In the past December, some small things happened to me. Yes, in the long river of life, they are really too small.

But because of these little things, I almost collapsed.

I am grateful and fortunate that it was a stranger who helped me heal in the end.

Thanks to Dr. Hao in Beijing. Maybe he replied to my message. For him, it was just helping a patient answer his questions, but for me, it was like starting a spiritual practice.

The name of this practice is: Accept the truest self.

I have been in Shanghai for 5 years, experienced more than 2 years of acne on my face, and nearly 2 years of braces. There is almost no time when I am "beautiful", of course in the traditional sense. .

Finally, in mid-December, the doctor told me that the braces could be removed. It was a bit unexpected. What should I do? It was very difficult for me to accept that I still had buck teeth.

Struggling, complaining, even blaming the doctor, feeling like a failure.

It wasn’t until Dr. Hao helped me analyze it from a professional perspective that I was finally willing to admit that this was what I looked like after wearing braces.

I remembered that I rewatched "Ugly Betty" some time ago. Betty had worn braces for four years and was reluctant to take them off because she was faced with too many problems at the time: she could not realize her ideals, she was rustic, and she didn't want to take them off. Confidence... She attributes this to the fact that she is a braces girl and cannot have beautiful teeth like many people do from birth.

She was afraid that her life would not change after the braces were removed, and she would have no last excuse.

I think I am also facing the same problem!

Looking at myself becoming haggard, ugly, and getting older, I once attributed everything to my braces, always thinking that I would be much better after they were removed.

And when the truth is revealed,

I must admit that I have really become older, ugly, and haggard, and it has nothing to do with braces.

Looking at myself in the mirror with tears in my eyes, the most painful thing is that I have lost all my glory and achieved nothing.

I also suddenly realized that for a long time in the past, I was unwilling to face the true self.

Living in filters, other people’s eyes and evaluations, where is the real me?

So I believe that everything is the best arrangement. I am grateful for the lessons life has given me at this stage.

It has given me the opportunity to enter the next stage of life practice.

During this practice, I felt the complete loneliness of life, with no one understanding or helping me.

I believe that many people have encountered such a moment. A lot of pain is always a small detail at the beginning, but it will always be infinitely magnified in the constant self-confrontation.

If you don’t get proper guidance, you will easily collapse.

During this confrontation, I accepted other people’s persuasion and comfort, but in the end it was just like what my sister said: even if it was not out of malice, there was still a feeling that it would hurt to stand and speak. An understatement.

But I am grateful to Sister Nan Nan for telling me the truth and teaching me step by step how to face it and even how to change the situation.

Only then could I stop my losses in time and avoid being trapped in a desperate situation.

In the past week, after too much struggle and hard work, I started running again.

I began to calm down and listen to Teacher Jiang Xun’s lectures on the history of Western art. Master Longquan Temple answered the confused person’s questions,

Start listening to your own breathing, start facing all encounters in life with a normal mind

Start learning to change roles and sort out your emotions

Every day in the future should be regarded as a practice.

It would be my blessing to share with you the insights I have gained during this period of growth. If I have the chance to see it and it helps you in the slightest, it will be my blessing. grateful.

I recently read an article "There is no Jin Dong in Beijing, Shanghai and Guangzhou, and there is no Li Dan in the fourth and fifth lines." The article made a very profound analysis of the current social strata.

Among them are This sentence touched me very much: If people want to grow up, they have to see the world. The point of seeing the world is not more, but different.

This sentence reminds me of what Yu Xiuhua once said when the fake Jin Dong incident hit the Internet: Many rural women can be content with the status quo because their minds have been removed.

To this day, I am still glad that I can still think about this matter independently.

Whether I insist on staying in Shanghai now, or stay alone and enjoy being single, this is a choice that I can make independently, and it is also the result of broadening my horizons over the years.

No longer pay attention to other people's confusion, gossip, and even some words that are good at teaching others. Stick to yourself and live your life as you want.

Just like the author quoted Emerson's famous saying in the article, "Aman is what he thinks about all daylong."

Sister Fan previously wrote an article about the anxiety of contemporary middle-aged people: all of it has been transferred to the coercion and education of children.

However, those parents who work tirelessly to send their children into the upper class are just like many people today:

They always have too high expectations for a small chance of time, and what you see , is nothing more than survivor bias.

Just like the case of fake socialites in Shanghai some time ago, are those so-called socialites trying to achieve a successful class jump in this way, join the upper class, and become canaries in high-end villas?

It’s just out of your mind.

Just like Sister Fan said, it is like buying an expensive luxury product. You spend a lot of money to buy high quality and your own immediate happiness. But if you feel that you own a luxury product, To become white, rich and beautiful in the eyes of others and to knock on the door of the upper class is a completely zero fantasy.

And this actually gave me a good reminder:

I once had similar anxiety. I had too high expectations for something, thinking that after doing something, You will be able to please people, work smoothly, have a successful career, and reach the top of your life.

What a naive and idiotic thing to say. A person's changes, whether in appearance or otherwise, satisfy the current self and bring you a sense of comfort, nothing more. To try to achieve other things through these is really to go crazy in middle age.

