At the age of 35, Jiang became a super broker, successfully pushing,, to the throne of the king. At the age of 40, he held a gay wedding with the love of his life, Xiaoguang. When everyone thought his story would have a happy ending, he saw hell on the eve of his 48th birthday. ...
Have you ever seen the devil that makes you fear vulnerability at the bottom of your life? How to face it? Is to let oneself rolling in the deep and coexist with it? Or reject it? This is not a specific description I could make at that time; This is not a person who hasn't slept for nearly 72 hours ... My only thought at that time was to send Xiaoguang back to Taiwan Province Province alive. I have flown many times, accompanying artists to work or traveling with Xiaoguang. I never thought that one day I would fly halfway around the world by international medical plane. We won't go home this time. We'll go directly to National Taiwan University Hospital. We are in a race against time, and any little thing that happens in the process may trip us up and separate us forever; There are many things I should pay attention to, but at this moment, the only thing I can do is to keep staring at the screen to see if my beloved still has a heartbeat ... This should be a long-awaited trip, from Taipei to Barcelona, from Barcelona to Ibiza, and the next city for this trip should be Florence.
This was supposed to be a trip to relax myself in my step-by-step life, and then I went back to continue everything I should work hard for. There are many things in life that should have happened, but none of them really happened later. I understand, and I have had many experiences. But I have never had such an intense experience as this one. In an instant, my world was destroyed! Everything is not what it used to be. One second, just like the good old days. "If you want to swim back to the shore, you must put on a life jacket! Before jumping off the yacht, I told Xiaoguang that he was sunbathing on a small yacht rented by six of us. Our yacht is only about 200 meters from the coast. I swam ashore and watched the tourists enjoy the beautiful sunshine while walking. Just a few minutes. Suddenly, I saw a friend of my age walking slowly to the beach in the sea with a small lamp ... I immediately rushed into the sea.
"Little light drowned, he swam to the middle and drowned! My friend's crazy voice exploded in my ear like a bomb, and my eardrum seemed to be broken, and all the voices began to become distant ... There happened to be a tourist on the shore who was a doctor, and he immediately helped him with first aid. 10 minutes later, Xiaoguang spit out a bunch of bubbles. I thought it would be like a movie. He should wake up soon, but when I reached out to touch him, he still had no heartbeat and pulse, followed by an ambulance. Later, we arrived at the best hospital in Ibiza. The doctor said that his condition was very bad and he would leave at any time because of brain death. Say it once a day, and your heart dies once. Every time I die, the devil in my heart grows up again.
Have you seen that devil? Have you ever seen the devil who makes you afraid of fragility in the desperate situation of life? Growing up, I was a step-by-step child. I want what I don't want and I plan to get what I want. No excuses, stick to the end, I always "keep my word" to myself. From working and studying in the United States to working in Taiwan Province Province, I fell down, but I always wiped my sweat and patted the dust to get back on my feet. I was hurt, but I never flinched, but this time I was weak.
Thousands of miles away in Spain, every hope of returning to Taiwan Province Province rises and falls like the sun every day. Xiaoguang's situation makes most medical planes in Europe unwilling to take the risk of this task. During the nights waiting for the special plane, I cried on the balcony on the 20th floor of the hotel every day, and even wanted to jump, but I knew he was still working hard, so I couldn't give up! Finally, a Swiss medical team and a special plane were willing to take the case. Thanks to Elva Elva Hsiao's help, we can finally return to Taiwan Province Province, and when we return to Taiwan Province Province, we can think of more ways.
Even so, the cost of this ticket is NT100000 yuan. I started from scratch. Although I have earned a good income in recent years and spent a fraction of my net worth, I don't hesitate for a second, because he is my whole life. In a quiet medical plane, most of the time I hear the regular sound of the machine. I think too much, but it is a fragmented future, and there is not a fragment among them, which I am sure of.
