The benefits of frustration: cultivating the ability to cooperate

Self-reliance does not mean solving problems alone in every situation. Children need to learn how to deal with problems when they are unable to do so. Mobilize others to help you. Either seek help from parents, other children, kindergarten teachers, or even strangers. We don’t want to raise an autistic child, or a child who doesn’t ask for anything from others. It is about educating children to have the ability to collaborate and work in a team, and to know how to communicate with others and how to be considerate and caring for others.

Your good idea: The younger the children, the easier it is to find that they can’t do many things well, especially when they play games. Their crying is always a distress signal. For example: "I can't stack the blocks as I want!" "I can't use the spoon to drink the soup steadily!" If the parents seem impatient at this time, let the children play other games, or simply Doing it for him when he wants to do it will deprive the child of the sense of accomplishment brought by stacking blocks or eating. Any help we give should not make children feel that they are incompetent, but should carefully guide children how to solve problems on their own. For a child, the important thing is not to build the most beautiful building block tower on his toy table, but that he can do something by himself through some reminders from adults. Even if it's clumsy.

This principle can also be clearly reflected in another very common daily situation: a child accidentally dropped a toy under the sofa, and his arms were too short to take the toy out. The child ran among us and asked for our help. Perhaps many adults will quickly take the toys out from under the sofa without hesitation, with just a little effort. A better idea, however, is to give your child a clothes hanger, or something longer, and let them lift things out from under the sofa. This is also in line with an idiom: "It is better to teach a child to fish than to teach him to fish."... Be flexible and educate children more easily

Children should learn to contact adults in a timely manner in critical situations, It is just as normal for them to look up a new word in the dictionary. This is a natural thing for them. Even children who don’t like to ask for help should learn to ask for help when appropriate. This is especially important in adolescence when children have rebellious psychology. When children are sure they can get help in times of crisis, they feel safer and more confident in solving problems. ...52 ways to help children gain self-esteem and self-confidence

The benefits of setbacks: bringing a sense of honor

Our children should learn to see setbacks as challenges rather than as reasons to give up immediately . They should slowly develop persistence and persistence.

Further: Our children should learn to have an athlete-like sense of honor when solving problems. The solution of every problem will give strong-willed people a unique feeling of success! In other words, when frustration occurs, there are usually two responses. Some people will say: "Forget it, let's talk about it next time!" Others say: "Come on, it's difficult, I will definitely handle you!" If we can successfully make children tend to the second attitude, then this can also be regarded as our Give your child a rare gift in his life.

Your tip: Is honor a bad thing? I don’t think so. Sometimes we can properly stimulate children’s sense of honor. For example, when taking a walk: "Let's compete to see who can run to the next tree faster, and I'll give you ten meters." Or in the bathtub: "Let's see how long you can hold your breath in the water. Let me help you keep track of the time.”

We can use many examples to show our children that we should not give in easily, and that as long as we persist, we can keep setbacks at bay. Let children know that there will be some headaches in study, work, and life. When children choose to persevere at these moments, praise will play an important role here. When a child overcomes a difficulty and solves a problem, encouragement and praise will encourage the child to bite the bullet and continue working hard next time.

In some areas, children are willing to persevere (such as climbing mountains, carrying beautiful stones home, building a beautiful block tower or block house). However, there are other areas where children are difficult to mobilize. Stick to your emotions: clean your room, brush your teeth, take out the trash.

It is best not to use a disciplinary tone here, but to put more thought into setting an example. After all, teaching by example is better than words!

The ancients said: There are always eight or nine things that are not as good as one in life. Unsatisfactory things always account for the majority on the road of life, especially those who are successful. The greater their achievements, the more difficulties they encounter. Difficulties and setbacks always go hand in hand with achievements. In addition, the growth of ability is also inseparable from difficulties and setbacks. Every time you overcome a difficulty or setback, your ability will increase, and the degree of ability growth is positively correlated with the degree of difficulty. The greater the difficulty, the greater the ability growth. The sooner. On the contrary, if we cannot overcome difficulties and are intimidated by them, our abilities will not grow. We don’t know how many difficulties and setbacks we will encounter in our careers, so we need to face them positively.

1. Source of adversity

How is adversity caused? One is an individual, one is the workplace, and the other is society. Some people are unfortunate enough to encounter all three.

1. From an individual

For example, if you lose your parents when you are young, or you are disabled, or you suffer psychological damage during your development and develop mental disorders, or you are playful because of your youth. And failure to complete schooling, even unfortunate marriages, or disagreements and quarrels with parents, these adversities encountered from schooling to life to marriage are all related to individuals.

2. From work

When you enter a company, you may encounter poor operating conditions of the company, be forced to lay off or resign, or be assigned a position you don’t like, or even be dismissed. Being assigned a difficult assignment by the company and being transferred to a place you don't like to be are all adversities that come with work.

