"I feel full when I am silent, and I feel empty when I want to speak." Lu Xun said this. I feel the same way at this time, but I don't know where to start when I lift the pen. It is not because you are a teacher that I feel constrained and difficult to write. I like writing to my friends very much. Every letter starts like this. You are my teacher in class, but we can also be friends in private. We are equal. Confucius said, "In a threesome, there must be a teacher." In my opinion, it is not good for three people to really discuss problems together. I believe the teacher knows the meaning of the words I emphasize.

I am not good at oral expression, which is not good in today's society, but I don't want to change. I think my life style is very good now, and there is no need to follow and echo it so vulgar. Unlike Li Ao, who said, "If you are afraid of others listening, you should keep talking." Li Ao is eloquent, but I can't. So, in the last debate, I stood up and said twice that I was not satisfied with myself. In fact, I am not satisfied with the whole debate. During the second and third debates, I suddenly remembered the words of the poet Cooper: "Noisy people are always justified." The next day, I also participated in the debate held by other classes in the multi-function hall. Similarly, as the other side, they do better than us because they have a good opponent.

Actually, I'm not particularly interested in history. Frankly speaking, when I found that the so-called official history was extremely political, I didn't want to study it seriously. And those students who study history seriously learn only machinery and numbness. The results of history education are also far from the wishes of historians when writing textbooks. History education is a failure. I saw a sentence in the reader's remarks column: "Draw all the places on the arrow as bull's-eyes, and then say that this is the purpose of archery-many historical conclusions give people the feeling."

It is said that education in China is a failure. I think this statement is too general. China's history education is a failure; Education in China is a failure; Moral education is a failure, but at least foreign language education is a success. Mathematics education is successful. Our English is better than Chinese, and our English scores are better than Chinese. In the eyes of foreign students, students in China are great computers, and we should be proud. It pains me to say this.

I remember Russell went to the Soviet Union (now it should be called the former Soviet Union) and returned to England to say that he couldn't stand capitalism. One thing is that capitalism will always serve politics. Isn't it the same in our country? It is precisely because our country is like this that everyone gnashes their teeth when it comes to Japan. When I say that Japan's education system is better than ours, someone will always look at me contemptuously, probably saying that I admire foreign things and forget history. Yes, forgetting history means betrayal. I will never forget the atrocities committed by Japan against China at that time. I hate it too, but should I hate my house and my house? When I say that the Japanese education system is good, I don't mean that I agree with them to tamper with history textbooks and deny the wartime nature of China at that time. Japan also suffered a crushing defeat in World War II and suffered heavy losses. But why is it developing so fast that we can't? Why is this? Isn't the Chinese nation a great nation? As I said, we have four great inventions, namely, the splendid culture of China for 5,000 years, Tang poetry and Song poetry, Yuanqu, Ming and Qing novels and so on. It makes me very angry. Are they all excellent cultures? No, it is these so-called excellent cultures that have poisoned our minds. This is a virus and toxic culture. This was very effective when Bai Yang gave a lecture on "The Ugly China Man" at the University of Iowa on September 24th. 1984. I don't know if the teacher has seen Ugly China, but there is one in the school library.

We hated the atrocities committed by Japan when it invaded China, but a few people thought about it carefully. Do Vietnamese hate us? We will go to Korea three times. Have we thought about it? Do Koreans hate us? I never did well in the history exam. Learning history always feels very painful. Not the kind of pain that you don't want to go to class but have to go to class.

In 2004, the winner of Nobel Prize in Literature was Austrian woman writer Alfred Jelinek, and in 2005, the winner of Nobel Prize in Literature was British playwright Hadro Pinter. There is no one from China yet. Some people may say that Gao Xingjian, the Nobel Prize in Literature laureate in 2000, has China's blood in him, but he is French and his thoughts are probably French. If he lived in China, he would never win the prize. If Yang Zhenning had lived in China, he would not have won the Nobel Prize in Physics. Because the living environment and the quality and level of people around you have a great influence on a person. Meng Mu's three major sports are an example. In Asia as a whole, only Tagore, Yasunari Kawabata and Kenzaburo Oe have won the Nobel Prize in Literature, but not as many as Britain. China is such a vast country that many things always make people feel sad and indignant. China is too backward, but people in China always don't know or admit it. On the contrary, they think it is advanced. Yu Jie said: "Not treating backwardness as backwardness is a sign of absolute backwardness in an era." China people are too ugly (not in appearance), but China people don't know, and he won't admit it even if you tell him. As Bai Yang said in Ugly China, "Our ugliness comes from not knowing that we are ugly."

