Be a smooth and honest person
Moderate wit can also win goodwill.
In fact, Ji Xiaolan explained this problem well in Qianlong period more than 200 years ago. He believes that a person should be "smooth, honest, not in cahoots with others, but modest". This means that when dealing with specific things, we can properly grasp the scale and adopt different treatment methods according to different situations, but we must be honest in our hearts and honest in our lives. You should firmly express your idea of what you should stick to. If you can compromise, you should put yourself in other's shoes, make appropriate compromises, and even give up your own opinions. If a person fights with others in everything, it will not only make people think that you are a combative rooster, but also make people think that your emotional intelligence is low; However, if a person has no opinion about anything and only nods to flatter, it will not only be considered smooth by nature, but also won't be respected by others.
From the perspective of social communication ability and adaptability, appropriateness and fluency are the embodiment of good social communication ability. They often have extremely keen judgment on their own environment and the feelings of others, and will say what they should say and do what they should do according to the situation at that time. This kind of person usually has good adaptability in all aspects and can quickly throw himself into a brand-new interpersonal environment.
Smooth "degree": honesty, honesty-oriented.
However, in the final analysis, interpersonal communication still needs heart-to-heart communication. Therefore, while doing things tactfully, we must remember one fundamental thing: honesty and integrity. Imagine a long-term relationship with a person who is not only tactful but also hypocritical. How can people feel at ease? How can such a person get real friends?
To be a smooth and upright person is to be a flexible and mature person; It is to maintain moderate flexibility in interpersonal communication, grasp the discretion of speaking, learn to be euphemistic and vague, and maintain a balanced interpersonal relationship; Pay attention to the entertainment in life and establish a good popularity through some details in life and work; At the same time, we should make really valuable contacts with friends in our daily life and establish profound friendship. In the process of work, you should adopt different strategies for different types of colleagues, so that your immediate supervisor can know you, like you, and maintain good interpersonal relationships with superiors, so as to carry out the work better. In the face of what you want to do, you should persevere, be flexible, learn to protect your own interests, and wisely push away things that have nothing to do with you. And be kind and avoid hurting others.
We often lament that "the society is unfair and the villain is in power". Have you ever thought that interpersonal tension may be caused by your own "fortitude" and rigidity may be caused by your inflexibility? If so, is it necessary for us to change and be "smooth and honest"?
A stone, when first placed in the upper reaches of the river, is angular and irregular. The river keeps pounding it and pushing it to the middle reaches. The stones washed down by the rapids collide with each other, are eroded by water, and constantly rub, and it gradually becomes smaller and rounder. When it was washed downstream, the edges and corners had been worn away and turned into a circle.
Isn't that human nature? At first, it was angular, but it was always squeezed and impacted by society. After repeated setbacks, it finally made people smooth.
This seems to be a weakness of human nature. Can't stand the violent impact, wear off the fragile edges and corners, and let yourself stand firmly in society.
However, this is the advantage of human nature. People live in society, and no one can live without society. In this case, we must try our best to adapt to the society. To survive in society, the process must be tortuous, long and bumpy. There may be countless setbacks. However, it is in these countless failures that people have been honed for a long time and gradually matured.
No one can deny that this is an era of the jungle. Who can clap his chest and then loudly guarantee that he can stand in this society and "get out of the mud without dyeing"? The truth in the book is also clear, but people have to face the reality after all. Can you live a lifetime without worrying about food with "lofty pride"? Maybe this can only be found in ancient books.
Sleek, I am afraid, is the highest state of human nature-in my personal opinion. Only with wit can a person gain a firm foothold in society, be flexible in society, and be skillful in employment in society. That is the real "leader among people".
Some people may disagree with this view. Then, if a person doesn't even have the ability to adapt to survival, can he still be called a strong man?
It can be said that society has created this kind of human nature, and the smoothness of human nature has created a vibrant, unpredictable and complicated society. Make your humanity smooth, and don't skimp off your edges and corners. Only in this way can we become strong in life.
I wrote it for myself. I hope you like it. Oh, a tree.
2. Whether a * * * person wants to be sleek, sophisticated and kind can be described as one party. "
In ancient times, people who "correspond inside and outside, and their words and deeds are consistent" were called "Fang people"; And "circle" has the meaning of smoothness, sophistication, emptiness and falsehood. Sun Simiao, a medical scientist in the Tang Dynasty, advocated that "management affairs conform to the highest morality".
