Which is happier, loving or being loved?

Pro: Love is happier than being loved (Sun Yat-sen University)

Con: Being loved is happier than loving (Singapore National University)

★argument statement★

Zhengfang makes the argumentative statement

Zhang Jun: Love is the most basic human emotion, which includes lingering love. , Family love that is thicker than water, friendship that comes from knowing each other, simple and concentrated love, what is happiness? Happiness can be the pleasure brought by the improvement of living environment, or it can be the satisfaction brought by the realization of human values, but comparatively speaking, the latter is a more essential and deeper happiness. We say that loving is better than being loved. Happier because loving can produce and maintain happiness better than being loved.

First of all, from the perspective of happiness caused by loving and being loved, on the one hand, the relationship between love and happiness is even closer. The happiness of love is the satisfaction brought by the subject’s active giving of love. This kind of happiness is actively formed. of. The happiness of being loved is the pleasure brought by the subject being cared for by others or society. It arises from love and is passively stimulated. If you deliberately pursue being loved, it can easily lead to vanity and loss, which is completely opposite to happiness. On the other hand, the feeling of happiness in love is richer. The happiness obtained by being loved cannot be determined or grasped by the loved one. In love, we can independently choose the object of love and the way of love. We love our life partners, love our relatives and friends, care for the widowed and lonely, and love our country and nation. All-round love makes us feel broader and richer happiness. As Fromm said, giving brings more happiness than receiving, not because giving is a sacrifice, but because giving shows the good nature of humanity. Secondly, from the perspective of loving and being loved to maintain happiness, on the one hand, lasting happiness can only be achieved through interpersonal care. If a society emphasizes that being loved is happier, everyone pursues being loved, and everyone thinks about their own. Happiness can easily lead to social conflicts and contradictions. But if we advocate love to be happier and everyone knows how to care for others and care for society, then it will be more conducive to the establishment of a harmonious social order and thus more lasting happiness.

An ancient saying goes: A benevolent person loves others. People today also say: Helping others is the foundation of happiness, and this is what it means. On the other hand, love can make us feel a deeper and more essential happiness, because the true meaning of happiness is the satisfaction brought by the realization of human value, and true love is the premise of giving and dedication rather than getting and asking, and it is precisely this This value trend of asking for nothing allows happiness to be sublimated in dedication, thereby achieving a higher state of happiness.

The noble maternal love, the love of gathering, and the friendship of knowing each other constitute the source of happiness. Selfless love and dedication like Mandela, Nightingale, and Mother Teresa make happiness never fail. So my friend, when you feel happy by being loved for the first time in your life, you taste happiness; but when you feel satisfied because of love for the first time in your life, you understand happiness.

The opposition made its argument

Wu Tian: Thank you, Chairman, hello everyone! When I first heard the topic of love and being loved, the thing that lingered in my mind was my father. It was very cold in the winter when I was a child. My father would always help me cover my bed, but I was shivering from the cold. I fell asleep and loved to push up the quilt, so my father would get up many times during the night to cover me up. This habit continued until I grew up and went to study abroad. He would often wake up from his dreams and stand on his feet. I was in a daze in front of my empty bed. In fact, my father is very ordinary, but his deep fatherly love really makes me feel that I am the happiest person in the world. In fact, each of us is surrounded by different kinds of love, so why are we happier when we are loved? First of all, as ordinary people, we expect love in return. When I fall in love with a boy, I will expect him to fall in love with me one day, take good care of me, and care about me.

Such a love with expectations, if the dream comes true, it is naturally the best. But if unfortunately, this expectation is not reciprocated, then for the loved one, the loved one will still be appreciated, cared for and supported. And I feel very happy, but the hope of the person who gave this love is shattered. How can I find more happiness from a shattered hope?

