1. Whether the three views are consistent.
In Six Chapters of a Floating Life, the love between Shen Fu and Yunniang is envied by many people. Their lives are not smooth sailing, on the contrary, they are full of embarrassment and frustration, but they have always been able to move forward hand in hand, which is inseparable from the combination of the three views. In this book, food, books and money are the most written about the lives of two people. Shen Fu described a lot of dishes cooked by the mother of sheep. It can be seen that the mother of sheep often spends a lot of time cooking elegant side dishes to entertain friends in Shen Fu. Shen Fu likes the dishes cooked by the mother of sheep very much, so it can be seen that they can eat together. Both of them have the same hobby, reading, and the mother has been smart since childhood. When Shen Fu was thirteen, she saw a poem written by the mother, so she said to her mother, "If you choose a wife for your child, you must not marry her." It can be seen that the ideological realm of the two is the same. Shen Fu's official career is not smooth, and his life is often short of money, but he likes to make friends and visit friends, and his mother never complains about it. It can be seen that two people have the same view on money. It is precisely because of the combination of the three views that a love story has been created.
On the contrary, if two people don't see eye to eye, then it is conceivable that even if the material is rich, life will be a feather.
2. Whether you can introspect when there is a contradiction.
Once people who are in love and marriage want to change each other, there will be problems in their relationship. Oscar Wilde famously said, "It is not selfish to live the life you want, but to ask others to live according to their own wishes." When there are contradictions and differences between two people, it is the root to solve the problem by finding the reasons from themselves. Blindly trying to make the other person change will only aggravate the contradictions. When two people fall in love again, if they always feel that the other person is at fault when quarreling, the other person should change, and after a long time, it will become more and more inappropriate.
3. Can you communicate well?
Communication here refers to effective communication, in which both parties can express their thoughts objectively and rationally, and think about each other's views instead of presupposing them in their minds. For example, the common quarrel in love, girls think that boys are getting busy because they don't love themselves, so they make trouble with boys, but that is to say that she feels that boys don't have time to accompany her, and she is very sad. At this time, what the boys saw was that the girls were making trouble unreasonably, so they were also very angry and felt that the girls did not understand the hard work of their own work. Two people blame each other and complain about each other, but neither of them really expresses their demands or finds a way to solve the problem. This is a typical ineffective communication. If two people can't communicate effectively for a long time, the gap between them will grow bigger and bigger and drift away.
4. Can we tolerate and compromise?
whether two people can grow together in an intimate relationship is the key to the long-term development of the relationship. And the growth of two people in the relationship must be inseparable from tolerance and compromise. In order to achieve the same goal, both sides are willing to smooth out some edges and corners of themselves so that they can fit together better and play a greater role. This is tolerance and compromise. Tolerance and compromise are not about losing yourself, but about getting rid of the part that hurts people, embracing love and feeling love. Only two people can do it, and they can grow together. Contradictions and problems are indispensable in any relationship, and the key lies in whether we can find a mutually acceptable way to solve them.
love can't solve all problems. Only by being willing to tolerate and compromise for the sake of love can we solve problems.
Conclusion: Love may happen in an instant, but it takes time to polish it.
It's like two stones with angular edges, which are out of place together. Only by grinding their own angular edges a little can they fit together.