Brother Zhao in the same neighborhood is a very serious person. He is very strict about his son's bright education. However, when Liang Liang does something wrong, he will criticize it lightly and severely reprimand it. In the words of Brother Zhao, "strict father is a dutiful son." Isn't that how my generation came about? "
Liang Liang shouted at Zhao Dage: "I hate you the most, you are not my dear father!" No one's father would hit his child like that. " This sentence is like a muffled thunder exploding in Zhao Dage's mind. He didn't know that his behavior was so harmful to his children.
Like Zhao Dage, there are still some parents who follow the "strict father" education policy. They completely ignore the child's psychological feelings and use extreme means to provoke the child's rebellious heart. Does the concept of "strict father is a dutiful son" still work now? Let's talk about the dangers of scolding and corporal punishment of children.
1. What's the harm of scolding and corporal punishment on children? 1、? Lack of children's sense of security
In normal family life, parents' mood is very stable, and they will not beat and scold their children because of rage. Such children feel safe. On the other hand, children who have been scolded and corporal punishment often feel insecure and always worry that they will be beaten again one day, so they love to think the worst when things happen.
2、? Be cautious and afraid of making mistakes.
Children who are bound to be beaten after making mistakes will have inner instability, and they will be beaten when making mistakes, forming a conditioned reflex in their hearts. Often in order to avoid making mistakes and being beaten, they dare not try many things. In the long run, the child's character will become cautious.
3、? Weak ability to deal with emotions
Parents beat and scold their children, mostly when they are emotional, and children will also be affected by excessive emotions. Children who grow up in this atmosphere are prone to moodiness and are used to solving problems with violence when things happen.
4、? Lack of trust in people
It is difficult for a child who is often scolded by his parents to have a peaceful and good attitude. Their hearts are occupied by negative factors such as anxiety and fear, so when they get along with others, they often lack trust in others, are used to overprotecting themselves and refuse to open their hearts.
Suhomlinski said: "Without love, there is no education." For children's education, we should respect and love children as the premise, reduce beating and cursing, and communicate with children calmly, so as to raise a good child with healthy thoughts and positive sunshine.
Second,? The education of beating and cursing should also be treated according to different age groups 1 and 0-3 years old.
According to the psychologist Eriksson's theory of personality development stage, we clearly guide that in the early childhood of 0-3 years old, children's sense of morality and right and wrong has not yet formed, they just pay attention to their own physiological needs, eat, drink and sleep, so corporal punishment cannot be used on children at this stage.
2, 3-6 years old stage
At this stage, children gradually sprout the concept of right and wrong, which is also the golden age for parents to establish their children's three views. When a child makes a principled mistake, in addition to being reasonable, he can also assist some minor punishment measures to make the child understand that some rules cannot be violated.
3, 6- 12 years old or older
At this stage, children already have their own sense of shame and self-esteem, and have their own views on people and things. Therefore, it is inappropriate for children of this age to be educated by beating, cursing and corporal punishment. Instead, we should patiently give our children a sense of truth and let them know their mistakes and correct them, instead of being forced by their parents to correct them.
"strict father is a dutiful son" is an old parenting motto, but we can't deliberately misinterpret "strictness". We can set higher education standards for our children, but we can't have radical thoughts or educate our children with radical behaviors.
Third, use the education of love to ban the education of beating and cursing. cold-treat
When children make trouble without reason, parents can avoid playing hardball, don't try to stimulate their emotions, and it is more effective to ignore their cold treatment. If the child is noisy and has no result, it will naturally calm down.
2、? Natural result method
Under the premise of not harming children's health, many children often make mistakes or refuse to correct them, leaving them to bear the consequences. You know, even the best truth is not as effective as personal experience. When children understand the consequences of this incident, they will have unpleasant experiences or experiences, and will naturally avoid making the same mistakes next time.
3、? Explain the truth
Reasoning with children calmly, such as what is dangerous and can't be touched. If you touch it, you will get hurt. Parents can give some vivid metaphors, just like knocking over a water bottle will burn you, just like taking a vaccination will hurt. You know, curiosity is a child's nature. He always wants to try something he has never experienced, but when his parents tell him the consequences of his experience, he will be afraid.
"Respect children and don't rush to judge their quality." This is Rousseau's wise saying. Parents should treat their children's mistakes rationally. If they are persistent or too stubborn, they have to take corporal punishment education, so parents should also pay attention to restraining their emotions and behaviors.
4. If corporal punishment education is necessary, what should parents pay attention to? 1、? Don't settle accounts after autumn
When it is necessary to punish a child, it is best to do it on the spot, so that he can relate what he did wrong to the time when he was punished. Don't punish your child after it's over, or the punishment will lose its meaning and make your child have an unpleasant experience.
2、? Don't punish children in front of outsiders.
Children also have their own self-esteem. If punished in front of outsiders, especially small partners, children will think it is their own shame, which will extend many negative thoughts, such as parents not loving themselves and losing face. If you really want to hit a child, then the first rule is not to be in front of outsiders.
3. You can't beat your child often.
"Don't be afraid to scold often, but don't be afraid to play often." This is a truth known to the older generation. If children are beaten and scolded for a long time, it is easy to change their psychology. Not only are they not afraid of being beaten, but they will become more and more invulnerable. Such children are also prone to quarrel and fight with others after entering the society.
"strict father" does not refer to the role of father, but generally refers to other elders when children grow up. But whoever plays "strict father" can't go too far, otherwise it will only hurt children's young hearts and make them lose their childhood happiness.