First, I don't want to face it. "He will come back."
"I don't love you anymore. I'm leaving." He said this sentence so clearly, you are still analyzing whether this sentence has other meanings. He took everything, leaving only a toothbrush (old toothbrush) and a book (reading). Isn't this a sign? Anyway, you don't think he can never go back.
You carefully reflect on his every move and every word, always trying to prove one thing: he will come back. You wait for him sadly but hopefully, as long as the elevator in the corridor moves or the phone rings, is this him? Psychologists' point of view:
Self-denial is the most painful mental trauma of human beings. Losing love means denying past feelings and being at fault for the future, so it hurts us deeply. The brain filters some information, and we refuse to accept some facts because subconsciously, we are not ready to accept the blow.
Second, anger, "He is a complete jerk!"
Reality finally appeared, but you can't believe it. How dare he treat you like this? You stopped crying, but you trembled with anger. He has no right to treat you like this, it's too much! At this time, your purpose is only one: answer blows with blows. Seducing another man or insulting him can start with his nakedness. You said contemptuously to him, "In fact, you have never made me happy!" " "Smash his window when no one is around, make an anonymous call to his new girlfriend, and take revenge without hesitation at the first opportunity.
Psychologists' point of view:
We are no longer children who rule the world by crying. The feeling of losing control makes us furious, just like a child would rather smash a toy that he can't get, and since he can't get it, he will destroy it. Anger helps to relieve the pain of the first moment of lovelorn love, let us forget the pain and vent our emotions. After the cooling-off period of anger, the pain will haunt you again. "He has a light at home."
Third, he's really gone, and this time you're sure.
Moreover, he has no intention of turning back, let alone "having a good talk" with you. But you think he can't have forgotten you, and he has no right to live happily when you are in pain. So you call him 20 times an hour and he doesn't answer? You keep leaving him messages, but he still ignores them? Just wait for him downstairs; He has a girlfriend again? You followed him after work. You wandered around him like a ghost.
Edge, but I don't know what I really want to do.
Psychologists' point of view:
We couldn't accept the fact that he was avoiding us, so we put all our energy into catching him. Since you can't leave anyone to yourself, the result of this entanglement is bound to be harmful to yourself. We should clearly realize that he has the right to have a life that we have no right to interfere with, and freedom is everyone's right; If we don't respect this truth, we will eventually lose our dignity.
Fourth, despise, "This guy is worthless anyway."
He doesn't want you anymore? It couldn't be better. You don't want him yet. You didn't want him long ago! He is not good at all, not rich, not considerate, and his shortcomings are a dime a dozen. You ask yourself how you can stand him for so long. This man is very funny and has no taste in clothes. He left at the right time, because you don't know how to remind him, for fear of hurting his self-esteem. Let him make a fool of himself in other people's places, and you should stop putting up with him!
Psychologists' point of view:
In order to avoid being hurt too much, we instinctively criticize each other. But we have made so many efforts in vain, making ourselves feel that he is not worthy of love, and we know what we have missed. The real blow has passed, which is a good sign. We can use our contempt for him to regain our confidence and turn our attention elsewhere.
5. Self-pity: "He never loved me, and no one will really love me in the future."
When the outside world is cold and cruel, what is safer than shrinking in your cocoon? A pajamas, a comfortable sofa, a TV that doesn't rest day and night, the outside world is not so terrible. You stay at home and don't want to go to work (why do you work and who are you busy for? You don't want to go to those old friends (what's the use if you can't help at a critical moment? If you sleep in the dark and eat without restraint, who will pity you? Nobody! You said to yourself painfully. In order to forget the pain, you drown your sorrows in wine. You know that the best way to forget a man is to fall in love with another man, so you deliberately seduce the male colleague who doesn't really seduce you ... You always cry when you get home, and the manufacturer of facial tissues must be laughing and spend a lot every day.
Psychologists' point of view:
Since the outside world is not controlled by your will, we are more inclined to deny its existence and close ourselves. In order to regain inner strength, this self-enclosed stage is essential. But not too long, we can't stay at this stage forever. The best way is to make a contract with ourselves: we will be closed at home for a fixed period of time and then try to go out and face the outside world.
Sixth, compromise, "If I lose two kilograms, he will definitely come back."
After the most melancholy period, we feel full of strength again, and everything becomes possible again. Does he fall in love with girls with thin legs because he thinks my legs are too thick? Then I'll do some exercise to make him change his mind. If the extra two kilograms of fat let him slip away, it means that if I lose these two kilograms, he will definitely be interested in me again. If I learn to cook, he will fall in love with me again ... why didn't I think of that? As long as I put it into action, he will definitely change his mind. Even if he has a new girlfriend.
