The Chinese language is broad and profound, and our ancestors have left us many wonderful dialogues over thousands of years. In particular, some of the curse words without swear words still make people laugh when they read them today. When it comes to swearing without using curse words, the first person to be considered is the great teacher of all ages, Sage Kong.

Confucius’s cultural level was high, and his ability to curse was definitely top-notch.

Confucius believed in etiquette and would always say something to anyone who did not follow the rules. Some people would even be scolded by Confucius for sitting casually.

In the Spring and Autumn Period, the sitting posture was regulated. Sitting with the knees on the ground was similar to kneeling, but the kneelers were straight and the buttocks were not touching the ankles. If the soles of the feet are on the ground, the buttocks hang back, and the knees are raised in front, it is called squatting, which is also called squatting; if the buttocks are sitting on the ground, the legs are stretched forward, and the shape is like a dustpan, it is called Jiju. Both squatting and squatting are unethical.

Yuan Rang is an old friend of Confucius. Once Confucius went to see Yuan Rang, but found that Yuan Rang did not greet him, but instead stood aside and waited for him. Confucius was so angry that he went up and hit Yuan Rang with a cane. The calf scolded: "When you are young, you are not a grandson; when you are old, you are indescribable; when you are old and you are not dead, you are a thief!" ? ("The Analects of Confucius? Xianwen")

What does it mean? When you were young, you did not observe the etiquette of filial piety and brotherhood; when you are old, you have no achievements that can be described; when you are old, you should give it to others. Setting a bad example but not dying is a harm to others.

A saying from Master Confucius has been passed down for thousands of years and has become a classic saying used by later generations to criticize the elderly.

Old acquaintances don’t give face, and Confucius still doesn’t give face when talking about princes.

Confucius traveled around the country. When he arrived in the state of Chen, he stayed idle and discussed self-cultivation with his disciples. Zigong asked Confucius what kind of person could be called a scholar. Confucius replied: "A person who knows his integrity and does not disgrace the king's mission can be called a scholar; a person who is praised by his tribe and respected by his neighbors can be called a scholar; a person who is praised by his tribe and respected by his neighbors can be called a scholar; a person who is faithful to his words and will be resolute in his actions, but stubborn in his own opinions. Although he is a villain, he can barely be called a scholar. ?

Zigong asked again: ?What about the princes who are in power today?

Confucius said: ?Hey! What's the use of those who fight against each other! ? ("The Analects of Confucius? Zilu Chapter")

Douzhu, an ancient container, one dou is ten liters, and one dou is two liters. Describes a person's narrow-mindedness and short-sightedness.

In the eyes of Confucius, the princes are all narrow-minded people, and it is not worth talking about them. The dignified princes were not even qualified to be scolded by Confucius. This was even more embarrassing than scolding them.

How did Confucius, who had three thousand disciples, rebuke his students by scolding old friends and belittling princes? Confucius' saying "Rotten wood cannot be carved" has been passed down for more than two thousand years and has always been a classic saying for teachers to scold their students.

Zaiyu, also known as Ziwo, was a native of Lu in the late Spring and Autumn Period. He was a famous disciple of Confucius and ranked first among the ten philosophers of Confucius in the field of language (ranked before Zigong). One of the Thirteen Sages.

In the face of such an outstanding student, Confucius did not hesitate to scold him.

One day, Confucius was giving a lecture to his disciples and found that Jaeyu did not come to attend the lecture, so he sent his disciples to look for him. After a while, the disciple who went to find him came back and reported that Jaeyu was sleeping in the room. After hearing this, Confucius said sadly: Rotten wood cannot be carved, and a wall of dung cannot be destroyed (wū, a construction tool similar to a trowel)! Yu Yu and He punished him? ?Confucius said: ?At first I was with people, listening to their words and trusting their actions; now I am with people, listening to their words and watching their actions. It's about giving and changing. ? ("The Analects of Confucius? Gongye Chang") Rotten wood cannot be carved, and walls that are like dung cannot be painted. I have nothing to say about people like Jaeyu. At first, when I heard what others said, I believed that his behavior must be what he said. Now, after listening to what others say, I want to examine his behavior. Starting from Jae Yu, I changed my attitude. ?

This curse is quite harsh. Confucius not only compared Jaeyu to a "rotten tree" or a "wall of dung", but also said that Jaeyu's words and deeds changed his standards for looking at people. Anyone with a thinner skin would be ashamed of themselves. Perhaps because of his frequent contact with Confucius, Duke Ai of Lu, the king of Lu, also learned to have a poisonous tongue.

