Chen Heqin, a famous child psychologist, pointed out that children who pursue perfection will set high standards for themselves. On the one hand, this tendency to pursue perfection is manifested in expecting too much of yourself, so it demands too much of itself and strives for strength everywhere. They pay too much attention to details in their actions and appear rigid and dogmatic. Sometimes they are not perfect and they feel uneasy. Even with good grades, there is no sense of accomplishment. On the other hand, the tendency to pursue perfection is also manifested in high expectations of others and the environment, which leads to dissatisfaction with life and difficulties in getting along with people around.
Lao Liu, a perfectionist parent, is an accountant. Because of his work, he is very strict with his son Dapeng and does not allow his son to have any mistakes. Dapeng's academic performance has always been excellent, which is inseparable from his father's strict discipline.
After graduating from high school, Dapeng was successfully admitted to a famous university. Many relatives and friends came to congratulate Lao Liu, and Lao Liu was so complacent. He feels that his education method is correct. It is precisely because of his almost "perfect" education method that his children have achieved such excellent results.
But after Dapeng joined the work, his problems appeared. Because he was always strictly demanded by his father when he was a child, Dapeng wanted to be a "perfect person". At work, Dapeng wants to have a good relationship with his colleagues, on the other hand, he doesn't want to offend the leader, and he wants to be the right-hand man of the leader, so he plays tricks.
Dapeng often reports to the leader that his colleagues have done things that violate the regulations during their work, but he pretends nothing in front of his colleagues and often says that the leader is too harsh in front of his colleagues.
After a long time, everyone knows what kind of person Dapeng is. The leader was very angry with him and transferred him from his job. Dapeng still thinks that he has done the right thing and that this is a sign of cleverness. In the end, Dapeng was isolated by his colleagues and had to choose to resign.
Analysis Some people will think that Dapeng is self-inflicted and a two-faced person, so this will happen. The reason why Dapeng is such a character is directly related to the education he received as a child.
It is precisely because of Lao Liu's "perfect" education that he wants his children to be loved by everyone, which will lead to Dapeng becoming like this.
A child's character can be cultivated through nurture. Parents are too perfectionist and strict with their children. Although children can become obedient, it is not a good thing for children.
British Prime Minister Winston Churchill famously said: Perfectionism equals paralysis.
In the future, children will become too "smooth", say whatever they meet, and pursue perfection in everything. Children will think they are smart, but in others' eyes, it's just a trick. Such people will not be popular, which will affect interpersonal communication, love and marriage.
There is nothing wrong with Liu's starting point. He hopes that his children will be excellent, and they will be admitted to a good university in the future to win glory for their families. But Excellence and perfection are two different things. No one is perfect, and there are no perfect people in the world. If parents always use "perfect" standards to demand their children, the children will be very tired and may affect their lives.
1. What influence will parents who pursue "perfection" excessively have on their children? Hu Chunguang, a family education expert, said that it seems reasonable that someone once suggested that perfection can be pursued. But it is difficult to grasp the degree in actual operation. Maybe, there will be many problems. The pursuit of perfection is the root of many psychological problems.
As the saying goes, "the ruler is short, the inch is long", and everyone has his own strengths and weaknesses. Many parents think that children are young and immature, so they must make plans for their children, regardless of their wishes, and let them grow up according to their own plans. This kind of parents think that only by doing everything well can their children become more and more excellent, but they don't know that this kind of education will have a great impact on their children.
1, it will make children very "tired"
Children's childhood should be happy. If parents always ask their children to make mistakes with very high standards, the children will be very tired and have great inner pressure. Children think differently from adults. If parents don't consider their children's feelings, they will feel powerless.
2, the child's heart will become very fragile.
The more parents demand perfection from their children, the more they feel that they are the best. Children are unaware of their shortcomings. After the children left home, their shortcomings were exposed one by one. When others point out the child's shortcomings and deny them, the child will be greatly hit and cannot accept the fact that he is very fragile inside.
Children will become fond of telling lies.
The world of children is very simple, and children will not lie when they are born. However, if parents always ask their children to be perfect, in order to make their parents happy, children will disguise themselves when they are not performing well, and will regard this disguise as a habit, because children will make their parents happy when they know that they are doing so.
4. Children don't know how to refuse others.
If children listen to their parents and want everything to be perfect, they won't refuse others, because they don't want to affect their image in others' minds because of their refusal. Children do this to deal with interpersonal relationships, but it is not good for themselves.
The purpose of parents' strict requirements for their children is to make them excellent, but parents should master the "degree" and not affect their character and growth because of their own educational methods. I hope parents will take a warning.
Second, parents should not pursue perfection too much. Children with shortcomings are equally excellent. It is normal for children to make mistakes when they grow up. No child can't make mistakes. Parents should look at this matter with a correct attitude. Don't pursue perfection excessively. Children with shortcomings are equally excellent. In some ways, parents should allow their children to make mistakes, which is beneficial to their growth.
1. Parents should tell their children that you can have shortcomings.
When children do something wrong, parents should tell them: you can have shortcomings, no one is perfect, but you should try to get rid of these shortcomings so that you can become better and better, and don't force yourself to do something impossible.
2. Let children learn to reject others.
When parents educate their children, they should let them learn to say "no", don't let them compromise blindly, let them have their own opinions, and let them learn to express their opinions bravely. In this way, parents can make their children's thoughts independent, which will be helpful to their future study and life.
Let the children know that there is no need for everyone to be satisfied with themselves.
Children's childhood should be carefree. What parents need to do is to guide their children to the right path, instead of letting them cater to everyone. Parents should let their children know that there is no need for everyone to be satisfied with themselves, because everyone sees things from different angles and it is impossible to make everyone happy.
Parents want their children to be excellent and popular, which is a normal psychological state, but parents should understand that Excellence and perfection are two different things. Parents can try their best to make their children excellent, but don't ask them to be perfect, otherwise they will make their children very tired and lose their childhood happiness. This kind of education is not desirable.
In short, when educating children, parents are very important in ways and means, so we should think carefully, not because of our own wrong behavior.