Give an example from life. For example, if you want your family to help you clean up, many people will say, "Go and throw out the garbage!" " "But as a result, in the face of the tone of this command, when the other party is in a good mood, he may help. If it happens that the other person is in a bad mood, either you are rejected or there may be a war at home. At this time, if you put it another way: "throw garbage or clean the bathroom, you choose one to help." "It not only gives the other party a choice, but also has a gentler tone, so the family will naturally do more relaxed' throwing garbage'.
The so-called "high EQ means talking" is an excellent guide for you to master communication skills and improve your speaking level. It is the most popular interpersonal communication book in Japan, and it is also the staff training textbook designated by many world-renowned enterprises.
The author of this book is Keiichi Sasaki, Japan's top communication expert, advertising genius and copywriter. With his touching language mystery, he became the first Japanese to win the "Golden Pencil Award" in American advertising awards. He is regarded as the most successful advertising planner in Asia, and has won 5 1 award in Japan and abroad.
In this book "The so-called high emotional intelligence is talking", the author Keiichi Sasaki summarizes the communication skills he has mastered for many years and shares in detail the "7 breakthroughs" and "8 skills" in speaking. Through a large number of concrete examples, he helped you improve your speaking level, became a master of communication, and made you feel the great changes brought by speaking.
1. Turn not into yes in three steps.
Step 1: Don't say what you think directly.
There is a common phenomenon, but it is worth reflecting. Many people can be polite in front of strangers and use euphemisms when making requests. But in the face of people close to them, such as parents, lovers or children, what they say is always simple, direct and even rude, and requests often turn into orders. When both sides are angry, there will be quarrels when they talk.
For example, cooking at night, you fry a big dish, much more than usual. Unfortunately, I can't finish eating and throw it away, so I hope my family will eat more. At this time, if you just say, "eat more vegetables!" " Let's finish the food together! "There are only two kinds of family reactions. One is to listen to you, be more interesting and eat more; The other is that you don't listen to you at all, and you don't care at all, which makes you helpless.
What's the problem? Analyze what you said first. Generally speaking, it is easy for people to say what is on their minds without thinking. And for those who are psychologically safe for us, such as family members and lovers, we feel that they will agree to all requirements and speak more recklessly. But in fact, such a direct way of speaking, not only has little effect, it makes you counterproductive, but also causes the other party's disgust and is unwilling to accept your request. Moreover, if this simple and rude way of speaking is used on colleagues, leaders and even customers, then the label of "unable to speak" will even affect your career.
In fact, the root of the problem is that your words only reflect your personal thoughts and have nothing to do with others. Everyone doesn't like being dominated by others. Therefore, when we ask others to do something, we hope to get a positive answer. The first thing we should learn is not to say what we think directly. How can I put it?
Let's take a look at the second step: try to figure out each other's psychology.
This step is very important and plays a connecting role in the three steps of turning failure into success. Specifically, this is actually what we often say "talk to each other's hearts." It requires you to think seriously and quickly before speaking your mind, and think from the other side's point of view. First of all, you have to judge, if you directly say your request, what are the chances that the other party will agree? If the probability is high, say it; If you are not sure, then stop and try to figure out the other person's psychology first. This kind of thinking includes each other's thoughts, personalities, likes and dislikes, living habits and so on. Take eating green vegetables as an example! Your idea is to let your family eat more green vegetables and avoid waste, but what is your family's idea? Try to guess first, it should be something like "I don't want to eat only vegetables" and I want to eat other dishes.
At this time, you should temporarily forget these thoughts of your family and start thinking about what they like or fear. It is best to find a point that can attract everyone's attention, such as health. Everyone wants to be healthy, and no one wants to get sick, especially in the flu season, and no one wants to be infected.
Now, through thinking, you have found a breakthrough to change your family's behavior, and then you can move on to the next step.
Get others to agree to your request Step 3: What you say should be in the interest of the other party.
When you make a request to others, under what circumstances is it easier to get help? Except that the other person has the noble quality of living Lei Feng, or has deep feelings for you, the rest is nothing more than profit-driven. In layman's terms, I am willing to agree to your request, because it is good for me. Especially in business activities, it is easier for both parties who pursue * * * to reach an agreement. A salesman can sell his products more quickly only if he makes his customers feel that the products are very useful to him. It also applies to verbal expression.
Let's continue to look at the example of eating vegetables You want your family to eat more vegetables, but they don't want to eat them. At the same time, they are all afraid of getting sick. At this time, you can link your interest in "eating green vegetables" with your family's interest in "not wanting to get sick" and let your family come up with ideas that are in their interest through words.