Secondly, in addition to the love that expects repayment, of course we also have great unrequited love, but when these people give their great love, they would rather exchange their own happiness for the happiness of others. For example, Sister Deloitte, when she selflessly took care of the orphans and homeless people, she gave up her original peaceful life and came to the poverty-stricken and turbulent Calcutta. As a result, she became sick from overwork for a long time and her feet were deformed. . For example, there are a group of study mothers in Singapore. In order to take care of their children, they would rather give up their original superior working environment in their hometown and come to work in a foreign land, serving dishes. Who is happier among those who sacrifice their own happiness and those who gain happiness and are loved? Finally, in our discussion today, we will also compare two special situations. One is the exception of being loved, that is, being loved by someone you don’t love. At this time, maybe we will not accept this love, but we will also be appreciated by others. , care and feel deeply satisfied. The other kind is when you give love and fall in love with someone who doesn't love you. At this time, you feel lost and confused. How can you be happy? When a person falls in love, it is difficult to extricate himself, even if he is loved by the other person. After abandoning someone, you still want to continue to love hopelessly. At this time, can you still say that loving is happier than being loved?

In summary, whether it is love that expects repayment or love that does not ask for repayment, whether it is wishful love or love that is mutually satisfying, being loved makes you happier. I sincerely hope that one day the world will be filled with love so that each of us can experience the happiness of being loved.

Cross-examination

Cross-examination by the negative side

Chen Guokun (positive side): Let me ask the other side a question. When you really fall in love with someone, what will you do? Don't you want him to live a better life than you?

Ma Weiwei: Of course I hope, but if he does not love me as the other party said, then I will not imprison him in the cage of my love and let him He loves the one he loves bravely, because being loved is not as happy as loving, so because he loves you very much, he is willing to let you fly to a more happy place.

Chen Guokun: So according to the opponent’s debate partner’s point of view, loving is happier than being loved, but he also hopes that the other person will live a better life than you. Does it mean that you will always have a better life than the other person, because loving is happier than being loved? If your wish will never succeed, will you still feel happy?

Ma Weiwei: This is caused by the limitations of being loved, so this is why the song sings: "As long as you live a better life than me." You have to live a better life than me, so I can't just imprison you by my side. If you are only satisfied by being loved by me, then one day you will find someone you truly love, and you will be more satisfied and more satisfied. Happiness, that's why I'm willing to let you go. This is the greatness of love, and this is why loving is happier than being loved.

Chen Guokun: So when the opponent’s debate partner answers “As long as you live a better life than me”, do you mean to tell him that you love me? You love me. You just need to love. Loving is happier than being loved. , will you be happier?

Ma Weiwei: Love is not so selfish. I hope you love someone, but that person may not be me.

Chen Guokun: Okay, let me ask you another question. Today, parents will love their children very much, and they will love their children, but many children may be watching TV leisurely. Which one is happier?

Ma Weiwei: I think at this time, parents are happier, and if children want to be as happy as their parents, they really should help our parents beat their shoulders and wash the dishes.

Chen Guokun: Okay, the opponent’s fellow debater told us that washing dishes makes us happier, so why don’t you tell your mother, “Mom, you are so happy washing dishes, why are you so miserable and let me sit leisurely alone?” How about watching TV here? Is that what it looks like?

Ma Weiwei: The problem is that the happiness of our mothers washing dishes comes from their love for us. If we really love our children, we should also wash the dishes. Don’t you think the other party can do it? Isn't that what you think?

Chen Guokun: According to the opponent’s argument, loving is happier than being loved. If you want to give your parents happiness, should you tell your parents, Mom, love me more. The more you love me, the more you love me. happiness.

Author: Distance_US 2007-1-8 18:37 Reply to this statement

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4 Replies: ◤Argument 41◥→→Which is happier, loving or being loved

The affirmative cross-examines the negative

< p> Huang Lei: A comparative proposition must have a standard for comparison. May I ask the other party, what is the standard for happier people?

Wu Tian: This is happier. I don’t think we can find a particularly fair and objective standard today, because happiness is a subjective feeling after all, but we can use our own experience and everyone’s feelings. , to appreciate which one is happier, and we not only want to see who is happier when a person is loving or being loved, but also, facing the same love, whether the person who gives love is happy or the person who is loved is happy.

Huang Lei: Unfortunately, this question has been ruthlessly avoided. In fact, according to the two examples you gave, one is for the father to cover himself with a quilt, and the other is for the child to wash the dishes. Does it mean that he will be happier if he gets better satisfaction and better external enjoyment?