The so-called "supreme virtue" means "be bold and small-minded, and be wise and stop", which was regarded as life morality and high-level wisdom by the ancients. Huang Yanpei wrote to his son: "Harmony is like spring breeze, and harmony is like autumn frost; Take the picture from the money, and the outer ring is inside. "
This means that one should use Fiona Fang and the square is round. The square is rigid and the circle is soft.
Square is principle, and circle is machine change. A square should be changeless and a circle should be changeless.
There is a circle outside the square and a square inside the circle. Ability can be round or round.
Fiona Fang is united and invincible. Fang is the foundation and backbone of being a man.
Circle is the road to success and the secret of life. If you are not good, you are weak.
If you don't know how to do things, you will be attacked everywhere. If you are too square and too smooth, you can't move.
Only by combining Fiona Fang and Fiona Fang can we advance and retreat freely in social life, create good contacts and living environment, enjoy a happy and comfortable life, and achieve fame and great cause. It is appropriate to govern the world, to be in troubled times and to be round, and to use Fiona Fang in the world; Be lenient to the good, be heavier to the wicked, and be lenient to the mediocre.
How to be tactful is an article I collected online. The author doesn't know who it is, but his experience is very detailed.
How to be tactful
My personality should be said to be multifaceted. I clearly make a series of summaries for myself, and then draw a score line for myself to completely quantify what I have done for a while.
My personality has not changed smoothly, but everyone can see that the change of my personality is just an appearance, a layer of wrapped paper, which feels very smooth. In fact, I will inadvertently let my thorns come out at some point, breathe fresh air and seize the opportunity.
Speaking of personality change, it may be because I experienced something after doing business a few years ago, which completely changed my personality. At that time, I learned how to put myself in the other's shoes, how to learn anytime and anywhere, and how to enter the male model through your eyes. Liao yiya? Do you want to make the party lively? What do you want? But, what about Xian Xian? Joan Huang Xian? Why don't you do something? Maugham
I put myself at the center of my circle of friends and ran behind everyone in an empathetic way. Based on my knowledge and understanding of him, I analyzed my words and deeds from his point of view and summarized several possible reactions he might make. I quickly changed my role, thinking, analyzing, blending, digesting and absorbing, and introducing new comprehensive utilization.
If I don't want to talk, then I will listen attentively, sum up what I can learn from it, and know what my weaknesses and shortcomings are in this respect. What others say is worth learning, learning from and even being vigilant. I study anytime and anywhere, quickly divide what I have learned, arrange and whitewash it, and fix it in my mind.
I like to look at each other's eyes and talk, so much so that a friend once said that I can't see anything in my eyes at all, which gives people a very cold feeling. I like this feeling. I can read my impression from each other's eyes. I can see the truth of what he said to me from his eyes, and whether his interaction with me is beneficial to me and whether I feel safe. Actually, my eyes are aggressive. If I want to be in an aggressive state, then my eyes must be fighting before the war. He conveys what I want to say through a look, which is an invisible pioneer.
I make comprehensive use of packaging, fill what I have learned into the depressions in all corners of myself, try to make myself and others look smooth, and then paint them with a layer of color containing saliva sterilization, which looks radiant and colorful. I'm just a packed pebble.
4. Smooth articles, famous sayings and aphorisms, thank you. 1. If you want to see a person clearly, you'd better look at the way he does things with others, which will be more real and profound than when he does things with you. But the problem is that people often don't think of this.
When you don't like someone, don't directly oppose him. It is irrational to make the contradiction between oneself and others public. You should learn to avoid and prevent this contradiction. At the same time, the smartest way to deal with people who are opposite to you is to pass on this feeling of dislike to others and pass on the contradictions.
Try to talk about the advantages of others behind their backs, pay attention to your words and deeds, and speak ill of others less. It's easier said than done, and it's even harder for me. I must try to correct it.
4. Don't be afraid to do something wrong. When you think about something big, you should do it decisively. Don't let intuition get in your way, let alone inertia. This is my easiest mistake to make.
After things are finished, don't discuss with others, don't worry about others' comments on you, and don't explain to others. Don't dwell on it all the time unless necessary.
6. I think I have profound views on some things. When dealing with practical problems, I remind myself to use more. There is no need to share it with colleagues. This is a reflection of quality. You should learn to keep some ideas to yourself, and don't say them easily.
7. Think more about everything, give more ideas, and don't change your views and practices easily.
8. loopholes in the system are not necessarily bad things. You can make up for it by grasping the way of thinking of leaders and by ways and means that are beneficial to you.
