1. woody allen quotes

2. Harvard makes mistakes too, because Kissinger teaches there

3. When I want to kiss my wife I don't have to kiss my wife freely when

4. I'm not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens

5. my one regret in life is that i am not someone else.

6. irsquo;m such a good lover because i practice a lot on my own.

7. i am thankful for laughter,except when milk comes out of my nose.

8. if my films make one more person miserable,irsquo;ll feel i have done my job.

9. when i was kidnapped,my parents snapped into action. they rented out my room.

10. he was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an armenian.

11. life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and itrsquo;s all over much too soon.

12. i took a speed-reading course and read war and peace in twenty minutes. it involves russia

13. i believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

14. irsquo;d call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.< /p>

15. i donrsquo;t want to achieve immortality through my work. i want to achieve it through not dying.

16. As the poet said: Only God’s omnipotence can create trees , maybe because it’s hard to figure out how to thread the bark through the tree

17. there are worse things in life than death. have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?