Wu Tian: I think this is indeed happier, because when my father covers me with quilt, I enjoy the warmth of father's love very well. Why am I not happier than my father? Woolen cloth?

Huang Lei: Will people be happier if external conditions are superior? Logically speaking, you should be happier in an apartment than in a flat thatched house! You should be happier with delicacies from mountains and seas than simple meals! Is a bowl of Jajangmyeon happier than half a bowl of Jajangmyeon?

Wu Tian: The other debater asked a lot of questions, but I think the key is that the person covering the quilt is my father. He not only covers me with the quilt, but also covers me. When I was quilted, it contained all the deep affection of father's love. When I was quilted by him, I felt the warmth of father's love. Is it more than the warmth of an eiderdown quilt?

Huang Lei: In fact, according to this logical deduction, the happiest thing for a woman is to marry a millionaire. She may be taken care of by him, but she will have endless food and drink. It means you are happier. Is this consistent with our common sense?

Wu Tian: Didn’t I say that the happier time is when you get the most money? I feel happier when there is someone who truly loves me, who loves me selflessly, and fully hopes that I will live a better life than him. That is when I will truly be happiest.

Huang Lei: If you hope to live a better life than him, can you prove that being loved makes you happier? I am loved by my mother, and I also hope that the mother who loves me will be happier. Doesn’t this naturally prove that my mother will be happier if she loves me?

Wu Tian: Therefore, love plus being loved is the happiest thing. Therefore, using the argument of hope cannot prove the other party’s argument.

Rebuttal

The negative side refutes the positive side

Zhao Hui (negative side): Today, in the name of love, the opponent’s fellow debaters gave us some special suggestions. A lovely argument, but it’s a pity that the truth goes one step further and turns into a fallacy. Let us first take a look at the extra step the other student took. Where is it? Today, the other classmate told us how to be happier through the way to get happiness. What did they say? They said that the happiness of loving is the happiness that I actively pursue, and the happiness of being loved is what I get after being cared for. It is happiness that I get passively, so loving is happier than being loved.

But the question is why the happiness I actively pursue must be happier than the happiness I get passively? Today I can actively make money, or I can passively receive a large inheritance suddenly. Can you say that I earn more actively than I passively receive? Today I can take the initiative to bake a pie, but I don’t rule out the possibility that a pie suddenly falls in front of me. So why do the pies I bake proactively get better than the ones I get passively? Bigger and more delicious, this is number one.

Second, the other classmate told us that helping others is the basis of happiness, so when I fall in love with someone, I will be unconditionally happy, just like Nightingale, and Germany Come nun, not to mention whether this is really the case, if someone fell in love with me today, and he poured me a glass of water, he felt very happy in his heart, then I didn’t do anything, and someone came to pour me a glass of water. If I drink, am I happier? Then the other classmate talked about the value advocacy of society, saying that if we advocate that it is happier to be loved than to love, no one will love others, and everyone will wait for others to love, but if we think about it, when we fall in love What do we think about when we are alone? We are thinking that we can make this person happier through our love. What we think is that as long as you live a better life than me, I can do whatever I want.

The affirmative refutes the negative

Huang Lei (positive): Thank you, Chairman. The other party told us that if you take another step beyond the truth, it is a fallacy, but we know that happiness is a process that needs to be pursued. , if the other person just stays put, happiness may never come to you.

The other party’s argument told us four points. Let’s think about them one by one. First, he gave an example of a father covering his child with a quilt. In fact, my father also covered me with a quilt. I felt very happy, but What is being compared here is the happiness comparison of being loved or not. Why do I feel happier? It’s because if my father doesn’t cover me with a quilt, then I don’t have anyone to cover me with a quilt at this time. I feel pain, but at this time someone covers me with a quilt. Quilt, it means being loved is better than not being loved. It cannot explain why? Let’s think about it. According to today’s logic of comparing loving and being loved, how should we give this example? Let's put it this way: today my father covers me with a quilt, and one day in the future, I will also become a father, and I will also cover my children with a quilt. Am I happier at this time? This is the correct comparison for today's example. The second point is that the opponent’s fellow debater told us that love always requires repayment. When repaying love, you should hope that the person you love will love you back. I think love is not like this. Love does need repayment, but not the other person. How to describe the rewards we are talking about can be easily understood by giving an example. Our teacher today has worked hard, and he hopes to get something in return. He hopes, but the reward is not that students come to see him with big bags and small bags, but that he hopes to see his students all over the world. Does a mother's love need to be reciprocated? Need does not mean that the child should give back to oneself, but that the mother sees that the child can spread his wings and fly in his own field like the other party's friends. This is the return that love needs. The third point is that the opponent’s fellow debater told me that great people are sacrificed, they can be noble, they can be unhappy, it’s easy to understand with a simple example, Kong Rong gave up the pear, and giving the pear is always unhappy. , but is happiness compared to pear like this? The process of giving is a truly happy experience. The other debater undoubtedly argued that the happiest feeling is the satisfaction after getting something for nothing. Is this reasonable?

