I don't think I'm perfect. The perfection I want is not everything in my reality.
So what is perfection?
This reminds me of a famous Buddhist saying: "When you are self-sufficient, you are self-sufficient". The sufficiency of Buddhism means not only having, but also having completely. Nothing is lacking, everything is perfect and life is perfect. When did it become imperfect?
It means: everyone knows that beauty is because of ugliness. Everyone knows that good is good, because there is evil. Therefore, there is mutual transformation between existence and non-existence, mutual formation between difficulty and easiness, mutual presentation of length and breadth, mutual complementarity of height and breadth, harmony of sound and sound, and continuity-this is eternity. Therefore, the sage treats the world with a view of inaction and educates the world in a silent way: let everything go with the flow without starting, do something without adding their own tendencies, and succeed without pretending to be themselves. Just because you don't take credit, there is no loss.
? When we don't exist, everything just stays there, what form it was thousands of years ago and what form it is now. We like them, but we don't like them. They have never changed. It is always our mood that changes these things. Everything is beautiful and ugly, good and evil, likes and dislikes, perfect and imperfect because of our separation.
? This reminds me of Wang Yangming's words: when you didn't see this flower, it died with you; When you come to see this flower, the color of this flower will be understood for a while. ..
? Everything changes only in our hearts, and all perfection and imperfection change with our mood. If you want to accept your imperfections, you still have to work hard in your heart, let go of separation and be careful, so that there will be no perfection and no imperfections.
? There are no perfect people in the world, let alone perfect things. Shorter feet and longer inches. Know more about your own advantages and learn to compete asymmetrically, instead of just seeing your own disadvantages.
Admit that everyone is not perfect, learn to accept, adapt and be content. There are many things that we can't change, such as studying. Not everyone can win the first place. And if you criticize yourself blindly for winning the first place, you will suffer, and others will not understand. Learn to be moderate, not extreme.
? Give a chestnut, a friend's child, once went out to play together. When the child was eating, he suddenly kicked and shouted. I feel horrible. I'm busy comforting him, but I don't know what's wrong. My friend who was driving asked me to fill his glass of French fries quickly. The mother shook her head and said to me in helpless and proud language, "Hey, perfectionist, there's nothing I can do." After that, I thought for a long time that the things in the cup can never be filled when people grow up, or they may be empty or filled with things you don't want. If you don't let your children know these truths, how can you face incompleteness?
I think this explanation in Yan Gang's relationship field theory is very interesting.
Acceptance means that I accept and support your ideas and practices. Internalization means that everything about you conforms to my thinking system, and you have become a part of me, just like me. Such an imperfect explanation is also its own deficiency. There always seems to be a feeling of not wanting it to exist alone. Instead of thinking about how to accept it, we should reconcile with the negative self, expand our knowledge, broaden our horizons and understand human nature and psychology. People will naturally do this. In that way, you will let yourself go and take a step forward on the perfect road.
Besides, it's not perfect What is perfection? What is imperfect? People's desires are endless, especially for a better heart. Once the plastic surgery begins, you feel that your nose is not high enough, the collocation is not harmonious, your nose is raised and your chin needs to be corrected. Finally, the cost is high, and the result is more and more unsatisfactory.
Recently, I heard teacher Fan Deng talk about the "replicable leadership" series, how to make employees obey you? Some people replied that everything is better than employees, but this method is still possible for small teams or middle-level leaders. If we can't do this at Ma Yun's level, it is more important for us to pay attention to discovering and excavating our own advantages and talents.
There is no need to deny that everyone is born imperfect, and there is no need to deny it.
However, natural imperfection is by no means a reason to refuse to pursue perfection. It is because I know my own shortcomings that I will make up for them through hard work and study.
However, we also know that unless we can control the surrounding environment or the consciousness of others, many things will not be carried out according to our will. This kind of thinking but not being able will bring us frustration, and then make us doubt ourselves.
And this doubt is an important reason for the birth of imperfection.
However, this kind of doubt is also beneficial, so that we can clearly see our own shortcomings and have a clear understanding of our own abilities. Then, we will make up for this deficiency and make ourselves perfect.
Perfection may be difficult to achieve, but if we keep pursuing perfection, perfection may be infinitely close to us, and the premise of this beginning is: accept our own imperfections.
Only when you choose to accept, will your heart understand that something has happened and this matter must be faced and solved now.
Looking up at the stars is ambitious, but down-to-earth is the way to survive.
Accepting your own imperfections is also an inevitable choice for "survival".
Otherwise, your entanglement will always exist and you will always care about what others say about you. Then, you don't have to do anything, just choose to entangle, but we clearly understand that life is not like this. What others say is different from your inner recognition of yourself.
Human resources are limited, and there are some things that human resources can't do, but because we know that we can't do it, we will turn to external forces and corresponding technologies to make up for what human resources can't do, and improve or be born at this moment.
Is it your own obsession or the external evaluation standard?
If it's obsession, then put it down.
