This family has a good income, belonging to a family with a good income, and the material life of the children is also quite high. The problem lies in family communication:
Dad is a construction engineer, working long hours, belonging to 997 office workers. When I got home, the children all went to bed.
My mother is the head teacher of a primary school. She comes home from school every day, tired and unable to accompany her children.
As a result, affected by work, both parents have no energy and time to accompany their children, and there is little communication within the family. When children reach puberty, there are many rebellious behaviors. Mom and dad are on the run.
In our modern fast-paced society, similar families-lack of adequate communication between parents and children and high-quality companionship-are not unique, but many.
Parents all know the importance of parent-child companionship, and they all envy those parents who can spend time playing ball games with their children, telling stories to their children and traveling together. They are also embarrassed to let TV and mobile phones accompany their children instead of us.
But why not stay with the children? Parents have many reasons:
I'm busy at work and have no time.
Children like playing chess, but I don't. I can't keep forcing myself to do things I don't like.
When we were young, we never asked our parents to accompany us. We all play with our friends.
I was very tired when I came back from work. I need my own space. I need leisure time.
……
There are many reasons, and many of them are objective and there is no right or wrong.
There is a famous saying in modern family education: "You can't lose at the starting line!" So, where is the starting line?
There is no doubt that the starting line is a good parent-child relationship. Parent-child companionship is a vital part of cultivating parent-child relationship. It can be regarded as the foundation of all family education.
Without high-quality parent-child companionship, there will be no good parent-child relationship and no good family education.
So how to do a good job of parent-child companionship while taking into account the quality of parents' work and life? A book can help us effectively. This book is the minimum parenting rule.
This book belongs to typler's life rules series and is one of the best-selling psychological self-help books in European and American history. It is a well-known classic bestseller in Britain, and its influence in Britain is no less than that of Harry Potter.
The book "Minimalist Parenting Rules" expounds various problems and misunderstandings that parents may encounter in the process of parenting in concise language. The most striking feature of this book is the rules put forward by the author. It seems simple, and it also gives us practical and concise knowledge, which can help us raise our children easily and live simply, and cultivate them into educated, responsible, self-reliant and life-oriented people.
How to enjoy parent-child companionship easily is one of the essences of this book.
Because we know the importance of parent-child companionship, when we don't do it or do it badly, we may be anxious and worried. Let's see what the author says in the book:
Therefore, the first psychological preparation we need to do is: just relax.
It's easier said than done. If you can really "relax", you can stop looking down when you see this, O(∩_∩)O haha ~.
So how can we "relax"?
The author tells us: set the bottom line.
Set a bottom line first, as long as what we do does not break through the bottom line, there will be no consequences that we cannot bear. So, what is the bottom line?
The author said: "For babies, the most important thing is to meet their basic needs." . This is the bottom line for raising a baby-meeting physiological needs.
In fact, not only babies, but all children, regardless of age, meet their physiological needs, which is the bottom line. And parent-child companionship is not the bottom line. We don't need to worry. Without good parent-child companionship, children will fail in the future.
Because, from the process of life growth, the influence of parent-child companionship will gradually decrease with age.
At the age of infants, the family has the greatest influence on children.
When children enter school age, they are influenced by both family and school.
In adolescence, children are more influenced by their peers.
Therefore, good parent-child companionship is of course beneficial to children, and examples abound. For example, Obama's family, for example, Phelps's family, for example, the family of many champions in the Chinese poetry conference.
Without good parent-child companionship, children's future may not necessarily fail, and there are many such examples. Such as, and Shun, one of the three saints.
So parent-child companionship is not the decisive factor. Lack of good parent-child companionship ≠ Children will fail in the future.
Now, let's go into battle lightly and start our companion journey.
However, the problem came again: what the child wants to do is not what I am interested in, what should I do? For example, I feel bored when children play with sand; For example, children play ball games, but I don't like sports ... these companions make me very uncomfortable. What should I do at this time?
Force yourself to accompany the children?
