Here’s a question: What’s the most hurtful thing your parents did to you? Someone listed some of the most common things parents do, among which "parents' way of speaking" accounts for most of them:

? Threatening at every turn: If you don't obey, your parents will not want you. ?Likes to scold children in vicious words: I might as well raise a dog for you. ?Never reason with children: Why do you only compare with those with poor grades and not with those with good grades...

These words may seem unintentional, but in fact they are like a dull knife, slowly devouring the child. heart.

A UNICEF research report points out that about 67.1% of parents have "emotionally abused" their children. The most common way is verbal humiliation, which "kills" invisible and gives the child the heaviest blow.

There is a saying: A kind word warms you for three winters, but a bad word hurts you for six months. Parents' mouths can say the most beautiful words in the world, making their children happy; they can also say words that are more vicious than venomous tongues, leaving a mark on their children's hearts.

Children are the most emotionally fragile and cannot withstand any blow. Parents' casual remarks often hurt their children the most, especially these three sentences.

1. Why are you so stupid?

A piece of news on the Internet. A boy climbed to the rooftop of the 33rd floor and wanted to end his life because his mother said, "You're so stupid." It turned out that my family bought a refrigerator that day, but something went wrong during delivery. When the boy communicated with his mother on the phone, he couldn't express himself clearly, so the mother scolded him: Why are you so stupid? It's damn good to die.

Then, his father yelled at him again: This can't be done well. It was these words that struck him, and it didn't take long for him to climb up to the rooftop. He even made a video and sent it to his mother, saying he wanted to jump off the building. Later, when the police tried to dissuade him, the boy was still very excited: You can't control it, my parents don't care about me anymore!

It can be seen that the boy was really hurt by his parents. I'm afraid it was his mother's words "Why are you so stupid" that broke the boy's last line of defense and brought him to the brink of despair.

The famous psychologist Marshall Luxemburg said: Maybe we do not think that the way we talk is violent, but language often causes pain to ourselves and others. When parents say derogatory words to their children in a hurry, what they feel is loss, embarrassment, and anger... because children are more sensitive than we think.

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Whatever your parents say, it will give your child a psychological hint, and he will unconsciously "label" himself. When "you are stupid" is said out loud, the child will truly believe that he or she is stupid, which will slowly destroy the child's self-confidence.

Never underestimate the power of a word on a child. The world of children is pure and innocent. Once they are labeled, they will struggle with pain throughout their lives. When a child makes a mistake and wants to be criticized, the most scientific way is to "discuss the matter as it is" and do not escalate it to a judgment of quality and ability.

2. If you don’t obey again, I won’t want you!

When a child is disobedient, what can you say to solve it quickly? Some people say: There is nothing to be afraid of when a child is disobedient. As long as you turn around and leave and say you don't want him anymore, the child will immediately become obedient.

Reminds me of a scene I saw in the community some time ago. A mother takes her two children on a slide. The younger brother peed his pants, and the mother urged the child to go home quickly. But my brother was having so much fun that he refused to go home even if he said nothing. After several attempts to persuade him failed, my mother angrily said to her brother, "If you continue to disobey me, I won't let you go. I have a brother anyway." After that, she turned around and left.

After the boy lost sight of his mother, he immediately panicked and chased her in the direction where her mother left. He even cried and wiped his tears, which looked heartbreaking. Although parents' seemingly threatening words can temporarily make children obedient, have you ever thought that when parents say those words, children feel fear in their hearts and feel abandoned.

According to brain science research, the human brain will build a brain that is unique to that person before the age of three. If a child often has a fear of being "abandoned", it will become part of the brain structure. From then on, there was a lack of security in the brain due to "fear of being abandoned."

A sense of security is a healthy foundation for personal development. Without a sense of security, people will have no power to grow, and people will fall into a state of pain due to tension. Children who are "threatened" always have a gap in their hearts, and it will take a long time to heal.

In psychology, there is a concept of "significant others". People who have an important influence in the process of individual socialization and psychological personality formation, the number one person is parents. With the love of parents, children are most likely to feel safe. Parents are the closest people to their children and the biggest motivation for their children to come into this world.

When children do something inappropriate, we should avoid threats and intimidation. It is best for us to stop and take a look at what is happening inside them at this moment. Acceptance and patience are the most important foundations for a child's growth, so don't push your child away roughly when he needs you.

3. Look at other people’s children!

A poll was launched online. The question was: Which of these words do you hate hearing the most?

Among those who voted, nearly half chose "Look at other people's children." What hurts a child the most is often the most unintentional words from a parent. Parents always use "other people's children" to encourage and encourage their children, but in the end it turns into a heavy blow to their children.

In a program, a top-achieving boy stood on the stage and shouted his grievances: Every time I get a perfect score on a math test, my mother always says that it’s normal for me. Look at other people’s comparisons. You are much better.

A child with the aura of being a top student is filled with grievances because he is "someone else's child". My mother’s answer was even more feeble: I’m just afraid that you’ll be proud and want you to work harder. The boy cried immediately: You can't just look at my shortcomings and not my strengths!

Recommended reading: Adults saying "these words" will bring childhood trauma to children

"Other people's children" have become the object of comparison for parents, but they have also become the biggest growth factor for children. psychological burden. Because parents only see their children's weaknesses, their children's self-confidence will be seriously damaged, and they will be unable to be appreciated and become desperate and have low self-esteem.

Someone once said: A child is a daisy in autumn, but not every flower blooms in spring. Children are unique and what we have to do is accept them as they are. When you see the shining points of other people’s children, please also look at the strengths of your own children. Tell your child: You did a great job, keep working hard next time.

True nobility is to be better than one's own past; real motivation is to refer to one's own past.

4. Good parents have a zipper on their mouths

There is a passage that goes like this: In this cold world, people can survive if they maintain a body temperature that allows them to survive. , not a great quote, but your warm words with body temperature. A casual remark from a parent can make a child warm as spring or as cold as a bone.

Good parents have a zipper in their mouths and never say anything they want to their children. Because every word you say can become a guide for your child's life; the way you look into your child's eyes reflects your evaluation of the child's future.

Every child should be treated with gentleness. "Speak well and obey well" can become the most beautiful "language" for children to grow up. If you truly love children, please see the world in their eyes and accompany them in the vast world towards the most beautiful future.