Life is like playing chess. It's sad that you make one mistake and lose everything. Moreover, life is not as good as playing chess, so it is impossible to play another game and regret it.
Sigmund Freud
Anyone with perfect facial features must know that he can't keep secrets. If his lips are closed, his fingertips will talk; Even every pore in his body will betray him.
William James
Sow an action and reap a habit; Sow a habit and gain a character; Sow a character and reap a destiny.
Some words of Maslow about young people
(1) Fully and accurately perceive reality. Self-actualizers' perception of the world is objective, comprehensive and accurate, because when they perceive the world, they will not be mixed with their subjective wishes and prejudices, or have self-defense, but reflect it according to the original appearance of the objective world. On the contrary, the mentally unhealthy people perceive the world in their own subjective way, and they try to make the world conform to their subjective wishes, anxieties and worries.
(2) accept nature, oneself and others. Self-actualizers can accept the shortcomings and defects of nature, themselves and others without worrying about these defects. Of course, they will treat the deficiencies and defects that can be transformed or adjusted with a positive attitude, while they can let nature take its course for those deficiencies and defects that cannot be changed, and they will not have a hard time with themselves, others and nature.
(3) Be spontaneous, frank and true to people. In interpersonal communication, self-actualizers tend to reveal their true feelings. They don't pretend or pretend, and their behavior is frank and natural. Generally speaking, they all have enough self-confidence and security, which makes them truly express themselves.
(4) problem-centered, not self-centered. Self-actualizers love what they do, devote themselves to a certain cause or mission, and can go all out. Compared with ordinary people, they work harder and more attentively. For them, work is not really hard work, because happiness lies in work.
(5) It is necessary to be detached from the world and be alone. Self-actualizers guide their lives with their own values and feelings, and do not rely on others for safety and satisfaction. They only rely on themselves. They generally like to be quiet and alone. This is not because they are afraid of others, nor because they want to deliberately escape from reality. Instead, they want to think better and compare more comprehensively under the condition of reducing interference, so as to seek a more reasonable solution to the problem. They are calm and serene, keep calm, and survive or resist all kinds of disasters and misfortunes safely.
(6) It has autonomy and can maintain relative independence in the environment and culture. The motivation of self-actualizers' behavior mainly comes from the need of their own internal development and self-realization (that is, B-drive), not from the need for external supplement due to the lack of some material or spiritual things (D-drive), so they rely more on themselves than the external environment, can resist the pressure of external environment and culture, and independently exert their thinking ability, self-guidance and self-management.
(7) It has a never-fading appreciation. Self-actualizers can maintain a strange and enduring appreciation of the surrounding reality and fully experience all the beautiful things in nature and life. They won't be used to it and lose their sensitivity because of the repetition of things. On the contrary, they are as fresh and wonderful to every newborn, every sunrise or dusk as when they first saw it.
(8) Have an indescribable peak experience. Peak experience is a kind of intense, ecstasy or awe emotional experience that people feel. When it comes, people will feel infinite beauty, have great strength, confidence and determination, and even ordinary daily activities can be promoted to overwhelming and wonderful activities. Maslow believes that everyone has the potential to enjoy the peak experience, but only self-actualizers are more likely to get this experience more often.
(9) Be full of love for people. Self-actualizers care not only about their friends and relatives, but also about all mankind. They regard helping the poor and suffering people as their bounden duty, have a strong sense of sharing joys and sorrows with all people, and do everything possible to think of others. In the eyes of self-actualizers, the happiness of others is their own happiness, and they have liberated themselves from the cage of meeting their own narrow needs.
(1) Have a deep friendship. Self-actualizers pay attention to friendship with friends, although the number of friends they make is small; The peer circle is relatively small, but the friendship is deep and full. As far as the understanding of love is concerned, they believe that love should be completely selfless, at least it should be as important as giving love and receiving love. They can care about the growth and development of their loved ones as much as they care about themselves.
(11) Have the spirit of democracy. Self-actualizers are modest, respect others' rights and personalities, and are good at listening to different opinions. For them, social class, educational process, religious belief, race or skin color are all unimportant. What matters is whether they master the truth. Self-actualizers have little prejudice and are willing to learn from anyone who is worth learning.
(12) distinguish between means and purpose. The behavior of self-actualizers almost always shows the boundary between means and purpose. Generally speaking, they emphasize the purpose, and the means must be subordinate to the purpose. Self-actualizers often regard ordinary people as a means to an end, and take the activity experience as the end itself, so they can experience the fun of the activity itself more than ordinary people.
(l3) creative. This is one of the characteristics of all the objects studied by Maslow, and each of them shows originality and creativity in some way. Although some of them are not necessarily writers, artists or inventors, they have the ability similar to children's naive imagination and have the characteristics of originality, invention and pursuit of innovation.
(14) be humorous and funny. Self-actualizers are good at observing absurd and incongruous phenomena in the world, and can show them properly in a humorous and humorous way. But they will never apply this skill to people with defects. They always sympathize with the unfortunate.
(15) Oppose blind compliance. Self-actualizers are very disgusted with the opinions and behaviors of others at will. They think that people must have their own opinions, and they should stick to what they have determined, regardless of the traditional power or the pressure of public opinion. Their tendency to oppose blind obedience is obviously not a deliberate contempt for cultural traditions or public opinion, but a reflection of their self-reliance and self-improvement personality.
Freud, a western psychologist, once famously said, "No one can keep his inner secrets. Even if his mouth is silent, his fingertips are chattering, and even every pore of him will betray him! ...