You can say, "The doctor says eating more vegetables can prevent colds!" " "At this time, my family will think: If eating more vegetables can keep me healthy, then I might as well eat more. This not only solves the problem that vegetables may be left behind, but also does not cause resentment among family members. More importantly, it is also a healthy living habit! It can be described as "win-win", and it only takes three steps to do this.
Second, the "seven breakthroughs" to improve the success rate of communication
Of the three steps to turn "no" into "yes", the first step is the easiest, as long as you can control your impulse and don't blurt out your thoughts. However, the second step is to try to figure out each other's psychology, and the third step is to find each other's interests, which requires some skills. Among them, it is most important to try to figure out each other's psychology. If you can break through here, become talkative and get the other party to agree to your request, it will be no longer difficult.
In the book, the author Keiichi Sasaki summarizes seven breakthroughs for us, namely, loving others, learning from others, free choice, longing for recognition, meeting your needs, teamwork and gratitude. I will divide these seven breakthroughs into three categories and tell you in detail.
Do what you want to do. There is a movie in Japan called Happy Flying, which is about all kinds of things that happen on the plane. In the movie, the new stewardess was very upset when distributing airplane meals, because there were only two choices for airplane meals, beef rice and fish rice, and most passengers preferred beef rice. Therefore, when it is allocated to half, there is a lot of fish rice left, and beef rice is not enough. In this way, many passengers who want to eat beef rice will not be able to eat it in the end. At this time, the new flight attendant can only say, "Sorry, there are only fish and rice left. "It is easy to cause passengers' dissatisfaction and even vote.
Verb (abbreviation of verb) Just when the new stewardess didn't know what to do, the experienced senior stewardess solved the problem in one sentence. She told passengers on the radio: "Now the plane is serving high-quality herbs, natural rock salt rich in minerals, white-skinned fish fried with raw black pepper and ordinary beef." As soon as this sentence was finished, many passengers happily and actively chose fish and rice.
From this example, we can see the power of the skill of "doing what you like". The stewardess grasped the psychology that everyone advocates healthy ingredients and likes to cook food carefully, and turned fish rice into everyone's current preference, thus achieving the goal of letting passengers choose fish rice.
"Look at what he hates" is an idiom of China, which means to keep others away from what he hates. Specifically, it is to convey such a message to the other party in the discourse: "Don't do it because it is harmful." This will form a strong coercive force, so that the other party can listen to your requirements.
Let's look at an example. If you are a waiter in a restaurant, seeing a guest's children running around in the restaurant will not only affect other guests, but also affect the waiter's serving. You will directly say to the parents, "Please take good care of your children and don't affect the guests next to you." But it is not only difficult to attract the attention of the parents, but also the children will run around as usual, which may cause resentment among the guests. Why? Because for the parents of the child, other guests are just strangers and have nothing to do with his own interests, so this request can't make him really take action.
In this case, you can try the skill of "learning from others" and find something that parents will worry and be afraid of. For example, children are the weakness of parents, and parents all over the world don't want to see their children hurt, so you can do this.
Please take good care of your children. The waiter is carrying hot soup and hot dishes. If you are hit while carrying a plate, you are likely to burn your child. Otherwise, let the child sit in the seat. "I believe that when this sentence comes out, parents will quickly let their children sit down because they are afraid of being burned. You see, after finding each other's weaknesses, a simple sentence can make them listen to you willingly.
In addition to "doing what you like" and "watching what you hate", there is also a breakthrough point "freedom of choice", that is, when you make a request, you can set two options for the other party, which not only gives the other party the freedom to choose, but also enables you to achieve your goal no matter which one you choose.
For example, a couple share housework. After dinner, the husband is responsible for cleaning the dining table and floor, and the wife is responsible for washing dishes, because the husband hates washing dishes. But after a period of implementation, every time after dinner, my husband likes to play with his mobile phone for a while, and at least dawdle for half an hour before he starts to clean the table. The leftovers on the table are not only unsightly, but also affect the wife's follow-up arrangements. My wife often watches TV series in the middle. When she first enters the plot, she will get up and wash the dishes. To this end, the wife often says to her husband, "clear the table first, then watch TV", but the husband always makes excuses for various reasons. After a long time, I have to rush every time, which makes my wife very unhappy; I have been talking, and my husband feels bored.
At this time, you can actually use the method of "free choice". A wife can say to her husband, "Dear, let's share the housework today. Are you going to wash the dishes later or clear the table right away? " I believe my husband will answer quickly after listening: "Of course, clear the table immediately!" " Then he jumped up from the sofa and cleaned the table and floor quickly.