Now I'll talk about my own feelings and views on some of the views you said in class. I remember you said that this is a society ruled by law. In the past, the human relationship system was greater than the legal system, but now it seems that the legal system is greater than the human relationship system. Many people, many textbooks and materials say that China is now a society ruled by law. In my opinion, our country is now a society that is controlled by people wearing a legal mask. I once wrote in my essay book: "This is a busy and vulgar society; This is a society that can never be fair; This society is very dark, I want to shine! The people who commit the most serious crimes and break the law in this society are those who claim to know the law and wear solemn masks to enforce the law. Isn't corruption serious in China? Those who know and understand the law better than anyone else are party member!

What kind of society is this? This is an unfair society. I'm not keen on politics. The officialdom in China is too dark, but there are still so many people who are almost morbidly eager for power. I'm not particularly interested in history either. There is too much blood and injustice on it. Many students study history so hard just to get high marks in exams. I am indifferent to exam results, which has been my attitude since I entered the third year of high school. I think that when we study history, we should seriously ponder and reflect on it. Nowadays, students are seriously pondering which historical events may be admitted, and they are numbly and blindly memorizing some Arabic numerals. As a famous high school student in Wuhan said, "The only lesson that China people have learned from history is that they have not learned." When I saw the brutality and cruelty of the army, I remembered Ruskin's words: "In fact, the occupation of a soldier is either killing or being killed." 195 1 Nobel Prize in Literature winner Lagerkvist of Sweden said in "Dwarf": "War is death, collapse and destruction. War gives us only hunger and pain, and it is always closely related to cruelty. " And 199 1 nadine gordimer, the South African Nobel Prize in Literature winner, said in The Story of My Son: "The extremely neat military appearance of the army is only to cover up the truth that war is bloody, painful, decadent and filthy. War has always been like this. " Every history book is about war.

I am only interested in literature, but there are really few books worth reading more than ten times in China. In the past, writers in China were all on paper, but now writers can't even be on paper-they are just on paper. Writers in China are afraid of death and never dare to talk about politics. The only brave man is Li Ao, but not in Chinese mainland. Some people say that there is more freedom of speech in Taiwan Province province. What I want to say is that freedom is not a gift, you have to fight for it by yourself. Li Ao has been in prison twice, and he hasn't changed his true colors since he came out. Yin said that Li Ao was a rare wizard in the history of China. Freedom of speech in Taiwan Province Province was won by Li Ao, Yin, Bai Yang, Chen Yingzhen and others. Is it possible that mainland writers want freedom of speech but are afraid of death and don't want to pay the price? No pains, no gains. So mainland writers don't deserve freedom of speech, they don't deserve it!

I wrote a lot of compositions in high school. Some students said after reading it that I should not be so sharp-edged, and talking about politics (referring to literati who have no right to talk about politics) will not have a good end. Indeed, Zhou Haiying, the son of Lu Xun, said something in Lu Xun and Me in Seventy Years. One day, Mao Zedong was chatting with some villagers in Hunan. A translator who translated Marx's biography asked Mao Zedong when chatting, what would Lu Xun look like if he lived today? Mao Zedong thought for a moment, then replied that he was either in prison or locked up. A pen pal told me not to talk about politics, which reminded me of the banner "Don't talk about state affairs" in the teahouse. I smiled and said, I'm not afraid. I want to give full play to the role of my mind and mouth given by God: freedom of thought and freedom of speech. The mouth is not only used for eating, but also for spreading ideas. In high school, a friend had a fleeting time. I have met him and said that I am a bit like Li Ao, and I like robber philosophy and self-promotion. And she doesn't like Li Ao, so she told me not to be like him. I said that this is my character and I can't change it. 1989 April 1 1, Li Ao said in Forty Years of Li Ao's Coming to Taiwan: "Strictly speaking, I don't belong to this era, this place is just like Jesus doesn't belong to that era and that place. I should have been born in the mainland 50 years later, because my realm has been on this island for at least 50 years. " Li Ao was born in 1935, and I was born in 1985. At that time, I said that 50 years later, I was born in Li Ao on the mainland. In September this year, when Li Ao came to the mainland, he also said: You don't want to be second to Li Ao, just be Li Ao. I also have a friend cigar. After reading some essays I wrote, she told me that she felt that I was born in the wrong age, that I was like a young man during the May 4th Movement, and that my thoughts and many behaviors were out of tune with this era. This is because I am being myself, and I am living in my own way. Okay, this is bullshit.

I remember you said (in fact, many people have said) that our destiny is in our own hands. My opinion is that when you said this sentence, you wrote it on the desk of that classroom: a man who can completely control his own destiny is a real great man. In this era, who can really control their own destiny? I remember you saying that when you were in college, the state cancelled the living allowance. I believe many students at that time would say that their lives were bad. Is fate really in your own hands? I'm from Hubei. This year's Hubei college entrance examination paper is more difficult than last year. Let's meet. Some students say that life is hard. So, I think, at most, only half of our destiny is in our own hands, and I don't know who is in charge of the other half. People can't help themselves in the Jianghu. That's what I should say.