3. From society

In the era of market economy, we can only look forward, not backward. Everyone faces competition, and some people in society are not treated well. Being too fair creates all kinds of pressure, which is actually a kind of adversity brought about by society.

2. The role of adversity

No matter where it comes from, adversity plays an motivating and inspiring role in people who love life.

Case

India's Gandhi and South Africa's Mandela were imprisoned for more than 30 years, and finally became the leaders of the Communist Party of India and South Africa respectively. Father of the Nation, this is the best example of how adversity helps perseverant people survive and strengthen their fighting spirit.

Li Ka-shing’s father passed away when he was 16 years old, and he became an apprentice at the age of 17. Wang Yongqing from Taipei lost his father when he was a child. He learned business from his uncle and started selling rice and wood, and finally became a wealthy businessman.

Souichiro Honda, the founder of Honda Motorcycle in Japan, once said: "Everyone in the world knows about my success, but in fact they don't know that 99% of my failures were failures. When I started working on Honda Motorcycle, I just started working on motorcycles. I can't do it. Today I succeeded, but those people only saw 1% of my success, but not 99% of my failure."

Why can adversity help survive and enhance fighting spirit? It can be summed up in 3 sentences: opponents help grow, crises increase alertness, and dilemmas stimulate thinking.

1. Opponents help you grow

In the process of studying and working, there are always competitors. Let's call them "opponents". Today's achievements are due to the stimulation of my "opponents". Without those powerful opponents, it is very likely that today would not be like this.

Such as Sima Yi and Zhuge Liang. No wonder an ancient Chinese book says: "The country is invincible and suffers from foreign diseases." This means that if a country has no enemies or foreign aggression, it will soon decline. China's Han and Tang Dynasties and the Roman Empire in the West both prospered and declined.

2. Be alert to crises

Wang Yongqing once said: "Being a boss requires three conditions: the first is a sense of belonging, the second is a sense of pressure, and the third is A sense of crisis, without these 'three senses' you are not qualified to be a leader."

◆To be a boss, you must first regard the company as your own home, which is called a sense of belonging;

◆You have to bear the pressure of performance and market at any time;< /p>

◆You may face bankruptcy at any time. This is called a sense of crisis.

In an enterprise, the higher the position, the heavier the sense of crisis, the stronger the sense of belonging, and the more obvious the sense of pressure;

Kmart had no crisis, but was eliminated by Wal-Mart competition. ? McDonald's has a worse sense of crisis, but has it recently given KFC a chance? Coca-Cola’s sense of crisis is not strong enough. Pepsi-Cola’s performance surpassed Coca-Cola’s in 2002?

3. Dilemma stimulates thinking

If Pu Songling had not been unhappy in life, it would be hard to imagine that he would stay in Laoshan and write the famous "Strange Stories from a Chinese Studio"; if Cao Xueqin had lived in Very good, but it is difficult to write a literary masterpiece such as "A Dream of Red Mansions" that will last forever;

Marx was a rare scholar in modern times who received a doctorate. Marx's Germany and France could not tolerate him, so he went to England. Marx's situation in the UK was not good. A beautiful lady from a noble family married Marx and followed him into exile. Both of his children died of malnutrition. The last words his wife said before she died were: "I really want to eat a hot and hot hamburger." In this difficult environment, Engels continued to inspire him, and he wrote the world-famous "Das Kapital". Therefore, when a person encounters difficulties, his thinking will definitely be stimulated and he will make extraordinary achievements.

Sometimes we have to thank the enemies we face. Without their competition and huge market pressure, we probably would not have grown;

3. Treat adversity correctly

There is a kind of person whose ability to hope to change the results decreases when his adversity increases slightly, that is, he does not have the confidence to change the environment. Mao Zedong said it well: "If a person cannot adapt to the environment and cannot change the environment, he will be eliminated." There is a kind of person whose AQ is very high, but when he encounters adversity and is too strong, his AQ still drops.

1. Correctly understand adversity

For a person with a high adversity quotient, the stronger the adversity, the stronger his fighting spirit. For a person with low AQ, if the adversity increases slightly, he will immediately lose his fighting spirit. If you want to be a person with high AQ, it may be difficult to survive when the adversity is too great, because there are not many people with high AQ after all.

Case

Lee Kuan Yew grew up in Singapore, which was originally a state of Malaysia. He went to the United Kingdom to study, and after returning he served as a member of the Malaysian Parliament. But because Lee Kuan Yew had received modern education, he believed that Malaysia needed reform, and the conservatives allowed Singapore to become independent.

The first thing after independence was that there was no water to drink. I begged Malaysian Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamad to reach an agreement. Malaysia would provide water sources, Singapore would purify them, and half of the clean water would be returned to Malaysia. Lee Kuan Yew's last wish was to see Singapore come home when he was alive. Lee Kuan Yew asked Mahathir of Malaysia, and Mahathir said to think about it, but he still has no answer.