The reason why "freedom of choice" can be so effective is that the other party feels that it is their own decision. Although you guided him, he won't feel ordered and forced. So the other party will not only agree to your request, but also be more positive and enthusiastic.
As can be seen from the above explanation, the premise of these three breakthroughs is to know each other's preferences, or to know what they want, what they hate and what their weaknesses are. Starting from these breakthroughs and carefully pondering each other's psychology, it is not difficult to convince each other.
The second skill is to respect and recognize each other.
Including "eager to be recognized" and "you have to".
1943, Abraham Maslow, an American psychologist, put forward Maslow's famous hierarchy of needs in the article "Theory of Human Motivation", which divided human needs into five levels, from low to high, namely, physiological needs, security needs, social needs, respect needs and self-realization needs. Among them, the demand for respect means that people want to be recognized and respected by society and others. When the need for respect is met, people will be full of confidence in themselves and feel the value of their existence.
Next, I'm going to tell you two speaking skills: "eager to be recognized" and "you have to", both of which are based on meeting the demand for respect.
The desire to be recognized means that when people are recognized by others, they will want to respond to other people's expectations, even if they are troublesome. This kind of speaking skill is actually particularly suitable for use in the workplace. For example, your subordinate Xiao Li has often made mistakes in his work recently. Today, he delivered goods to customers and got the address wrong. The customer was very angry, waiting for an explanation, but Xiao Li was very depressed. I hope you can apologize for him. What should you say at this time? If you blame Xiao Li: "This little thing can't be done!" Xiao Li may not be able to bear it and quit in minutes. If you ponder Xiao Li's psychology, you will know that what he needs most at this time is recognition, so you can use the breakthrough of "the desire to be recognized" to organize the language. You can say, "Xiao Li, it doesn't matter, you can do it!" " Customers are also looking forward to hearing your personal explanation! "I'm sure Xiao Li will cheer up when I hear this.
In addition to using "eager to be recognized", "you have to" is also a speaking skill from the perspective of respect. Its principle is that people naturally pursue superiority, so when people hear such words as "you must" and "only you can", they will be particularly tempted and more likely to agree to your request.
When you hear the words "you must" and "only you can", it is particularly easy to be tempted and easier to agree to your request.
The book tells a story that a young man is responsible for organizing a departmental dinner, and the leader asked him to make sure that all the people were here. The young man finally thought of a good idea. He sent the same WeChat to everyone: "Xiao Wang, it's not perfect if you don't come to dinner. Dinner can't be without you. You must come! " The only difference is that he changed the name in the information to the name of each member in the department. As a result, all the people came for dinner that day. Of course, you must change your name when you send WeChat, otherwise it will be self-defeating.
Everyone wants to be respected and recognized. If we can skillfully use the two skills of "eager to be recognized" and "you have to" when speaking, it will be no longer difficult to ask others, and we can get more affirmative answers.
The third skill is to maintain good relationships, including "teamwork" and "gratitude".
The so-called "maintaining a good relationship" means that your words should make the other person feel that you have a good relationship and harmonious feelings, so that he is willing to say hello to you.
Let's start with "teamwork". This skill is actually easy to understand, because human beings naturally like to do things with others, so you'd better add the word "together" when you speak, which will make the other person feel that he is a partner, and even if your request is troublesome, the other person is more willing to accept it.
Take workplace work as an example. Many leaders will use the speaking skills of "teamwork" when assigning tasks. The leader will say, "Xiao Zhang, you come, and we will make a planning case together." Subordinates will feel that they are not alone, and with Daniel behind them, they will be full of energy immediately.
The skill of "thank you" is to ask you to express your gratitude and gratitude when you speak, to close the distance with each other instantly and to establish a relationship of mutual trust. After all, "raise your hand and don't laugh." In addition, the timing of saying "thank you" is also crucial. Don't wait until it's finished, but say "thank you" immediately after making a request, so it's hard for the other party to refuse. After all, your "thank you" has already been said. As long as it's not too much trouble, how can the other party refuse you? For example, "Please give me an answer before Wednesday, thank you!" "Please send the courier to the second floor, thank you!" Wait a minute. "Thank you" is the simplest phrasing technique. It can be used on anyone, bringing you closer, and it will be better for relationships that don't usually say "thank you". For example, family members or friends, because they are too familiar, rarely say thank you, and occasionally say "thank you" sincerely, and the other party will be very moved.
