After the children who didn't want to go to school sent their daughter Lele to the nursery, the morning in Yachun became one nightmare after another. Let alone stay in the classroom with her classmates. As long as Yachun is ready to lift her feet and leave, Lele seems to be a different person, crying hysterically. You either cling to your mother's clothes or cling to her and refuse to let go. No matter how your mother coaxed you and the teacher persuaded you, it was useless. The process of going to school every day has become a difficult tug-of-war.
More than half a month has passed and the situation has not improved. What worries Yachun even more is that the teacher mentioned some things about Lele at school. The teacher said: Lele cried every morning not to leave her mother, and she didn't talk much when she got to school. It was very quiet. If there is a slightly louder voice, such as a male classmate suddenly shouting, or something suddenly falls to the ground during class, Lele will be frightened and even can't help shivering, as if something terrible will pop up at any time.
Especially during the nap time, the quiet little girl is particularly unstable, and will wake up inexplicably, cry and even wet the bed, which is not quite like the behavioral ability of a five-year-old child. The teacher suggested that Yachun could seek professional resources to understand Lele's experience.
Mommy's tears Yachun remembered that when Lele was more than three years old, she would slap her head for no reason. As long as her voice was louder, Lele began to do so ... at that time, she didn't take it to heart, but now that I think about it, something is wrong with the child. Just when she was at a loss, Yachun suddenly thought that she had been helped by the Women's Relief Foundation, and maybe she could ask them for help. She quickly found the phone number and dialed it. After consulting, she found that perhaps Lele is the so-called "witness".
When I first went to find a social worker, Lele refused to leave her mother at all and wanted to take her into the game consulting room. When Yachun told her daughter that only children could go in, Lele began to cry again. After several times, Lele didn't want to stay in the game room, but after about ten minutes, she wanted to come out and find her mother again.
The social worker said to Yachun: "Lele has obvious anxiety about separation, probably because she is afraid that her mother will disappear. Yachun cried all the time after hearing this. After six years of marriage, her husband first controlled Yachun's whereabouts and money, then verbally attacked and abused her, and then intensified to punching and kicking, even during pregnancy. She thought she was the only victim of her husband's violence, but she didn't expect a young Lele.
The victims of marital violence are not only adults, but also children who have suffered like Lele. We call them "witnesses". A witness is a child under the age of 18 who witnessed, indirectly heard or later found that one parent abused or infringed on the other. Because witnesses are not directly subjected to violence and have no obvious scars, they are often easily overlooked.
It is found that from infancy, children will have negative reactions such as crying or excitement to the disputes between their parents. From birth, children must rely on their mothers as the main caregivers to solve their anxiety about survival, such as hunger, temperature or physical discomfort, and then have a strong dependence on their mothers to form a sense of security through various deficiencies and needs being met.
However, when the mother is subjected to violence, her body and mind are seriously hurt, whether it is emotional confusion, confused values or mental fragility, it will shake her physical and mental health and stability, and then impact her children's sense of security and stability.
A famous British pediatrician and child psychoanalyst, D.W. Winnicott (1896 ~ 197 1), has a famous saying: "Without such a thing as a baby ... a baby can't exist, but it is an indispensable part of the relationship", which means a baby and a mother. The mother confirms the baby's condition through her eyes, and the baby looks for her mother through her eyes, throws out her needs and determines the source of her sense of security. Therefore, seeking a sense of security is a child's instinct. In a stable and safe environment, children can grow up carefree and develop learning tasks at all stages.
Even if the child doesn't know what happened to his mother, he is naturally observant and thinks that his mother is unusual and his dependence has changed. Some children will suppress their own needs, or blame themselves for the problems between their parents, thinking that they are disobedient, disobedient and not good enough, resulting in a low sense of self-worth.
Older children fall into the same state of high pressure and tension because they feel their mother's pain, or they are always afraid that their mother will disappear and something will happen. Some children are forced to grow up quickly and play their mothers' spiritual spouses. In addition, older children may have gender stereotypes or agree with violence when they are subjected to it.
Caring for children with love In Taiwan Province Province, there is a report of domestic violence every five minutes. Behind every report, there is a family broken by violence. At least one child is in a storm of domestic violence. This figure is only the number of reported cases at present, and there are many children who are too late to find out. In the corner we haven't discovered, listening to their mother crying silently and helplessly. ...
Kang Shuhua, executive director of the Women's Relief Foundation, said that according to research, witnesses are at higher risk of falling into the intergenerational cycle of violence than ordinary children, and they can easily become the next victims or abusers. We need to care together, establish a more perfect social and educational system, and help them overcome the haze of domestic violence.