It’s not easy for Lee Kuan Yew. He was kicked out of Malaysia at the beginning, but today he manages the country to be so strong and powerful, ranking in the top 30 in the world, and Singapore ranks in the top 10 among open countries. Coming back to recognize his ancestors again, people can't help but confirm that his AQ score is really very high.

Case

Arafat led the Palestinian guerrillas to fight Israel all his life. He insisted on carving out a piece of land in the Middle East to settle his people and establish a Palestinian *** He Guo, it cannot but be said that his AQ is very high. Under strong pressure from Israel and the United States, Arafat wanted to establish a Palestinian state.

Be good at looking at the adversities you face from different angles.

There are so many joyful and happy things in our whole life. Why don’t we pay attention to them, but keep in mind some of our own traumas? Some people feel that they are the most unlucky people in the world when adversity strikes. Actually, that's not entirely the case. Maybe you are "unlucky" in one thing, but you may still be lucky in other ways. Compared with those who are less fortunate, you may still be a very lucky person. British writer Thackeray famously said: "Life is a mirror. If you smile at it, it will smile at you; if you cry at it, it will cry at you." Indeed, if we smile at life with a cheerful attitude, Life will "smile" at us, and we will feel the warmth and joy of life. And if we always look at life with a painful and sad mood, then the entire tone of life will become gray in our hearts.

Water can carry a boat, but it can also capsize it. Good times and bad times will transform into each other under certain conditions.

When facing adversity, if we can appropriately change the perspective and way of thinking, and re-evaluate and examine the adversity we encounter from other aspects, it will also help to get rid of the adversity.

2. A correct view of frustration

It is not easy to correctly understand setbacks. When you are in the position of a bystander and see others encounter setbacks, you may sometimes be able to make some more correct analyses. But when setbacks befall you, you must be able to make a correct and clear understanding. It's not easy anymore. Therefore, we should have a correct view of frustration. This is reflected in:

(1) The existence of setbacks is universal

Frustration is also an integral part of life, and everyone will encounter it. The so-called "smooth sailing" and "everything goes as planned" are often just people's good hopes; it is commonplace to say that "the sky has unpredictable circumstances, and people have misfortune and fortune". Throughout ancient and modern times, many famous scientists, writers and politicians have been tempered by adversity. Someone specifically studied the biographies of 293 famous foreign writers and artists and found that 127 people encountered major adversity in their lives. . Adversity exists objectively, the key lies in how we recognize it and treat it. If you have a correct view of adversity, understand that adversity is an inevitable part of life, and dare to face the adversity you face and dare to challenge it, you can regard adversity as a stepping stone to progress and the starting point of success, and thus continue to make progress. .

(2) Frustration has a dual nature

The great writer Balzac also said: "Things in the world are never absolute, and the results completely vary from person to person. Suffering is an integral part of genius. A stepping stone is a fortune for the capable, but an abyss for the weak." This is indeed the case. Adversity and hardship in life are not always bad. A calm, comfortable and comfortable life often makes people content with the status quo and indulge in enjoyment; while adversity and hardship can make people tempered and tested and become stronger. "Since ancient times, great men have suffered many hardships, while dandy men have rarely been great men." This is probably the truth.

(3) Don’t dwell on setbacks

If a setback has already occurred, you should face it and find a solution; if it has passed, you should let it go. , don’t always keep it in your memory, let alone stare at it all the time. Painful feelings are like a muddy swamp. The harder you can't get out of it quickly, the more likely it is to trap you deeper and deeper until you can't extricate yourself.

4. Improve adversity quotient

1. Never give up

Case

Churchill’s most wonderful speech in his life was also his last of a speech. At a graduation ceremony at Cambridge University. There were tens of thousands of students in the entire auditorium, waiting for Churchill to appear. At this moment, Churchill walked into the venue accompanied by his entourage and slowly walked to the podium. He took off his coat and handed it to his entourage. Then he took off his hat and looked at all the audience silently. After a while, Minutes later, Churchill said something: Never give up.

After speaking, Churchill put on his coat and hat and left the venue. The entire venue was silent, and a minute later, there was thunderous applause. Never give up! There are two principles for never giving up. The first principle is: never give up. The second principle is to look back at the first principle when you feel like giving up: Never give up!

In real work, many people often reach the conclusion of failure too early. When encountering a slight setback, they will doubt their work, or even give up halfway, then the previous efforts will be in vain. . Only those who can withstand the wind and rain and all kinds of tests are the final winners. Therefore, never give up until the last moment. Always believe: those who succeed never give up, and those who give up never succeed!

