Author: Insight Neo Today I use my arrogance to bully others, and I expect that in the future people will also use their arrogance to bully me and my descendants. Some people say that according to the "Three Immortality" standards of meritorious service, virtue and reputation, China's 5,000-year history has produced two semi-saints in one day. The first two saints are Confucius and Wang Yangming, while the last half-saint is Zeng Guofan was "the first of the four famous resurgence officials in the late Qing Dynasty". However, more than his personal fame and honor, Zeng Guofan is more praised by the world for his family management that has been passed down for hundreds of years. The family of the five Zeng brothers stretches Nearly 200 years later, it has been passed down to the eighth generation, and Zeng Guofan has two sons. The eldest son Zeng Jize is a famous diplomat, and the second son Zeng Jihong is a famous mathematician. Zeng Guangjun was awarded Jinshi at the age of 23. Zeng Yuenong and Zeng Baosun were both university presidents and educators at home and abroad, and most of them have been successful in their studies until now. There has never been a useless person, let alone a dandy. The secret is nothing more than the two words left by Zeng Guofan in his book of commandments: The way to be a man, there are thousands of words from sages, but they are basically "respect". The word "forgiveness". 01 In "Ting Jing", Zeng Guofan once told his children a story. There was an old man living in Heye Pond in his hometown. One day, he wanted to invite distinguished guests to his house, so the old man asked his son to come. He went to buy some food and wine on the street, but his son went out with an empty basket and didn't come back until sunset. The old man went out to look for it, but saw a strange scene on the ridge of a paddy field halfway: his son was carrying a basket. The man was standing there carrying the load, and opposite him stood a man carrying the load. You were looking at me, and I was looking at you, motionless. The old man became furious and scolded his son: "The food and drinks are waiting for you at home." But standing here like a dead person, what on earth are you going to do? The son said aggrievedly: "He wouldn't let me pass." The old man immediately smiled at the man and said, "Brother, let him come over!" The man said angrily: "You are so partial. Why don't you ask your son to go to the fields and let me go first?" "The old man replied patiently: "Brother, you are tall and others are short. Besides, you are groceries and he is food. Your goods can get wet, but his goods cannot get wet. " After this explanation, the man opposite not only did not accept it, but became even more angry: " "He is smaller than me. He should let me, but I can't let him." Seeing this, the old man had no choice but to take off his shoes and socks and said: "" Come on, come on, I'm the only one going to the fields. " When the man saw the old man doing this, he felt very sorry and shouted quickly: " Since I am taking so much trouble, I will go down to the paddy field and let you carry the burden. "After saying that, he immediately went down to the paddy field to make way. As the saying goes: "You respect me one foot, and I respect you one foot." Respect is mutual. People are like this. If you are arrogant to me, then I will never do it. You can't suffer a loss. But if one party shows respect, the other party will definitely repay it with respect. "Zeng Guofan's Family Letter" once said: "The children of rich families are more arrogant than the children of noble families." "Children of officials and officials are prone to the habit of arrogance, arrogance, and contempt for others. Zeng Guofan emphasized the importance of "respect" in running a family because he was well aware of the impact of arrogance on leading to the decline of a family. And the heart of reverence is the basis for avoiding arrogance and starting a family. Zeng Guofan taught his children: "Cultivation of oneself is based on Tao, cultivation of Tao is based on people, cultivation of people is based on filial piety, and filial piety is based on respect." " When you treat your relatives with respect and love, you can have a harmonious family. When you treat others with respect, you will not cause trouble. When you treat your career with respect, you can make steady progress. Zeng Guofan wrote in "The Book of Commandments": " "The main respect will make the body strong, and the main respect will make the body strong. , neat and solemn on the outside, focused, quiet and pure on the inside, untiring in the village, so the body is strong. " Compare yourself to your heart. Only when a person knows how to respect others will others respect you. Therefore, ""Respect" is the foundation of a person's life and the foundation of a family. 02 2. Forgiveness Zeng Guofan often said: ""There is no greater kindness than forgiveness. . If you forgive others with a heart that forgives yourself, you will be friends with others; if you blame yourself with a heart that blames others, you will have few faults.