I remember the teacher also said that Confucius was a saint and we were all mortals. Why did the teacher say the second half sentence? No one in the classroom stood up against it at that time. I don't know whether they all agree, but I don't agree. The teacher is also young, why are you willing to admit that you are mortal? China's change and development is too slow, a big reason is that most people in China are willing to be mortal, self-indulgent, not enterprising, not struggling and content with the status quo. If everyone thinks they are mortal when they are young, who else will transform this society? I don't think there will be anyone except foreign invaders. If Mao Zedong thought he was mortal when he was young, would there be a later Mao Zedong? Napoleon didn't want to be a mortal. Be ambitious, dare to speak, and ask who is in charge of ups and downs in the vast land; Count the romantic numbers and look at the present.

I remember that after the college entrance examination, I met a friend who also loved literature and walked in our nursing home, talking about the division of good people and bad people. She said that people who do bad things are called bad people, and those who don't do bad things are good people. I said, why not say that people who do good things applaud, and those who don't do good things are all bad people? She said, do you think there are many bad people and few good people in this world? I asked her, how should those who have done neither good nor bad things be divided? She said it was an ordinary person. I said, what is an ordinary person? Do neither good nor bad, or do nothing. An ordinary person is also called polishing his face, but he is a mediocre person. There are no ordinary people in the world, only mediocre people; There are no mortals, only mediocrity. As she said, my words are always so mean, cruel and inhuman. This is a despicable, cruel and inhuman society. Too many people always wear the mask of "ordinary people" to be mediocre people all their lives. I never consider myself a mortal, and I don't want to be an ordinary person. This is what I ask of myself.

"If a person doesn't even love himself, will he still love others and be patriotic?" There is also a saying that "a person who doesn't even love himself can't be patriotic." I went to the multi-function hall and heard you say this in someone else's class. A girl stood up and retorted. She listed the deeds of Kong Fansen, Jiao and other advanced party member. The teacher's idea at that time was very embarrassing. When we were talking on the road, the teacher was also embarrassed. Is it not convenient to talk about political issues? It's really hard to be a China person in this era. Most of the time, we are all dumb and eat Rhizoma Coptidis. Is it really hard to say or dare not say? I don't think the teacher should have too much concern when we chat in private.

As for the relationship between loving yourself, loving others and patriotism, my opinion is that you can't have both. There is an old saying that "loyalty and filial piety cannot be satisfactory". A person who loves his country and others is unlikely to love himself (has more time and energy). In a certain historical period, loving others, especially patriotism, will cost you your life. A person who doesn't love others is unpatriotic. Can we say he doesn't love himself? I believe in the selfish theory of human nature, because he loves himself too much, so he won't have much energy to love others and patriotism. Qi Jiguang is patriotic. What was the result? Tan sitong loves the country, the people and himself. He proved by death that the reform was impossible and that revolution was necessary, but the people did not understand him. Up to now, many students think he is a fool if he doesn't run. In Nobel Prize in Literature-nominated Li Ao's Fayuan Temple, Master Yu said to Kang Youwei, "Only by sharing the ups and downs with the masses can individuals avoid being treated cruelly. Individuals who are too outstanding and maverick are easily persecuted by the masses, who are the most cruel. Individuals are better, groups are either better or worse than individuals, and groups are much more extreme than individuals. Therefore, if outstanding individuals are too outstanding, they have to be prepared to pay a painful price to the group as an "attack fee". "Therefore, if an excellent individual works for a group, he must report the danger of being betrayed by the group at last. Groups are forgetful, uncertain, ungrateful and cruel. The bigger the nation, the more it has these characteristics. So one day, when you are treated like this, you may love China, but you don't love China people. " I am angry to see many such things. I love China so much, but I don't love China people, because China people are so ugly. I don't know if the teacher has seen Beijing Fayuan Temple, but it is wonderful. Li Ao appreciates Tan Sitong very much. Off topic again. I always like to stray from the subject.

I want to ask the teacher a question. How do you think you can get respect from others? When many teachers lose their temper in class, it is easy to say: If you want to be respected by others, you must first respect others. I remember the teacher also said this sentence in class. To tell the truth, I have heard this sentence more than a thousand times, which is very annoying. How many people who quote this sentence know its source! 18 14 in Weimar, Germany, Schopenhauer and Goethe have a good relationship. Later, Schopenhauer was leaving. He has a habit of taking a notebook and asking celebrities at that time to leave messages for himself. He asked Goethe to leave a message for the book where many people left messages. Goethe wrote a warning against Schopenhauer's consistent words and deeds: If you want to be respected by others, you must first learn to respect others. Schopenhauer thinks this sentence is the only wise saying in that book. Later, he ruined everyone else's words, leaving only Goethe's words. Does the teacher think this sentence is correct? Personally, I think this sentence is not correct in today's society. If we respect others, can we be respected by others? I think that in today's society, the first and most important condition is that you must be better than others if you want to be respected by the widest range of people. Secondly, you must bring benefits to others; Finally, respect others.

