I still remember that day. At that time, I seemed to have just come to the Institute of Cultural Industry, or I had left the Institute. I can no longer remember clearly, but in my memory, I still have that feeling. A scene from a day.

It rained so hard that day that it was almost impossible to see the road, and there was also a very thick fog. However, the rain would become lighter on some sections of the road, and the fog would dissipate, and there would even be clouds of light in the sky. There would be a few rays of sunshine, and in that case I would look out the window.

What a sight that is.

The tall and solid mountains far away in the horizon, from left to right, are all covered by thick clouds, and the thick fog dormant on the surface is like a giant dragon. Roaring, struggling, and flying into the sky, it formed a strange scene where heaven and earth were connected. At the same time, there were countless lightnings jumping faintly among them, and from time to time a few beams fell on the ground. Because there was heavy fog on the surface, it was not clear how much damage these strikes caused, but slowly, from there, The thunder could be heard, it was like a fierce tiger, no, like Qiongqi, roaring the strongest in his life towards the world.

At this time, the world seems to have become an illusion, and everything in this world seems to be shrouded in thick fog, which makes my brain feel that this world has become unreal, and only some Straight trees or huge mountains can emerge from them, reminding me that I still exist in this world.

On that day, I realized for the first time how small human beings are compared to nature, and how small I am compared to humans. Compared to this world and this universe, I'm afraid I'm not even a grain of sand. And my leap seemed to be no match for the mayfly shaking the tree.

How can I succeed like this?

The brokenness and poverty of my original family have created the broken but complete me that I am now. No matter how much I want to forget, I can never forget the abuse and beatings, and I can never forget the life I had for so many years. The missing mother.

Being born like this, what qualifications do I have to pursue my own happiness?

When I think about it, everything I pursue is probably just a fantasy.

My dreams and my life seem to have become a joke at this moment...

But do you know? In fact, many times, inferiority complex is not caused by others, but developed by oneself.

Mediocrity and poverty are not what others tell you, but what you attach to yourself. People are always prone to random thoughts, fantasizing about which girl they have lived a good life with, and fantasizing about so and so who said bad things about themselves behind their backs. The same goes for low self-esteem.

But I am different. I am not only inferior, I am also conceited. I am conceited about my own passion, my own ideals, and my own intelligence. However, in the end, I will eventually discover that in fact, I have always had nothing, and I have always been so mediocre and incompetent. However, for some reason, this state never lasts long, and within a few days, I will become arrogant again. stand up.

In this way, I continued to be broken, changed, reorganized, broken, changed, reorganized, and finally became a broken but complete me.

So where is the future I am looking for with such a contradiction?

Who should I be?

I wanted to be a hero, but when I told others, I was laughed at mercilessly. I want everyone in the world to be happy, but I have discovered how naive such an idea is in reality. In the end, I just want to be an ordinary person, but how can such a beautiful ideal be abandoned so easily?

I am not a dragon in the pond, how can I be a cloth in the human body?

In fact, I have never been confused, and can even be said to be very sober. The only thing wrong is that this world does not allow people like me to appear. Nowadays, it is no different than before. It is hard to be a good person and it is easy to become a bad person. Everyone is so selfish. If you want to do something good, you have to first think about whether it is a good thing or whether it is good for you. There is danger.

After all, isn’t it just that you can’t give happily?

It seems that you are confused.

No.

No, you are confused.

If you want to do it, why would you hesitate? In the final analysis, it is nothing more than selfishness. If you want to do good things, you are just satisfying yourself.

Yes, you are right, everything I do is to satisfy myself, but so what? If you ask about your heart but not your actions, there will be no perfect person in the world. Who dares to say that he is not living in this world for himself at all? Come to think of it, I am afraid that the monks in the temple cannot say the same.

According to this, people like me have been successful from the beginning, right? That being the case, how could I not be qualified to pursue my own happiness? And that future has always existed at my feet, right? From the beginning to now, I am just me, and it can only be me. How could it be changed just by a few words?

No matter when, I don't want to be a good person, I just want to be a hero in my mind, even if that is deviant in the eyes of the world.

I longed for the few beams of sunshine that broke through the fog on the rainy day, but in the end I found that I was just the mountains covered by the fog above my head. If that was the case, why should I pretend to be awake? , why not keep intoxicated?

However, I just want to do what I think is right. I just want to do what I want to do...

Looking at the mountains and rivers, I am confused, but I hope the Yangtze River Entering the river bed...

Thinking about it, it was just a little bit of wind and frost.