Recently I came across a magazine and occasionally saw fashion practitioner Lin Jian saying: It is really amazing to make good use of self-confidence and express oneself in a non-aggressive way.

It was a good reminder for me: too many times in the past, I expressed myself aggressively.

Dissatisfaction with others, irritability, unwillingness to accept, and feeling uncomfortable... are actually caused by inner fluctuations, lack of self-confidence and calmness, and the inability to truly accept and face oneself.

The thing that has always bothered me is that I said a lot of outrageous things to the dentist about my teeth. I hope I can have the opportunity to apologize in person.

Recently, while watching "Qi Pa Shuo 7", a girl mentioned the "Yang Mi mentality", which is a mentality that does not matter to all gains and losses.

Although I have no feelings for Yang Mi personally, this attitude is worth learning. I accidentally saw what Yang Mi said: I gave up my emotions.

No matter how big the matter is, she will spend 2 days and let it be over after 2 days.

Sometimes, if we calm down and think about it carefully, what consumes us the most is actually our emotions. Its destructive power even exceeds the hard work of 996. Bad mood or self-tangle often makes people fall into a vicious circle of self-doubt.

In an era when many people are forced to be single, I always think of what Hulan said at a talk show conference: In fact, as long as a man is normal, he can defeat 90% of people.

Applying it to many people’s attitude towards difficulties and life nowadays, no matter what you encounter at this moment, as long as you act normally and don’t go crazy, you will have won over most people.

I saw a piece of news today. An 8-year-old girl accidentally fell down at the starting point of a skating competition. But she got up immediately, chased after her, and overtook her at the last critical moment to win the championship.

How exciting. People can't help but sigh, this little girl has a strong psychological quality, a pure heart, and goes straight to her goal.

Each of us should have experienced this when we were very young. A newborn calf is not afraid of tigers and just has the energy to move forward!

But as you grow older, your understanding of the world becomes more and more complex, and there are more and more noisy sounds around you, which makes you more and more timid and afraid to try easily. , begin to feel anxious, nervous or even depressed.

When I was leading a team recently, a team member asked me, wouldn’t it be boring to lead a line all the time?

Having been a team leader for more than four years, I have never felt bored. On the contrary, I almost feel nervous every time because I feel unprepared, especially when I meet familiar team members who have been with me before. , you will be more cautious.

Because although it is the same route, you will gain new insights every time.

This is what I like very much about the scarecrow. It is that it not only gives you knowledge, but also tells you when the building was built, what style it is, who lived there, and other things with standard answers. It is precisely because of the theme of each route that it constantly arouses people's thinking.

And this is actually a gradual process.

As you grow older, you will understand the process of seeing mountains as mountains, water as water, mountains as not mountains, water as water, mountains as mountains, and water as water.

This is true of many things in life.

The most important thing is that you are willing to be friends with time, slow down and not rush for success.

Balzac once said that all human power is just a mixture of patience and time. Be determined, do every little thing carefully, and leave the rest to time.

One thing that touched me deeply this year was to re-read Lu Yao's "Life". What's interesting is that I talked with many people about any topic, even when leading a team. When taking any route, I will always think of this book.

Because one of the great inspirations from this book is that you should never take shortcuts.

Taking shortcuts has always been the most favored method in today's fast food society.

There are countless people who vilify themselves and even lose their lives...

In fact, there is only one reason behind these incredible phenomena:

Many people think that these are ways to make money quickly, become famous, and achieve success. A shortcut to class transition.

This era is too rushed. For many people, it takes too long to accumulate and improve themselves through 5 or 10 years of study. However, the truth of life is that it takes too long. The biggest shortcut is to walk every step of the way in a down-to-earth manner.

Only after you have truly hit a wall and failed can you truly understand that time is your best friend.

Recently I have been listening to Teacher Jiang Xun’s lectures on beauty and Zhuangzi on and off.

Suddenly there was a realization, how long have we not calmed down, been with ourselves, and asked ourselves at the moment: How are we doing?

What is your heart’s desire?

What regrets do you have?

What do you want to do?

Because a lot of unpleasant things happened to me this month:

For example, I was struggling with whether to be friends with people I didn’t like that much, or whether to go out before the exam. ,

Suddenly I found myself getting older and uglier, and I did not do well in the exam...

There are many surprises in life. Sometimes, even if you are ready, the result may not be good. Not to mention, many times, we are not ready.

But also because of these opportunities, I began to look at myself again: I realized my anxiety, uneasiness, and lack of know what to do.

So I force myself to go to bed early and get up early, and take an hour to go running. While running, thousands of thoughts come into my mind:

Right, wrong, unacceptable. , helpless

Feeling sorry, trying hard to let go

...

When there are slight beads of sweat on the tip of my nose and forehead, I feel the sadness in my heart Calm, this calm made me suddenly feel that I was not happy at all, and I couldn't even find a reason to laugh for a long time.

Suddenly I remembered Oscar Wilde’s words:

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what you want, the other is getting what you want. something.

I used to think that I would be happy if I bought a certain piece of clothing, did something, went to a certain place, or met someone.

Or watch After finishing a certain book, I was cured

...

