Psychologists believe that the three major factors that promote human survival, reproduction and progress are sex, violence and narcissism.

People who don't live my life, won't be sunny and energetic, won't exude personal temperament from the inside out, and can't be an infectious person in interpersonal relationships.

People are born to be human, because people have self-awareness, so in addition to survival instinct, there are impulses to pursue happiness, expect and strive to realize self-worth. As a result, mankind began to move towards civilization.

However, civilized society is a restrained society. Sociologists' research results are quite different from our life feelings. We believe that a civilized society should be based on a high degree of freedom. The truth may be just the opposite. It is in constant self-restraint and restraint that human beings have promoted the development of civilization.

why ...

Civilization may be the result of the balance between human noumenon desire and human development demand.

Ontological desire, intuitively speaking, you may think: if I had money, I would definitely live a drunken and bohemian life with three wives and four concubines. This is being an emperor.

However, people who know a little about history and have a three-dimensional understanding of the emperor will find that although the emperor has three wives and four concubines, few empresses are chosen because of love, which is the result of the marriage of powerful families and the product of checks and balances of imperial power.

Whether it is feudal officials or foreign royal nobles, civilization originated from these upper classes, but there are many "red tape" in the upper class, and even the basic dining communication has various etiquette rules.

It can be seen that people are always in the air. I think, if you really get rich one day, life at that time will never be bohemian, on the contrary, you will be a more self-disciplined person.

Once the thoughts are unconstrained, the content of written expression will be far away. We won't talk about the macro truth, but we will return to the "self".

For a normal person, the ego is innate. From infancy to adulthood, we go through a process of id, ego and superego. The most important thing is to gradually realize the awakening and progress of monism (id), duality (mostly the relationship between id and mother) and pluralism (the relationship between id and other people's ternary infrastructure).

But after we entered the binary relationship, we began to know that the world can't get all the satisfaction when I cry (babies can eat milk when they cry); When we enter the pluralistic relationship, we gradually discover that society is the result of multiple self-cooperation.

Many times, our self-awareness is the ID, we are the leading role and others are the supporting roles.

But in the actual interpersonal logic, we are all supporting roles and weak links in social interpersonal relationships.

"You are standing on the bridge watching the scenery, and the people watching the scenery are watching you upstairs; The bright moon decorated your window, and you decorated other people's dreams. "

What a beautiful and philosophical poem, the relationship between the id and him, the protagonist and the supporting role, is expressed incisively and vividly in poetic language.

It can be seen that being a good supporting role has its scientific survival logic.

In the book "The Weakness of Human Nature", Carnegie repeatedly emphasized a point: Don't try to change a person, don't criticize anyone, these will be the biggest mistakes in interpersonal communication; We should associate with people with supportive thinking, respect each other, obey each other and affirm each other. Proceed from each other's interests and ideas, try to combine your own interests with each other's interests, and achieve your goals with win-win thinking.

A person who only has himself can't have a smooth interpersonal relationship. There is an objective fact: the relationship between the narcissism of the ID and the objective supporting role.

For those who reach the superego, the relationship between ID and him is no longer contradictory, but the relationship between * * * and * *. We gain self-affirmation from others, so as to realize our own value. Because the highest value of superego is social value.

People who are too self-centered will regard all social relations as revolving around themselves, thus giving themselves too much psychological burden and even social fear.

For example, if I am self-centered, I will pay special attention to my image in the eyes of others. One detail is not satisfactory, one sentence is not perfect, the dress is not suitable, and the makeup is a bit flawed. We are all particularly afraid of being concerned and talked about by others, which will affect our image.

After careful consideration, we found that:

If you want to live your own life, don't take yourself too seriously first. When we don't take ourselves seriously, you will find how comfortable it is not to live under the eyes of others.

If you want to start thinking from yourself, you must always realize that others are also the protagonists. They also pursue live high, reminding themselves not to play too many jokes on others, not to try to change the idea of making friends with others, and not to criticize anyone.

The only thing we have to do is: put yourself in others' shoes, and don't do to others what you don't want others to do to you.