When communication fails to achieve the expected results, the situation gradually gets out of control, and even there will be a lot of conflicts with children.
In fact, this is because there is a problem in the communication between parents and children, and the correct communication method is not used, resulting in ineffective communication between the two sides. To solve this situation, parents can try to master the method of "non-violent communication".
By changing the way of communication with children, we can reduce conflicts with children, make children more willing to adopt parents' suggestions, and make communication between the two sides more efficient.
Non-violent communication If we want to use this communication method, we need to know what "non-violent communication" is. This term was first put forward by Dr. Marshall Luxembourg, a famous American psychologist.
When he was studying how to get along with people, he found such a way of communication. According to the method of "non-violent communication", people's thinking can be more interactive.
Pay attention to observe that in society, when we communicate with each other, different ways of speaking will give people different feelings, and some words will indeed become a sharp weapon to hurt people, accusing, satirizing, mocking, mocking and disdaining.
The expression of these emotions is far more hurtful than we thought. "A good word warms three winters, and a bad word hurts six months." The wounds caused by language injuries are difficult to heal. This is called violent communication.
Therefore, when we communicate, we should try to avoid using violent methods. When we communicate, we should swallow those uncomfortable words back in warm language and put them on ourselves instead of trying to blame each other.
For example, when you want your child not to throw toys around, you can't scold him for throwing toys around. You can put it another way, tell the child that he doesn't like to see toys all over the floor. Can he put them away?
What they want to convey is the same. Obviously, the latter is more acceptable than the former.
"Non-violent communication" proposed by Dr. Marshall Luxembourg pays more attention to respect and understanding, and advocates that we use warmer language to avoid conflicts in communication. This kind of communication is also applicable to parents and children.
How to use "non-violent communication" and "non-violent communication" is mainly composed of four elements: observation, feeling, need and requirement. Step by step, you can master each step naturally.
1) observation
In the process of effective communication, it is very important to know the cause and effect of the incident. You need to observe the cause of the incident and observe the child's emotions in order to objectively describe the problem.
The most important thing in this process is to be impartial and not to have too many personal emotions, such as children's reluctance to get up, "You haven't got up at five o'clock this Friday" and "Why don't you get up again". The former is based on the description of objective facts, while the latter is more about the catharsis of personal emotions.
Children may feel ashamed when they hear the description of the former, but when they hear the description of the latter, they are more angry, and the venting of personal emotions is easy to step on children's minefields.
He will take his parents' comments as an accusation. Even if you do something wrong, the words of accusation will make the children feel dissatisfied. Before communicating, they will have conflicting ideas. It is conceivable that the result of this communication is definitely not satisfactory.
2) Feeling
After observation, parents have a general understanding of the situation according to the facts and observed the children's emotions, so they need to learn to turn what they have observed into emotional feelings.
For example, when a child makes a mistake, how do you feel the impact of it, instead of scolding the child as soon as he sees it.
As emphasized before, scolding can only vent parents' current emotions and only make children feel ambivalent about their parents.
After feeling the emotions of both sides, it is different. After a child makes a mistake, the biggest emotion of parents should be anger, and anger is more because of disappointment with the child. Disappointment is due to the demands on children. The biggest appeal of parents is to hope that their children can change.
Angry venting can't change children. Let the children feel their emotions and conduct benign communication to make this communication effective.
3) Demand
In the process of communication, parents must have needs, so they want to communicate with their children. We can't forget our original intention. It's no use venting. Parents need to let their children know their own needs, and children will only make changes if they understand what their parents want.
In this process, too much emotional catharsis will end this conversation ahead of time, and short conversations will naturally not let children feel the needs of their parents.
4) Request
At any time, we can't ignore our ultimate appeal. What do we want in the process of communicating with our children? What we need is for children to make changes, so we must clearly tell them what our demands are and what changes we want them to make.
After the first three steps are completed, tell your child the ultimate goal of this communication. Tough tone will make children rebellious, and gentle and warm requirements will make children have higher acceptance.
Reviewing the whole "non-violent process" and connecting the four steps in series is a complete and effective communication chain.
For example, a mother said to her child, "I saw your dirty pants on the sofa, and I felt unhappy." We need to keep a clean environment. Can you take your dirty pants to wash (request)? "
To sum up the clever use of "nonviolent communication", it is important to learn how to express it better. If necessary, you can exchange roles with your child and feel the child's emotions.
When you first come into contact with this communication method, parents may not adapt and master it well. Parents don't need to worry too much, and practice true knowledge.
Remember that emotional communication is the most important thing. Once we can communicate with each other and care about each other's needs, this kind of communication will definitely get twice the result with half the effort.