(Text/Shu Tian) "Qilu Evening News" Youth · Psychological Edition January 25, 2015

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Practice tolerance and treat each other with kindness The way to be a good neighbor is to live in harmony.

——Preface to the Charter of the United Nations

The violet leaves its fragrance on the ankle that crushed it. This is forgiveness.

——Mark Twain

When people slander me, it is better to tolerate it than to defend it. When people insult me, it is better to be able to transform it than to prevent it.

——Master Hongyi

We always think that tolerance is giving others a way out, but in fact tolerance is giving ourselves a chance. The wonderful thing about forgiveness is that the person who benefits the most is often the one who gives it.

——Li Jianming, Executive Director of the Chinese Mental Health Association

Recently, an article titled “12 Benefits of Forgiving Others” has been widely circulated in WeChat Moments. The article lists the functions of forgiveness in a popular way: 1. Lower blood pressure; 2. Reduce stress; 3. Eliminate hostility; 4. Control anger; 5. Stabilize heart rhythm; 6. Stay away from tobacco and alcohol; 7. Reject depression; 8. Reduce depression. Less anxiety; 9. Less discomfort; 10. Expanded contacts; 11. Family harmony; 12. Mental health. The ability to forgive is a kind of cultivation, a kind of magnanimity, and a kind of open-mindedness. Now, it’s time for the new year to change from the old to the new year. It’s time to take stock of the past and face the reality. Who doesn’t want to let go of the entangled worries and let forgiveness become the sun that nourishes the heart and the magic weapon of happiness? Woolen cloth.

People who don’t know how to forgive are like living in a haze

Smooth sailing and everything goes according to one’s heart is a beautiful vision, but “nine times out of ten things in life are not as expected”, it is always difficult to solve the problems caused by the shortcomings of parents. Pots and pans will always bump into each other. Marriage, family, and health career will all encounter problems of one kind or another. If you don’t know how to forgive, you will be tit-for-tat, calculating, and even repaying injustice, you will choose self-restraint and suffocation, avoid it, and let it go. If you don't go, it's like being shrouded in an invisible haze.

"China News Network" reported on January 12, 2015 that the Wucheng District Court in Jinhua, Zhejiang Province heard a case in which a 77-year-old local man took revenge after a conflict with a driver. He even threw a grenade at the bus. Fortunately, the bomb did not go off and no one was injured. Otherwise, the consequences would be disastrous. The cause of the incident was really trivial. It turned out that when the old man was riding in the bus, the driver stopped 5 meters away from the platform, making it inconvenient for him to get off the bus. Afterwards, he even smashed the bus glass with a stone, and his family paid him 600 yuan. Yuan Qian, so the old man held a grudge. During the trial, the old man said regretfully: "I was too impulsive and wanted to die with the driver!"

It is not uncommon for people to fail to forgive and fall into misfortune. A middle-aged female friend discovered that her husband was having an affair when their children were very young. Her husband asked for forgiveness many times, but she couldn't help but decided to divorce. The divorce was unquestionable, but twenty years later, she lacked the ability to forgive and was still suffering. Her life was full of anger and hatred, while her ex-husband lingered in regret and shame all day long. Neither of them remarried, and their children were like this Growing up in a poor environment, he was timid and had low self-esteem.

There are also many celebrity couples in the entertainment industry who have turned from being in love into natural enemies. When you love, you live and die, when you hate, you gnash your teeth. After the marriage change, there is a scolding war. Official statements, Weibo accounts, friends' revelations, pornographic photos, cheating, cheating, and "baby snatching wars" are all used together. While harming oneself and staged scenes of real-life family tragedies, happiness has been far away.

A few days ago, a health lecture talked about psychological heart disease, also called "double heart disease". Roughly speaking, psychological, emotional, and spiritual problems can cause symptoms similar to heart disease. A weak mind, overthinking, psychological imbalance, and being easily agitated when encountering problems will also be accompanied by emotional problems such as anxiety, depression, and tension, and even induce cardiovascular and cerebrovascular diseases. Therefore, we should always "open the window" for the soul, let in the warm and bright light of forgiveness, breathe fresh air, obtain nutritional energy, and sweep away the haze.

The power of forgiveness is miraculous

Dr. Lu Sijin, the author of "Tolerance for Good", believes that forgiveness means that we can take back control of our inner peace. Professor Enright, known as the "Father of Forgiveness," said: "Love and hate are mutually reinforcing, hurt and anger come and go, and the only weapon to break it is forgiveness..." People who know how to forgive are both benevolent and wise, because forgiveness is not only It is just an action. It is the "mind" accumulated by a series of "righteous thoughts", which can turn conflicts into friendship and corruption into miracles.