Debate 1

Xue Le (affirmative): The other party said that mothers want their children to be happier, so children are happier when they are loved. I would like to ask you, when a child is loved by his mother, what should he do? Don’t you also want your mother who loves you to be happier?

Chen Xiaohuan (opposition): Maybe.

But what I want to say is that when the other debater mentioned the example of father and son just now, he was wrong. He said that what we compared was the happiness of my son when he was loved and when he was not loved, and what we compared was Regarding the happiness of a father's love and a child's being loved, please explain to the other debater: Which is happier, a father's love for his son or a son's love?

Xue Le: Let me tell you, it is indeed happy for a child to be covered with a quilt by his father. If one day we grow up and can cover our elderly father with a quilt, wouldn’t it be a good thing? Wouldn’t we feel happier?

Chen Xiaohuan: I will feel happier, but when a father sees his son who he raised with his own hands covering himself with a quilt, will this father feel happier?

Xue Le: Thank you fellow debater, I have told you that when we are loved by our father, we are happy, but when our loving father covers him with a quilt, we are even happier. I would like you to continue to answer my question. If the mother wants her child to be happier, she can argue that she is happier. Does it mean that if the child wants her mother to be happier than herself, can we argue our position?

Chen Xiaohuan: Sorry! "Hope" is the reductio ad absurdum of the opponent's fellow debater, but I think if I had not made the reductio ad absurdum today, I should have listened to the opponent's opponent's argument when he said that loving is active and being loved is passive. I think just now I When Fang refuted the argument, he already pointed out that active love must be more than passive love?

Xue Le: Friend the other party, when Ah Q loves Wu Ma, is Wu Ma being loved? Please tell me, how can Mother Wu feel satisfied and happy like you said when she is loved? If she is so satisfied and happy, why does she need to hit Ah Q?

Chen Xiaohuan: Ah Q loves Ma Wu, and even Ma Wu beats him. Do you think Ah Q is happier than Ma Wu?

Xue Le: Friend of the opposing debate, can you tell us that it turns out that Wu Ma was happier than Ah Q when she hit Ah Q?

(The time for the affirmative is up)

Chen Xiaohuan: I didn’t say that Wu’s mother is happier, but think about it, when you love someone, the other debater’s argument is that you You can grasp your happiness, but when you are rejected, can you grasp your happiness? No, when you are accepted, the happiness is not controlled by you, but by the other party. Therefore, the other party’s argument cannot be established.

Confrontation 2

Chen Xiaohuan (opposition): Let me ask you, if there is a woman named Ahua next to me today, I fold a thousand paper cranes for her for seven days and seven nights, but she But I just took the waste paper for recycling. Am I still happy in my heart?

Ma Weiwei (positive): Of course you are in pain because you expect to be loved. This is the pain caused by expecting to be loved, which is the pain caused by emphasizing that being loved makes you happier, so the other party disagrees. What about a man waiting for love!

Chen Xiaohuan: But if I don’t love that girl, why should I expect to be loved? If I didn't love that girl, why would I spend seven days and seven nights folding that paper crane and eventually turn it into waste paper for recycling?

Ma Weiwei: If we don’t love because we are afraid that love will bring pain, then you can only keep waiting. Let me ask my fellow debaters, you told us that love always expects something in return. If this is really the case, when the Titanic sank, Jack should have said to Rose, do you love me or not? If not, I will immediately Climbing onto the sampan and squeezing you off, I won’t say to her: You have to live a good life.