Third,
The author of this book, Keiichi Sasaki, is a master of epigrams. Based on his more than ten years' experience, he summed up eight skills of writing epigrams, namely surprise attack, climax and nudity.
Method, combination method, repetition method, comparison method, number method and vertex method. Below, starting from the effect that these methods can achieve, I will divide these eight skills into two categories: "eye-catching" and "impressive", and give you an explanation.
First of all, let's take a look at the speaking skills of "attracting attention", including surprise method, climax method, nudity method and combination method.
The so-called "surprise method" means that after you have determined what you want to express, you can add words that express surprise and shock appropriately to attract the attention of the other party. Such as "wow" and "startled". Oh, my God.
Ah, "I don't believe you if you kill me" and so on. If you are talking, your tone should be exaggerated. If you are writing, add one or more exclamation points and the effect will come out. For example, we often see some articles on the internet, especially like to use "shock!" "It's horrible!" "No, it's not from China!" This surprise phrase begins with the title. Although many of them are title parties, they are really like a hook, which makes people want to click in and see what is going on. Crosstalk actor Yun-peng Yue's cheap and cute mantra "Oh, my God!"
Where! ",is also a kind of surprise method. As soon as the audience heard him say, "Oh, my God! "You will wonder how he will vomit his partner next. However, you should also pay attention to the frequency of use. If you use too many surprise words, others may think that you are "love at first sight" and immature, and you may also take this as your mantra and speaking style, so that you can't attract their attention with surprise method any more.
Let's talk about the "climax method" first. This method is somewhat similar to the "surprise attack method". It requires you to use some words to attract others' attention, create suspense, and then talk about the "climax" part of the whole paragraph, which is the key content you really want to express. Doing so will make the other person feel "well, the next words are very important, I must introduce this book."
Ending with X will make the other party feel "Well, the next words are very important, so I must listen carefully", so that you have the initiative to communicate.
That's right.
What are some eye-catching words? Give you a summary, such as "Please keep it a secret", "I will only say it once", "There are two key points", "Only tell you one person" and so on. The climax method takes advantage of people's fear of missing important information. These climactic words are like countdown. When you listen,
When you see "5, 4, 3, 2, 1", you instinctively want to pay attention, so it is easier to get everyone's attention by saying the key content you want to express at this time.
Just like the precautions in using the surprise method, you should also be careful not to overuse the climax method.
The third speaking skill of "attracting attention" is naked resignation method. This method is to describe your feelings directly through language without reservation. The more embarrassing, the more effective. Such words are full of human feelings and can make the other person feel your true feelings.
In fact, China people are more conservative in their feelings. Whether they hate it or like it, they will restrain themselves and will not easily say like and like it. Therefore, if you use the method of nude photography, the effect will be more obvious
For example, if you think your mother's cooking is delicious, you may not say it at ordinary times, or just say "this dish is good", but if you use naked resignation's method, say to your mother, "Mom, your cooking is great, completely reaching the level of Michelin chef!" I'm sure your mother will be very open after listening.
Heart, cooking will also be particularly energetic.
The last technique of "attracting attention" is the combination method. This method is called "trend inventor" by the author, and many online buzzwords are created in this way. Specifically, its secret is to select the main core words first, then prepare a large number of candidate words that can replace the secondary core words, and finally combine them. You may not understand this, but let me give you an example. For example, the word "people who eat melons" actually retains the main core word "people" in "people who watch the fun" and replaces the secondary core word "people who watch the fun" with "people who eat melons". In this way, the image of watching and eating melon seeds is vividly displayed. The new word "melon eater" is not only vivid, but also humorous, which makes it difficult for people not to pay attention. So if the combination method is used well, you may even create online hot words if you are not careful!
Well, these are the four speaking skills of "attracting attention", namely surprise method, climax method, nudity method and combination method. Here are four impressive speaking skills, namely repetition, contrast, numbers and vertex.
First, let's look at repetition. As the name implies, this method is to repeat what you want to express several times to deepen your impression. Isn't there a saying that important things are said three times? Do you still remember what my tutor Yang Kun said in The Voice of China, "I will give 32 concerts this year"? Every game will be mentioned more than once, which impressed the audience and netizens and even gave them the title of "Yang Sanshiro". Whether Yang Kun finally fulfilled his promise or not, at least people once again got to know Yang Kun who sang "It doesn't matter".
In addition, when people need to express strong feelings, repetition is also used in speeches. For example, Martin Luther King, the famous American black movement leader, gave a magnificent speech, giving people a sense of urgency and mission. In this constant repetition, the audience's emotions reached a climax.