2. Say to yourself “try again” bravely

Those who work tirelessly and persistently can often achieve success. Those who fail repeatedly in life but never give up often become the best achievers in the end. Only those who understand failure will understand the meaning of success. People continue to grow through failure. After failure, resolutely trying again can often achieve final success.

Case

A young man applied for a job in a company, but the company had not published any recruitment advertisements. Seeing that the general manager was puzzled, the young man explained in poor English that he happened to be passing by and came in rashly. The general manager felt very fresh and made an exception to let him have a try. The results of the interview were unexpected. The young man performed very poorly.

His explanation to the general manager was that he had not prepared in advance. The general manager thought that he was just looking for an excuse to get down the stairs, so he casually said that he would try again when you are ready. "

A week later, the young man walked into the company's door again. This time he still failed. But compared with the first time, his performance was much better. And the general manager's answer to him was still the same. Same as last time: "Try again when you're ready." "In this way, this young man stepped into the company's door five times, and was finally hired by the company, becoming the company's key training target.

On our journey of life, there are swamps and thorns. We need to It takes a long time to find light in the darkness. As long as you say to yourself firmly and confidently with the courage of a brave person: "Try again!", try again, and you may reach the other side of success.

3. Only a strong will can overcome difficulties

Case

Huang Wentao, born in Shanghai in 1970, was blind in both ears since he was born; he attended a school for the blind since he was a child and left his parents In 1985, Huang Wentao joined the track and field team of the School for Blind Children and began his sports career. His main focus was sprinting and long jump. We know that sports for disabled people will bring them many unimaginable difficulties and accidents. At that time, the footboard was supported by a slender iron nail. The nails were sticking out diagonally, which a normal person could easily see, but he couldn't see anything. As soon as he stepped on them, a heartbreaking pain came from under his feet, and he suddenly fainted. Only then did he realize that the iron nails had penetrated the soles of his running shoes and protruded from the surface of the shoes. Because of his congenital defects, he had to pay a lot of costs in doing sports that would be considered unnecessary by the trainer. , he couldn't see clearly, so he could only break it down step by step, figure it out, and practice it over and over again. The sand pit leading to the long jump was originally covered with grass, but two years later, a barren strip of grass appeared under Huang Wentao's feet. Runway.

In 1992, Huang Wentao participated in the Barcelona Olympic Paralympics. He played extremely calmly and defeated Spain's Juan by 3 centimeters when he stood on the leaderboard. On the podium, when the solemn national anthem was played, my heart was filled with pride.

If Huang Wentao was pessimistic and disappointed with himself, if he gave up to fate and gave up his pursuit after stepping on a nail, if he was frustrated. . Once one loses his will in the face of failure, he will sink quickly and forever, and fate will trample him under his feet. As long as you get up again after falling, persevere after failure, and keep working hard, difficulties will scare you. , setbacks and misfortunes will also bow to you.

The secret of success is actually very simple, which is to be able to persevere despite repeated setbacks.

4. Success. Patience is required

Case

A famous sales master is about to bid farewell to his sales career. At the invitation of industry associations and all walks of life, he will do a sales pitch at the largest gymnasium in the city. A farewell speech to his career.

On that day, the venue was packed, and people were eagerly and anxiously waiting for the greatest salesman of our time to give a wonderful speech. The curtain slowly opened in the center of the stage. A huge iron ball was hung on the stage. A tall iron frame was set up on the stage. Amidst the warm applause of the people, an old man came out and stood on the side of the iron frame. . He was wearing a red sportswear and a pair of white rubber shoes.

At this time, two staff members carried a big hammer and placed it in front of the old man. The host then said to the audience: Invite a strong person to come to the stage. In the blink of an eye, a young man arrived on the stage.

The old man then spoke to him about the rules and asked him to use the big hammer to hit the hanging iron ball until it swings up. The young man rushed to pick up the hammer, opened his posture, swung the big chain and hit the hanging iron ball with all his strength. There was an ear-splitting sound, but the hanging ball did not move. He swung a sledgehammer and hit the lob one after another, and soon he was out of breath. People thought that everything was in vain and the venue returned to calm.

At this time, the old man took out a small hammer from his coat pocket, and then faced the huge iron ball seriously. He pointed the hammer at the iron ball. Knocked once with a "dong", then paused, and hit with a "dong" with the small hammer again. People looked at it strangely, the old man was like that.

"Dong" once, then another, and continue like this.

Ten minutes have passed, twenty minutes have passed, and the venue has already begun to commotion, with people venting their dissatisfaction with various sounds and actions. The old man was still working with a small hammer, and he seemed not to hear what the people were shouting at all.

About when the old man was playing for forty minutes, someone suddenly shouted: "The ball has moved!"

The old man spoke, and he only said one sentence: In the success of the game, You have to be patient on the road. You have to face success with a lifetime of patience.