But I found that the so-called happiness was actually just for a moment, and then quickly returned to calm, and faced other problems in the future. , I still can’t help but feel anxious.

Because plainness is the theme of life, and impermanence is the normal state of life.

I have never made peace with the self deep inside.

So when I listened to Teacher Jiang Xun talk about Zhuangzi, the wisdom of the ancients, and the perspective and attitude towards problems, I suddenly realized that people need to read some philosophy and put themselves in nature and the world. To realize.

True happiness is not about what you get, but about how you like yourself and your current state and accept everything you have.

Just like a sentence I saw recently: If you want to know whether a person is really happy, it’s not about how rich he is now, what he eats, or where he lives, but what he was before he died. Not happiness and peace.

I remember that when I first came to Shanghai, I met a sister at a spiritual course. She was 49 years old at the time, but her face was full of red light and compassion, and her waist-length hair was black and straight. She is a painter, and before becoming a painter, she suffered from early marriage, infidelity, and divorce...

Looking at her peaceful face now, it is difficult to imagine the story behind her.

Many years later, I opened her circle of friends again and found that she was married again. The person was more than ten years younger than her, but the smile between her eyebrows and the pink flowing dress made people feel that she was married again. Joy that radiates from the inside out.

Life is hard and difficult, but as long as you can accept it calmly, be happy and make yourself happy, you can turn that sour and bitter lemon into a cup of slightly sweet lemon juice.

I have always valued time as extremely precious, so I don’t want to waste walking time or cooking time. I even rarely have time to idle myself and do nothing.

I always feel that I have to do something so that time is not wasted.

But in the process of listening to Teacher Jiang Xun, I discovered that life needs to be left blank.

The true beauty and inspiration of life are all obtained inadvertently and in the process of calming down and observing life.

/p>

Just calm down when you are tired, do nothing, and simply feel the warmth of the sun shining on your body

…

In this era of information explosion, People who know how to slow down and maintain their own pace of growth may seem extremely stupid, but they are actually very wise.

In this era of fast food, we are very easily influenced by the outside world and others, and it has become difficult to maintain our own rhythm. I always see what others do, and I want to imitate and follow suit, but I find that it is not me at all.

Teacher Jiang Xun said that only when you live like a human can you see beauty. Sometimes, accepting one's own powerlessness is also a kind of open-mindedness.

It’s interesting to say that I have encountered many people criticizing me for dressing in a vulgar way, so I have had more or less self-doubt for a long time.

To this day, Teacher Jiang Xun gave me the answer about "earth" and the so-called "fashion".

Today I listened to teacher Jiang Xun talk about Miller's paintings. Because he was born in a rural area, Miller was laughed at as "rustic" when he finally entered a big city like Paris, so he tried hard to forget his Soil, he tried his best to embody elegance, propriety, and fashion-looking content in his paintings that match this fashionable city.

Just like the first wife in his works, she shows the elegance of a lady.

Teacher Jiang Xun said that sometimes, when we like a person, we don’t just like that person, we may also like the class and lifestyle that person represents. When he first arrived in Paris, Miller was looked down upon. He was really eager to cross the class and show a different version of himself to others.

Teacher Jiang Xun said that rustic is not a derogatory meaning. It is a life experience different from the city. Being close to the land, being close to nature, and connecting with the original life is another state.

This touched me greatly and allowed me to see the very narrow-minded part of my mind that I have always been unwilling to face.

I am trying to get rid of the "rusticism" in my life, and that rusticity is exactly what I am most familiar with, what I grew up with, the most precious thing, and what is deep in my soul.

As for a Western painter like Miller, he reminds me of the Chinese writer Lu Yao.

Lu Yao's short story "Life" is what I recommend to everyone now. It tells the story of such a young man who tries to completely strip away his rusticity.

Grandpa Deshun’s evaluation of the protagonist Gao Jialin is still fresh in my memory: In the final analysis, you are a seedling growing in our soil, and your roots should be rooted in the loess. Bean sprouts, with no soil at all on their roots, are light and airy...

That light and airy feeling is the feeling of being far away from the land, far away from the rustic, far away from the true self. In fact, it will only bring endless pain.

In the American TV series "Emily in Paris", no matter what happens, the French always like to say: This is life.

This is a kind of calm acceptance of the present moment.

I envy the French people very much for their casualness and naturalness, and they look effortlessly fashionable with every move of their hair.

But even more, I envy them for the way they approach life with fashion. : Let nature take its course, effortlessly.

Sometimes I feel that I just live too hard and am cautious about everything for fear of making mistakes.

But just like the music I've been listening to, "Wake Up": It's like waking up to how impermanent life is.

Impermanence is the true meaning of life.

Maybe you can just go with the flow and encounter unexpected scenery.

I have written a lot intermittently, and I always feel that the end of 2020 has more experiences and thoughts than this year.

Sometimes I feel that I am really lucky to be alive until now, but I have wasted a lot of things extravagantly and do not cherish my blessings enough.

I am grateful to my dear sister Nan Nan for giving me a lot of strength and energy.

I also want to do my best to help others in the days to come

Give love and warmth

I also hope that everyone Dear you

Everything is going well.