Of course there are many types of emotions, but in life, when it comes to emotion management, it generally refers to anger management.

The things a person can do in anger are terrible.

The wife may have killed her husband out of anger.

A husband may also dismember his wife out of anger.

The problem is that even though we know that anger is very harmful, it is still difficult to control ourselves when it comes. There are three reasons:

1. Lack of awareness. We don’t understand emotions and lack a basic understanding of emotions.

2. Lack of methods. We have no other way to manage our emotions except to endure it as hard as we can.

3. Lack of exercise. We think that calmness and gentleness are a natural trait that cannot be achieved through hard work.

When talking about the essence, although in a general sense we are talking about its material properties (that is, physiological properties), if we only understand it from this perspective, it is not conducive to a comprehensive understanding of something as complex as emotion. Stay on top of your emotions.

Therefore, I personally recommend understanding emotions from three perspectives:

1. Physiological perspective.

Physically, emotions are chemical reactions in the brain. The amygdala is responsible for emotions in the brain. External stimuli are turned into bioelectricity and transmitted to the thalamus. The thalamus converts it into brain language and sends it to the cerebral cortex for processing. It is then transmitted to the amygdala to tell what response to take. See the picture below:

However, if a similar stimulus appears repeatedly, the brain will enter lazy mode: it no longer requires cortical processing and automatically jumps from the thalamus to the amygdala.

If a couple quarrels too much, there will be a feeling. In the past, it might take half an hour to talk before the anger would start in my heart and everyone would start arguing. Slowly, as soon as they opened their mouths, the two people immediately "got into the zone".

The more you use the neural chain, the thicker it gets, and the more you use it, the bigger it becomes. Just like Lu Xun's famous saying: In fact, there is no road on the ground. When more people walk on it, it becomes a road.

2. Relationship perspective.

This perspective emphasizes interaction, and emotions are expressed as reactions to the emotions of others during interaction.

This is the so-called emotional contamination. The so-called emotional contamination means that you are driven by other people's emotions, and at the same time, you also react on other people's emotions.

We have all had this experience. As soon as we walk into a home, we immediately feel that the atmosphere is not right, so we will become worried. It can be said that this is our "intuitive" analysis based on other people's expressions, or it can be said that this is an emotional stimulation.

Just like vibration in physics, when one of several identical steel forks is struck, the others will also vibrate.

3. Psychological perspective.

If you look back at yourself, many psychologists have their own views and arguments on emotions. The most eye-catching thing is Satya’s iceberg theory.

The basic rule of this picture is: the lower level determines the upper level. Specifically, what determines your behavior? By your emotions (the "Feelings" layer in the diagram). Emotions are determined by perspectives, perspectives are determined by expectations, expectations are determined by desires, and desires are determined by self.

This explains why eminent monks who pursue self-liberation are always unfazed by favors and humiliations, while emotional people are always shallow and immature.

Understanding emotions cognitively does not mean that you can manage emotions well. What is needed next are several methods that can be used in life.

1. Pause button: let reason catch up.

As we mentioned earlier, emotions become faster and faster and more automatic due to the repetition of events. At this time, the cerebral cortex is basically no longer involved in this process, which is the fundamental reason for "losing your mind".

If you can pause at this time and prevent emotions from controlling your behavior, your reason will soon catch up and get involved.

There is a saying that when you are angry, wait for 6 seconds. After 6 seconds, the information will enter the cerebral cortex.

My advice is to start counting from 1 the moment you notice your anger. This can be a game, a fun exercise, where you can see how long it takes for your anger to disappear.

2. Chest pronunciation: reverse the communication aura.

This method can be used in the communication process of intimate relationships.

We usually use the throat pronunciation when speaking, but in fact it can be pronounced in two places, one is the heart and the other is the Dantian.

Try to focus on these three different places in the same sentence, which will produce different auras. The focus is on the throat, and the words spoken are more rational and daily. The focus is on the Dantian, and the words you speak will have a sense of power, which can be used frequently in speeches. If the focus is on the heart, there will be a warm feeling.

If you find that the other party speaks in a stiff tone, and this tone also contaminates your emotions, you can use the chest pronunciation method to change from passive to active and dominate the entire communication atmosphere.

3. ABC theory: changing the belief system.

Psychologist Ellis's famous ABC theory states that it is not the stimulus A that affects emotions, but the perception of the stimulus B. Therefore, only by changing the belief system can the final emotion C be changed.

Many people think that this rationality is a way to resolve emotions instantly, but it is not. Note that ABC is a method that is only effective in the long term, and the "pause button method" is the current way to resolve emotions.

Comparing the above Satir iceberg, we can know that changing the belief system is nothing more than changing the "viewpoint" layer, and wouldn't it be better to change the "expectation" layer?

Of course it is better. If you lower your expectations for people, you will naturally not have so many emotions. The problem is that lowering expectations requires a deep understanding of people, so it is naturally more difficult.

Therefore, it is already good for ordinary people to change their views on the world and others and live with a more positive attitude.

4. Meditation practice: a life-changing training.

The most fundamental solution is to rely on the simple and effective method of meditation.

Compared with Satir’s iceberg diagram, this is the way to change the bottom layer. Mindfulness therapy, which has emerged in recent years, also draws on the functions of meditation.

In Yuval Harari's "A Brief History of Today", he revealed that the reason why he was able to write the "Brief History Trilogy" and became world-famous was also meditation. He started practicing meditation at the age of 24 and has been practicing for 2 hours a day for almost 20 years.

This skill has been shown to produce changes in the brain. It has many benefits not only for mood, but also for sleep, physical health, etc.

Finally, let us end this article with a short poem by Satya, "Five Chapters of Life" -

May our emotions be peaceful, our minds clear, and we can embark on a better journey. a street.