The works of Jin Yong, a well-known martial arts novelist, have been pirated in large numbers. Instead, he said: "If there were not so many pirated books, my books would not have so many readers." Wang Shuo in "I Watch Jin Yong" The article violently attacks Jin Yong's novels, but Jin Yong does not accuse the other party of exaggerating, but admits that his "limited talents", does not blame the other party for using harsh words, but praises the other party for "being merciful in writing", and extends a warm hand to the other party, hoping to communicate with him. friend. Wang Shuo later said frankly, "Compared to Jin Yong, I am really ashamed."

Zhang Ailing said: "Be a kind-hearted woman, and she will be beautiful if she has no resentment in her heart, and she will be holy if she has forgiveness in her heart.

"Movie star Sun Li's parents divorced when she was 12 years old. Growing up in a single-parent family, she experienced the hardships of life. She was once full of resentment towards her father. She looked forward to the day when she would be successful and be proud of her hatred. However, after becoming famous, she felt a mixture of love and hate when she saw her father in embarrassment. Later, she gradually transformed with a grateful heart and became a filial and good daughter. After the transformation, she realized a truth: if you hate someone, you will never be happy, but love can make your heart gain true happiness. Tranquility.

The power of forgiveness shown in the "Lu Gang incident" that shocked the world is even more shocking. In 1991, Chinese student Lu Gang shot and killed five people at the University of Iowa in the United States and committed suicide. The family of one of the people, Vice President Ann Collery, released a letter to Lu Gang's family. The human beauty in the letter moved the whole world, "Ann believed in love and forgiveness most. We write this letter to share your grief as you grieve, and please accept our love and prayers. "We are willing to bear this sorrow with you ***. "In the face of sudden disasters, forgiveness doubles the love, care and respect between people.

"Forgiveness is like the drizzle from the sky that nourishes the earth. It blesses those who forgive and it blesses those who are forgiven. "(Shakespeare's famous play "The Merchant of Venice") What you sow, you will reap. Choosing forgiveness means sowing love, and you will receive love. The Bible explains love like this: "Love is patient and kind; Jealousy, love does not boast, is not arrogant, does not do rude things, does not seek its own, is not easily angered, does not take into account the wrongdoing of others, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, hopes all things endure. Love never ends. ”

Learn to forgive and lead to peace and joy

Many things are easier said than done, and the same is true for forgiveness. Classic Buddhist stories guide us to do this. Hanshan asked Shide: The world slanders me, How to deal with someone who bullies me, insults me, laughs at me, belittles me, despises me, hates me, or lies to me? Shideyun: Just tolerate him, let him, let him go, avoid him, be patient with him, respect him, and ignore him. , wait and see him in a few years.

Mandela is a master of forgiveness and kindness. He taught us to forget, let go and be grateful. During his 27 years in prison, he suffered all kinds of abuse. During the inauguration ceremony of the President of South Africa, he hugged three prison guards one by one. "When I was young, I was impatient and had a bad temper. In prison, it was with the help of the three of them that I learned how to Control your emotions..." These words made the three prison guards feel ashamed and made everyone stand in awe. His famous saying is even more widely circulated: When I walked out of the cell and walked towards the prison door leading to freedom, I I have learned that if I cannot leave my pain and resentment behind, I will still be in prison.

More and more mental health experts are discovering that forgiveness can be a good medicine for the soul. Going through the process of constant purification and sublimation, there is no better way to relieve and eliminate low emotions than this. November 16th every year is the International Day for Tolerance. The purpose of establishing the "International Day for Tolerance" is to increase "visibility." "gender". At least once a year, countries, international institutions, non-governmental organizations and individuals around the world focus on the theme of "tolerance" and contribute to this end. Experts and scholars have established multiple "tolerance laboratories" to use tolerance as a Professor Enright's research on tolerance involves four stages. The first step is to make the person aware of the mental pain caused by undue harm, and then recovery can begin. The first step is to make a decision. Let the person involved know that dwelling on the hurt and the perpetrator will only make you hurt more. At this time, you must know that letting go of your revenge and forgiving the other person is the best option. Let the person involved change. Looking at the perpetrator from a new perspective does not mean knocking out the teeth and swallowing it, but the last step is to let the person involved experience the joy of relief.

International Mental Healing. "A Course in Miracles" recommended by the organization takes "forgiveness" as its main theme and proposes 12 principles of mentality healing: 1. The essence of our existence is love; 2. Health is inner peace, and healing is letting go of fear; 3. Giving and receiving. It’s the same thing; 4. We can let go of the past and the future; 5. The present is the only time that exists, and every moment is for giving; 6. We can learn to love ourselves and others through forgiveness rather than judgment; 7. We can be the ones who find love, not the ones who find wrong; 8. We can choose and guide ourselves to inner peace no matter what is happening outside; 9. We are all students and teachers of each other; 10. We can Focus on the whole of life rather than fragmented fragments; 11. Since love is eternal, we don’t have to fear death; 12. We can always see ourselves and others either extending grace (giving) Love, or calling for love.