Recently, because the daughter-in-law was taking photos in a circle of friends, after being seen by her mother-in-law, the two caused conflicts and went on a hot search.

It turned out that Xiaohui took photos of herself wearing a swimsuit in a circle of friends and was praised by many friends around her. This was originally a happy thing, and the person who was praised gained the joy of being praised.

However, my mother-in-law can't stand it anymore. My mother-in-law thinks such behavior is very inappropriate. Xiaohui's mother-in-law is overbearing in life and often interferes with the lives of young couples. This time Xiaohui said that she would never compromise.

First of all, my mother-in-law sent a WeChat voice to Xiaohui. She hopes that her daughter-in-law can delete WeChat photos under her emotional and rational persuasion.

"The photos in your circle of friends are too exposed and ugly. Delete them!"

"How can you wear it with just a few pieces of cloth?"

The daughter-in-law disagreed, so the mother-in-law had to put pressure on her daughter-in-law with the voice of the masses.

"You are still posting on WeChat, and not many people see it. Some people will say that they are shameless behind their backs and quickly delete them. "

"You young people are open, your mother can do nothing, but being too open is shameless. Someone will gossip and delete it quickly. "

In the end, Xiaohui refused to delete it, and her mother-in-law sent her son a WeChat to "complain" to her son. In order to comfort his mother's anger, the son had to persuade his wife Xiaohui to delete the photo.

"My mother called me. You'd better delete the photos of your circle of friends."

"Don't make mom angry. Deleting it will not affect you. "

You see, it's 20 19, and my mother-in-law doesn't even let go of her daughter-in-law's circle of friends.

Jay Chou sang this song many years ago, so you should listen to me on my site, and my site is my decision.

Xiaohui is in her circle of friends, but she can't make her own decisions. Mother-in-law always labels Xiaohui and says "shameless", which will be gossiped by others.

As for the husband, he only cares about his mother's feelings and doesn't respect his wife's. He also thinks that deleting photos will have no effect on his wife, and he still has to listen to his mother.

In a good marriage relationship, the mother-in-law has a large pattern, knows how to keep her own size, does not interfere in the life of husband and wife, and advances and retreats moderately, while the mother-in-law with a small pattern, like Xiaohui's mother-in-law, wants to control her daughter-in-law's life, even if her daughter-in-law does not listen to her own opinions, she will control her son first, and then cross the line with her daughter-in-law's life.

02. A big mother-in-law will take the side of her daughter-in-law.

There is a famous saying abroad, "A good fence makes a good neighbor". This sentence means that if two people want to get along for a long time, they need to have clear boundaries from the beginning, so there will be fewer contradictions.

This is what Li Xiang's mother-in-law did. Li Xiang once said in an interview that before choosing a husband, we must look at the pattern of mother-in-law.

As we all know, Li Xiang's father-in-law and mother-in-law are intellectuals with special cultural backgrounds. When Li Xiang gets along with her mother-in-law, when she and her husband have any differences, her mother-in-law will protect Li Xiang.

When there are differences on anything, her mother-in-law will agree with Li Xiang's point of view and stand on the same front as her daughter-in-law. A big mother-in-law will know that the best way to maintain a harmonious marriage between her son and daughter-in-law is to stand by her daughter-in-law.

A mother-in-law with a small pattern will only take care of her son and interfere too much with her son's daughter-in-law's marriage, fearing that her son will value her daughter-in-law more than herself. However, she doesn't know that her son and daughter-in-law are the ones who really want to live a lifetime.

A good relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not that there are no contradictions and differences between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, nor that there are no contradictions and differences between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but the attitude and method that mother-in-law handles things when there are contradictions and differences.

Just like Li Xiang's mother-in-law, she will respect and agree with Li Xiang's opinion more in the family, instead of standing on her son's side against her daughter-in-law. So their family life is harmonious, and the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is more harmonious.

A clever mother-in-law will understand that her daughter-in-law is the person she will rely on for the rest of her life. She will respect her daughter-in-law more and be sincere to her, hoping that her daughter-in-law can give her the same return when she is old.

But some mother-in-law think that my daughter-in-law is already a member of our family when she marries, so I don't need to be nice to her. Anyway, when I am old, my daughter-in-law has to wait on me and be filial to me, otherwise she will be unfilial and ungrateful.