There is another sentence that I hate: we can't be harsh on this society, but learn to adapt. The Chinese teacher gave me this sentence in the composition book when I changed my composition in high school. A classmate wrote me a note and something similar after reading my composition book. I always thought it was a sign of servility. I remember a passage in Wang Xiaobo's letter to Li Yinhe: "Those who are lazy to transform the world must diligently transform themselves and transform their production methods. By the way, those who are lazy in ideological work must be diligent in physical labor, and those who are lazy in creative thinking activities must be diligent in rote learning. " Why twist yourself to adapt? Can't we actively transform the social and living environment? What I hate most is to do something that I think is stupid and worthless for the ceremony. I believe I have the ability to judge what is worth doing and what is not. China society is becoming more and more rigid, which is really scary. I don't like living a rigid life. People always force me to do it, and I always prevaricate. I think it's a waste of energy to take those things too seriously. For example, in the exam, I remember the teacher once asked us to write "My opinion on cheating in the examination room". Let me talk about my views on it.

As I said before, I look down on exam scores. Before doing everything, I will ask myself whether it is worth it. If so, I will do it seriously. If it's not worth it and I have to do it, I'll perfunctory. This is my life principle.

I don't pay as much attention to the present exam as other students do. According to Foucault, examination is a cold orientation for people with intangible power. I'm very upset now. According to the regulations in the student code, I'm afraid I'll drop out of school if I don't stay in school until graduation. Of course, my dissatisfaction with this school is true, but I won't behave like the teacher said. I want to laugh at the thought of "student code" At first, I forced us to listen to them talk about it through the loudspeaker in the canteen. At that time, it reflected a sentence by the poet Yu Guangzhong: "A society that abuses loudspeakers to force people to listen to noise is either backward or centralized." The same is true of schools. Later, I have to take the "student code", which is the most despicable behavior I have encountered in my thirteen years of study. The school's behavior shows the meanness of the school, and our taking the exam seriously shows our stupidity. The invigilator asked us to copy, and the student informed criticism was arrested, but the invigilator was not responsible. The purpose of studying the Student Code will not be for exams! Many clauses in the Student Code are full of loopholes, and the darkness of the school is also seen through some clauses.

I once said a word to my classmates: schools and college entrance examination rooms are as dark as officialdom. At the time of the college entrance examination this year, the answers of some students in our test center were standard. The invigilator and the inspector found out, but did not report it. They are afraid of taking responsibility. None of the candidates reported it, but said a few angry words in the dormitory. The college entrance examination room is looser than our usual exams.

To some extent, cheating in the examination room is unfair competition, which is a violation of discipline and a violation of law. Nowadays, few students in China are willing to take the exam again, but in ancient China, there were so many people who were keen to take the exam-imperial examination, even until they died. My view on the imperial examination is: a system specially set up by the central government is convenient for selecting suitable people to be slaves. Imperial examination, many scholars are keen on it, because they all hope to obtain the qualification and status of slaves through the imperial examination. Those who cheat in the examination room are all vanity. They are all students who don't want to study at ordinary times but want to get high marks and be praised by their teachers. I have no opinion about cheating in the examination room. Unlike some students who were outraged and supported me, I was neither angry nor enthusiastic, because I didn't care about the exam at all and didn't want to bother about it. Just do what I think is worth doing. I can't escape the exam, so I always perfunctory.

While writing this letter in the dormitory, I suddenly heard the classmate from Inner Mongolia say, "Don't be a man in the afterlife!" " "Another roommate asked why, and he replied," It's so hard and painful to be a human being! "Indeed, I wrote a letter to a friend when I was in the third year of high school. I told her: It is difficult to be a good person in this society, and it is even harder to be a good person. Being a good person is harder than killing people. I finally understand why some people are forced to kill after being good. Sometimes, I really don't blame those murderers. As Zhang Ailing said: "Because I know, I am compassionate. "If I were in their situation, maybe I would kill people, too. If there are more unjust people in a society, it shows that this is simply an unjust society. This world is not suitable for my dream.

In this society, there are too few people who tell the truth and dare to speak. They are all saying something stupid, ridiculous or silent. The Bible says, "Gentlemen, is it really just for you to remain silent?" . Is the judgment correct? Otherwise, you are doing evil in your heart. (Psalm 58: 1-2) "Han Han said:" Those who dare to talk big will come to no good end, scaring future generations from talking big to not talking. "It is this kind of situation, I am a person who dares to say, but also a person who dares to talk big. I hope the teacher is the same.

Well, I wish the teacher a happy life and smooth work!

Long Xiaofeng

June 5438, 2005+10 month