9. When thinking about problems, the starting point is on your own interests rather than your own feelings. As long as your own interests are not damaged, don't retaliate against others easily. Winning without fighting is the highest level of dealing with relationships. Don't think of others too simply. You can think of others yourself, and learn to put yourself in others' shoes constantly.
10, don't be afraid that others will treat you like a fool. The key is not to be a fool. This is talent.
1 1. Never threaten the leader on the issue of treatment, but you can remind him.
12, take what you want to complain as the problem you are facing. What you are thinking about is how to make the situation develop in your favor under various complicated rules of the game, and those things that you can't control, solve or even influence should be rationally reminded not to think about, because in your current situation, complaining is just like complaining about your birth, which has no positive significance at all.
13, when dealing with some profitable things, we should pay attention to skills and long-term, not blindly and rashly.
I'm glad to take this opportunity to tell you my heart.
We often talk about maturity. What exactly is maturity? What is the standard to measure maturity? In my opinion, maturity refers to a person's integrity and perfection in politics, ideology, psychology and behavior, and it is the embodiment of a person's comprehensive quality. Maturity is not only a necessary basic quality for cadres, but also a basic requirement for carrying out work.
However, some comrades regard tact, sophistication, ingenuity and win over the people as mature, and regard honesty, integrity and daring to tell the truth as immature; Being able to take advantage of policy loopholes, being good at "flexibility" and "playing the edge ball" are considered mature, while doing things honestly according to policy provisions is considered immature; Don't let others see through, can't see through, smart is mature, dare to say that "transparency" is immature ... This obviously deviates from the original meaning of "maturity". So, what kind of maturity should we have? Mature political performance Political maturity is the first requirement.
It's terrible not to talk about politics. Armies that are not too hard militarily will be defeated by the enemy. If you are not politically hard, you will not be defeated. There is no doubt that we are very determined to listen to the party and follow it.
What I want to emphasize here is that we need to learn to look at problems from a political perspective. When something happens, we should not only look at the surface, but also look at whether there are political reasons and political backgrounds, and think more about whether there will be political influence and political consequences.
This kind of consideration can prevent us from looking down on the big ones, throwing away some and seeing the right ones. Of course, having such political sensitivity and discrimination requires us to study more and accumulate more at ordinary times.
In addition, strict adherence to political discipline is also a sign of political maturity. Discipline is the guarantee of the party's ideological and political line, and it is also the criterion for us to be human and do things.
In political life, we encourage telling the truth, but we can't talk nonsense. At present, some comrades speak more casually, regardless of occasions, and make comments indiscriminately, which is a sign of political immaturity.
In my opinion, to achieve ideological maturity, we need to pay attention to the following issues: First, we should obey the principle of emotion and understand what our progress depends on. At present, many of our comrades are more flexible and not principled; Some comrades talk too much about feelings and put principles behind them; Some comrades always want to find a "backer".
I sum up the laws of personal growth and progress: first, relying on ability, second, relying on duty, and third, relying on organization. In fact, no matter who, no matter how high the status, is a limited existence, and it is impossible to rely on it for a lifetime.
People should establish sincere and normal interpersonal relationships. Doing a good job at the lower level is the greatest support for the higher level, and the fairness and decency of the higher level is the greatest concern and love for the lower level.
Second, the way of thinking should be dialectical. Some of our comrades tend to treat problems absolutely, either one or the other; Other comrades' speeches and work are one-sided, and they only consider what is beneficial to them. In a popular saying, as long as you take care of them yourself, others will accommodate them.
At present, it is mature to think of the organization and others first. For example, if a cadre asks for leave and meets the basic conditions, he can ask; Obviously does not meet the requirements, we must carefully consider, can not give the leadership a problem.
The third is to treat fame and fortune and setbacks correctly. Some comrades aim at their posts and do their work with emotion.
At this point, we should learn from the veterans who leave the army every year. They often leave the army tomorrow and stand guard tonight. I have also seen some cadres make a hullabaloo about when adjusting cadres, which is very wrong.
What the organization decides must be resolutely obeyed. People can't just think about problems and do things from personal loss, but also think about the organization and the overall situation. This is a sign of maturity.
Mature learning performance is a fatal weakness if it is not a great shortcoming in the past. A cadre who doesn't like learning is likely to be a cadre who doesn't talk about politics, a cadre with low theoretical literacy and unclear working ideas, and a cadre who is difficult to make progress and can't get organizational trust.