Such a mother-in-law is paranoid that just because I am your husband's mother, you should be kind to me, and you should listen to whatever I say and do whatever I want you to do, instead of treating your daughter-in-law as an independent individual and respecting and treating her.

When a daughter-in-law meets a mother-in-law who is sensible, has a big pattern and knows how to advance and retreat, she will certainly treat such a mother-in-law with courtesy.

03. A mother-in-law who knows her size will quit her son's marriage reasonably.

I know a friend who has been married for three years and has a one-year-old child. She can't stand her mother-in-law every day. She opened the door in the morning before they woke up.

Sometimes, a friend wants to live alone with her husband, but her mother-in-law doesn't agree. She must hold the child and follow her son step by step.

My friend said that my husband and I chose a seaside city on our honeymoon. The plane ticket was originally booked, but my mother-in-law found out and must follow them on their honeymoon.

My friend thinks that honeymoon should be a private time for her and her husband, which is very strange. She didn't want her and her husband's honeymoon memories to join her mother-in-law, so she took the initiative to report a tour group to her mother-in-law and her father-in-law to let them travel well.

Finally, my mother-in-law refused to agree. She feels that her son is not at ease when traveling outside, and she has to follow him to feel safe.

They didn't go on that honeymoon trip, and their flight tickets and itinerary were cancelled. It was a pleasant and sweet trip, but it ended in discord.

Later, her mother-in-law became more and more greedy in her family life. Even if her husband gives her salary to her friends every month, her mother-in-law will criticize her and have a problem, because she thinks her son's money should be kept by her.

You see, a mother-in-law who has no scale and discretion has caused unhappiness in two families.

It is clear that her sons are married and become wives and husbands, but her mother-in-law is still worried and wants to be tied to her belt as she was a child. Is this really possible?

It is clear that the honeymoon is a trip for the daughter-in-law and son, but the mother-in-law insists on attending it, euphemistically calling it for the safety of her son.

A mother-in-law who has no sense of boundaries, a mother-in-law who doesn't know how to quit, her son will only be a child in such a marriage and become a mother-in-law forever.

A woman who really knows how to be a mother-in-law will offer and help her son when he needs help and attention. When her son has grown up and needs to quit, she will quit reasonably, not participate, and will not interfere too much in the lives of the young couple.

How important is it to be a mother-in-law with a sense of boundaries?

When the mother-in-law is a mother-in-law who has no sense of boundaries, no scale, and does not know how to quit, what the daughter-in-law has to do is not to blame her mother-in-law in front of her husband.

Irvin Yalom, a psychologist, has a book called Mother and the Meaning of Life, which discusses the profound influence of his mother on his life. Although he has grown up, he is full of resentment towards his mother. But his real wish is to win his mother's approval. Even though his mother died a long time ago, he still longed for her approval in his dreams.

Therefore, even if the husband is an adult, he will still agree with his mother more, and he will hope to get her approval. So in this case, the daughter-in-law must be highly emotional.

The scale of marriage was established at the beginning. If you don't establish the rules of scale at first, others will invade your space later.

Therefore, in the early days of married life, the daughter-in-law can communicate directly with her husband and communicate with her mother-in-law and family members with a peaceful mood and a pragmatic attitude.

Establish your own standards and boundaries, and others will know where your standards and boundaries are.

Daughter-in-law must remember, don't use quarrel to force her husband, agree with your opinion and admit her parents' mistakes. This is so hurtful.

When you disagree with your mother-in-law, you can communicate with your husband first, and then let him communicate face to face with your mother-in-law and let him be the mouthpiece between you two. Don't directly face the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and ease the contradiction between you two. This is a husband and should serve as a bridge between your daughter-in-law and your mother-in-law.

Finally, I want to remind my mother-in-law that after your son marries another woman, it shows that he is mature and can stand alone in everything in life. He is no longer the son you remember who needs your help and protection. He is already a man of indomitable spirit. So you need to quit your son's life reasonably and don't interfere with them too much, because you have to believe that your children and grandchildren have their own children and grandchildren, and they also have their own lives, but their relationship is better.