"Zuo Zhuan? The Twenty-Fiveth Year of Duke Ai" records an incident that happened to Duke Ai of Lu that year.

In June of that year, Duke Ai of Lu came back from Yue. Ji Kangzi (the chief minister of Lu at that time) and Meng Wubo (doctor) went to Wuwu (today's Pingyi County, Shandong) to greet him. Guo Chong was driving for Duke Ai. When he saw the two of them, he came back and said to Duke Ai: "These two have said a lot of bad things. The king should hold them accountable." ?

So Duke Ai held a banquet in Wuwu and prepared to attack Ji Kangzi and Meng Wubo.

Meng Wubo disliked Guo Zhong. He took the opportunity of a toast to laugh at Guo Zhong and said: Why are you so fat? ?

After hearing this, Ji Kangzi was determined to smooth things over: "Uncle Wu drank too much. I will punish myself with one drink!" The state of Lu is surrounded by strong enemies, and we ministers cannot follow the king on missions. Guo Chong is tired from traveling and working with the emperor. Can he stop getting fat?

At this time, Duke Ai of Lu spoke: "You have broken many promises, how can you not lose weight?" ?If this person eats too much himself, can he not be obese? (This is the origin of the idiom "Breaking promises and getting fat".)

Meng Wubo always breaks his promises and does not count on his words, so Lu Aigong had this saying to mock Meng Wubo.

Unfortunately, Duke Ai of Lu only had a taste for it. At that time, the power of the Lu State was already in the hands of Ji Kangzi. At this time, although everyone was drinking, they were all very unhappy, and the relationship between Duke Ai and the doctor became more and more distant. Not only does Confucianism avoid using curse words when criticizing others, Taoism also does not give in too much.

The level of Taoist swearing should be recommended to Zhuangzi of "Xiao Meng Mi Butterfly".

Although Zhuangzi was confused in his dream, his curses were very sharp, making you feel like there is a ball of cotton stuck in your chest, and you can't get up or get down.

"Zhuangzi? Miscellaneous Chapters? List of Imperial Bandits" records Zhuangzi scolding Cao Shang.

Cao Shang, a native of the Song Dynasty during the Warring States Period, visited Qin as an envoy of the King of Song and received several vehicles as gifts from the King of Song. After arriving in Qin, the King of Qin was very happy and gave him hundreds of vehicles.

Cao Shang returned to Song Dynasty, met Zhuangzi and said: "I live in a remote and narrow alley, I am so poor that I knit hemp shoes by myself, my neck is withered, my face is yellow and hungry, this is where I am inferior to others;" Once I have the opportunity to meet the king of the country of ten thousand chariots, I will be rewarded by a hundred chariots. This is where I surpass others. ?

Facing the arrogant Cao Shang, Zhuangzi said casually: "I heard that King Qin summoned a doctor when he was sick. Those who treated abscesses and boils were given a ride, and those who cured hemorrhoids were given a carriage. Five vehicles, the more obscene the treatment method, the more vehicles can be obtained. How did you cure King Qin's hemorrhoids and how did you obtain so many vehicles? You can. ?

Faced with Zhuangzi’s curse, I think Cao Shang must have been as disgusted as if he had eaten a fly. Moreover, every time he saw the vehicle rewarded by Qin, he would first think of King Qin’s hemorrhoids. Zhuangzi is too bad.

"Zhuangzi? External Chapter? Qiushui" also recorded an incident in which Zhuangzi was disgusted with Huizi.

Huizi, Huishi, is the one who argued with Zhuangzi. How can a fish know the joy of a fish if he is not a fish? Although Huizi was always the one who got the stick when Zhuangzi argued with him, in terms of official career, Huizi far surpassed Zhuangzi.

Huizi once served as the organizer of the alliance in the late Warring States period and became the prime minister of Wei. Once when Zhuangzi was going to visit Huizi in the state of Wei, someone told Huizi in a false rumor: In fact, it was a lie that Zhuangzi came to see you, and that it was true that he wanted to replace you as prime minister.

When Huizi heard this, it was okay. I couldn’t even argue with him. If he met the King of Wei, my position as prime minister would really be at stake. So Huizi immediately sent people to search for Zhuangzi.