In this year's 13 issue of Qiushi magazine, an article entitled "Advocating the Study Style Taking Reading as a Learning Example" said: Reading is a kind of photosynthesis of life, and the quality of life needs to be forged through reading. The human spirit can be full of vigor and vitality because of reading.
People's life is short, but they have to face so many challenges. Where does the power come from? Is learning. Of course, learning is a hard mental activity. It's not as easy as bragging, drinking, playing poker or playing games. If you don't work hard, you won't get much.
Some people say that the gap between people arises in their spare time. If a person spends too much time on pleasure, he will accomplish nothing.
Therefore, in order to mature as soon as possible, it is essential to enhance the sense of urgency and responsibility in learning. Mature work performance can not hold the attitude of "mediocrity and idleness", and it is not really mature without a highly responsible work spirit and working standards of Excellence.
Maturity at work is reflected in working energy. Work energy is the most direct reflection of a person's mental outlook, and it is also an indispensable condition for creating first-class work achievements.
We should always ask ourselves: Is there a spirit of self-motivation? If we can't finish our work, we can't eat well or sleep well? Is there anything wrong with the spirit of self-blame of the party and the people? Working standards. Confucius said, "If you take it, you will get it; Take it, take it. "
Work standard is a comprehensive reflection of one's ideological level, work attitude and enterprising spirit. Adhering to high standards of work is the embodiment of striving for progress and the motivation to do something.
The level of standards often determines the size of grades. We can't watch other people's work fall short and our own work fall short.
You know, others will not be responsible for your development, everything depends on your own efforts. Mature life shows that "if a small hole is not filled, a big hole will suffer."
The maturity of life is reflected in some sections. Chef.
The beginning is the starting point of everything. The beginning and the end are closely linked, so be careful with the beginning.
In real life, many comrades make mistakes because they have broken through the "initial" line of defense. Caution.
The focus of caution is habit. A philosopher once said that habit is either the best servant or the worst master.
Practice has proved that habits are stored in people's nervous system, and careful use will benefit them for life. Careless, small will hurt, big will be discouraged. Prudent and independent.
Is when no one's around.
6. The composition is getting smoother and smoother. "When you grow up, you should be sensible." Dad always said by my side.
In the third grade, the study pressure is getting heavier and heavier. The accelerated pace of life makes me a little fidgety. Last Friday, something happened at school, which made my mood even worse. When I got home, I symbolically said, "Dad, Mom, I'm back." I'm going to turn around and go back to my room.
"Girl, come here." Dad laughed and cried.
I threw my schoolbag aside and walked listlessly, muttering, "Why? I'm bored to death ... "I have a face of reluctance. Dad carefully picked an orange from the table, peeled it slowly and carefully and handed it to me. I took the orange and ate it naturally. Cool and sweet. "Have you finished teaching your textbook?" Dad finally got to the point. "Not yet." I replied smoothly. There was another silence. I think I'd better go back to my room.
"When you grow up, you should be sensible." Just as I turned to leave, my father's voice came again. I disapprovingly returned to my own little world. Shut the door with a bang, throw away the schoolbag with a click, and fall on the bed with a bang. Lying in bed, looking at the ceiling, I can't help thinking: what the hell is going on? Why does the older you get, the bigger your temper becomes? My attitude towards my father just now, my father's smile, my father's oranges, my father's words ... the more I think about it, the more I regret it, the more I think about it. I couldn't help picking up my mobile phone and sending a short message to my father: "Dad, my daughter is not sensible, I'm sorry. You are right. You should be sensible when you grow up.' "After the hair began to do homework. Seeing that it's getting late, I'm going to start my second plan-I'll go downstairs and help my mother cook dinner. That's great. Dad is not at home, and mom is cooking dinner. Learn to roll up your sleeves, tie an apron and prepare dinner with your mother. Mom just looked at me and was silent.
At dinner time, the whole family sat around the table. I offered to cook for my parents. Mother took the meal and said, "Well, I am grown up and sensible!" " "My father just buried himself in eating and didn't say a word. Looking at all this, I picked the biggest, best and I think the most delicious ribs from the bowl and sent them to my father's bowl. Father was surprised at first, and then showed a trace of relief. Finally, he buried himself in the ribs and chewed them with relish.
After dinner, I stayed to chat with my father. The content of the chat is all about me: my anecdote, my past, my study, my future and so on. Before going to bed, my father once again said, "You are grown up and sensible, girl!" " "