After giving birth to my son, I have to go through a big scam every day

Author | Zhong Yi

Ever since my son entered elementary school, I have fallen into a strange circle and felt like I had given birth to two sons:

From time to time I was so angry that my nerves split, and sometimes I was so warm that my eyes filled with tears.

To be honest, I don’t want to experience such “ups and downs”, so I quite envy the father of my child. He comes home late and most likely only sees the cute side of the child. But no, when the baby is asleep, she looks like an angel no matter how she looks.

Occasionally when he comes home early and I am so angry that I am gritting my teeth, he will say something "sincerely":

"Why are you so anxious with a child? How old is he?"

He is not that old, but that doesn't stop him from pissing me off!

There is a saying, "Seven and eight-year-old dogs are disgusting." This is simply a wise saying. If it weren't for the occasional sugar-coated bullets thrown at me to keep me alive, really, I would be pissed to death eight times a day.

No matter how smart and well-behaved you are in normal times, you will be stupid when doing homework

I always feel that my son is extremely smart.

For example, the old mother can’t tell the difference between the Ultraman family, but he can identify which one is Tiga among hundreds of densely packed Ultramans at a glance Ultraman. That posture is definitely comparable to the strongest brain.

For another example, when it comes to the dinosaur family, Tyrannosaurus rex, Tyrannosaurus, and pterosaurs are all child's play. Spinosaurus, Hypsilophodon, Triceratops, Oviraptor, Baotoulong... He can tell you endlessly all day long about what they look like and what their abilities are.

When he was speaking, his eyes were shining, his eyebrows were dancing, and he was completely immersed in the ocean of knowledge.

But when it comes to homework, the situation becomes different.

As soon as I sat down on my buttocks, I started scratching my ears and cheeks, feeling itchy all over. Sometimes I poke the rubber, and sometimes I tap the ruler. An hour passed and I was still wandering.

What’s even more annoying is that sometimes I don’t even know what the homework is...

But when it comes to answering questions, If Terman had put a little more interest in studying, this wouldn't be the case, right?

I don’t know where to put my mobile phone, and it takes me a long time to find stationery

Always know The precise location of your phone and iPad.

One's own things are always thrown away and carefree. When they are not in use, they are all over the floor; when they are in use, they are nowhere to be found.

For example, the ruler is missing and the homework cannot be found. This scenario happens almost every day.

Then, when he goes to school, you will suddenly find them under the table, in the cracks of the bed, or in any nook and cranny!

Of course, some things can never be recovered. For example, he can lose more than 20 erasers in a month! I asked him what was going on, but he didn't know anything about it.

As for where those discarded erasers went, no one knows. It is probably an unsolved mystery of mankind in this century.

I am usually very eloquent and am stunned by my writing skills

My son has liked to make up stories out of the blue since he was a child. , throw him a set of toys at random, and he will make up a TV series for you.

Ultraman apprentices to Bald Qiang, Sun Wukong fights Zhuge Liang... The plot is guaranteed to be a combination of suspense, espionage, gunfights, and science fiction, with dangers and twists and turns.

The old mother once thought that there was going to be a genius writer in the family.

But when it came time to write the essay, I was dumbfounded: I couldn’t hold back a sentence for a long time!

"Mom, why do you want to write a composition?"

"Mom, I can't."

"Mom, 350 words It’s so difficult! ! ”

Learn how to jump rope without a teacher

Really, no bragging. If you give him a mobile phone, it doesn't matter what game he is playing. He will know it at a glance and it will be clear to him at a glance.

But you want him to practice skipping seriously?

I'll give you a break in minutes!

Either the foot stepped on the rope, or the rope got stuck. In the end, I was so aggrieved that I wanted to cry: "Mom, I just can't do it!"

I treat my grades very Buddhistly and my rewards very high

I am very Buddhist about my academic performance. I will not lose 60 points, but long live 80 points.

But if you had promised him that after finishing his homework, he could play games for half an hour...

Don’t worry, he will definitely I will come to you to cash it in, not even for a second!

Take a shower, brush your teeth and sleep, bargain for a three-piece set

Don’t like to take a shower and brush your teeth, don’t want to sleep, and have to be reminded three times and four times every day Please, grind for a long time, every second you can delay is a second.

The old mother has to face his soul questioning every day:

"Mom, you are the most beautiful mother in the world ! Can you not take a shower today? ”

Although he never succeeds, he never gives up. God, what a strong will this is!

Flattery melts the heart, but mouthing it makes the lungs explode

I'm in the kitchen While he was busy working, he ran over and shouted: "Mom, the food you cooked is so delicious!"

"You are so good at cooking, I haven't started the fire yet..."

I have never been so irresponsibly praised in my life.

But when you are angry, it is a completely different style.

Me: "Sooner or later I will be pissed off by you!"

Him: "Sooner or later I will be scared to death by you!"

As he gained more and more knowledge, he began to use rich vocabulary and strict logic to talk back to me. The most annoying thing is that one day you will find that you can no longer quarrel with him...

No matter what I yell, he only needs to use this universal saying:

"Mom, please keep your voice down, you can raise good children without yelling."

I... can't yell anymore. .

There was a white wall at home, and one day he wrote a line of words on it, which was crooked and very ugly.

I wanted to beat him up, but I held back.

Not because I am a gentle mother, but because the line reads:

"Whoever sees this except a child No one is stupid."

Well, I tolerate it. I don't want to be a fool.

When will he stop being angry with me? Will it get better after the age of eight?

I want him to grow up quickly, become sensible quickly, and free me quickly.

He looked at me like an alien:

"What are you thinking about? I will grow up." He’s getting old..."