Chen Xiaohuan: But think about it, ladies here, if a man is willing to sacrifice his life for you, wouldn’t you feel the happiest in your heart? Let’s ask the other party’s debate partner another question. If you are still persistent today, I will go and show my love to her with flowers. But she slapped me and said, I don't love you, am I happy in my heart?

Ma Weiwei: Of course it will be painful. We have never said that love will not bring pain, just like being loved can also bring pain, just like the example of Ah Q and Wu Ma.

But do you stop loving or being loved because you are afraid of pain?

Chen Xiaohuan: Whether it’s Wu’s mother’s example or mine, does the other debater want to tell us that being slapped is happiness?

Ma Weiwei: Have we ever said this to our fellow debaters? You tell us that noble love is unhappy, and happy love is not noble. Then I would like to ask, which part of the people in the world should be responsible for being noble and unhappy, and which part of the people should be responsible for being happy and not noble?

Chen Xiaohuan: Everyone should give others happiness. Our fellow debaters have always told us that today we have to pursue happiness, so loving is happier than being loved, but we cannot think from another angle. , we give greater happiness to the people we love, and being loved is happier than loving, so when we love, can't we think in such a great way?

Ma Weiwei: My fellow debater, no matter how many different angles you think of it, you can’t help divide the world into two categories and deprive them of their right to be noble and happy.

(The time for the affirmative is up)

Chen Xiaohuan: The other party’s theoretical point today is to keep telling us that because you have to pursue happiness, because loving is happier than being loved, it can bring you There are so many benefits, so you go ahead and love, but is our love like this?

Ask a question from the guest

Ask a question from the guest Wang Weiqing: I would like to ask the second debate student of the affirmative.

Huang Lei (positive): OK, thank you.

Wang Weiqing: When you were making your argument just now, you defined happiness as the realization of a value that is recognized by society. If your starting point for love is wrong, it will not be recognized by society, and it will not cause any harm to society. Positive effects, will you feel happier?

Huang Lei: Thank you for the guest’s question. In fact, we say that where does human happiness come from? It comes from the satisfaction of desires. People have two types of desires. On the one hand, as the other party said, the external environment , the satisfaction brought by external material conditions; on the one hand, it is the need to realize the value of life, so we think the latter is deeper than the former. Maybe the realization of your personal value will not be recognized by society. We frankly admit that there are indeed some personal values ??that have been realized. For example, some drug addicts and smugglers will not have their value recognized. As we said, love will bring pain and may also bring disapproval. In fact, in the same case, if the opposite party is loved, it will also bring disapproval and pain. So when both parties are happier, It is a richer comparison between bringing happiness and bringing happiness, rather than a comparison of who is more painful, otherwise the other party can only compare, the pain caused by loving and the happiness brought by being loved, and the pain is compared with happiness. Using the same logic, we can also compare the happiness brought by love and the pain caused by being loved. In this way, the argument will be meaningless.

Questioner Yu Lei: From the perspective of fairness, I would also like to ask the second debater on the opposing side, classmate Chen Xiaohuan.

Chen Xiaohuan (opposition): Thank you.

Yu Lei: In your argument, you mentioned that there is love that does not ask for anything in return, and this kind of love that does not ask for anything in return means that it is happier to be loved than to love. For example, Nightingale sacrificed her own happiness in exchange for the happiness of more people. But if we analyze it carefully, we will find that while Nightingale gave his love, she realized her own happiness. Value has become a symbol of the angel in white, which is the realization of human self-worth. In Maslow's hierarchy of needs, this is the highest level. The question I want to ask you is, is there any difference between this highest level, the satisfaction of self-worth realization, and the lower level, the satisfaction of the realization of physiological desires? If there is a difference, which one is happier?

Chen Xiaohuan: Thank you Yu Lei for your question. I think there is a difference between this high-level love and low-level love. As we said when we made the argument, one expects repayment and the other does not expect repayment. Then I think the question asked by the guest just now is about those high-level people who do not expect anything in return. When they sacrifice their own happiness, they also realize their personal value and social value. I think my answer is that they are also happy.