Psychologists' point of view:
This stage is very helpful for psychological recovery, because the sad man is no longer the enemy in our mind, he has become a driving force. Whether he can really come back or not, the efforts made at this time are good for us.
Although we do it for him, our efforts will always pay off and we will benefit ourselves. Sometimes motivation and result are not necessarily related.
Seven, fake happiness "It's good to be single, I can do whatever I want."
Now you're all right! You feel good, even great. You are a happy single lady. You don't need love or a man. You go out to play every night and dance until the early hours of the morning, and nobody cares about you. You are free, and your schedule is more full than that of the minister. It's all fun activities, parties with new friends ... you're busy. Once you have a little leisure, you can't wait to find something to fill this time. You accept all the invitations, chat with strangers online and take part in the latest speed dating. How interesting!
Psychologists' point of view:
At this stage, we fill the void with uncontrolled fanaticism. In order not to let ourselves have time to be sad, we fill every minute. We show excessive and false interest in many things. It is best to use this exciting period to do some constructive work. Instead of learning to play the flute, it is better to make up English crazily.
Eight, sad "after all, I spent some unforgettable days with him ..."
Your enthusiasm faded, and you realized that you missed him very much. You act like a girl who is in love with her first lover: when you are sure that he is not at home, you call his home just to listen to the voice on his answering machine; You dialed his number and you hung up as soon as he got through; You wander around his neighborhood; Be in a daze with tears in front of the cinema on the first date; At home, you walk around in his old t-shirt; You pack up your past things and stare at his photos-this man is still very handsome. You arranged some opportunities to reconnect with him.
Psychologists' point of view:
Be careful, if you see him again, you will probably sleep with him again, and then repeat your lovelorn journey. This is first and foremost a biological phenomenon: the brain tends to miss things that are already familiar. The life we have experienced makes us feel more secure than the future life. Afraid of moving forward, we deliberately beautify the past.
Instantly, but if we want to move forward, this should be a neglected aspect.
9. Understand, "What happened in the past?"
You decide to turn the page completely, but you need to find out what happened in the past. Is this man unworthy of love, or have you done something wrong? Is your cooking really hard to swallow? Are you really not gentle enough to know how to get along with men? There may be no answers to these questions, but if you don't think about them, you may never understand what the problem is. Everyone has his own way of analysis. Some people will deeply analyze themselves, some people will ask friends and relatives around them, and even find the answer from the parties.
Psychologists' point of view:
Finding answers is a natural and healthy behavior. Without it, we can't move forward. Of course, we won't know all the secrets, but we should find an acceptable answer.
X. Freedom, "Life is wonderful!"
You're surprised that you haven't thought of him for days. You start to want to make some changes in your life, buy a new sofa or find a new job. Accidentally, you changed your hairstyle and bought some new clothes that he wouldn't like. You rediscovered the little pleasures in life. You have become cheerful again. The curly-haired man in the library has beautiful eyes. It's strange that you didn't notice it before. You feel relaxed. Of course, when I think of him, my heart will still ache faintly, but you really don't want this matter to torture you any more.
Psychologists' point of view:
That's great. There is no need for anesthesia, and the time to be released has finally come. Now you can finally focus on other things: work, friends, and the curly-haired Cosmetic Contact Lenses guy who is interested in you.
Tips: the benefits of lovelorn love (maybe you don't realize it)
Your charm in the eyes of the opposite sex has greatly improved, and men have a tendency to "save beauty".
Having an "ex-boyfriend" in your love history will make you talk more about new boyfriends.
When you think that all you care about is "salary, position and house", the pain of lovelorn makes you realize that the spiritual world is stronger in order to ensure the quality of life. From now on, pay less attention to some materials.
Being lovelorn makes you five years younger, and you find yourself naive.
Missing someone is better than being indifferent to any man.
When you are lovelorn, you will have many friends.
Being lovelorn gives you an excuse to try things you usually dare not try: getting drunk alone in a bar, flirting with strangers and so on.
Being lovelorn may make you pay attention to your career from now on.
Without lovelorn love, how can you change your lover aboveboard?
How can I become a master of love without falling in love again and again?
Lovelorn is not fun, it makes us heartache, makes us cry, and makes us lose all desires. In fact, the feeling of being lovelorn is very similar to the hopscotch game we played when we were young. Every box must be skipped to reach its destination. With the help of the above suggestions, we can quickly stride through the only way and reach the other side of freedom.
Lovelorn. "Which girl doesn't love spring and which man doesn't", especially young people, will fall in love because of their physical and psychological maturity. True love is what young men and women aspire to. It's like a sweet glass of wine, which makes people intoxicated. However, it is a dialectical natural law to be lovelorn.