In the public service short film "Every child deserves to be loved", a little girl grew up in an environment of domestic violence.

Dad drinks heavily and often abuses his mother.

Once, because of a skirt, my mother was severely beaten. She tried to stop her, but her father threw her away and drove her out of the house.

Mom never cares about her and her brother, and dad is cold and selfish. Every time there is a war at home, she and her brother are indifferent.

Later, my father was arrested for domestic violence and my mother lost custody. She was completely abandoned.

It was not until she met her adoptive mother that she felt the long-lost warmth.

The foster mother loves her as her own daughter, cares about her and makes her happy.

One day, her foster mother gave her a beautiful skirt.

This skirt reminds her of the scene when her parents were young because of a beautiful skirt.

So she yelled at her foster mother and even tore her skirt on the spot.

She felt that she was an abandoned and neglected child, and that strong psychological and emotional attack turned her into an angry person.

Childhood is the background color of a child's life.

Many adults think that children don't know anything, but they don't know that children have carved memories into their lives and are controlled by them.

Psychologist LucianFreud analysis:

Strictly speaking, childhood injuries may take a lifetime to heal.

0 1

Childhood trauma may "destroy" children.

Zhu Chaoyang, a lovely child hiding in the corner, has always been "someone else's child", with excellent grades and very sensible.

His parents' divorce completely changed him.

After his father divorced and remarried, he had an extra sister.

His father was indifferent to him, and even he got the first place in the school, which was learned from the mouth of the card friends.

But my father loves my sister very much and indulges her in bullying and humiliating him.

He began to feel unbalanced, gradually became withdrawn and even often bullied.

When the teacher reflected this situation to his mother, her mother said, "My son came to study, not to make friends."

She often scold Zhu Chaoyang like this:

"Your dad have what good? Do you think your father really loves you? Love you and you won't abandon us. "

Zhu Chaoyang endured his father's indifference, his mother's control, his sister's bullying and his classmates' bullying. In a deformed environment, her personality gradually changed.

Zhu Chaoyang's fate should not be like this.

It was his parents who, through their own mistakes, pushed him to the wall step by step.

Someone asked: if a person has been hurt in his heart, can he be cured by time?

The answer is no.

Because the mode of getting along with parents in childhood determines the character and fate of children throughout their lives.

Those children who were injured in childhood have a bottomless pit in their hearts, and nothing can be filled in.

02

The unloved child has been looking for security all his life.

A study of psychology shows that:

The more a person lacks from childhood, the more likely he becomes paranoid as he grows older. But when you grow up and have this thing, you will try your best to want more.

The more children lack when they are young, the more they want when they grow up.

Gillian/kloc-0 died at the age of.

Later, her mother remarried and she was placed in another family. She changed to six schools in kindergarten alone.

She has been living a wandering life.

Many times, she would complain to her mother, but her mother told her to be "sensible".

Being left out and neglected made her more and more eager for love.

She said: I want to grow up again, as if I had no childhood. I hope to have a happy childhood.

In fact, she is extremely eager for love, but she is very insecure.

In the "Mom and Dad Preschool" program, when she gets along with her husband, she always keeps her distance.

Such Gillian is too cold, because she is too insecure.

Neglected love, with the passage of time, is getting deeper and deeper. I tried desperately to find love to make up for it, but it was not enough.

A netizen said:

If you are not valued when you are young, you will feel insecure when you grow up; When I was a child, I grew up under language violence, and when I grew up, I became extremely unconfident; I spent my childhood arguing with my parents, but I didn't trust my feelings when I grew up.

Parents only treat their children as children, ignoring their feelings and making them more and more insecure. Finally, they can't learn to love themselves or others.

And the only way for children to protect themselves is to cure them for life.

03

Self-healing is very important for repairing childhood trauma.

Keigo Higashino said: Everyone wants to be born in a good family, but parents can't choose what card to give you. You can only play it as well as possible.

Everyone suffers more or less from the harm brought by their parents.

But this does not mean that we will never get rid of this psychological trauma. If you want to get out, self-healing is fundamental.

1) Don't tie yourself too much psychologically.

Ruoyun Zhang's parents divorced when he was a child.

His mother left him and his father set up another family. He grew up with his grandparents.

However, he said, "Loneliness is loneliness. When it's over, you will accept it. Don't think of him as if you are good at something. "

In his cognition, the pain that cannot be changed is given by his parents and has nothing to do with himself.

Therefore, he lives a very transparent life.

In fact, if a person wants to get rid of bad emotions and behaviors, he must first change his cognition.

This means the separation of ideology and family background.

Beverly? Engel recommended a cure called "self-pity", which can effectively help us get rid of the troubles caused by childhood trauma.

Including: self-understanding, self-forgiveness, self-acceptance and self-encouragement.

In short, it is to accept yourself, which is an important source of a person's sense of belonging.

If I am "accepted", it will give people a sense of security and trust.

How to accept yourself?

? Shout out your troubles in the mirror, say what you have hurt and accept the past.

? Talking to myself late at night, "Why am I like this?" Find the root of psychological imbalance.

? Finally, purify the mind through travel, meditation and meditation.

Only by learning to accept yourself can we find a sense of belonging in appreciation and expectation.

2) Maintain a sense of boundaries with parents.

If you can't understand the relationship between yourself and your parents, you will lose your value. Its negative effects are self-doubt, sensitivity and conceit, and you will always fall into sadness.

Only by keeping a sense of boundaries with parents can we get rid of the imprisonment of parents and find our own value.

? Must be economically independent:

Economic independence can shape an independent personality and will not be limited to the pain of the past. Can help us rebuild our feelings, rebuild our outlook on life and values.

It will make you feel like a useful person.

? Keep psychological boundaries with parents:

This psychological boundary refers to:

In social and emotional activities, but listen to parents' opinions;

In behavior, they are more dependent on their parents;

Think more about your own opinions and keep a certain distance from your parents;

Only when you are separated from your parents can you be mentally free and not put too much pressure on yourself.

When you feel tired, give yourself the simplest hug:

"I have enough strength to protect myself", and make myself strong after accepting the past facts.

This is the value of self, attracting others' attention.

04

Taking warmth as the background of family is the root of happiness.

Children's childhood trauma needs time to heal.

Some people can go out of their families, while others are imprisoned for life by their families.

The greatest happiness that parents can give is not to let their children heal all their lives, but to spread warmth to their life background.

The writer Bing Xin once said such a thing.

When she was a child, she asked her mother, Mom, why on earth do you love me?

At that time, my mother put her cheek on Bing Xin's forehead and whispered, "No, because you are my daughter."

It is such a simple answer that nourished Bing Xin's whole childhood.

A person's childhood experience will play a decisive role in personality, behavior and psychology, and even determine his happiness throughout his life.

Children who lack love in childhood cannot avoid loneliness when they grow up.

When I was a child, my parents gave me enough care, and I will subconsciously give the sunshine and warmth in my child's life and illuminate his heart.

If you have to choose a childhood that can make your child recover, it is to use the family background as a happy background.

Let him know how to love, learn to love, and strive to love. This is the happiest starting point of life.