% EQ. In other words, EQ is more important than IQ.

When a woman reaches the age of 30, she should understand that the difference between successful people is not because of IQ, but because of EQ.

Emotional quotient (EQ), referred to as EQ for short, is the ability to know, control and adjust one's emotions. We have talked about its specific concept in detail. Now let's talk about IQ. Intelligencequotient (IQ) is a tool to express intelligence level and a common method to measure intelligence level. The IQ level reflects the intelligence level.

So, what is a woman's high emotional intelligence? Or what is a woman with high emotional intelligence? Take Lin Daiyu and Xue Baochai, the two most familiar figures in A Dream of Red Mansions, as examples. In terms of kinship, the relationship between Daiyu and Jiafu should be closer. In terms of talent, Daiyu is the first talented woman in the Grand View Garden. However, Baochai won the general favor of the old lady and the maid. The key to Baochai's success is high emotional intelligence.

Assuming that they live in the modern workplace, there is no doubt that Baochai is more likely to succeed. Because she is good at trying to figure out the boss's psychology, when watching a drama with Jia Mu, she will cater to her preferences and pick the type that the elderly like; Because she is good at helping her colleagues and helping Xiangyun eat crab feast together; Because even if she has the right, she is not arbitrary. When taking care of Xifeng, she never denigrated her former leader, Xifeng. Because she has a tolerant heart in the face of competitors, she has a long talk with Daiyu on rainy nights and gives bird's nest or something.

It can be seen that EQ is more important to women's success than IQ. Now, let's take a concrete look at why women with high emotional intelligence are more likely to succeed than women with low emotional intelligence.

First, women with high emotional intelligence go all out, while women with low emotional intelligence often give up halfway.

Women with high emotional intelligence can succeed because they can go all out to achieve their goals. Efforts need enthusiasm. Women with high emotional intelligence are not necessarily the smartest in the crowd, but they must be enthusiastic and tenacious. Without enthusiasm, you can't work, you can't persist, and you have less persistence in success.

Women with low emotional intelligence want to ask for "instant satisfaction" like babies, and they are eager to get twice the result with half the effort. If they encounter difficulties in doing something, or the process is slow, they will get bored and give up.

Second, women with high emotional intelligence never delay, while women with low emotional intelligence do things by being in a good mood.

Women with high EQ never put off taking action until "one day". They will do it today and deal with the problems as soon as they meet. They all have such characteristics: regardless of their mood, they always insist on normal work and put themselves in the most likely environment for success; As long as they have an incomplete plan, a rough idea, an idea, a draft, they will start to do it and then continue to improve it. What really matters is that they know that if they don't try, they will never achieve their goals.

Women with low emotional intelligence are used to waiting until they are in a good mood. How can they do things well if they feel that they are not in a good mood? This sounds reasonable and logical. But this is not the case. When faced with a difficult and complicated job, people's motivation to avoid it may be far stronger than their motivation to do it. If you insist on waiting for the motivation or mood to come before you start doing things, you may have to wait all the time and never have a chance of success.

Third, the attitude of women with high EQ is positive and optimistic, while that of women with low EQ is negative and pessimistic.

Success depends largely on one's mentality. Women with high emotional intelligence have a positive attitude. When encountering difficulties, we can face them positively, find a solution to the problem, and minimize the negative side of things. They also believe that the past is a reference information base, and the future is a happy, hopeful and charming paradise. This positive and optimistic attitude is the key to success.

Women with low emotional intelligence have a negative attitude. Sadness and bad luck are their most familiar territory. They always keep mentioning the past misfortunes, lamenting every disappointment in reality, finding out every misfortune, recording every flaw, and even predicting that the future will be full of troubles.

Fourth, women with high EQ make persistent efforts, while women with low EQ believe that success is due to good luck.

Women with high emotional intelligence know that "one bite is not fat", and the goal is achieved bit by bit and step by step. Success takes time, sometimes even years. They usually start from the "bottom", learn by doing and rise slowly. Their success is like saving money in the bank bit by bit, and with the accumulation bit by bit, it will eventually follow.

Women with low EQ are used to attributing success to good luck. For example, if they fail, they will complain, "It's all my bad luck." When it comes to other people's success, they are always indignant: "That guy is purely lucky!" " They think that success is an accident that befalls the "lucky ones".

These women with low EQ are convinced that successful people are always lucky, and they are always unlucky and complaining. So they repeated the lifestyle of losers year after year, but never thought that they were the active participants in their own self-destructive tragedy.

Fifth, women with high emotional intelligence are more popular in interpersonal communication, while women with low emotional intelligence are annoying.