Therefore, repetition can make your words more deeply rooted in people's hearts and is the easiest way to create aphorisms. In life and work, you can use it like this. For example, if you want to remind your husband not to forget to buy fruit on his way home from work, you can say, "Don't forget to buy fruit when you come back from work at night, buy some fruit!" " If you want to remind your colleagues that the deadline for submitting the report is Wednesday, you can say, "Remember to give me the report by Wednesday, at the latest! " "
Let's talk about comparison first. The so-called contrast method is to combine words or sentences with great contrast in meaning. There is a theory in psychology called "gain and loss effect", which means that among all kinds of evaluation methods, people have the best impression of the way of promoting first and then restraining. Contrast makes use of people's psychology and can be used in three steps: first, determine what you want to convey most; Then, add words with great contrast in the first half of the sentence; Finally, the front and back parts are connected in series through conjunctions.
A famous saying by Jobs embodies the "contrast method". After Apple Computer had its own team, young Jobs described the unconventional style of the Apple team like this. He said, "Joining the navy is not as interesting as being a pirate!"
Originally, the phrase "being a pirate is more interesting" was unique, but it was even more impressive when the two free antonyms of "pirate" and "navy" were added.
Subordinate after hearing this sentence, also immediately full of energy. We all know the later story. Apple has changed from a small team to a super-class enterprise with obvious style and leading the trend.
Well, after comparison and repetition, let's talk about the other two methods, which can impress each other and increase your persuasiveness. These two methods are number method and vertex method.
Say the number method first. The first thing to tell you is that it is said that 95% people don't know the speaking skills of "number method"! When you hear this sentence, are you surprised and happy, and have the feeling of seizing the initiative? Because this sentence itself uses the method of counting! You see, this method is amazing,
Strange! When you add "numbers" to a sentence, it will greatly enhance the persuasiveness of this sentence. The secret is that numbers convey information faster than Chinese characters or English. So, "95%,
Most people don't know how to count, which is more touching than "most people don't know how to count"
The step of using "number method" is to determine what you want to say first, and then replace it with appropriate numbers. One thing you need to remember is that when using the number method, try to use odd numbers if possible, because even numbers give people a softer feeling, while odd numbers are more fierce, so the effect is better. For example, Seven Dwarfs is 10 1 times more than Six Dwarfs.
Marriage "is more noticeable than" 100 proposals ".
In practice, the "digital method" is very helpful for office workers to make plans and report their work, because bosses are data controllers. Now is the era of big data, almost all decisions are based on data, so the next time you report your work or make a plan, use more data! For example, before your boss asked you "Why do you want to design the scheme like this", you might say "Most of our customers are married women", but you can say "Most of our customers are married women aged 30-45, and our products consume 300 yuan on average every month, of which 85% are App-side consumers." These figures can reflect your professionalism, show that your plan is well-founded, and greatly enhance your persuasiveness and the chances of your plan passing.
Let's talk about the vertex method again. This is a phrasing technique to convey the concept of "best" to people, because people like comparison and tend to choose the best thing through comparison. For example, we all know that the highest mountain in the world is Mount Everest, but do you know what is the second highest mountain in the world? This is Mount Chogory. Most people certainly don't know, because people are only interested in the first or top things. Therefore, in the industry competition, enterprises should be the first to put all their eggs in one basket, because only the first can be remembered by users. Because of this, many companies are looking for their own number one when promoting. compare
For example, "the sales volume of the whole network is the first", "the most praised", "the most popular Haitao App for post-90 s girls" and so on.
Whether it is an object or something, decorating it with vertex method will not only attract more attention, but also make it easier for the other party to sprout love.
At this point, the eight skills of creating epigrams have all been completed. You may ask, "Can I combine these skills?" Sure!
For example, Zhou, the boss of 360, said an epigram: "All subversive innovations are not made by beating gongs and drums, but hidden in a noise. It is a signal representing the future trend, but you usually can't see, understand or see clearly. " You see, in this passage, Zhou used a variety of techniques to create epigrams: "beating gongs and drums" and "hiding in the noise", emphasizing the second half sentence with contrast; But "I can't see, I can't understand, I can't see clearly" adopts the "repetition method", which makes the audience feel that they can't spy on the future trend in advance. The whole sentence is very eye-catching When you hear it, it seems that you are awake and nervous.
This is my sharing. In fact, the cultivation of EQ is a gradual process, which requires long-term training to reach the realm of "cultivating people's feelings". Any skill can only be a tool. The key lies in practice, accumulating experience in action and improving emotional intelligence.