It is said that other people’s children are the kind that everyone loves, do you want to give them a dozen?

We have also grown from children to adults, and now we have children of our own. Professor Li Meijin said: "What kind of child you want, take him or her in that direction." Because the formation of personality is inseparable from family education.

Who is Professor Li Meijin? A famous criminal psychologist, member of the China Working Committee on Care for the Next Generation, vice president of the China Youth Delinquency Prevention Research Association, and executive director of the China Family Education Society. His representative works include "Who's Sinning", "The Subtle Human Nature" and the book "Heart Raising" that I will share with you soon.

Let me share with you some of the ideas in the book: I hope it will be helpful to you in the process of raising children.

1. Personal nurturing will make children more qualified to control them as they grow up.

Only through the personal nurturing of parents can the emotions established be deeper. Children will form an attachment relationship with their parents. With this attachment relationship, they are more qualified to control the children.

Professor Li Meijin said: "Loving a child does not mean obeying him blindly. As soon as he becomes sensible, he must teach him to behave in a regular manner and understand the boundaries between what he can and cannot do." As the saying goes, there is no rule without rules. .

The author believes that acquired behaviors or reactions have several important characteristics:

1. The first occurrence of a behavior will have a great impact on the character

When a child hits someone or lies for the first time, if you do not stop it at the time, or if you stop it later when the behavior is repeated, the effect will not be as good as stopping it for the first time.

As the saying goes: "Every time there is a first time, there is a second time." It means that bad behavior occurs for the first time. If the development of the situation is not controlled in time, it is easy to repeat the behavior that occurred the first time. Just like a child who just has a cold and cough at first, it may turn into pneumonia if not controlled by medicine.

2. The earlier the behavior of interacting with others occurs, the greater the impact on the character in adulthood.

If the infant has just woken up, or there are people around him at any time. Under the condition, the mood of infants and young children will be more stable and they will generally not cry.

On the contrary, if you wake up when there is no one around you, you will cry very sadly, and the pain of lack of security cannot be soothed in time.

3. Whether the interactive relationship with others is stable and whether the interaction pattern of the caregiver is consistent is also very important for its influence on the personality in adulthood.

As the saying goes: "Which home is where you go?" Generally speaking, children will have similar living habits or personalities to their caregivers. If the caregiver is changed, the child's personality will also change.

Mother and daughter holding hands to cross the road is a common behavior in life, but between Zhang Ailing and her mother, this subtle movement made them feel embarrassed.

Zhang Ailing also said: "When I grow up, I want to return the money I spent on my second aunt (my mother)'s education."

Mother and daughter should obviously be the closest people. , why can't we really get close?

There are three reasons: (1) Zhang Ailing was brought up by the nanny He Gan in her early years, and because she was sent to another room, she called her parents second uncle and second aunt, spending less time with her mother and more separation ( 2) After her parents divorced, she lived with her opium-addicted father and vicious stepmother (3) When she was a young girl, she lived with her mother and aunt who had new ideas.

Frequent changes of guardians have led to an increase in the psychological distance between Zhang Ailing and her guardians, and a serious lack of security.

4. A person’s personality is basically formed when he enters adolescence, and his personality is basically stable by adulthood.

Influenced by the feudal society, the behaviors of the nannies taught Zhang Ailing in disguise the old concept of male superiority and female inferiority, so that as an adult, Zhang Ailing became very independent in thought and personality. And because of the frequent changes of guardians, she developed a sensitive and reticent character.

0 6 years old is the child's attachment period. At this time, Zhang Ailing is attached to the nanny He Gan. The nanny itself is a servant and will not treat the child like a parent. Her mother, who was strict with Zhang Ailing, ran away from home because she disagreed with her father's views, so she spent less time with her children and more separation. Gradually, in Zhang Ailing's heart, she no longer knew anyone from her relatives.

There is an ancient saying: "When you are infertile when you are young, you will become a crooked tree when you grow up." Today, the famous crosstalk actor Guo Degang said: "If you manage him well, you will know the benefits when he grows up." It can be seen that this is an excellent parenting scripture throughout the ages.

2. Delay gratification and train children's patience

I remember Guo Degang said in an interview: "When his son was a child, he had to wait for his brothers to eat first, and then Guo Qilin could finish. Eat." Because Guo Degang's apprentices all stayed at the master's house.

Now active in public, the excellent Guo Qilin, who is a child of other people’s families, can also speak well in cross talk and act well. All excellence is traceable.

To cultivate children's patience, we must start from every step in life. Sometimes it is even more necessary to be "ruthless". The reality is that nowadays we want our children to be successful, but at the same time we are afraid of making our children suffer. This approach is not advisable.

3. Children who endure hardship in their early years will have stronger psychological endurance

Guo Degang once said in terms of parenting, "When I bully him enough, no one will be able to tolerate him in society." Bully him." The "bullying" in his mouth is not really bullying, it is just to set rules and principles for him, and not to be rough in words.

Guo Qilin is also famous for his good temper in the entertainment industry and is very polite in dealing with others, thus winning unanimous praise from fans.

Coincidentally, Zhong Nanshan experienced the Japanese invasion of China when he was more than one year old. His little body was crushed under the rubble, but it was his grandmother who saved him.

Because Grandpa Zhong Nanshan loves swimming, his father scolded him for bathing in the river when he was a child. Until now, his 80-square-meter home also has a small gym, and he has a strong physique through years of exercise.

The sufferings he had suffered in the past have become stepping stones under his feet rather than stepping stones. And because of his persistence in loving sports, he is still able to engage in such a high-intensity job even in his 80s. Only then did we have the responsibility to rush to Wuhan at the beginning of the epidemic.

In general, the three points mentioned in the book "Heart Raising" are as follows:

First, through personal nurturing, you will be more qualified to control your children as they grow. ;Then there is delayed gratification to train children's patience; the last point is also the point that parents are least willing to face, allowing children to endure hardship in their early years to train children's psychological endurance. Suffering hardship in the early years is the education of setbacks often mentioned in education lectures. The stories in the book are all from real life examples. Let’s take a look at Professor Li Meijin’s popular science book "Heart Raising" to tell the story.

Written at the end:

Everything in the past is a prologue. There is no bitterness in life, just to make the later times sweeter; there is no road in vain, just like Mr. Lu Xun As the saying goes: "There is no road in the world. When more people walk, it becomes a road." Therefore, if you want your children to be who they want to be in the future, you must lead them in that direction now.

Just like the famous saying on the Internet: "Third-rate parents are nannies, second-rate parents are coaches, and first-rate parents are leaders." I hope you and I can become first-rate parents through study and raise legendary children. Children of “other people’s families”.