"If a person forgives others with the mentality of forgiving himself, his friendship with others will become deeper and deeper, and he will have more and more friends. If he blames himself with the mentality of blaming others, he will make fewer and fewer mistakes. . If you practice the word "forgiveness" well, you will have more friends, good popularity, and the road will become wider and wider. Zeng Guofan was always hungry for talents as an official, so there were times when he was deceived. Once, a man pretended to be a school official and came to visit him. Zeng Guofan was overjoyed when he saw that this man was very clever in his speech and talked about the need to avoid deception in employing people. He said to him, "You can go to the military camp and observe the people I use." "The next day I met with a group of generals. This man said to Zeng Guofan in a serious manner: "There are many heroes and heroes in the army, but I found two gentleman-like talents among them. " Zeng Guofan hurriedly asked who he was? The person immediately recommended Tu Zongying and Guo Yuantang. Both of them were outstanding figures in the army. Zeng Guofan thought that this person had great vision, so he treated him as an honored guest. However, he could not find a suitable position for him, so he He was temporarily assigned to supervise the construction of ship artillery. Unexpectedly, a few days later, this man actually escaped with a huge amount of money. Embezzling public funds was a serious case. His subordinates suggested that this criminal be arrested immediately. Zeng Guofan was silent for a long time, sighed, waved his hand, and said: " " Forget it, forget it, let him go. "Everyone was puzzled, and Zeng Guofan said: ""No one can bear to be bullied; no one can bear to be bullied." " A few days later, his subordinates asked him why he didn't send troops to pursue him. Zeng Guofan said: " "This man is just for money. If he is pursued closely, he will definitely escape to the Taiping Army, which is not good." Forget it. " Su Dongpo said, move forward and retreat freely, be unfazed by favors or disgrace. In fact, it refers to a strategy of doing things. Don't say everything, don't do things absolutely, and leave room for everything. Zeng Guofan said in his admonition to his younger brother: ""Today I am at Even in good times, I anticipate that there will be adverse times in the future. Today, I use my arrogance to bully others, and I anticipate that in the future, people will also use their arrogance to bully me, or my descendants. If you always use the word "forgiveness" to be wary of yourself and always leave room for others, you will have fewer difficulties. "To leave room for others in life is to leave a way out for yourself. Everyone has hard lessons, no one is perfect, and everyone has helplessness. No one is guaranteed to be successful in life. Maybe one day, the person who gives you a hand will be the right one. It is the person you are laughing at. Historian Qian Daxin once said: "If you slander yourself and are untruthful, you don't need to defend yourself." There is indeed a reason for slander, and it cannot be stopped without relying on one's own self-cultivation and progress. "Being magnanimous allows us to check ourselves. Magnanimity itself is a kind of wisdom. It is not only a face to face with one's own shortcomings, but also confidence in one's own strength. Being sincere, generous and tolerant, and not going to extremes when things happen, not only make Zeng Guofan improved his personality and made fewer enemies. More importantly, the harmonious interpersonal relationships also made the world support and sincerely help the Zeng family. This is why the Zeng family was able to survive many critical moments in history. Ji, an important reason for continuous prosperity. In the 29th year of Daoguang (1849), Zeng Guofan, who had been in the capital for more than ten years and was making great progress in his career, was not as prosperous as he seemed on the surface. In the letter he wrote to his brothers that year, He revealed his endless anxiety about family inheritance: ""I think carefully about all the official families in the world, just one generation can enjoy everything. Their descendants were arrogant at first, then overflowing, and finally ravaged. There are very few who can survive for one or two generations. In a businessman's family, those who are diligent and thrifty can survive for three or four generations. In a family of farming and reading, those who are honest and simple can survive for five or six generations. The family of filial friends can last for ten or eight generations. "The most important thing for family inheritance is not wealth, not knowledge, but virtue. "The two words "respect and Shu" are the way of life that Zeng Guofan left to future generations. The ancients said that in this society with diversified values, we can also abide by the word "respect and forgiveness" and start from cultivating ourselves as adults, so as to save ourselves and our families. The confidence to walk in the world.