I want to be healthy, but I can’t change my bad habits; I want to lose weight, but I can’t control my mouth; I want to save money, but I can’t control the urge to consume…

Everyone wants to become self-disciplined, and everyone wants to be a better version of themselves. But no matter how hard they try, most people end up failing.

So, we can only fall into deep despair and keep asking ourselves: What should I do?

To truly achieve self-discipline, you need to first understand why self-discipline is so difficult?

01. The pursuit of timely feedback is the biggest obstacle to self-discipline.

Psychologists once conducted an experiment: inserting an electrode into the brain of a monkey, as long as the monkey presses a button, it can immediately experience a very stimulating feeling, but with this At the same time, this stimulation will cause huge harm to the monkey's body. Then the psychologist guides the monkey to press this button. After the monkey experiences the first stimulus, it will keep pressing this button repeatedly. How long will it last? You can't stop until you die.

Monkeys’ behavior is indeed crazy, but aren’t we humans the same? When I see delicious food, I can’t control my appetite until I can’t eat any more; I’m addicted to a game, so I throw myself into it without sleep and food, and before I know it, it’s dawn; I’m obsessed with a TV series, and I just want to watch another episode. When I go to bed, I end up watching another 100 million episodes; when it comes to Double Eleven, I throw things into my shopping cart when I see something I like, regardless of whether I will use it in the future...

However, if you are asked to go to the gym, you may go a few times and find that there is no effect, and then never go again; if you want to go on a diet to lose weight, you insist on eating vegetables and fruits for a few days, but find that you have not lost a few pounds, and then start again Overeating; trying to save money to buy a house, but after saving for a month or two, I found that it was far away, so I became a moonlighter again; I wanted to learn a certain skill, but after practicing for a few days, I found that I still couldn’t do it, so I gave up directly Now...

Why do we have completely different mentality when we face these two types of things? Because the former can bring you strong and timely feedback, but the latter requires long-term persistence to see the effect. But instinctively, we are no different from the monkey above. If we want something, we are eager to get it immediately, even at some cost.

In fact, in modern society, there is also a button like the one in the experiment above, which is online shopping.

In the past, if you wanted to buy something, you had to go to the mall. Now that you have to go out, you have to take time to clean yourself up, right? After you go out, you still have to spend a certain amount of time to reach your destination, right? The thought of having to spend so much time and effort to buy what you want may lessen your urge to shop, and you may not waste money on that item.

But with the development of the Internet, now you only need to sit at home and turn on your mobile phone to browse a variety of products. These products will also use various methods to attract your attention and arouse your desire. It seems that as long as you buy it, you will become a beautiful and successful person. And once your desire is aroused, you only need to gently press the payment button to realize your desire immediately. So without realizing it, you buy too many things that are of no use to you at all. Only later, when I saw my precarious financial situation, did I regret it and feel that I wasted money. But when faced with the same situation next time, I still couldn't control my impulse. So, we become like the monkey above, constantly pressing the shopping button.

Therefore, a strong desire for this kind of timely feedback is the biggest obstacle to our pursuit of self-discipline.

02. To combat “timely feedback”, we need to learn “delayed gratification”

“Delayed gratification” means: in order to better meet our needs, we You should give up some needs first and wait until the time is right to realize your own satisfaction.

For example, next time when you see something you like online, before you press the payment button, you might as well stop and think: I am spending so much money to buy this thing. Is it worth it? If I save money, will it be of greater value in the future?

I know this is simple to say, but difficult to do.

Because "delayed gratification" is not an instinct we are born with, it needs to be cultivated, and many people are not cultivated correctly.

Just imagine, when a baby is just born, he will eat when he is hungry, sleep when he is sleepy, and cry when he is annoyed. They are completely pursuing "timely feedback", because if they don't pursue this kind of "timely feedback", they may not even be able to survive. Therefore, pursuing this kind of "immediate feedback" is innate in us, but "delayed gratification" is not.

In the development of a baby, parents can slowly establish this "delayed gratification" model through patient cultivation. But many parents ignore this point, and instead unconsciously strengthen our pursuit of "timely feedback".

For example, we may have all had this experience. When you were a child, you saw a toy that you particularly liked, and you couldn't wait for your parents to buy it for you. But your parents said: "I didn't bring any money today, so I'll buy it for you tomorrow." You might have believed them at first, but by the next day, they had completely forgotten about it. When they buy it for you, they say they will buy it for you tomorrow. Gradually, you no longer believe in them, and deep down in your heart, you have formed the belief that if I can't get something now, I will definitely never get it again in the future. Therefore, in your future life, you will only pursue "immediate gratification" without forming any awareness of "delayed gratification".

Therefore, in order to truly achieve "delayed gratification", we need to break our previous deep-rooted beliefs and then subconsciously cultivate "delayed gratification" through our own efforts. This process may require a lot of effort and patience, but only when we develop this awareness of "delayed gratification" can we effectively combat the pursuit of "timely feedback" and then truly establish the habit of self-discipline .

03. Self-discipline is not about sacrificing yourself, but about pursuing something more valuable to yourself.

Finally, a misunderstanding that needs to be clarified is: Many people think that self-discipline means trying to restrain their impulses, suppress their desires, and then make themselves conform to public standards. In fact, self-discipline does not require us to sacrifice our own desires, but to give up some secondary things to help us get those more important things, so that we can become a better version of ourselves.

For example, the main reason why you eat healthily and keep exercising is not to suppress your desire for food, nor to force yourself to sacrifice your rest time, but to make your body healthier and healthier. Your body will be slimmer and you will be more attractive. Seeing this, we have enough motivation to become self-disciplined.

If we want to do something successfully, we must think clearly about why we do it? What benefits will this bring to yourself?

Okay, that’s it for today’s article. If you have any questions or thoughts, please leave a message in the comment area below, and I will try my best to reply to you!