Or convince ourselves, is this what we should do as parents?
Otherwise, do you want your spouse to accompany the children?
……
No matter which way we choose to deal with it, we are suppressing our own nature and "catering" to our own motives that we need or should do. A short time is not bad, but a long time? There is no doubt that we can do it in a short time or several times, but after a long time, can we stick to it without complaint?
Let's see what kind of advice the author gave us.
From the above, we can see that the author provides us with a good way to accompany our children with high quality and may enjoy the company at the same time.
This way is: discover your own strengths/interests/hobbies, and discover the same interests/hobbies as guiding children.
Some people may wonder: Will we have the same hobbies as children?
The answer is yes, of course! As long as we are willing to look for it.
Because, influenced by family background, parents and children have many similarities. This is the truth of the saying "children are copies of their parents". For example, dad loves riding, and it is easy for his son to like riding; Mother loves painting, and children also like to take brushes; Dad loves playing chess, and children can easily lead to the hobby of playing chess; Mothers like history, and children themselves will like history. ...
Some people may have new doubts: Are parents and children similar in hobbies?
The answer is no, how can it be completely similar! Children have an independent personality, and children are influenced not only by their families, but also by schools and society. Therefore, it is normal to have different hobbies. For example, dad loves riding horses and children love playing ball; Mother likes to play with flowers and plants, and children like to draw flowers and plants. ...
The author tells us that different situations need different treatment methods.
So what should we do?
First of all, when the interests and hobbies are the same, of course, we need to invest the greatest enthusiasm in the first time. Because we are not only accompanying our children, but also enjoying them. After all, in today's fast-paced society, it is difficult to find like-minded playmates, and the other party is willing to spend time together to show their enthusiasm. More importantly, by doing so, we enjoy the process most of the time in the company. Accordingly, we can't feel the company of "enjoyment", and the time is shortened a lot.
Secondly, for different hobbies, we can't feel "enjoyment" for the time being, so what we can do is:
(1) Try to get in touch with children's hobbies with an understanding attitude, which is not only an opportunity to explore or cultivate children's new hobbies, but also a rare opportunity to communicate with children without barriers. It can help us understand children and bridge the generation gap.
After trying, if we confirm that children's hobbies are really activities that we are not good at or don't like, we can convince ourselves to accompany our children with "love".
Love yourself, so this kind of companionship shortens the time and frequency (fortunately, this part of companionship has little time and frequency).
Love children, so spend time with them.
Imagine what we did when we fell in love. Because we love each other, we can cooperate with each other's hobbies, eat food we don't like, watch movies we are not interested in, go shopping with our girlfriends, and watch football games with our boyfriends. ...
Of course we love children, so spend some time with them and do what they like.
Although we already know how to accompany children under normal circumstances, there is a special situation in modern society: excessive companionship.
For example, mothers spend all their spare time with their children. For example, grandparents give their grandchildren retirement time, take care of their children's food, clothing, housing and transportation, play with them, do their homework, accompany them to extracurricular classes, and study before going to bed. ...
Why can't you be too company?
Because every independent person needs free space. Moreover, with the growth of age, the size of space is also changing.
With free space, children will contact more people and things, and cultivate their own thinking ability and ability to treat people.
When parents have free space, their quality of life can be guaranteed and they can do what they want.
What suggestions does the author have for excessive companionship?
First of all, we need to know whether our company belongs to excessive company. The way to define it is to think about the last time you did something after work that had nothing to do with children. When was it?
If the "last time" has passed for a long time, then this situation belongs to excessive companionship, which is harmful. Because if raising children becomes the focus of life and a habit, then when children reach an independent age and leave home, our life will be out of balance, and emptiness and loneliness will follow.
Therefore, in order to avoid falling into this unbalanced state, we need to adjust from now on. For example, find your own hobbies; Take time to do what you like; Gradually let the children do something independently; Let your spouse take responsibility for parenting ... and so on.
So, please remember to remind yourself that loving children is not always with you.