Text/Le Xiaoyuer

Leo Tolstoy has a famous saying: Happy families are all similar, but unhappy families are each unhappy in their own way. Unexpectedly, now that I am thirty years old, I have a deeper understanding of this.

01

Due to work, I have been exposed to more human emotions and experienced more warmth and warmth than ordinary people.

It was another ordinary day, questioning. I have read the opinion letter. She was born in 1995, female, and sells counterfeit cigarettes. At the same age as Hua'er, I can't help but sigh. It was her brother who had just walked out of the arraignment room.

Through the sparse iron railings, I saw a girl walking past her brother. They had not seen each other for half a year. They were both in the detention center and had no freedom. They were so close, but they were so close. Far away. When they only met each other, the girl was already in tears and broke down in tears.

I looked at her carefully. She had an oval face, young and pure, her eyes were red but bright, and her hair hung softly on her face. Twitching, he was timid when he saw us, and then a firm and clear voice came out: report.

In an instant, I turned around, walked to the door, and turned my back to her. I thought I was used to seeing joys and sorrows, but I also lost my composure and my eyes were red. I needed a stop to calm down.

At her age, she should live under the care of her parents, regardless of poverty or wealth, and be as happy as a flower. But she has been imprisoned in a foreign country thousands of miles away, facing the unknown environment and future alone.

The case is very simple. Her brother sells counterfeit cigarettes. During her illness, she helped reply to customers’ WeChat messages. What can be said? Blame her for being greedy for money? Blame her for being ignorant? I can't tell. She looked like a frightened bird in front of her, her back always leaning straight forward, her tears never stopped, and her reply was not delayed. Always answer a question first: Yes.

She is ten years younger than me, but she has the ability to be forced to follow rules and watch eyes that even I cannot match. My heart aches. This is not the first time that I feel sorry for someone who has nothing to do with me. But this time, facing this person whose life experience is as white as paper and whose life has been "stained" at the beginning, my heart really hurts.

Don’t parents have any responsibility? have. Doesn't my brother have any responsibility? have. What about everyone else? Don’t I, as a legal professional, have any responsibility? have.

Within the rules, dealing with it lightly is the only thing I can do. Before leaving, I said casually that it's not as cold here as yours. I'll contact your family and ask them to bring you thicker clothes. You are still young and have a long road ahead, so take care of yourself. She cried harder, stood up, and bowed: Thank you, sister.

Thank you also for helping me understand more deeply: the law is nothing more than human feelings.

Leaving the interrogation room was a long and difficult journey. The sunshine is just right, I close my eyes and take a deep breath, the sweet-scented osmanthus is fragrant and soft. It does not compete with the flowers, nor the spring and summer. In this winter season, the sweet-scented osmanthus is in full bloom, fine and small, not eye-catching, not ostentatious, but refreshing. I sincerely wish her that she can do the same in the future and have an unobtrusive future and value.

02

Yaoyue is one year younger than me, so she is considered my junior sister, Sister Xiang. Beautiful face, straightforward personality, very popular. When she was a freshman, Yaoyue participated in the campus singing competition. Her song "Next Stop Queen" made her an instant hit, and she got the opportunity to perform on the same stage as Shuimu Nianhua, winning countless fans.

After graduation, Yao Yue worked in a well-known law firm, aiming to become a well-known lawyer and "rob the rich and give to the poor." Because we were in the same club during college, we are quite familiar with each other, and we often follow her Weibo and updates. She always brings surprise and energy.

After work, I practice piano and pass exams to a professional level; in my spare time, I often do social work, travel and take photos, and I am always full of energy; I ride a bike in Sichuan and Tibet, and by the way, I got a boyfriend back, and I am happily married... ...It seems that she is always amazing and talented, making people envious.

She became pregnant and expected to give birth soon after her marriage, and she longed for a beautiful vision of a family of three. One day, she announced on Weibo: I have leukemia. I thought she was joking, or maybe she was writing a novel, as she had always been able to surprise me before. This time, it really surprised people. She posted the hospital's diagnosis certificate, which was conclusive.

At that moment, I just felt my scalp was numb and my world was spinning. How is that possible? ! Looking at her photos, she is so healthy and energetic, how could a terminal disease find her? But that's how fate arranged it.

After the illness, she remained optimistic and comforted her parents and husband, even though she was in great pain. In the end, Yaoyue's baby was not saved, and she herself was unable to wait for the matching bone marrow, and she was always aged 28. What a beautiful age, just starting out in life, but already passed away.

She is the only daughter of her parents, the apple of their eye. How can their elderly parents accept her? She is her husband's true love, playing music and singing, how can he bear it?

But fate ignores this. Unfortunately, it hit them hard on the head. That living life, as well as the little lives that will be born in the future to see the world, are gone forever.

As I get older, I often lament the impermanence of life. And I still can't understand the argument that impermanence means there is permanence. Especially after becoming a parent, it is even more difficult to live a free and easy life by pushing others and yourself, and no one can avoid grief.

However, as ordinary people, do we have a choice when faced with misfortune? How to choose? It's a puzzle that I can't figure out.

03

Have you ever had that moment when you didn’t want to hear that nine out of ten people in life are not going as they wish, impermanence means permanence... these meaningless words. I just want to immerse myself in this emotion, let myself go, and quietly experience this grief and feel this misfortune.

I have always liked a song called "It's Not That Simple". Huang Xiaohu, who is still in his late teens, used his voice to reflect his experience and vicissitudes of life, and sang it to life, thus touching the hearts of many people. When you feel tired, let yourself go. On weekend nights, turn off your phone and sit comfortably on the sofa...

There is a line in the movie "Ashes of Time": When you can no longer have it, The only thing you can do is to keep yourself from forgetting.

If you don’t think about it, you will never forget it. Just imagine how Yaoyue's parents could forget the pain of losing their daughter; how could the little girl behind bars forget the years spent in prison... We often say that it will pass, right? Maybe.

When you feel pain, lick it, acknowledge its existence, and go on the road with this pain and misfortune. Whether your steps are heavy or light, they are all part of life.

Gradually, we have to learn to mute our loud crying. In the silent world, we can grit our teeth but still maintain a smile and high morale.

Is there any other way? It seems not.

Cough, smile wryly, drink a bowl of chicken soup, and then hit the road.

Day 3 of Wujie 365-day update challenge camp