Why? Because today we have never denied that love is happiness. We have no differences on this point. We say that being loved is happier than loving. Therefore, when that great person sacrifices his own happiness, he personally The value has been realized, but for those who are loved by his great love, I think their happiness should be greater. This is our opinion and we hope it satisfies you.

Questioner Jiang Changjian: I asked the third debater on the affirmative side for advice. When I got this topic, a friend of mine told me that he said this problem in our family is quite simple. He said that he loves his wife. He said that a large part of his motivation for love comes from his understanding that being loved is happier than loving, so he paid for his love. I would like to ask if his understanding subverts your position.

Ma Weiwei (positive): In fact, every one of us who gives love selflessly has not subverted any position at all, because when we love someone, of course, as the other debater said, we hope that he will Happier than myself, but this is just a hope, why can't it become a reality? This may be a question in everyone's mind. In fact, this is caused by the limitations of being loved, because people's happiness needs actually have two levels. The first is the lower level, which is the satisfaction brought by the improvement of living environment; the second Level, that is, the sense of satisfaction brought by the realization of one's self-worth. But when a person is loved, no matter how much the person who loves you does for you, it can only improve the environment around you, but it cannot allow you to realize your own value, so it is impossible to complete a deeper and more profound love. level of satisfaction, so you can never be happier than the person you love. So when we love everyone, whether it is a mother who loves her child, or we love our lover, we hope that he can love what he loves. This is why every mother says when teaching her children, you must learn to like.

Questioning guest Lu Yiming: In response, I also asked the third debater from the opposing side.

Wu Tian (opposition): Thank you.

Lu Yiming: We know that loving or being loved may be a continuous process over a period of time. We magnify love and see that when we give love to those in need, they will be helped. People, they receive love, they are loved. So from Nightingale's perspective, who is happier about his living conditions or the hungry African people he helped? !

Wu Tian: Who is happier in this state of living? If we look at the state of living alone, the hungry people may not be happy. After all, Nightingale is still a nurse, so he can live in a more elegant place. room, or at least he could be fed and clothed. But what I want to say is that happiness is not only the level of survival, it also includes the realization of value, or a kind of emotional comfort that the other debater just mentioned, because we said that for those hungry people in Africa, No one has ever loved them like this, no one has ever truly cared about them, appreciated them, and given them real human dignity. So when an angel like Nightingale gives them such love, I think those hungry people will be happier than Nightingale. Free Debate

Zhang Jun: I would like to ask my fellow debater, is love without expectation of return happier?

Wu Tian: Love that does not expect anything in return is happier than love that expects something in return, but this is just a comparison between love and love. Those who love someone who expects something in return will be happier.

Xue Le: The other party told us that Nightingale achieved the happiness of others by sacrificing his own happiness. The other party also told us that Nightingale was happy. Can you please demonstrate how a person can achieve happiness? To achieve your own happiness by sacrificing your own happiness?

Chen Guokun: Because love itself is happiness, this is recognized by everyone. Today the other party told us that taking the initiative means happiness. I really hope that the other party’s fellow debaters will give me some money based on this point of view.

Ma Weiwei: If those who give are not as happy as those who receive, then the Nobel Peace Prize should be renamed the Nobel Charitable Foundation.

Wu Tian: But I think those who won the Nobel Prize were happy when they won the prize, but why did they say they were happy? Because in addition to winning the prize, there are also others His family loves him deeply, and he enjoys the happiness of being loved. I would like to ask the other debater, if what you take the initiative to get is happier, why are those who are loved by them happier?

Huang Lei: The other party told us that when you give, you are the one who gives. You are sacrificing happiness. Everyone here just gave me a lot of applause. I feel that I am loved by you. Are you sacrificing happiness?

Chen Xiaohuan: We are saying that in some cases, you sacrifice your own happiness to give happiness to others. Let’s think about it. If you sacrifice your own happiness, you will gain greater happiness. Is this called sacrifice or investment?

Xue Le: My fellow debater, happiness is not Kong Rong’s pear. If you give it to others, you won’t have it yourself. I would like to ask my fellow debater, if happiness can be sacrificed, why did the medical staff fighting SARS have to stay away from the care of their families and make selfless sacrifices?

Hope this helps