It is an external evaluation standard, which needs to be reached first and then surpassed; After all, the external standard is a demon. Only when you overcome it, the evaluation criteria will not affect you.
No one is perfect, I am an ordinary person, and I have some imperfections. The first thing that comes to mind is that my Mandarin is not standard.
The nonstandard Mandarin has been bothering me, and I feel inferior. I feel good now. If you can't speak Mandarin, just choose one. People should have their own characteristics.
Our great Chairman Mao's Mandarin is not standard, and he has a strong accent. Where's Grandpa Deng? I remember him saying: Hello, comrades! This sentence is standard Mandarin.
They are all great men, what's more, I am an ordinary person.
Now, I don't worry that I don't speak nonstandard, but I hope I am like everyone else on important occasions, so I will deliberately remind myself which sentence is nonstandard. Practice deliberately.
Also, say, a little thing I have to do, I speak Mandarin much better. There are also many awesome speakers, but few of them have their own characteristics. There is a saying: there is a real heroism in the world, that is, after recognizing the true image of life, you still love it.
Know yourself, embrace yourself and accept yourself.
We often hear such words, and even use them to comfort others: accept yourself. But in turn, when we encounter this problem, the response is: I understand the truth, how can I accept myself?
In fact, I have too much pain, fear and darkness to face, and it is not easy to see myself clearly. Scott parker, an American psychologist, described the process of knowing oneself as "the road few people take".
I remember that at the beginning of teacher Wu Zhihong's book "Thank you for your imperfections", I quoted a case of a visitor. The visitor is in his thirties and has been seeing a psychiatrist for ten years, but it seems that the critical moment of improvement has nothing to do with the psychiatrist. At that time, he was watching a TV series, in which one person said to another: You can fool others, but you can't fool yourself! However, this ordinary sentence hit him like lightning, and he felt his head "hum". Countless feelings and past events churned in his mind, instantly merging together, making him feel that his inner and outer world suddenly became clear.
"Yes," he said to himself, "you always want to make a good impression on others and try your best to leave a good impression on the people around you." But in fact, he is in pain almost all the time.
On the one hand, he can't be alone, because when he is alone, he will feel deadly lonely, which turns into nothingness, suffocating him and making him feel that living is meaningless. On the other hand, with others, he is equally miserable, because in any small matter of interpersonal relationship, you can see others' contempt for him. And for others' contempt, he has no ability to protect himself, just as others' hostile eyes (which are often not true but he thinks) will directly stab him in the heart.
Fatal loneliness and inability to integrate into feelings at all, the combination of the two has become a double strangulation for him, making him unable to be alone and enter feelings. As a result, he chose the smallest interpersonal relationship-only one person. He was his mother when he was a child. As an adult, he became his first girlfriend, and his girlfriend later became his wife.
His pain, most of the time, is not the kind of sharp stabbing pain, but a dull pain, which is scattered in every moment and corner of his life, surrounding him and making him feel nothing else.
Of course, it is by no means the sentence in the TV series that cured him, nor is it that the psychologist was bad for ten years, but the efforts in this decade are very important. And that moment of healing is the turning point from quantitative change to qualitative change.
So how did this qualitative change happen?
The visitor finally tells the truth because he accepts his own truth, so-called "accepting himself".
In the past, he has been denying his true self, which is lonely and unsociable, and always feels that he should not be like this. Moreover, he has a perfect self in his mind, and he always expects himself to be like that.
For a few days, he was such a perfect person. Temperament is full of male charm, and at the same time, he has a high degree of emotional ability to others, which can intuitively and clearly capture the feelings and needs of others. And he can choose freely, or satisfy others, or reject others, or dominate others, or go with the flow, and so on, all from his own feelings. Interestingly, whatever he does, he will be respected by others.
The perfection these days has made him feel perfect. Compared with other times in his life, those feelings are so bad. This gap especially aggravated his pain: if he can get perfection, why should he fall into hell? Especially in the last year of consultation, he contacted and understood these pains in detail. This process is very painful, and he feels like giving up many times.
But this process is the legendary process of "knowing yourself", and the accumulated efforts in this process have finally reached a critical moment. "You can fool others, but you can't fool yourself!" Such a philosophical remark made him accept himself. He knows that he has never wanted to accept the true appearance, so lonely, so inferior and so clumsy in interpersonal relationship, so he longs for the opposite and perfect appearance. That kind of perfection is actually for others to see, and I want others to say that this person is really good!
However, even if it really presents a perfect appearance, it can only deceive others. This moment of accepting oneself seems to be completed instantly, but it is actually a cumulative process. The long consultation ahead is doing the work of "knowing myself", and I know myself more and more clearly, which finally leads to the critical moment of "accepting myself".
Teacher Wu Zhihong also talked about the self-healing of depression when he was a graduate student in the book, which made him understand that the darkness that deeply touched his heart was the cure. Embrace pain, this is the only way to be yourself.
When you are ready, all resources will follow you ~