When Zhuangzi heard about this, he couldn't stand it anymore, so he took the initiative to see Huizi and said to him: There is a bird called Phoenix in the south. I heard that this bird is very special. It is not a sycamore tree. If it does not fall to rest, it is not the fruit of bamboo. It will never eat it. If it is not clean spring water, then it would rather be thirsty than take a sip. One day, an owl got a dead mouse, and a phoenix flew in front of the owl. The owl was afraid that the phoenix would snatch its dead mouse, so it kept making an angry sound of "hehehe". What do you think after hearing this story? Are you trying to scare me with your position as prime minister today?

There is a bird in the south, and its name is 铓鶵yuānch? Do you know it? The bird's bird flies over the South China Sea and flies over the North Sea. It won't stop unless it's a parasol tree, it won't eat unless it's made of solid food, and it won't drink from a sweet spring. Then the owl caught the rotten rat, flew past it, looked up at it and said: "Scare!" ? Today, you want to scare me with your son’s Liang Kingdom?

After hearing this, Hui Shi understood Zhuangzi’s intention, but he felt as disgusting and sad as if he had eaten a dead mouse.

The one Zhuangzi scolded most harshly was Confucius. Confucius would have never imagined that he had insulted so many people during his lifetime, and that Zhuangzi would scold him to pieces more than a hundred years after his death.

Zhuangzi did not directly criticize Confucius, but made up a story and expressed his thoughts through the mouth of the protagonist Tao Zhi. I will quote it here and readers can translate it themselves.

"Zhuangzi? Miscellaneous Chapters? Pirates of the Foot": Is this clever fake Confucius of the Kingdom of Lu not evil? Tell me this: You make words and phrases, falsely claiming to be literary or martial, crown a tree with the crown of a tree, carry the threat of a dead cow, speak too many words, eat without plowing, clothe without weaving, wagging your lips and bulging your tongue, good at living. Right and wrong, in order to confuse the masters of the world, so that the scholars in the world do not turn against their true nature, act as filial brothers, and are lucky enough to be granted a title, wealth and honor. The son's crime is very serious, he must run away quickly! Otherwise, I will use the liver to nourish me during the day. Confucius and Zhuangzi were both masters of cursing, but I think the real person who cursed others invisible was Zen Master Foyin, a friend of Su Shi in the Song Dynasty.

Su Shi is a natural joker and a famous poisonous snake man. One sentence: "A pear tree crushes a begonia" to scold all the old people in the world who eat young grass. But Su Shi also suffered losses.

Su Shi and Foyin were very good friends. They were similar to Zhuangzi and Huizi, and they quarreled when they met.

One day Su Shi came to visit Foyin and asked: "What do you think I am?" ?

Foyin said: ?I think you are a Buddha. ?

Su Shi was very proud after hearing this.

Foyin asked Su Shi again: "What do you think I am?" ?

Su Shi wanted to embarrass Foyin, so he said: ?I think you are a piece of shit. ?

Foyin was silent after hearing this, while Su Shi was proud and laughed.

This time it seemed that Su Shi had taken advantage, but when others reminded him, Su Shi suddenly realized: It turns out that he is the shit. Foyin has Buddha in his heart and sees all things as Buddha; Su Shi sees others as shit, which means that Su Shi has shit in his heart.

Foyin's wordless response can be said to be the best. Not only does the curse not contain curse words, but it also makes you very proud. Su Shi was good at swearing, and Ji Xiaolan, who was quick and talented in writing in the Qing Dynasty, was a master in the world of swearing. There are countless jokes about Ji Xiaolan making fun of people. For example, the story about Ji Xiaolan teasing the eunuch.

Once Ji Xiaolan entered the palace and was anxious to see Emperor Qianlong, but a young eunuch stopped Ji Xiaolan on the way and asked him to tell a joke, otherwise he would let him go.

Ji Xiaolan was anxious, but she couldn't get rid of the little eunuch, so she pondered for a moment and said: "Once upon a time? Once upon a time there was a person." ?

Then Ji Xiaolan said nothing and looked at the little eunuch. The little eunuch asked impatiently: "Where's down there?" ?

Ji Xiaolan was waiting for him to ask this question, and replied: "There is no more down there!" ?

The little eunuch was stunned: What kind of joke is it so short? Ji Xiaolan took advantage of his daze and left. The little eunuch thought for a long time before he came to his senses: Ji Xiaolan was scolding me, scolding me for losing my penis.

The little eunuch told the chief eunuch about the matter. The chief eunuch was a knowledgeable person and thought Ji Xiaolan was too disrespectful, so he decided to confront Ji Xiaolan one day to regain his face.

