? Before coming to Beijing, Zeng Guofan took part in six scientific examinations, all of which were the last, which made him feel inferior, but his seventh success made him "bold" quickly. Then, at the age of 28, he became a scholar, making Zeng Guofan narcissistic and arrogant.
? Before going to Beijing, his grandfather Zeng Yuping warned Zeng Guofan: "Your officials are inexhaustible, and your talents are inexhaustible ... If you are not proud, it will be better." Grandpa Zeng Guofan, who always loved him, solemnly said these words to him when he left, which shows that Zeng Guofan's mentality at that time was extremely high.
? After entering Beijing, Zeng Guofan also made many friends, but even his two best friends said that his biggest problem was arrogance. Chen, a close friend, said that he was "full of neglect", and Shao, another friend, also said that "being slow means that friends can't respect him for a long time", which means that he was humble at first, but after a long time, he unconsciously showed arrogance. This arrogance made Zeng Guofan arrogant and grumpy, and he often clashed with his colleagues.
? The ancient Hunan people had the characteristics of "stubbornness and tenacity", but at the same time they also had the weakness of "closed and narrow". By then, Hunan people will go out of Hunan and be called "out of the lake". Many famous people in Hunan history can get rid of the narrowness and paranoia in the closed environment only by "going out of the lake", thus becoming broad-minded and atmospheric.
? After Zeng Guofan "came out of the lake" to Beijing, his eyes were wide open and he saw a "great scholar" who was quite different from what he had seen before. In his letter to his family, he said, "In recent years, I made friends with one or two good friends, and I didn't know that Fan and Han could learn until there were so-called scholars, economists and practitioners ..." In other words, when he arrived in Beijing, he realized that people like Fan Zhongyan and Han Yu were not out of reach, but only by working hard could they reach that height.
? Life in Beijing broadened Zeng Guofan's horizons. He constantly reflects on his virtue and accomplishment, restrains his words and deeds, and changes his way of making friends. He not only made himself a noble man, but also made many like-minded friends, which played an important role in his career.
? Zeng Guofan once said in a letter to his younger brother: "The success or failure of a lifetime is related to the merits and demerits of friends, so we should not be careless." In Zeng Guofan's view, making friends is related to a person's future. If you know how to make friends, you will reach the top, but if you don't know how to make friends, you will be unable to move.
? Therefore, he has been making friends sincerely all his life, and he also wrote a famous saying, "Only sincerity can overcome the falsehood in the world, and only stupidity can overcome the cleverness in the world." Not only that, but he can also achieve "mortals come with fakes, I come with sincerity, and over time, counterfeiters also drive with sincerity." In other words, even in the face of a hypocritical person, I can treat him sincerely. After a long time, I can influence him and get along with him sincerely.
After concentrating his life experience, Zeng Guofan summed up his experience of making friends: being close to gentlemen and making eight kinds of friends. What are eight kinds of friends?
First, people who beat themselves. Make friends with people who are better than yourself in some ways and learn from others' advantages, so that you will motivate yourself and make continuous progress.
Second, people with virtue. If you want to make friends with people with better virtue than yourself, you can constantly reflect on your own shortcomings and improve your personality.
Third, interesting people. Interesting people are often open-minded and optimistic. Get along with such people, you can constantly gain positive energy, write poems and enjoy it.
Fourth, people who are willing to suffer. People who suffer and are willing to help others are often kind-hearted and worth making friends with.
5. An outspoken person. In interpersonal communication, there are many flatterers and few outspoken people. Zeng Guofan praised his outspoken friend like this: I am like a bamboo with a weak foundation. If I let myself grow, of course I will grow crooked, but if I plant in the bamboo group that grows straight around me, I may grow straight like them. He believes that what he sees is narrow after all, and he should let onlookers observe and correct himself, so that his direction does not deviate from his original ideas, thus making his goals more clear.
6. People with a wide range of interests. "The three armies can win the handsome, but the ordinary man can't win the ambition." A person without ambition is doomed to be mediocre all his life. Making friends with people with lofty ideals can make you full of fighting spirit and make friends with people with a wide range of interests, which is equivalent to adding a few pairs of eyes to see the world and broadening your knowledge.
Seven, the benefits are in Dange. Those who give charcoal in the snow make friends again, and those who add icing on the cake make friends. When you are in trouble, the person who can accompany you must be your lifelong friend.
Eight, considerate. Make friends with people who can understand you and think of you from your point of view. These people will become your closest confidants.
? In addition to the wisdom of making friends, Zeng Guofan also paid great attention to identifying villains. He has a steelyard in his heart for those who are worthy of communication and those who must be alienated quietly. Zeng Guofan attached great importance to his friends and was furious. Throughout his life, he put forward the famous "nine don't pay".
1. People with different aspirations. With different ways and no common goals, such friends will not only part ways, but also turn against each other.
Second, insulting people. Just saying good things in front of you, or even raising you with lies, most of these people are full of lip service, and most of them are profitable.
Third, the grievances are reversed. Such people lack the concept of right and wrong, have unclear grievances and have no position, because they are confused at work. Sometimes, instead of helping him, you will be bitten by him.
Fourth, those who take advantage. Short-sighted, selfish people take advantage of small things. And such people are insatiable and never satisfied.
Fifth, no temperament. Unstable position, typical swing, smooth sailing, indecisive, like to protect themselves, go with the flow, unable to work together.
6. Those ungrateful people. How can a person who is not filial to his parents respect his friends? This kind of person is the most incredible.
Seven, pedant. Pedantic people are narrow-minded and stubborn, and associating with such people will make your mind negative.
Eight, people who fall when they are down. As the old saying goes, those who commit crimes are not necessarily villains, and those who fall when they are down will stay at a respectful distance. It is harmful to associate with such people.
Nine, thin and virtuous. A man without virtue is a typical villain, often capricious. Such people are mercenary, and once they use their friends, they will be kicked out. Therefore, such people will not only refuse to pay, but also stay at a respectful distance from others.
? Zeng Guofan has a clear understanding of love and hate, and hates the above nine kinds of villains. He said to his younger brothers in his family letter: To be an aboveboard person who obeys God, his reputation has been established, his faith has been maintained, and nothing can be achieved if he agrees casually. Warn your family to be careful about making friends and stay away from villains. If you become an aboveboard person, it is not a problem to make contributions.
? Zeng Guofan has been self-disciplined all his life, and his way of making friends contains great wisdom in life, which is worth learning all his life.