And the devil in my heart has always been in a corner of this hut and has never left. I know the devil's memory of this scene. It will never leave and will always follow me from now on. In the sudden counterattack of fate, people are very small, because we can't change the facts, and we blame ourselves. Our bigger problem is "fear" because we don't know what will happen. After a 22-hour flight, the medical plane finally arrived in Taiwan Province Province. There is a group of friends waiting for us at the end of the runway. Will this pain end? What is waiting for us at last? I will never forget the moment when the special plane landed at Songshan Airport. It was the early morning of September 8, and it was my birthday. "I don't want a gift. What I need most is that everyone prays for Xiaoguang's gathering gas. " I reported peace to my friends on Facebook. I really don't want any presents. I didn't know that God gave me a big gift on this day. Give me a birthday present for my new life.
Courage is not the absence of fear, but the conquest of fear.
Will "fear" make your heart tired? You think your world is in danger, and you will rehearse it over and over again. If something terrible really happens, how should you deal with it? One night, I pressed the "play" button on the DVD, and we wiped our tears in the picture. "Little light, we kowtow to my mother together. I said this sentence in the movie. It was our wedding at Le Mé ridien Hotel seven years ago. Our good friends were in the audience and my favorite mother was on the stage.
"XiaoQuan, little light, mother wish you happiness. Mom said on the stage that she also brought us her carefully selected necklace. That happy wedding, the last hurdle we passed, I really thought that there would never be another hurdle we couldn't cross in the next road. This is the wedding DVD where I practice "Brave" repeatedly. Every time I press the play button, it's like shooting a gun. Every time, I felt that I couldn't bear it, and then every time, I really survived. Three months after Xiaoguang drowned, my good friend took me to the movies. The movie I saw that day was "Golden Detective II", which looked like an ordinary drowning scene, but it almost suffocated me in the cinema. But this is really just the beginning. Later, I found that any scene about the hospital and the seaside, or a drama about where you are going, is training my ability to suppress gastroesophageal reflux again and again. I found myself not only "sad" but also "scared." Sadness must be adjusted slowly over time, but eliminating fear requires more active practice. If forgetting is impossible, then we should bravely practice "facing" instead of "escaping". Because "escape" will not make fear disappear, but will let the shadow of fear continue to cover our lives. The fear brought by great sadness often comes at an "unpredictable" time. Perhaps on a sunny afternoon, perhaps in a noisy party, without any warning or omen, just a similar experience or scene will make people breathless and endangered.
That's why we need to practice facing fear. Eliminating fear is like "fitness". At first, your whole body aches and aches, but after continuous exercise, when the pain is too severe, the "brave" muscles will begin to grow. Just like people who are diligent in sports, they will have better reaction and resistance. Every time fear strikes suddenly, we will not stop panicking because of our "brave" practices on weekdays, causing more harm. Later, I practiced more actively and began to embark on the journey of practicing courage one after another: our first home, our second home, the restaurant where we often go to eat, and many places we often go to, like and are special. Every time I am so flustered, reluctant and chaotic ... The last time I went back to Riverside Park, where we like to ride bicycles. It's really good, there is no one around, so I can be there.
Light, I still miss you very much, and miss the beauty we once had. I didn't escape, and I don't want to forget. I will exercise myself in a braver way. Every time I go back to those places alone on a special day, even if I finally cry again, I know that I am still crying the tears of both of us. And I'm really getting better and better. I finally lost my sleeping pills, no longer needed the treatment of psychiatrists, started exercising, and even got a good sleep occasionally.
We can't predict what will happen in the next second of life, and we can't change our destiny, but what we can do is to change our attitude in the face of destiny. There are always new challenges waiting for us in life, and the only weapon we can prepare and the best weapon is "courage". No one is born brave, and the bravest person must have his weaknesses and fears. And they can become brave, not because they have no fear, but because they know that they can finally overcome fear; And their firmness is not innate, but their practice of never stopping and overcoming fear.
(The article is authorized to provide/Good Doctor Health Network)
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