Women with high emotional intelligence are more popular in interpersonal communication. They often praise the achievements of others, encourage their efforts, and make her popular with appropriate praise and sincere affirmation. What women with low emotional intelligence often say is "you are not doing right", "your idea is not good at all" and "you are too slow to do things" ... They often throw cold water on you when others are in high spirits. For example, if you just bought a pair of shoes, she will tell you immediately: "This style is really old-fashioned. Who will wear it now? ! "Take out all your enthusiasm. They are used to denying others, or satirizing others with contemptuous eyes, annoying sighs and sharp words, which makes their interpersonal relationship very bad.

30 years old, if you still think you are not smart enough. It doesn't matter, you can rely on high emotional intelligence to strive for success. Even if your emotional intelligence is not high now, it doesn't matter You can constantly improve your emotional intelligence through acquired training. As long as you can become a woman with high emotional intelligence, then you have the greatest capital for success.

4. Get up the courage to choose your favorite lifestyle

Many times, women don't live for themselves. They live in the eyes and comments of others. They are happy to be praised and envied by others, and their hearts are happy. However, all these feelings are only temporary, and more often, we have to face our hearts alone.

30 years old is the watershed of this woman's age. She should know that life is not for others, but for herself. What kind of woman is the happiest? The answer is the kind of woman who can live according to her own lifestyle.

They may not have much money, but their hearts are full of wealth; They may not have fame and fortune, but they can enjoy themselves; They don't have many, but they have Wang Yu who sings every day.

This is happiness, simple happiness. How many women can have such happiness? Most women live the same life, going to work and getting off work; Have the same troubles, interpersonal relationships in the workplace and family conflicts; There is also the same Wang Yu, where the salary rises and falls, 8,000 yuan a month, and I still feel poor.

If you ask most women if this is your favorite lifestyle, I believe many women will shake their heads and deny it. However, when asked what kind of lifestyle they like, they either don't know at all, and more often, they don't have the courage to choose.

Life is a process of choice, but this choice is not free at will, and there is a price behind every choice, so women need to have enough courage when choosing.

Li Wan, a Guangzhou girl who graduated from CUHK, suddenly fell madly in love with Tibet after working as a white-collar worker for less than three months. From 1998, Li Wan, as the incarnation of a lonely warrior, devoted himself to this war in order to cross the limit of life. In the following eight years, her footprints were almost all over Tibet.

Li Wan's mother is a very traditional person. She is very strict. She always asks to sit in a sitting position and stand in a standing position, and she is not allowed to go out when it is dark. To this end, Li Wan longed for freedom and began to skip classes in middle school. After graduating from college, she resigned after working in a foreign company for less than three months.

The yearning for freedom has also become all the reasons for Li Wan to go to Tibet. This trip has actually made her inseparable from Tibet. So, she went into Tibet again and again, eager to become a part of Tibet.

1998 began to go deep into Sichuan and Gansu to enter Tibet.

In the summer of 2002, I arrived in Ali alone in the no-man's land in northern Tibet. It lasted for nearly three months, and I moved to Rinpoche Mountain in Arigang for a week, reaching the mouth of Zhuomala Snow Mountain at an altitude of 5850 meters.

In the early autumn of 2002, I followed the Tibet geological team into the Golden Melody in Tibet, and lived between 3336 degrees north latitude and 7990 degrees east longitude for three months. In the same year, he completed the first TV documentary "Jin Qu" that traveled through life.

In the early spring and autumn of 2003, I went from Yunnan to Qamdo and Chayu counties in Tibet twice, which lasted for more than three months, and I independently finished my second documentary and broke into the Nujiang Grand Canyon.

In 2004, he walked alone in Indian-controlled Kashmir for more than a month.

From March to June, 2004, I independently completed the first three episodes of a series of documentaries about distant villages in Chayu and Medog on the border between China and India.

In the autumn of 2004, he entered Tibet from Yunnan, and went to Yanjing in the transitional zone between Yunnan and Tibet, looking for the culture of the only Naxi nationality town in Tibet that was about to be lost.

In 2005, during the Spring and Autumn Period, he led the Malaysian mountaineering team to cross the Robbie Snow Mountain on the Yunnan-Tibet border twice.

In 2005, he entered the territory of Chayu County, Tibet on foot from Gongshan, Yunnan, and crossed the ancient tea-horse road in Yunnan and Tibet.

……

After so many difficulties, she never gave up. Documentaries, words and photos are all ways for Li Wan to approach Tibet. In the end, she hopes to become a part of Tibet. In Li Wan's mind, Tibet is her home. 1997 after graduating from college, she began to travel around. It's too early to get married, and now I haven't even talked about a boyfriend, and my friends and family are very worried about her. And she also had love in the city, but for the sake of persistence in her heart, she gave it all up. She said that the future lover is destined to be a Tibetan, simple, true and intelligent. Moreover, she has planned to buy a piece of land in Linzhi, Tibet to build a hotel for people who love Tibet.

Now, she has set up Li Wan's studio, with assistants and special publicity planning to package her works-documentaries, words and photos.

She said: "For many people, Tibet is a symbol, but for me, she is rich and happy. I can't escape her if I hide in eternity. "