Zhong Huici, supervisor of the Women's Relief Foundation, pointed out that it is difficult to find the pain of those who witnessed it unless they understand it deeply. Many children who receive services, even if they are two or three years old, cannot fully state their feelings and thoughts. Even if people of different ages have different symptoms, the pain and trauma they suffer is immeasurable.
When many mothers come with their children, they often mistakenly think that social workers are just playing games with their children when they hear the laughter from the game consulting room. In fact, the toys and actions children choose are often the epitome of what they see and hear, and even the reappearance of adults' behavior at home. Social workers must accompany, carefully observe and understand, and guide children to talk about pain, learn to identify emotions, and let children know from demonstration teaching exercises that there are other ways to express their inner emotions besides violence.
In addition to one-on-one consultation, the Women's Aid Society also organizes various games, dramas and drawing group activities, so that the witnesses can get together and realize that they are not alone, and what happens between parents is not the child's own problem. Or through art therapy, such as the play of fairy tales, discuss and solve problems with children to help children find their childhood and self and get out of the storm of life.
Cognitive status of children of all ages.
Illness, difficulty sleeping (often awake or unable to sleep), difficulty eating (anorexia, vomiting, etc. ) and listless.
Crying endlessly, slow development, injury and death.
children
Anxiety, anxiety, irritability, noise, hysteria, destruction of objects, aggressive behavior, cruelty to animals, lack of interest in games and learning exploration, symptoms of post-traumatic stress syndrome.
(The information is quoted from "Life Navigation-Helping Children Witnessing Domestic Violence" published by the Family Defense Association of the Ministry of Interior from June 5 to February 5, 2006, compiled by the Women's Aid Association. )
The possible influence of domestic violence on children of different ages, and the main development tasks
Possible effects of domestic violence
Babies and young children
Explore the world through sensory reception and get the information you need.
Loud noise and vision * * * related to violent experiences may lead to negative emotions and affect their physiological level, thus leading to stunting.
Form a secure attachment-this is the basis for children to form stable feelings and behaviors in the future.
Parents may not be able to consistently respond to their children's needs, and are prone to alienation and separation anxiety.
Explore the world more actively and learn from games.
Fear and uncertainty may reduce children's ability to explore and play, and witnessed violence may not appear in the game.
Learn the ways of interpersonal communication and relationship building from the information observed and heard at home.
Learn aggressive behavior from observed family interactions.
Pre-school children stage
Learn how to properly express aggression, anger and other emotions.
Learn to express anger and attack in unhealthy ways, or dare not express emotions.
Self-centered thinking.
Blaming violence on oneself for doing something wrong can't be expressed.
The cognition of gender roles is formed by the social information received.
Distinguish between abusers and victims from a gender perspective.
Increase the independence of body control (such as dressing yourself)
The instability of the environment may hinder the development of its independence, lead to behavioral degradation, and may also have precocious performance.
(The information is quoted from "What Can I Do-Help Children Stay Away from Domestic Violence", compiled by Women's Aid Association, Family Defense Association, Ministry of Interior, from June 5 to1October 5, 2008)
Since you and I started to build a future without violence, children have looked at the world with curious eyes since birth and absorbed all the resources around them to help them grow and thrive. The younger the children are, the more their parents are the whole world. The closer they are to their parents, the source of children's imitation will be the words and deeds of adults, and the interaction between parents will be the embryonic form of children's interpersonal relationships and extend to future interpersonal relationships.
In fact, it is difficult for couples to have zero disputes, especially the way children are brought up, which can easily lead to quarrels between parents. In children's minds, they will think that it is "I am not good, so I will quarrel". Because children are self-centered and expand their contacts, they will have responsibility, guilt and burden for the contradiction between their parents. When parents convey their emotions to their children, they even feel anxious and try to get involved in the dispute and solve it in their own way. According to research, even if it is not physical violence, children who quarrel with their parents for a long time are prone to negative emotions and affect their physical and mental development.
Reject violence, let alone let verbal violence flood our lives. Parents should learn to communicate rationally, avoid serious conflicts in front of their children, show an attitude of respecting each other, let their children grow up actively, and start from us to create a more equal and respectful violence-free future for their children.
Consultation Hotline Domestic Violence Prevention Hotline 1 13
Women's Relief Foundation Abused Women: Witness Children and Teenagers Hotline (02)2555-8595/ Women's Relief Foundation Website rf.