There was once a friend whose husband's salary was not enough every month, so she became thrifty. She saved all her money, and she didn't want to give the rest to her children, earn money to support her family or have a husband, but she didn't want to spend it herself. She feels particularly inferior at every class reunion, so she blames her husband for all her complaints and misfortunes. She felt that her husband's weakness caused her to be like this.
Her husband is a taxi driver, because it can make life at home better. He gets up early every day, goes out to run business and attract customers, and then goes home at night. When he comes home, he feels particularly beautiful when he sees his wife and children, but sometimes when the whole person is particularly tired and helpless, he will feel that his present home makes him very tired.
We often advise some couples to cultivate a clear ideology, that is, to learn to "flatter oneself", and strive to do this no matter who they marry. Not only to understand our feelings, but also to meet our real psychological needs.
First, it is not good for yourself, which will lead to the broken window effect. Couples need to learn to love themselves, no matter who they are, because if you are not good to yourself, it will easily lead to the broken window effect. The broken window effect is immediately reflected in the husband and wife, that is, one party blames the other for no reason, and this degree will become heavier and heavier. Because you ignore yourself, the other party will choose to ignore you, which is also a natural situation and will become a habit of getting along with others.
Second, the stereotype effect tells you that the habit of giving makes the other person unhappy. Stereotype effect is also called psychological stereotype. Generally speaking, influenced by past experience, people's specific methods have certain commonness, concentration and tendency. If the husband is creating a mask from beginning to end in the marriage, what kind of person will his wife think he is? Once he tries to be careless in marriage, women will think it's because he doesn't love himself.
Similarly, if a woman has always created a virtuous character, in other words, she hardly cares about her emotions. In the long run, everyone will be angry with him. Only by being romantic can we prevent many minor problems. Sometimes, this habitual effort is very easy to make the other party unhappy, and the reasonable technical means to deal with this method is reasonable self-love, which belongs to the other party's work, not usurping the role of the master, and belongs to their own responsibility, knowing how to let others participate and share.
We often teach you that narcissism is actually a problem from the perspective of overall consciousness. There is a certain degree of exchange of rights and market value between people. Let our own use value determine what kind of people are around us. In short, couples don't have to be overly bound by feelings. They should have a clear overall goal, relax their hearts, love themselves hard, improve their abilities and make themselves more and more confident.