Not long after, the chief eunuch met Ji Xiaolan and said: "I have heard for a long time that Bachelor Ji is eight Dou high in talent. I have an upper couplet: "Three talents in heaven and earth", please help me to complete the second couplet." ?

Ji Xiaolan thought to herself: This is trying to find a place for my last joke, so she said: "I've told you before." I'm interested in the four seasons of summer, autumn and winter. ?

The manager then asked: ?The four seasons are spring, summer, autumn and winter, why is there no spring? ?

Ji Xiaolan glanced at the lower body of the eunuch chief, and said with a wicked smile: "The spring is gone." ?

After thinking about it, the chief eunuch also blushed.

Since we are talking about Ji Xiaolan, we must mention the grudges between Ji Xiaolan and He Shen.

It is said that He Shen built a new pavilion in his back garden. He Shen asked Ji Xiaolan to write a plaque. Ji Xiaolan was not willing to write it at first, but after thinking about it, he wrote two words for He Shen: bamboo bud. The word "bamboo buds" comes from "The Book of Songs Xiaoya Sigan": "It's like bamboo buds, like pine trees." ?

Heshen was also a person who was literate in Chinese characters. He felt that the name had profound connotations and was very appropriate for the environment, so he ordered craftsmen to make a gold plaque and hang it on the pavilion.

One day, Emperor Qianlong came to Heshen's house for a leisurely stroll. Heshen asked Qianlong to rest in the back garden. Qianlong laughed when he saw the word "bamboo bud" on the pavilion.

He Shen asked why. Qianlong said: The word "bamboo" can be broken down into the word "everyone"; the word "bud" can be broken down into the word "hay bag", which means that your family is "everybody".

He Shen was so angry that he couldn't speak.

Once, the Ministry of Works (also known as the Ministry of Water) caught fire and needed to be rebuilt. An official named Jin from the Ministry of Works reported to Heshen. Ji Xiaolan was present at that time. He Shen looked at the official named Jin and suddenly remembered a couplet, so he said to Ji Xiaolan: Sir Ji, I suddenly remembered the first couplet: "There is a fire in the Ministry of Water, and Jin Shangshu is building a lot of construction." I wonder if you can match it? ?

He Shen’s first couplet contains the five elements of metal, wood, water, fire, and earth, which is very difficult

Ji Xiaolan looked at He Shen’s shameless face and opened her mouth to say: “People from the north are from the south, And something in the nave. ?

Heshen is a Manchu, but he has a handsome appearance. This couplet contains five directions: east, west, south, north, center. Ji Xiaolan is also considered absolute, and he scolded Heshen severely: There is a fire in the Ministry of Industry. As the minister of military aircraft Heshen is actually still in the mood for the couple, what is it?

In the forty-seventh year of Qianlong's reign, Ji Xiaolan served as cabinet bachelor and minister of war, and He Shen served as minister of rites. One day, they were invited to a banquet and sat at the same table.

While serving the food, the servant accidentally slipped and tilted his body, dropping the ham on the plate to the ground. At this time, a big yellow dog jumped out from the flowers, picked up the ham and ran away.

When He Shen saw this scene, he immediately thought of Ji Xiaolan, who was the minister, and thought: You scolded me so many times before, and today I finally took the opportunity. So he asked with a pun: "Is it a wolf (the minister) or a dog?" ?

When Ji Xiaolan heard this, he came at me again. If he doesn’t scold me today, he will definitely be embarrassed in front of all the officials. So he immediately replied: "A drooping tail is a wolf, and an upturned tail (Shang Shu) is a dog." ?

Everyone laughed when they heard this, but a wolf’s tail cannot stand up, and the one with an upright tail must be a dog.

He Shen steals the chicken but loses the rice, which is extremely embarrassing. At this time, there was a censor in the seat. He wanted to curry favor with He Shen, but also wanted to express himself, so he interrupted loudly: As the saying goes, dogs go to the end of the world to eat shit, and wolves go to the end of the world to eat meat. Since this beast just ate meat, it is The wolf (the minister) is a dog, you know it without asking. ?

After hearing this, Ji Xiaolan thought to herself: I am not afraid of the military minister, but your little censor also wants to take advantage of me.

Ji Xiaolan said slowly: "But dogs are not accurate either. They eat meat when they encounter them, and they eat shit when they encounter shit (censor)." ?He glared at the censor and continued: ?If you don't eat shit enough, you still lick your butt! ?

Everyone laughed even harder now.